Suze Orman's 5 tips on what women must know about money

[Haven]

I didn't mean that debt might be a generational problem. I meant that I wonder if the concept of women knowing nothing about their family financial situation might be a generational thing.

 

[Haven]

She tells me she has never felt more independent than with her own bank account. She took a trip to Paris without needing to go to the husband for money. She just loved it. She has a wonderful marriage, but this did something for her. She still doesn't pay bills but understands what a little jingle in your pocket can do.

What ever works for you to keep solvent, do. Oh, my sister in law on the other story was a stay at home mom.

Annette

This is the kind of thing that shocks me. Are there REALLY women who have to go to their husbands for money? My best friend is a SAHM, but she has a debit card and access to all of their accounts. The thought of a grown woman having to ask her husband for money is so shocking to me. I believe that it exists, based on what some have shared in this thread, but I'm stunned by it.

If I didn't have direct access to all of our financial accounts I would feel very much like a child in my marriage. That would not work well for me. I can understand that your friend loved this change.

 

[Autumnovember]

She tells me she has never felt more independent than with her own bank account. She took a trip to Paris without needing to go to the husband for money. She just loved it. She has a wonderful marriage, but this did something for her. She still doesn't pay bills but understands what a little jingle in your pocket can do.

What ever works for you to keep solvent, do. Oh, my sister in law on the other story was a stay at home mom.

Annette

This is the kind of thing that shocks me. Are there REALLY women who have to go to their husbands for money? My best friend is a SAHM, but she has a debit card and access to all of their accounts. The thought of a grown woman having to ask her husband for money is so shocking to me. I believe that it exists, based on what some have shared in this thread, but I'm stunned by it.

If I didn't have direct access to all of our financial accounts I would feel very much like a child in my marriage. That would not work well for me. I can understand that your friend loved this change.

Haven, that's my current situation mainly because I just finished school.

I have a credit card in my husbands name and always ask if I'm making an expensive purchase.

I have definitely had to ask him to write out checks/cash.

I will say that for a long time I didn't really care because I knew it was just because of my situation but I definitely cannot wait to make my own money so that I no longer have to do that because I *HATE* when I have to do it now. Definitely makes me feel childish!

 

[Haven]

AN--I hope I didn't sound insensitive in my last response. I'm just shocked, so that was my honest reaction, but I understand how your particular situation could lend itself to you needing to ask your DH for money.

The thing is that even if I didn't earn any money, my husband and I would consider the money in our checking account as our money. If I became a SAHM, for example, I would still have access to that money and I wouldn't need to ask permission to use it. (Neither one of us makes large purchases without asking the other anyway, but that's less about getting permission and more about consulting our trusted partner to make sure we're making the right decision.) We've always considered everything we own as ours, there's no his and hers, money included. It works for us.

Different strokes for different folks! Or as Kenny would say, people vary!

 

[Autumnovember]

AN--I hope I didn't sound insensitive in my last response. I'm just shocked, so that was my honest reaction, but I understand how your particular situation could lend itself to you needing to ask your DH for money.

The thing is that even if I didn't earn any money, my husband and I would consider the money in our checking account as our money. If I became a SAHM, for example, I would still have access to that money and I wouldn't need to ask permission to use it. (Neither one of us makes large purchases without asking the other anyway, but that's less about getting permission and more about consulting our trusted partner to make sure we're making the right decision.) We've always considered everything we own as ours, there's no his and hers, money included. It works for us.

Different strokes for different folks! Or as Kenny would say, people vary!

Oh, no! It did not sound insensitive at all! No worries

I have direct access to his checking account but I only use that for one loan that he is helping me pay off until I start working. Other than that, everything I buy is strictly on the CC. Then again, I don't really spend money on anything crazy. If I need to buy something over X amount, I just let him know...and you're right, its more of consulting than permission. Thankfully, even though I rely on him for money, he still considers everything as ours. I can't say I do the same. I still call our place HIS house and I probably will until I start contributing/we move out this October. I don't imagine that when I am making money, we will consider anything as his and hers. It will feel really good to contribute though.

 

[Missy]

I agree with those who wrote (that most of) Suze Orman's advice is just common sense. The thing about common sense is that it is surprisingly not that obvious for lots of people unfortunately.

When we first became engaged my dh wanted me to have my own account in addition to our joint account (joint account to pay bills etc) for whatever play purchases I wanted to make. He wanted me to feel 100% comfortable with spending whatever amount of money on whatever I wanted to purchase. However, since we both view our money as our money I didn't see the need. My parents never had separate accounts and my mother was in charge of paying the bills from their joint account (she was a SAHM for most of our years at home and only went to work when my younger sister attended college) and my parents never fought about money. That's the way I view it anyway. Since we both know what's mine is his and vice versa I did not see the reason for separate accounts for us.

Now my gf and her dh OTOH keep everything separate and I feel it is detrimental to their relationship. It is not her decision though and that is what makes it difficult and damaging to their happiness as a couple IMO. If it was mutual I could see it working more than it does as it stands now. Her dh is very cheap and they split all bills etc (as a percentage of their salaries since he makes more $ than she does). I don't see this as healthy to the marriage especially since she isn't happy with this arrangement. I definitely agree what works for different couples varies and there is no 1 right way but in this case it is not healthy for their marriage because my gf resents it. They have been married for around 7 years now and he is still against getting a joint account and truly sharing their money. What's his is his and what's hers is hers. Not good (IMO).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Even if your own account only has $500, I think it is important. Banks have free checking so it doesn't cost anything and it is a security blanket. The women I know who do not have their own accounts regret it.

 

[janinegirly]

Even if your own account only has $500, I think it is important. Banks have free checking so it doesn't cost anything and it is a security blanket. The women I know who do not have their own accounts regret it.

Agree, absolutely women should have their own account. Even if you are a SAHM surely there was some money from before you were married. And if not, I agree, even a small amount.

I don't see how it can be so complicated to have 3 accounts either. The joint is where all the expenses are coming out of, so that's where the bulk of all the tracking takes place (and yes I'd say most women take care of this in all households, not unusual).
And then each person manages their own account. Which for me is just paying for my cell phone and whatever personal credit cards I have - and I only have 2. So consolidating credit cards is more the issue to me than keeping track of 3 accounts. If anything the 3 accounts helps me track expenses more - I see what I'm spending on me (and in some cases kids - ie splurges, heh heh), and the joint is what we're spending as a household.

Also it's not just about not having to go to your husband for money. It's about a sense of independence. I contribute 50% or more to our joint, but I still subconsciously feel uncomfortable if I spend out of the joint for something that is is frivilous or not important. No one makes me feel this way, it's just how it is. I feel much more at ease that I have my own funds to spend as I choose. And yes the biggest piece is independence in case things were to change for whatever reason. I don't really see how it can be detrimental to a relationship unless there is some other underlying deception going in (which an account does not cause).

 

[diamondseeker2006]

AN--I hope I didn't sound insensitive in my last response. I'm just shocked, so that was my honest reaction, but I understand how your particular situation could lend itself to you needing to ask your DH for money.

The thing is that even if I didn't earn any money, my husband and I would consider the money in our checking account as our money. If I became a SAHM, for example, I would still have access to that money and I wouldn't need to ask permission to use it. (Neither one of us makes large purchases without asking the other anyway, but that's less about getting permission and more about consulting our trusted partner to make sure we're making the right decision.) We've always considered everything we own as ours, there's no his and hers, money included. It works for us.

Different strokes for different folks! Or as Kenny would say, people vary!

I am pretty much exactly like Haven. I manage all our finances mainly because my husband works long hours and doesn't have the time I do to do it. Plus, I am organized and like to know where all the money is at all times! Even though there have been times I haven't worked, I still bought things I wanted as long as we had the cash. We have never had debt other than a house and our first cars. Now we pay cash for cars, but we don't buy new Lexus', either. My husband doesn't spend much and he has always been supportive of me buying jewelry. He knows I won't spend money we don't have and we have a cushion of emergency money as well as investments/retirement, etc. But all the money is OURS, yet I have the freedom to spend as I want. (I think I need to express more appreciation for having a husband like this, now that I think about it!)

I don't really like Suze's total philosophy partly because I don't think she quite "gets" marriage, but the common sense things of not buying luxuries you cannot afford apparently is necessary for someone to say in this society that is so greatly in debt.

(Let me add that we do have three checking accounts but his check always was the only one to go in the joint acct to pay bills. We never depended on my income and it was extra money for savings, vacations, a little bling now and then , etc. He had to have an extra account to keep track of business expense reimbursements, and I put my check into another joint account which only I access. Actually only I access the main account with his check and the second joint account.)

 

[janinegirly]

I agree the concept of everything is "ours" is appealing and part of the romantic notion of marriage, but unfortunately things working for a couple right now does not guarantee they will continue working for them later on. Not all marriages stay the same throughout the years and in fact most don't.

So fundamentally some indepedence (financial, education, interests) not only can provide enhanced fulfillment but some protection for the woman should she deal with a breakdown in the marriage later on. Having your own account is a very simple way to do that and I do not see how it can cause any harm.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Even if your own account only has $500, I think it is important. Banks have free checking so it doesn't cost anything and it is a security blanket. The women I know who do not have their own accounts regret it.

same with men...what if the wife take you to the cleaners do you go live out on the streets?..

 

[Haven]

We don't look at everything as "ours" out of some commitment to a romantic ideal in our marriage. (The thought of my husband doing anything because it's romantic makes me giggle. I'd LOVE to see that!) It's just the way we function.

What's interesting in this thread is that some seem to feel they need the independent accounts to feel independent, while others don't. That's okay, people vary.

I understand the concerns about what happens if something goes wrong in the marriage, and if I wasn't the one in total control of our accounts that may worry me. But in our situation, my husband would be at a loss if he suddenly went crazy and wanted to clean out our accounts. The only one he accesses is our checking account, and I never keep much in there. I filter the majority of our deposits to our various savings and investment accounts once a week. If anything, he should be concerned, not me. (And not really of course.) We have protections on our savings and investment accounts so they can't be cleaned out. (Not because we don't trust each other, but because DH had his identity stolen several years ago, and I have some family members who have a history of stealing from others. And they're savvy about it.)

We are in an excellent financial situation, and I credit myself and my money management practices for it. This system works for us, and I'm going to continue to use it until it stops working. I don't expect anyone else to agree or like the way we do it. As long as my husband is on board, that's all I need.

 

[Clairitek]

We have 4 accounts- three checking and one savings. One of thoes checking is joint (actually, technically they all are but one is "his" and one is "mine"). The joint and savings have the vast majority of our money but then the "his" and "mine" accounts have the fun money. Kind of like what MakingTheGrade described- money for more frivolous purchases (like my antique 5-stone and beer brewing materials for him) and gifts. Whenever we do something outside of a necessity (travel or dinner out or wine tasting) we split the cost and pay for it out of our fun money accounts. We get the same amount of fun money even though we don't make the same income.

When I was still a student and married we had the same system, but with less fun money since we took home a lot less cash. I'm with Haven on being shocked by the concept of having to ask for money from my husband.

 

[Efe]

My husband is great at making money but disastrous at managing money. He was so bad before we got married that he would forget to pay bills. I have had a separate checking account throughout our entire marriage and he has no problem with this arrangement. He knows that it makes me feel better to have resources in my own name. I love and trust my husband and he knows that it is not a reflection of my faith in him, but more for my own peace of mind.

 

[Laila619]

I am a very, very financial-minded person -- and Suze Orman drives me nuts. But I don't think it's HER fault I can't stand her. I think it more accurate to state that I can't stand the fact that there are women who NEED TO BE TOLD THESE THINGS. They are common sense. Money makes the world go round, you need to save or you can't retire, don't spend more than you earn, get rid of debt as fast as possible. I don't understand how she's managed to get RICH by telling other people how to not be so bloody stupid.

Unfortunately, people are that bloody stupid though. I've got friends who had to do a short sale on their home, and then they could no longer pay the rent on their next home because of debt, and yet they still throw lavish parties and go on expensive tropical vacations and cruises. Some people don't have common sense when it comes to money!

 

[HollyS]

Hi again,

Since more than half the country is in debt and has trouble managing their finances I wouldn't think this was a generational problem.


I'll tell another story. A person I am friends with inherited a large sum of money( over a million category) She was 45 yrs old, a college graduate, mother of 3 children, and just handed the money to her husband to take care of. He does, and she shops and spends, with no debt and well within her means.

As we becme better friends I told her of my philosopy that a woman should have money of her own. She did nothing until another inheritence came her way and with determination she kept 25,000 for her self in a separate account, of course telling her husband.

She tells me she has never felt more independent than with her own bank account. She took a trip to Paris without needing to go to the husband for money. She just loved it. She has a wonderful marriage, but this did something for her. She still doesn't pay bills but understands what a little jingle in your pocket can do.

What ever works for you to keep solvent, do. Oh, my sister in law on the other story was a stay at home mom.

Annette

You have a friend that had - - not one - - but two inheritances . . . and handed the money over to her husband ?????????????

I cannot imagine being that uninvolved with my personal financial health. Even if I had 100% trust in my husband. Just, no.

And a 45 yr old college graduate should not be 'worry free' about the details of handling her own money. Which her inheritances were. Her. Own. Money.

As a CFO, it boggles my mind. But maybe her husband is all that stands between her and financial ruin . . . spending being ever so much more fun than saving.

 

[radiantquest]

My DH and I have several accounts. 6 total.

Joint checking
My checking
My savings
His checking
His savings
Joint Savings

There are specific things that come out of each account. For instance my savings is for the things that I want to save for that are just for me. If there is something not too expensive, but expensive enough that I think twice, then I save my money until I am ready to get it. His accounts work the same way.

He handles all of our together bills. I suppose because he was paying the mortgage, electric, etc. before I moved in so it just made sense that he continues to do it.

I couldn't imagine it any other way. I know people that share one account. If I decide I need to replace my wardrobe I don't want to have to check with someone first.
I also am confused about gift giving with just one account. What if I don't want him to know how much I spent on his bday present??

 

[Jennifer W]

I'm a little surprised by this too. As far as I'm aware, I never met another adult in real life who didn't have their own bank account, male or female. I had no idea that this was common. Our government put a huge amount of effort into promoting bank accounts for every citizen a few years back, because they recognised that not having a bank account was a symptom of social exclusion. They put a lot of effort into removing the barriers to account holding, for example by introducing 'basic' bank accounts for people with no fixed home address, where you can save, deposit and use a debit card, but no credit / overdraft. It was felt that having access to a bank account was a basic necessity.

I manage my finances, my husband manages his, it doesn't take much effort. We just pay bills by direct debit, and avoid going overdrawn on our accounts and don't use credit. We each save what we choose to, and we both have pensions. It could not be simpler.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

You have a friend that had - - not one - - but two inheritances . . . and handed the money over to her husband ?????????????

I cannot imagine being that uninvolved with my personal financial health. Even if I had 100% trust in my husband. Just, no.

And a 45 yr old college graduate should not be 'worry free' about the details of handling her own money. Which her inheritances were. Her. Own. Money.

As a CFO, it boggles my mind. But maybe her husband is all that stands between her and financial ruin . . . spending being ever so much more fun than saving.

That is how my parents organize their lives. Everything, absolutely everything, is in both their names. My father does all the money stuff- taxes, investments, banking, etc. Anything that any of them get goes into the communal pot. Neither has their own account. They have joint credit cards and checks. If my mother got an inheritance, she would hand it over to my father to manage. They are both happy and it works for them.

 

[NovemberBride]

I think it is interesting how people vary and how much their own experience colors their viewpoint. DH and I have one checking account and various savings/investment accounts, but they are all joint accounts with the exception of 401ks through work. For us, having separate accounts that require constant transferring of funds just seems like a nuisance. I have never considered that I would need to ask my husband if I wanted to spend money, other than giving him a courtesy heads up on large purchases (say, $500 or more) because that's not how our marriage works. We both have access to all of our accounts and we discuss our financial status and goals frequently. That said, this approach works for us because we are on the same page about finances and we operate on a budget, meaning I know how much I have available to me to spend at a given time. I can see how it would not work if the spouses did not agree on financial matters. We don't really use credit, but we do have separate credit cards that we use when we want to purchase a surprise gift for the other.

 

[Lulie]

Orman's advice is common sense.
My mother was SAHM 'with an allowance' I don't recall ever asking Dad for money. Divorce rates were much lower, girls today 'know' they must have a cushion.
Having 3-4 accounts isn't complicated at all. Half of DH's paychek goes to a joint account where all expenses are met. The other half goes to an emergency fund.
My first half pays for groceries and tuition [2 kids]. The rest goes to a College plan [willing to pay 1/3 ]. DH isn't a child, so 'controling' his hard earned money isn't my thing. If one wants to buy something 'frivolous' we talk about it but we rarely splurge to stay on budget.
I use one CC, to be paid at the end of the month.
It was planned this way because we came into our marriage with assets/debt [divorced man]. I could not imagine it any other way.

 

[Saoirse2]

rule #1 in a marriage ...you must hide some from your SO just in case...

That's what my Dad says