Surprise???

[thatsthegirl212]

I''ve noticed that many of LIWs know their bf''s have the ring (many have even seen it) and are just waiting for them to propose, does this take the ''surprise'' out of it or would you just be so excited to finally be engaged it doesn''t matter. My best friend just got engaged, about a month ago, and she claimed to have no idea it was coming. I asked her if she would be just as excited if she knew it was coming (and the ring was in his possesion) and she said she wouldn''t as what would be the surprise then? I just don''t know. My bf and I were talking about one odmf his friends recent engagements and how his now fiancé was involved in the picking of the ring and everything up until the day he proposed (she didn''t know the actual day). My bf then asked if I would want to be involved in everything (he was speaking hypothetically of course) and I thought for a moment but said no, I wouldn''t want to know a thing, even about the ring...now I wonder if I should of said that I''d want to be involved. How many if you now engaged didn''t know and are happier that you weren''t involved, and vice versa too!

 

[katomm]

Well, I think it really depends on you and your relationship.

I''ve been engaged 4 times unfortunately (married once). Two times were a surprise and two I was involved in. I was much pickier back then though as far as rings are concerned. I''m older now and really don''t care about the ring so either way would be fine with me at this point. I think the only part I''d definitely want to be surprised about is that BF finally admitting he wants to marry me

 

[emeraldlover1]

I think it depends on the person and the couple. As for your friend, how does she know she wouldn''t be surprised if she hasn''t been in that situation? I don''t think you know what you didn''t experience. After 6 years of dating I knew a proposal was on the way before my boyfriend at the time asked me to look at rings. I was surprised in a lot of ways but not about the proposal. I was surprised by what he said and my new ring that I had seen the stone before setting. All of that plus being engaged was exciting.

I wouldn''t want to be blindsided by a marrige proposal but that is just me.

 

[Treasure43]

I''m not quite engaged but my FF and I have ring shopped quite a bit and I have a fairly good idea of what the ring will look like. I know the setting (since I only fell in love with one) and have a basic idea of the diamond. However, I haven''t seen it all put together. I also know that the ring has been put together and is now being appraised and I''m hoping for a proposal sometime this month (or this weekend when we''re visiting my parents

). The proposal itself will be a suprise (when, where, how, etc).

Honestly, I thought I knew what I wanted in a ring and when we went shopping together, I was able to try on different rings and figure out exactly what I wanted. What I thought I wanted, I did not like at all when I tried it on. FF''s take on it is that he''s spending a lot of money on it and I''m going to wear it for the rest of my life so we shopped together. I think if I hadn''t have found one setting I was in love with and we both hadn''t seen a Lazare diamond that took our breath away, I might not know as much about the ring I"m getting. I''m not one who is huge on suprises and I really enjoyed that we picked out the ring that symbolizes our love together.

I think also, since we live together and tell each other everything, it was more natural for us to go through this process together, but every couple is different. Even him keeping the secret of the proposal is hard for him because we talk about EVERYTHING. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together and that''s the important part.

This past weekend I visited a friend and noticed an engagement ring on her finger. When I asked her how he proposed, she said that he didn''t really. They''d talked about getting married, she saw a setting she liked, got her great-grandmother''s diamond, they got the ring put together and now she''s wearing it. She''s very low-key and this is what worked for her and her FI. I guess it all depends on how you feel about it and how you FF feels about it.

 

[trillionaire]

I always imagined that I would be totally 100% surprised with a proposal, and that is what I wanted...

until I actually started looking at rings. Then, I pretty much wanted what I wanted, and if I didn''t tell him, or show him examples, there would have been no way for that to happen.

I would, however, prefer for the rest to be a surprise.

But, I highly doubt that my SO would be able to surprise me. Maybe one day, I''ll find out.


I do still like the romance of a sudden and surprise proposal... I just wouldn''t ever get the ring of my dreams.

(I don''t believe in ''upgrading''. I think that the center stone is sentimental, I''m more okay with changing the setting, though)

 

[4ever]

Date: 7/13/2009 8:29:24 PM
Author: emeraldlover1

I wouldn''t want to be blindsided by a marrige proposal but that is just me.

I agree with this. I''m a very rational sensable person and would like to know it''s coming so I don''t agree to get married because I was so shocked by the proposal and just said yes automatically. We have talked about it together like we talk about all other big desisions. I know he''s going to propose, he knows I want him to.
Also, he wanted me to have a ring I would really like, and I didn''t want him to spend too much, get ripped off or buy somthing of dodgey quality, AND I didn''t see why I should miss out on all the fun of jewelery shopping, so it made sence for us to do that together.
The surprise is the where/when/how which is more then enough for me as I''m not really into surprises.

The only bad bit is the waiting.

 

[ringless]

I agree with Treasure43 completely! I have also just recently, looked at rings, loose diamonds and we really felt comfortable and connected when we went. Ultimately, we both want to love the ring. In our situation, I've waited almost 8 years for this so he wants it to be really special, and of course so do I. I don't think it would be less special to be kept out of any of the details, but I guess it's just something we mutually wanted to do together. I of course, want his final choice, and the proposal to be a complete surprise!

 

[thatsthegirl212]

Ladies, you all bring up such good points! I wouldn''t want to be surprised by a proposal either but I think if you''ve committed yourself to someone and they to you, as well as both knowing where the relationship was headed (providing things were progressing) a proposal would be in the works at some point. As for the ring, to me the most important ''part'' of it would be the center diamond (or gemstone) and if your SO knows your preference as to the cut, well you can always change the setting at some point. My coworker got engaged, her FI proposed to her with a 1carat Asscher solitaire ( he knew she wanted an asscher). After being engaged for 5 months she decided she wanted to change the setting and she had it reset with rectangular cut diamonds down the sides. Her FI was fine with it. I went with her to the diamond district and boy did I have fun trying on all types of shapes and size diamonds! I totally fell for a 4 carat asscher, with a diamond that big who needs anything more than a solitaire setting, the diamond spoke for itself! Anyway, I''m getting off topic here! My thought is if you both know the relationship is heading torwards engagement and he has some idea of a ring that you want (if you even have a preference) I think it would be nice to be surprised.

 

[Bjedifish]

YES!!! I totally was just talking about that to someone! Lemme tell you, I was sooo clueless and I was blown away surprised when my FI popped the question. It was the best. I often thought about asking for a time frame, but I am SO glad I didn''t! I would have been expecting it and I would have been terribly dissapointed if I wasn''t super surprised.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/13/2009 8:29:24 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
I think it depends on the person and the couple. As for your friend, how does she know she wouldn''t be surprised if she hasn''t been in that situation? I don''t think you know what you didn''t experience. After 6 years of dating I knew a proposal was on the way before my boyfriend at the time asked me to look at rings. I was surprised in a lot of ways but not about the proposal. I was surprised by what he said and my new ring that I had seen the stone before setting. All of that plus being engaged was exciting.

I wouldn''t want to be blindsided by a marrige proposal but that is just me.

Speaking as someone who was totally blindsided when my SO presented me with a promise ring, I didn''t see it coming AT ALL but I was thrilled. The promise ring gave me time to get exicted about the engagement. He chose both rings and fortunately for me he has very good taste in jewelry

 

[Dreamgirl]

For me personally, I want to be surprised to the MAX! I have told him rings I like and we talk about it from time to time as far as the size of the ring, size of diamond I wish I could have and stuff like that. But other than that I have no idea when it''s going to happen. All I know is that it''s going to happen sometime in the near future and I like that much better than knowing the ring is in his posession and I''m waiting any minute. That would drive me INSANE!!!!!!!! I prefer to NOT be in the know. And luckily he feels the same way. He wants to completely surprise me!

 

[Still_Waiting]

Date: 7/13/2009 9:26:04 PM
Author: trillionaire
I always imagined that I would be totally 100% surprised with a proposal, and that is what I wanted...

until I actually started looking at rings. Then, I pretty much wanted what I wanted, and if I didn''t tell him, or show him examples, there would have been no way for that to happen.

I would, however, prefer for the rest to be a surprise.

But, I highly doubt that my SO would be able to surprise me. Maybe one day, I''ll find out.


I do still like the romance of a sudden and surprise proposal... I just wouldn''t ever get the ring of my dreams.

(I don''t believe in ''upgrading''. I think that the center stone is sentimental, I''m more okay with changing the setting, though)

I second this! When we first talked about getting engaged my SO told me he always figured if he ever came to that point in his life, he''d just take the girl to a store and tell her to pick something out. (I''m thinking this will be transferrable to shopping online, too.

)

 

[jcarlylew]

i was completely blown away, and i was involved with the ring 100%

 

[FroggyMont]

We went and looked at rings together in March, so he would know what to get. Now I am just waiting for the surprise of when he actually pops the question, which I think will be by the end of the year! As much as I hate not knowing when it is going to happen, I want it to be a surprise. I don''t want to know that he went and asked my Dad for his blessing, he bought the ring or anything; the surprise of it all will make it that more special!!

 

[LilyKat]

It''s done differently here in the UK (usually) - the guy surprises the girl with a proposal (not to say marriage hasn''t been discussed at length before, just the actual proposal is a surprise), without a ring, and they then pick out a ring together afterwards. Keeps the surprise aspect, and the girl gets a say in the ring! It''s not for everyone, but just thought I''d offer another option for those who want surprise but also a good ring

 

[Lilac]

I picked out my ring (it was custom made, but I went with DH to the jeweler and gave them a picture of what I wanted) and I even picked out the diamonds to go in my ring. The jeweler told my husband (then boyfriend) the ring would be ready in around 7-8 weeks. I believed this, and assumed my proposal would be in the summer last year. I figured with that time frame from when the ring would be ready, he really only had a certain window of time he could propose, so I kept thinking there was NO WAY he could surprise me.

My husband proposed in April, about a month after we went looking at rings. I was so completely unbelievably shocked and surprised - I had NO idea he had the ring or even planned on proposing so soon! I was blown away and speechless by the surprise of the proposal. Afterwards, DH told me he had asked the jeweler to say the ring would take 7 or 8 weeks but really it took 10 days. He wanted me to think he didn''t even have the ring yet so he couldn''t propose yet - this way I would still be completely surprised!

I''m very happy I got to choose my ring, and I''m also really happy I was very surprised. DH has great taste in jewelry, but my ring is something I really wanted to help pick out, so I''m happy I did.

 

[princesss]

I''m in the "No proposal should be a TOTAL surprise" camp. Basically, I think that marriage should be discussed, goals and lifestyle expectations should be discussed, and most/all of the serious life conversations should be had. I want to help design my ring. After that, a little bit of suprise is fine. But the idea of being blindsided with a proposal I had no idea was coming is horrifying to me. We are equal partners, and marriage is a conclusion that should be reached together. How and when the asking takes place can be a surprise, but not that he''s asking in the first place!

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/16/2009 3:43:03 AM
Author: LilyKat
It''s done differently here in the UK (usually) - the guy surprises the girl with a proposal (not to say marriage hasn''t been discussed at length before, just the actual proposal is a surprise), without a ring, and they then pick out a ring together afterwards. Keeps the surprise aspect, and the girl gets a say in the ring! It''s not for everyone, but just thought I''d offer another option for those who want surprise but also a good ring

I''m from the UK and my SO surprised me with a proposal AND a ring. My brother, also here in the UK, surprised his now fiance with a proposal AND a ring too. We were both blown away by our rings

I don''t think it a UK or US thing - everyone''s different.

 

[NicaK]

I know that my proposal is coming soon but I don''t know exactly and I like that. I was there when he bought the ring and I know where it is at his house. I want to be surprised! I''m the kind that wants a cute public proposal.

It really just depends on the person.