temporary ring or wait for the real thing?

[BrightSpot]

Hi ladies,

I''ve been lurking on PS for a while & have made a few posts in my engagement quest. Thanks to you all for being so informative & supportive!

I was wondering if you could offer your opinions on my current situation.

A little background information. I''m 29 (will be turning 29 again this month!) and live with my bf, who is 32. We have been dating for 1 1/2 years, living together for 1 year. We met on match.com & soon discovered we had strikingly similar backgrounds (married young to long-term sweethearts and divorced by our late 20''s, then took time off to really think about who we were & what we wanted in a future partner) We fell hard for each other very quickly & knew we were with "the one" within 3 months. We began talking about marriage within 6 months. Due largely to a bad roommate situation, we moved in together after 6 months & have been enjoying domestic bliss ever since. For us, engagement and marriage have been a foregone conclusion for quite some time. Everything else is details.

That said, I''ve been obsessing over the details!

A little more background information. My bf is currently under a great deal of insecurity with his work right now. We hope the insecurity will be resolved by the end of the summer and will result in a good deal more financial stability for us. My bf said he almost proposed to me on our one-year anniversary, but he talked to a friend of his who said it would be a better idea to involve me in the ring selection process. So I''ve been doing a lot of research on PS trying to figure out what I want. Unfortunately, it seems I have pretty expensive taste.

It doesn''t help that my grandparents were jewelers so I feel there will be an expectation of a rather nice ring in my family.

We have a reasonable ring fund which recently took a hit with some unexpected expenses & is now a bit more modest.

So, we''ve been talking about getting engaged forever and both want to move forward, most of our friends have recently gotten engaged or married and my parents have been putting the pressure on as well. (they''re not a fan of our living-in-sin status)

I really fell in love with a ring which is currently out of our price range. (It hit me in the gut & I was mesmerized!) I''m trying to decide whether I should wait it out & keep saving for the dream ring (hopefully by the end of summer the fund will be larger), settle on a more modest diamond now, or get a temporary engagement ring & announce our engagement now, then replace it with a diamond later. BF has left the choice up to me, though I sense he would like to go ahead & move forward.

Has anyone else had a similar situation? If we go the temp route, should we get a nice gemstone ring, a fancy band we could use later as either a wedding band or RHR, or pick the permanent mounting we''d like to use for an e-ring, then set it temporarily with a CZ? (I''m afraid my family would know it was a fake!) Does the engagement feel official with a temporary ring? Would it be annoying to have to explain the temporary ring to everyone?

I''m thrilled to have found "the one," but I''m getting so bogged down & confused by the details of our upcoming engagement. I''m also trying to manage the expectations of my family with my own. (Mom, especially, is pretty judgmental.) I''d love to hear words of advice from fellow LIWs!

Thanks!
BrightSpot

 

[Patty]

I''m not a LIW, but I have a question for you. You say that you found a ring that you fell in love with. Is it the setting that you loved? Could the ring be made with a smaller center diamond for now?

If you go the CZ route, I''d be upfront about it with your family, especially if they know jewelry.

 

[BrightSpot]

Thanks for your thoughts, Patty. Actually, I found a stone I fell in love with, not a ring per se. (though I have since found several settings which would suit it perfectly, IMHO!

)

We were diamond shopping & looked at a bunch of different cuts side by side & I was drawn to a particular asscher. I couldn''t take my eyes off it. I looked at 3 or 4 other asschers for comparison, but none moved me like this one. So, unfortunately, I don''t think using a smaller asscher would help.

I know what you mean about being upfront with my family with a CZ. I don''t think they would approve.

 

[blueroses]

Wink makes AMAZING asscher sims.....perhaps get the setting you want with one of them and replace when the time comes? Or if it makes you uncomfortable b/c of your family's eagle eyes you could 1) let them know it's a sim or 2) get some fab colored gemstone like a step-cut sapphire that approximates asscher shape?

(Here's an example of what he can do: https://www.pricescope.com/forum/topic27839.html= )

I'm a huge fan of temp rings--when it's time it's time!! (Not that my bf has caught on to that little mantra, hence my continuing ascent towards the top of the LIW list!!)

 

[velouriaL]

I responded to your PM but I just saw this...
Yeah, I don''t think my family would react well to a CZ, either. What about getting a nice pale yellow or blue sapphire or another colored gemstone. Tell your family that you''ve already had a diamond (from your ex husband) and that you''re over it...

Then, when you do get your dream asscher, you can say that your BF surprised you and that you couldn''t be happier...

Or something.

 

[michela002]

I preface this by saying this is just my opinion and I''m sure whatever you come up with will be the perfect choice for you

I know the feeling of being ready to be engaged but not having the money. But I personally would rather wait, or get a smaller-scale but "real" ring, than get a CZ or something. I just feel looking at a fake would disappoint me, and I think I''d get tired of explaining the logic of it to people ...

Here are some options that I would consider in your situation:

A friend of mine is engaged (has been for a year or two) and they are getting married in June. Her boyfriend gave her a channel-set band as her engagement ring (basically it looks like a wedding band.) They picked it together and because they were both young and broke it fit their budget, but also they didn''t know that traditionally the e-ring is a solitaire, and the wedding band is a band. So - her wedding ring is going to be a solitaire! Yes, they did it backwards (band for the engagement, solitaire for the wedding) but it worked for them, and the set is there in the end.

Alternatively, if you don''t want a band (and this is the option I''d probably go with myself) - find your perfect setting, and get whatever size diamond you can afford to put in it and use a vendor that offers a life-time trade up. Then, in six months or a year or ten years (whenever you are ready) just upgrade the centre stone. If you pick a beautiful amazing sparkly stone only the shallowest of people will say, "Oh ... it''s so small ..." or anything like that. You get to celebrate your engagement, you get your real ring, just with the potential for an upgrade if you find some more money.

Good luck to you! Let us know how it goes.

 

[BrightSpot]

Thanks, ladies, for your wonderful advice!

Blueroses, that is indeed a fabulous asscher sim! The pendant looks just stunning! I''m afraid, as you said, that the fam''s eagle eyes might notice the greater dispersion of the CZ compared with the diamond. (did I get that right?)

Aside from that, which is a major concern to me, it seems like a pretty seamless transition from temp ring to permanemt.

veloria, thanks for all of your help via PM & the post. Especially the wording on how to address the situation to my parents. Perfect!

Indecisive, that sounds like a good idea as well. Buying the wedding band at engagement time & the engagement ring at wedding time wouldn''t necessitate the puchase of any unnecessary jewelery. (Wait, is that a good thing?

). I''m just not sure I''d want to explain to people that I''m only engaged, not married, as wearing a band might imply. Did your friend have problems with this?

I was leaning toward a yellow sapphire or some stone which would approximate the look of a canary diamond. (I thought that might look slightly more bridal than other colored stones.) I found this ring at Ross Simon & ordered it last night, but now I''m having second thoughts. Do you think it''s *too* big? (Did I just say that?)

I''m a little concerned that it will look fake & that I will suffer instant shrinkage when we finally get a diamond that will be nowhere near 4.25 ct in size!

That said, the more I see the ring, the more I think it''s fun & fabulous! What do you think?

 

[BrightSpot]

Here''s the ring I ordered from Ross Simon:

WHITE GOLD LEMON QUARTZ DIAMOND RING
Juicy pear-shaped slices of lemon quartz made extra refreshing with a splash of diamonds. 14kt white gold. 4.25 carat pear-shaped lemon quartz ring with .40ct. t.w. diamonds
Item # 143145

 

[fountainfairfax]

That ring screams "CELEBRATION" which is exactly what you want to do when you''ve found the right guy, so wear it with love & pride! It''s beautiful and perfect for your circumstances, classic and blingy. You houldn''t have to explain to anyone, but if someone asks why you have "that" ring- just smile and say "X couldn''t wait to propose and wanted me to have something to wear while we search for the perfect ring, but of course I love this one!" Then you take as long as you want to get your dream ring while wearing some pretty eye candy.


and as an aside, I''m meeting more & more second time brides with gemstones or eternity bands instead of e-rings. Since they''re paying for their weddings they are putting the $$ towards either dream weddings or honeymoons.

 

[Morticia]

I personally don't see anything wrong with getting a sim as a temporary e-ring. I would have done it, if need be. My boyfriend (now my fiance, I still feel weird saying that word.

) lucked out b/c he inherited a family stone. I lucked out too b/c it's beautiful and sentimental.

Wink Jones has gorgeous sims, called Interlaps, and has wonderful benchmen who can make you the perfect setting for your sim. I mean, what's wrong with getting the size stone you eventually will get anyway, in a fabulous setting? Not a damn thing, in my book, and like I said - Winks stones and Ashas look lovely.

When you can afford it, you do the switch of the stone.

Personally, I'd rather save the couple of thousand on the stone, get an interlap or Asha and gorgeous setting, and then replace the stone.

If your family has a problem with that - that's exactly what it is. Their problem. People shouldn't be asking you whether your stuff is real or not. It's rude

, and if they did, I would just tell them the truth about it being a temporary stone.

People use sims all the time and there is nothing wrong with it. Good luck in your decision.

 

[Morticia]

Also, I think I read somewhere that Leon Mege will make settings using Ashas and Interlaps - YUM. Have you seen his work? It''s amazing...

 

[MissAva]

Your ring is bright and cheerful! How could anyone ask about why you were wearing it? Its too fun and happy looking!

I love it! And if/wehn you get another ring it will be alovely RHR. Congrats.

 

[NoonersMom]

Bright....I recommend doing what works best for you & your SO. As much as parents will be parents, I don''t know if they will understand the logic behind going with a sim. However, they hopefully will appreciate that you''re being practical for your situation.

I like the idea of the band....then $$$ isn''t unnecessarily spent on a ring that will become a RHR (taking into account one''s financial situation). If you decide to go with a sim, you can always switch it out & turn it into a pendant.

Bottom line, you have to decide what is right for you & what you will be happy with. Either way, it will work out.

 

[Buena Girl]

Ohhh...that ring is juicy!!

Excellent choice!

 

[HOUMedGal]

First off, that juicy pear is fantastic!! I LOVE it!!

Also, BrightSpot, I just wanted to share that the e-ring I will be receiving soon (it should make it to his house on MONDAY!!! and the rest is up to him!) is somewhat temporary! Here''s what we did and why we did it.

We''re both students (I''m a medical student, he''s a PhD student), so our finances are quite meager right now. We plan to marry when he finishes his PhD (2 years from this month), but our financial situation isn''t going to change before then, because I''ll still have one year of med school left after we marry, and he''ll be starting in a REAL PAID PhD-worthy job just after we marry. So, if we want to be engaged for any amount of time before we marry, we have to do it with the meager money we have.

Sooo we had my semi-mount custom designed, with a high-end simulant as the center stone. We went with Michael E. because he does AWESOME benchwork and he hand cuts his stones, AND his prices are extremely reasonable. So my semi-mount is just as I want it (with "real" diamonds for the side stones), and the center stone looks just like the diamond that will ultimately replace it (when we''re both making "doctor money"). The material Michael E. uses for his Cashmere sims (which is what mine is) mimics a G/H colored diamond (which is the color I want my diamond to be). So my center is the same size and the same color as the diamond I ultimately want...I''m hoping for a seamless transition when the time comes!

Here''s the thread with pics of my ring: https://www.pricescope.com/forum/steam-room/my-ring-is-done-t28444.html

My family and close friends know my "little secret" and they all agree that it''s a financially prudent decision. I feel good knowing we didn''t go into debt for my ring, and I couldn''t be happier with how my ring looks!!!

 

[BrightSpot]

Thanks ladies for all of your thoughtful advice! I''ve been debating this topic for quite some time & it really helps to hear your opinions!

fountainfairfax--thanks for the comment about the ring screaming celebration! That''s definitely the tone I''m looking for! Also what a great comment about bf not being able to wait to propose. Actually, it''s pretty true--we''ve been discussing this since before Christmas. I guess it just took me a while to decide...

That makes sense about 2nd time brides going w/ gemstone e-rings or eternity bands. It''s something different & definitely saves money that can be put towards the wedding/honeymoon. I''m thinking destination wedding?

Morticia--your OEC in the Ritani setting is absolutely gorgeous! How wonderful to have a beautiful stone w/ sentimental value. Congrats on your engagement!

HOUMedGal, Congrats on your engagement as well! Your Michael E ring is absolutely gorgeous! It sounds like it was a great decision for you guys--you get to enjoy being engaged & wearing your beautiful ring for a long time & can replace the center stone when it''s financially feasible. You really have the best of both worlds! I think if I was 100% certain of the mounting I wanted for my eventual diamond, I might''ve gone the same route, but I''m just afraid of spending a lot of money on a custom mounting, then changing my mind about the shape/size, etc. diamond I want! (I''ve been pretty fickle so far...)

I really liked the look of the quartz ring I posted, but I was afraid that it might be a little *too* big & either look fake or set me up for a shrinkage disappointment extraordinaire if/when I finally get the diamond! I''ve contacted Michael E. & we''re working to create a yellow sapphire ring w/ a similar look in a more modest size (2 ct or so.). The center stone will probably be cushion shaped. I can''t wait to see how it turns out! (And to show you guys on PS & to finally make the official announcement & shout it from the rooftops!)

 

[Morticia]

HouMedGal, your ring is absolutely stunning. I love it and think you and your fiance made a really smart choice!

BrightSpot, good luck! Do what YOU and your soon-to-be want to do and don't pay any mind to those you think will react negatively.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Thank you, BrightSpot and Morticia! I agree that you should probably be pretty certain about the setting before you do what we did. I mean, the idea with my ring is that it won''t change in appearance when the "real" center goes in.

Till then, Bright, you''ve got a GORGEOUS pear to wear!!! I really love that ring...it''s just so juicy! I''m a sucker for pears, I think.

 

[HOUMedGal]

OOOHH I just read closer and realized you''re doing something with Michael E. instead!!! How exciting!!! Definitely a wise choice. He''s SOOO great to work with, nicest guy ever, and he does amazing work. Not to mention the fact that his prices are EXTREMELY reasonable. Yes, his hand cut CZ''s cost a little more than some you might come across (my 1.25 ct was $90) BUT they are hand cut with the greatest of care and are absolutely gorgeous!

Ahh, I''m soooo excited to see what you and Michael come up with! He can do practically anything you want...my ring materialized out of a written description and after showing him pics of one I liked, and he was RIGHT ON with it. Couldn''t have been better.

Can''t wait to hear the rest of your story, BrightSpot!!!!

 

[northstar_78]

Wink does make beautiful sims! Have you checked out betterthandiamond.com? They make the Asha simulants and there is also a great mesage board primarily focused around sims. One thing you can always do is pick out a top-of-the-line setting and put a nice Asscher interlap in it. If you''re worried about your family finding out, they''d probably assume that only a "real" diamond would be set so well that they might let it slide.

My family was so shocked at first when I told them that I''m contemplating a sim...but my father pulled me aside later and said that personally he thought a sim was a good idea since they look so good now a days and you can hardly tell. My mother doesn''t even wear her engagement ring anymore because one of the prongs became loose and she never fixrd it. I brought that up...yup a diamond is worth a lot just lying around! My siblings keep saying that it''s so important that your marriage is symbolized by something "real" but isn''t the gold real? And the platinum?

Unfortunately family members tend to think of what they would do...

I''ve thought about this idea too! I live in Manhattan and the norm is for HUGE diamond rings...not within my boyfriend and I''s budget but also not my style. It''s hard finding something I like so I''m pretty openminded about having something made custom.

I do like the idea of an "engagement band." http://diamondsbylauren.com/ and http://www.hmerrill.com/ have lovely bands! I know David of DBL does Asscher bands that are breathtaking! Harry Merrill has some lovely emerald-cut ones that they do custom.

FYI...my boyfriend really wants me to have a classic "engagement" ring so if I went the route of the engagement band I would probably get a little diamond "promise" ring and when the time is right, get something larger later. Good gemstones ie unheated sapphires can cost almost as much as a diamond. They too can be synthetic so.

I think you''re doing the right thing! Would you rather get the ring of your dreams right away and start your married life in debt or wait a few years and get it when you two are ready?

 

[Morticia]

Hey Northstar_78, another place that has amazing eternity bands is Signed Pieces. I think you said you live in NYC too, right? You should check out their booth sometime on 47th. The prices are reasonable and the quality of their work is awesome... the gentleman who works there is Jerry and I can''t say enough nice things about him. Whenever I have gone there to look, he is always kind and helpful. Not at all a vulture like a lot of those places in the Diamond District. I''ve never even bought anything (Yet!) from Signed Pieces and he''s always nice and very accomodating (read: let''s me try stuff every time I''m there.

) . I really hope I can do business with them someday.