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Suprise Wedding

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hawaiianorangetree

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Hi All

I have recently been toying with the idea of having a suprise wedding. My BH is keen on the idea and we already have the general idea figured out... we were planning on having a belated engagement party at the end of the year once we had the back yard and house finished to how we would like, and i thought if i have to wait a year for my e party, why not just get married as well? So we would invite everyone to our belated engagement party, (at home) mingle with the guests for the first hour or so and then dissapear to get dressed and then have the celebrant announce that we are getting married!

We have a lot to do to the house and garden, and i feel like all the money that would be spent on a traditional wedding would be a bit of a waste for one day when we can use it on the home and have it forever.


My questions are...

Has anyone ever been to or heard about a suprise wedding?? How was it?


What do i tell people as far as caterers, singers and the like are concerned? Can i say that i am booking them for an engagement party when really it is a wedding?? Obviously you mention the w word and prices go up, and that is part of the reason for wanting to steer clear of the traditional wedding anyway!


I am not too bothered about offending anyone as we are planning on telling just our mothers for now and then our daughters right before hand... everyone else wouldn''t find out till it was time and i am sure it will upset someone, but i figure it''s better than me being upset for the year before hand trying to please everybody!!!!

 

honey22

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It sounds like a fabulous idea. What matters is that it''s right for you, and everyone will just have to work with that. I am sure that people will get over it, even if they are a bit shocked intially. It''s your day, your wedding, so just do what you guys want to do. Honestly it sounds perfect.

I would consider carefully anyone who you would really really want to be at the wedding. If they have other plans that ''out rank'' an e-party (and there could be other events the would put before your eparty but not your wedding IYKWIM?) so if you get some knockbacks, you may want to consider letting these people in on the suprise? A friend of mine went to a suprise wedding and few close friends of the bride had other plans and didn''t come. They were devastated when they found out their housewarming party was actually their wedding, they would have said no to the other function. Just an idea though.

What are you going to wear? Some of the girls here have a knack for finding the perfect dress!!!
 

hawaiianorangetree

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well i plan on having two dresses lol!

The first dress is the e party dress where everyone will see me before, and then in a beautiful wedding dress!!! (that is as far as i have got)

You are very right about who to tell, and i have actually thought that if someone was to not come who we really wanted there then we would tell.. but then again I only have a few close friends and i know they wouldn''t miss my e party for the world!!
 

Deelight

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Oct 4, 2007
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I think that sounds like an awesome idea but like Honey said you might want to make sure those nearest and dearset know if you think there is a chance they might miss it :).
 

elrohwen

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May 20, 2008
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I think it sounds like a great idea! I actually saw a wedding show where the guy pretended to throw his GF a surprise birthday party for her 40th bday. I guess he threw one for her every year, so all of their friends didn't think anything of it. Everyone showed up to the gorgeous hotel and as they were drinking cocktails, I think someone handed out the wedding programs or something and everyone was shocked. It was pretty cute! None of the guests seemed at all put out by it and they had a great time.

I really don't know what you should tell the vendors ... I guess you can tell them what you want, but I don't think their prices will necessarily shoot up just because it's a wedding. I'm sure that does happen sometime, but I don't think every vendor does it.
 

bee*

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I like the sound of it too. I agree with maybe telling some people in advance if there''s any chance that they mightn''t be able to make it.
 

Clairitek

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Date: 3/7/2009 11:03:56 AM
Author: elrohwen
I think it sounds like a great idea! I actually saw a wedding show where the guy pretended to throw his GF a surprise birthday party for her 40th bday. I guess he threw one for her every year, so all of their friends didn''t think anything of it. Everyone showed up to the gorgeous hotel and as they were drinking cocktails, I think someone handed out the wedding programs or something and everyone was shocked. It was pretty cute! None of the guests seemed at all put out by it and they had a great time.

I really don''t know what you should tell the vendors ... I guess you can tell them what you want, but I don''t think their prices will necessarily shoot up just because it''s a wedding. I''m sure that does happen sometime, but I don''t think every vendor does it.
I was just thinking about this! It was an episode of Whose Wedding is it Anyway? and it was filmed in Philly I believe. I thought that whole thing turned out wonderfully.

I love the idea of a surprise wedding. What a neat idea! I think that using your newly done backyard would also be a wodnerful backdrop because it is something you two are doing together and very meaningful.

Let us know how your plans come together! I can''t wait to hear about it if you go through with it.
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 12, 2009
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I think it sounds like a great idea! I think that would be such a fun way to really celebrate and probably much easier than planning a full traditional wedding.

Do you think your mothers will spill the beans before? For example, if my grandmother said she couldn''t make the trip for my engagement party my mom would probably tell her it was going to be the actual wedding... and knowing my family word would spread.
 

FrekeChild

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I think it''s a great idea! I also saw that episode of Whose Wedding and I thought it was really well received. Although, there were a few smarmy women who were like, "I KNEW they were going to do that. I knew it was going to be a wedding!" Ugh. But it was based on her having a lavish extravagant birthday party, so it wasn''t exactly...discreet. I think the engagement party is perfect.
 

mrscushion

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I think it''s a fabulous idea. Sounds like a really fun party for both yourself and your guests.
 

ash313

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Jun 24, 2008
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I love this! What a cool idea! I echo other''s comments that if people decline, you may want to let them know. Other than that, I would LOVE to be invited to one of these, it would be so cool!
 

hawaiianorangetree

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Thanks for all your thoughts ladies!!

This has basically sealed the deal on doing it for us.


My BH told his mum and swore her to absolute secrecy, she loved the idea! When her daughter got married last year it caused a whole lot of tension and drama throughout the family and i think she is relieved that she wont have to go through that again!!
I will tell my mum soon... i am worried about her spilling the beans, she wasn''t meant to tell anyone about us getting engaged and everyone knew! She would be devestated if she found out that MIL knew and she didn''t. I guess i am going to have to be very firm with her!

My 8 year old daughter is very smart so i am going to have to be careful about what i say and do around her... but other than that we should be ok keeping it a secret for now.

We are going to concentrate on the house and garden for the next 8 - 10 months and apart from keeping my eye open for the perfect dress and ideas on what we would like, we are going to leave all of the planning for the last couple of months, to keep it true to a real engagement party.

So excited!!
 

FrekeChild

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I''m so excited for you!!!! Yay!!! What fun!!!
 

mia1181

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Oct 25, 2006
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Love this idea!

I would definitely NOT tell vendors that it is for a surprise wedding.

#1- Chance of someone tipping off the guests in some way.
#2- They might not charge as much if they think it is just an engagement party. As soon as the word "wedding" is involved, everything suddenly costs more.

Good luck!
 

Elmorton

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Jul 5, 2007
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I love the idea from the perspective that it would be really fun as a guest.

But I think that my parents/grandparents/DH's parents etc would have been really, really, really hurt if DH and I opted to do this - and I have some friends that might have been, too. I would say that as long as your guests/family are a little non-traditional and as long as no one had dreams of dress shopping with you, helping you plan, throwing you a shower, giving you your something borrowed, etc, then you're probably good to go. But if feelings could be hurt, it might be a good idea to re-think or let these folks in on the secret.

ETA: I see you plan to do let the moms know "right before" - does that mean an hour or a week/month? I know you say you're not worried, so maybe it really wouldn't be a problem, but I can't imagine my wedding day with my family and close loved ones trying negotiate feelings of embarrassment/hurt/shock. But again, only you know your situation. If they'll roll with it, then it's a great idea (and ditto to not letting the vendors know!).

ETA again: Okay, somehow I'm the worst reader tonight (missed your 2nd post). Sounds like you're good to go. ;-) Amending my vendor statement, too. I wouldn't let the caterers know, but anyone involved with the ceremony (a musician, etc) definitely should know. And it sounds like a great plan to let the daughters in as well :)
 

lliang_chi

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Mar 13, 2008
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3,740
OMG, if I could do this I totally would!!! I absolutely LOVE the idea!!!

I agree with Mia, just tell your vendors it''s an engagement party. Florist, decor etc will not know any wiser. The officiant will know, of course, and the onlyk other ppl would be the caterer, photog, video & musicians/band. I''d highly suggest getting a videographer in this case. Capturing guest reactions would be PRICELESS.

You''re already saving a ton doing it at your own house. Caterer you should do BYOB to save yourselves some extra cash too. Seeing it will be a surprise, I''m sure things will be pretty lax, don''t need to hire a DOC (Day of Coordinator) Those are hte biggest expenses I can think of.
 
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