alli_esq
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2008
- Messages
- 909
Thank you all again for taking the time to respond, and for your sympathy.
Let me just clarify one thing, though--although it seems like it''s the smartest thing to salvage my sanity and my sense of pride and quit, it''s just not an option for me. I have very little savings--not enough to even last me a month if I were to be out of work. Unemployment benefits would be meager, but they would be SOMEthing , and if I quit, I will likely be ineligible for them(rainwood is right). Perhaps if the economy were different, I would feel more confident about quitting and finding a job later, but I have to be realistic about my financial obligations right now. I refuse to intentionally put my fiance in the incredibly difficult position of supporting me, especially since it would be a tremendous burden on him, given his current salary.
So, I''ve made the decision not to quit--ultimately, although it is easy to say that I should just pack my bags and go because I don''t deserve this treatment (and I know I don''t), I absolutely will not do that to my partner. It is added stress that no one needs, and my fiance in particular.
As far as an update, bossman was more Jekyll than Hyde yesterday after his tirade on Wednesday, and was actually quite civil to me all day (I know it won''t last for long, but I''ll take it). I mentioned in passing what the problem yesterday had been, and he didn''t seem to care. Ultimately, it got out to opposing counsel on time (because I ran--in pumps and in the rain--to their office), so he didn''t really care after that.
In terms of advocating for myself--I know I haven''t given much information on that (it''s hard to explain 9 months of working for someone in just a few posts), but I have, probably about 10 or more times since I began working for him in August, expressed to him in various ways that the way he has treated me is unacceptable to me. That I am happy to work as hard as possible for him, for as many hours as he needs, and to learn as much as quickly as I can to be as much of a benefit to him as I can be--but that I cannot do my best work when I am constantly being berated and abused. I have used different tactics with him: I been emotional at times (though I haven''t shown him that side for several months now), I have been angry (that was after I found out he was talking sh!t about me to the paralegal), I have been calm and patient. I have tried it all. He doesn''t respond to any of it.
I may seem timid in this post, but I can assure you, few people who know me would ever characterize me that way. I am a very assertive person and I do not take crap from people as a rule. Like some of you have said--irrational people are irrational and there is no manipulating that through any method of good sense. I have told him that it would help if he gave me constructive criticism on work with which he is dissatisfied, I have told him that I will do my best for him, I have worked late nights, I have worked weekends, I have gone to court for him, I have dealt with clients at all hours. He doesn''t appreciate (or pay me for) any of it. Not that I expected that he would.
After all, if I''m going to be honest, I don''t actually do it for him anyway. I actually love my work. I love dealing with clients, I love going to court, I love research and I love to write. That''s another reason I wouldn''t want to quit to go on to wait tables--I have worked incredibly hard (and spent an inordinate amount of money) to get to the point where I am a licensed attorney, and when I am able to really perform, I believe I am doing incredibly well (given the fact that I only graduated from law school a year ago). I am proud of my work and proud of the relationships I''ve built with my colleagues (not my boss) and my clients. As much as this job has hurt me emotionally, it has also enabled me--because it is such a small firm--to have FAR more exposure to real legal issues and clients than I might have almost anywhere else. So, there is a silver lining, even on my most distressing days here.
Thank you all again for taking the time to share your feelings and your experiences. I will continue to send out my resume and hope against hope that I can get out soon.
Let me just clarify one thing, though--although it seems like it''s the smartest thing to salvage my sanity and my sense of pride and quit, it''s just not an option for me. I have very little savings--not enough to even last me a month if I were to be out of work. Unemployment benefits would be meager, but they would be SOMEthing , and if I quit, I will likely be ineligible for them(rainwood is right). Perhaps if the economy were different, I would feel more confident about quitting and finding a job later, but I have to be realistic about my financial obligations right now. I refuse to intentionally put my fiance in the incredibly difficult position of supporting me, especially since it would be a tremendous burden on him, given his current salary.
So, I''ve made the decision not to quit--ultimately, although it is easy to say that I should just pack my bags and go because I don''t deserve this treatment (and I know I don''t), I absolutely will not do that to my partner. It is added stress that no one needs, and my fiance in particular.
As far as an update, bossman was more Jekyll than Hyde yesterday after his tirade on Wednesday, and was actually quite civil to me all day (I know it won''t last for long, but I''ll take it). I mentioned in passing what the problem yesterday had been, and he didn''t seem to care. Ultimately, it got out to opposing counsel on time (because I ran--in pumps and in the rain--to their office), so he didn''t really care after that.
In terms of advocating for myself--I know I haven''t given much information on that (it''s hard to explain 9 months of working for someone in just a few posts), but I have, probably about 10 or more times since I began working for him in August, expressed to him in various ways that the way he has treated me is unacceptable to me. That I am happy to work as hard as possible for him, for as many hours as he needs, and to learn as much as quickly as I can to be as much of a benefit to him as I can be--but that I cannot do my best work when I am constantly being berated and abused. I have used different tactics with him: I been emotional at times (though I haven''t shown him that side for several months now), I have been angry (that was after I found out he was talking sh!t about me to the paralegal), I have been calm and patient. I have tried it all. He doesn''t respond to any of it.
I may seem timid in this post, but I can assure you, few people who know me would ever characterize me that way. I am a very assertive person and I do not take crap from people as a rule. Like some of you have said--irrational people are irrational and there is no manipulating that through any method of good sense. I have told him that it would help if he gave me constructive criticism on work with which he is dissatisfied, I have told him that I will do my best for him, I have worked late nights, I have worked weekends, I have gone to court for him, I have dealt with clients at all hours. He doesn''t appreciate (or pay me for) any of it. Not that I expected that he would.
After all, if I''m going to be honest, I don''t actually do it for him anyway. I actually love my work. I love dealing with clients, I love going to court, I love research and I love to write. That''s another reason I wouldn''t want to quit to go on to wait tables--I have worked incredibly hard (and spent an inordinate amount of money) to get to the point where I am a licensed attorney, and when I am able to really perform, I believe I am doing incredibly well (given the fact that I only graduated from law school a year ago). I am proud of my work and proud of the relationships I''ve built with my colleagues (not my boss) and my clients. As much as this job has hurt me emotionally, it has also enabled me--because it is such a small firm--to have FAR more exposure to real legal issues and clients than I might have almost anywhere else. So, there is a silver lining, even on my most distressing days here.
Thank you all again for taking the time to share your feelings and your experiences. I will continue to send out my resume and hope against hope that I can get out soon.
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