Sweethear table: yay or nay?

[Kissmark]

How do you feel about having a sweetheart table? on one hand I want to sit w/ my family and share the moment w/ them. But I also heard that it might be a good idea because you can get soem privacy w/ your husband. did anyone do it or going to do it?

 

[MMM]

i don''t particularly like them
but, i''ve never actually been to a wedding that has had one.
i just think it would be a little anti-social looking
just my opinion! : )

 

[MMM]

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This WILL start a heated thread. It ALWAYS does (there have been many threads on this). I personally do not like them. I enjoyed hanging out with our wedding party. DH and I eat alone enough! Haha! Do whatever you both want. Shouldn''t matter what we think!

 

[Kissmark]

Date: 8/21/2007 3:01:34 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
This WILL start a heated thread. It ALWAYS does (there have been many threads on this). I personally do not like them. I enjoyed hanging out with our wedding party. DH and I eat alone enough! Haha! Do whatever you both want. Shouldn''t matter what we think!

hehehe but isn''t that the whole point of discussion board? getting good advice from different people.
didn''t realize it''s such a heated topic. probably should''ve done a search first but haven''t see anything about it in my short tenor on this forum.

 

[labbielove]

we are having one mainly so that our bp can sit with their significant others,
i have been in a lot of weddings and hate sitting at the head table, but that''s just me.

 

[ljmorgan]

We had round tables, the husband and I sat with our closest friends, with two family tables right next to us. I think that sweetheart tables seem bizarre and non-social. You have the rest of your life to find private time with your husband. A wedding reception is actually thrown in honor of your guests, not you, and it''s polite to act like it.

 

[JenStone]

We're having a sweetheart table for the following reasons:

1. Our bridal party comes from all over the world and so most of them don't know each other. A lot of them will meet for the first time at the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding. We don't want to force them to sit with the BP so we're not having a BP table either - we are seating them with their dates and their friends with the rest of their friends.

2. We considered having our family at the head table instead, but my parents specifically told me that they prefer to sit with all my relatives who will be flying in from Korea since they're only coming for a couple of days. Also, FI's mother only speaks Chinese and my parents speak very little English - it's always a bit of a translating headache when we all get together. FI's parents were seated with their family at FI's brother's wedding and they were perfectly happy with that.

3. Maybe it's just the weddings that we've attended, but it seemed like the head table was more clique-ish and unapproachable than a sweetheart table. All the weddings with sweetheart tables constantly had people going up to the couple, conversing, taking pictures, etc.

4. We'll most likely only be seated during the entrees....the rest of the time, we plan on mingling and dancing!

 

[rainbowtrout]

I think we''ll do one because a head table is a BAD idea. bad, bad, awful badness (both sets of parents are divorced). So if you aren''t going to have a head table, well then who gets to sit with the bride and groom? Huge fights about who loves who more shall ensue....

I don''t think that''s being rude to my guests, I think it keeps the peace and lets whoever feels like coming up to talk to us do so. I imagine we''ll put an extra chair or two at the table so that people can come sit down and chat as they feel like.

 

[robbie3982]

We''re doing a sweetheart table! Here''s why:

1. We have 6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen and 4 huppah holders. We didn''t want a table that big.
2. One of the groomsmen is bringing his fiance and the only people she''ll really know are me, FI and her FI so we wanted them to be able to sit together.
3. We want to be able to have at least a few seconds of privacy. It''s our wedding after all!

 

[Independent Gal]

I''m thinking of having a sweetheart table AND a head table. FI and I will sit at the head table, and Crazy Aunt F will have a sweetheart table of her very own, juuuuust for her.

 

[ammayernyc]

We ended up doing one. We didn''t have a bridal party and didn''t know who to sit with!
Besides, you are rarely sitting anyway!

 

[larussel03]

I''ve been to a wedding where the bride and groom sat with a couple friends and their dates, another where the bride and groom had a head table and one where they had a sweetheart table.

We''re not doing a head table since alot of our BM''s and GM''s have SO''s and I want them to be able to sit together. Plus, I just personally am not a fan of head tables for us. I want the DJ front and center because music and the "entertainment flow" is one of the the most important things for us.

I really want to have a table with FI and I, our MOH and her fiance and our BM and his date, but I''m not sure that it will be the best option for them.

Then part of me leans towards the sweetheart table, not for privacy, but for social reasons, such as we''re inviting one of my friends who is good frinds with my MOH but doesn''t really get along with anyone else, so having my MOH at her table will help ease any issues anyone has with the other friend. And the best man, while FI''s best friend, is friends with most of the other guys coming, and when we get up to do table visits, he may have wished he was seated with his friends rather than with MOH and fiance, whom he doesn''t know that well and they don''t have that much in common. Then I think "oh there are family members I could have at the table too" but then no one likes FI''s sister''s boyfriend, and he''s pretty crass and will make for unpleasant dinner conversation haha. It''s actually seeming a bit easier to make table arrangements with us at a sweetheart table, even though I don''t love the idea of eating alone.

Obviously I''m not sure what we''re doing yet

I''ll figure it out when we do table arrangements to see what will be best for everyone. To be honest, I''m considering my bridal party and guests more than us since either way you will spend at least half of the dinner time on table visits (if you''re doing them).

 

[zoebartlett]

We haven''t thought of the seating arrangements or tables yet, but I don''t think we''ll do a sweetheart table. I''d feel a little awkward sitting by ourselves. We''d like to spend as much time with others as possible, especially those we might not see that often.

At my sister''s wedding last summer, she and her husband wanted to have all their siblings sit together. At our table were my sister, her husband, my BIL''s three siblings and their SOs, my FI (then boyfriend), and me. I really like that idea, but I don''t think we can do that since my FI is the youngest of 5 kids. Add in wives and husbands, and there''s too many people for one table.

 

[nytemist]

We did one. It was just fine for our small wedding. When dinner was ready, we made our rounds and talked to everyone after they sat down with their plates from the buffet. The plated our meals last so by the time we made it out table everyone else was enjoying their meal. The space was small so we weren''t far away from everyone and my. There were only 3 BMs so a head table was pointless. Ian''s dad was best man so he sat with his mom.

I''ve been in 11 wedding and all but one had a head table. I didn''t really feeak like part of the fun and I felt sort of on display and scrutinized.

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 8/21/2007 8:36:37 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
I think we''ll do one because a head table is a BAD idea. bad, bad, awful badness (both sets of parents are divorced). So if you aren''t going to have a head table, well then who gets to sit with the bride and groom? Huge fights about who loves who more shall ensue....

I don''t think that''s being rude to my guests, I think it keeps the peace and lets whoever feels like coming up to talk to us do so. I imagine we''ll put an extra chair or two at the table so that people can come sit down and chat as they feel like.

lol

Same here!!! I wanted to sit with our friends, but it looks like it won''t happen....unless I want to hurt a lot of feelings! Mainly:

- Divorced parents
- Two sisters
- His mom
- His great aunt.

AND not everyone speaks the same language! lol...

I figured it doesn''t really matter. I have never been to a wedding (with Venezuelan influences) that the bride are groom are sitting for more than just to grab a quick bit to eat).

My table will be the dance floor!!!!!!!!!!!

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

We had a small wedding and got to sit at a table with all of our guests (28 people) it was a blast. I''ve been to weddings with sweetheart tables and it just seemed so isolating...and I would be uncomfortable with people staring at just me. The best set up I''ve seen with a bridal party involved is the B and G mixed the bridal party and themselves up into two tables, that looked like every other table in the room) at the entrance of the room and included some friends who weren''t in the bridal party; I was one of the people who sat at one of those two tables and I would have preferred not to but thought it was great otherwise. It didn''t seem so "stare at us while we eat" and people felt comfortable visiting...whereas at weddings w/ sweetheart and head tables that never seems to be the case. Good luck deciding!

 

[onedrop]

We just had our post-wedding reception and we had a sweetheart table. We did this for the reasons that everyone has listed thus far. We had a very small wedding party, but we are part of a larger group of friends and I wanted them all to be able to sit together, and I really never liked the head table deal. Having the sweetheart table worked out great for us. People seemed to enjoy coming up and chit-chatting with us before and during dinner.

If you choose to do the SH table, just make sure that it''s placed as closely to the rest of the tables as possible. That helps in making things more cozy.

 

[aljdewey]

My wedding didn't involve this (we did a harbor cruise, so seating was catch as catch can on the boat), but I've been to a ton of weddings with head tables, and I have to say I HATE them.

I totally agree with JenStone that head tables seem clique-ish and unapproachable.....far more so than sweetheart tables.

Yet, there are always a few who come up to head tables anyway, so it's not as though the BP or others at the head table get to really spend time with the B/G anyway. Further, many head tables are arranged so that the seating is in a LINE....so you can only speak to those on either side of you and can't SEE anyone else! Hate that!

Half the time, B/G aren't even at the table anyway, so it's not as though BP gets to sit an enjoy a meal with them.

Most people, you'd find, would prefer to sit with others they know and are comfortable with instead of having to sit with random strangers just because their dresses match. It's no favor to the BP to 'honor' them with siting at the head table, believe me.

 

[cara]

For us, a sweetheart table was the right decision. We spent a lot of the meal up talking to others, so we didn't feel like we had abandoned our tablemates. We also snuck out of dinner a bit for some pictures. And we have 4 divorced parents, 5 on each side in our bridal party, some of whom had dates. Space at our venue was also such that tables of 10 were the max. So, it seemed like the best solution.

ETA: We didn't do the sweetheart table so we could have privacy, but it produced a nice balance where we could go talk to people, or come back and eat some food together.

 

[jas]

We actually sat with our parents and the bridal party and our sibs were scattered elsewhere w/ their dates, SO, etc.

It worked out nicely as we and our parents spent most of the night circulating and dancing and our bridal party didn''t feel "ignored" or "on display"

What''s nice is that you do have lots of options!

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 8/21/2007 8:58:06 AM
Author: Independent Gal
I'm thinking of having a sweetheart table AND a head table. FI and I will sit at the head table, and Crazy Aunt F will have a sweetheart table of her very own, juuuuust for her.

LOL! Will it be down the street in the janitorial closet of the local town hall?


Is it bad that I don't know what a sweetheart table is? Is it where the bride and groom have a table to themselves? If so, I don't know why that would be a hot topic. Weird. We'll probably end up doing that. I think it's cute! My brother and his wife did it at their wedding, but it was arranged so that all the other tables sort of formed a half circle around them. (ETA: But there were tables to the side of them too.) So it was like they were part of the group, but it was obvious who the party was "in honor of".

 

[musey]

Date: 8/21/2007 12:09:56 PM
Author: luckystar112

Date: 8/21/2007 8:58:06 AM

Author: Independent Gal

I''m thinking of having a sweetheart table AND a head table. FI and I will sit at the head table, and Crazy Aunt F will have a sweetheart table of her very own, juuuuust for her.

LOL! Will it be down the street in the janitorial closet of the local town hall?

Is it bad that I don''t know what a sweetheart table is? Is it where the bride and groom have a table to themselves? If so, I don''t know why that would be a hot topic. Weird. We''ll probably end up doing that. I think it''s cute! My brother and his wife did it at their wedding, but it was arranged so that all the other tables sort of formed a half circle around them. (ETA: But there were tables to the side of them too.) So it was like they were part of the group, but it was obvious who the party was ''in honor of''.

aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaa

 

[musey]

I don't think we'll have one... I don't really want to, but then I'm not sure who we would sit with, if not by ourselves. I'm having only a MOH (my cousin) and FI isn't planning on having any groomsmen. So it would be just the three of us

except my MOH has two young girls (4 and 6) and a husband who will all be attending as well, so either she'd sit separate from them (not such a good idea I think) or we'd sit with her family, which would be weird as well. Then who do we choose without making someone wonder "how come they got to sit with the bride and groom and I didn't?"

Hmm, this thread has inspired me to start thinking about this... probably a good idea to start putting thought into it...

 

[ephemery1]

No sweetheart table for us.... we sat at a round table of 8 (us, my MOH and her sis, Best Man #1 and wife, Best Man #2 and wife), with our parents and other family at tables beside us, and I LOVED it that way.

Reasons:
-- When DH got up to talk to somebody or whatever, I wasn''t left all alone at the table!
-- It was SO much fun to have our friends there with us during speeches, food, dancing, etc.
-- I''ve sat at head tables before... they suck!
-- I''ve been to many weddings with sweetheart tables... they always look awkward to me.

 

[musey]

Date: 8/21/2007 12:52:30 PM
Author: ephemery1
-- When DH got up to talk to somebody or whatever, I wasn''t left all alone at the table!

GOOD point! I hadn''t thought about that. I''m now firmly in the no-sweetheart-table camp

(for myself, of course)

 

[RoseAngel04]

YAY for sweetheart tables!!!!

We had a sweetheart table at our wedding and loved it....wouldn't have had it any other way!! It allowed us to enjoy our first meal as husband and wife together and really soak in our reception. Many of our guests came up and talked with us and took pictures...it's not like we were off limits to our guests. Our table was situated to where we were still close to the rest of the tables, but had a smaller more intimate table for two for us, the bride and groom. We loved it....it also worked out well bc some of our bridal party brought dates or are married...others had family/friends who we wanted them to be able to sit and be with at the reception. I know I would hate if I was assigned to a bridal party table w/o DH....

It's really just a matter of personal preference....for us our sweetheart table was the way to go....I def recommend it!

 

[blushingbride]

Date: 8/21/2007 11:44:15 AM
Author: jas
We actually sat with our parents and the bridal party and our sibs were scattered elsewhere w/ their dates, SO, etc.

It worked out nicely as we and our parents spent most of the night circulating and dancing and our bridal party didn''t feel ''ignored'' or ''on display''

What''s nice is that you do have lots of options!

We are doing the same thing - sitting with our parents and sibblings w/ the wedding party scattered. I can''t believe it''s all happening this weekend!!!

 

[happilyeverafter]

We are doing a sweetheart table too. I really wanted one. But it works well for us as we''ll have 24 people total (including us) and no bridal party. There''s going to be just one large U-shaped square of tables for all to sit at, and we''ll have a table at the top of it for ourselves. So we''ll be as close to the group as everyone else (effectively turning the U into a O), just with no one to our immediate right or left. Still part of the group but still allows for privacy (and good photo ops!)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 8/21/2007 4:50:46 AM
Author: Kissmark

Date: 8/21/2007 3:01:34 AM

Author: Tacori E-ring

This WILL start a heated thread. It ALWAYS does (there have been many threads on this). I personally do not like them. I enjoyed hanging out with our wedding party. DH and I eat alone enough! Haha! Do whatever you both want. Shouldn''t matter what we think!

hehehe but isn''t that the whole point of discussion board? getting good advice from different people.

didn''t realize it''s such a heated topic. probably should''ve done a search first but haven''t see anything about it in my short tenor on this forum.

But it is YOUR wedding. Most people firmly feel one way or the other. You need to do what is right for you.

I should add that we had all round tables (not the long one at the front of the room). Ours was in the middle. Like *Lindsey* To one side was my parents and aunt/uncle/grandmothers/their close friends. To the other was HIS parents/aunts/parents good friends. Our parents wanted to sit with their friends and we wanted to sit with ours. We were also lucky b/c all of the BM & GM knew each other and the dates/wives knew each other. No one minded being seperated. DH has been in a wedding where we sat at different tables and honestly it did not bother me. Maybe I am more outgoing but I still had fun even though he didn''t spend every minute by my side. Besides after dinner people move around anyways.