Suburbs: how do you feel about neighbor creeping into space

[janinegirly]

I''m new to the ''burbs, so not sure what the "code" is, but we have a neighbor on one side that is not separated by a fence. They''ve already taken some liberties (put some items right on the property line or just over, workmen trampling all over the place). This weekend they had a large party (kids and adults) and kids were running all around our yard with toys strewn about as if it was an extension of their own. This struck me as pretty disrespectful. I understand that kids are kids, but surely you either 1) offer us the courtesy of telling us there''s a party, might be some kids on our side since no fence
2) try to encourage kids to stay on their side where there is ample room.

Like I said, is this considered normal? I lived in cities where even if you have 1 square foot of room that''s your space and others respect that little piece of sanity/privacy.

FYI: a fence will go up eventually, we are doing some work so not the time for it this year...

 

[lucyandroger]

Not normal as far as I''m concerned...unless you are really good friends with the neighbors (in which case you would have been invited to the party). I''ve always had fences though - I like what little bit of privacy I can maintain.

 

[TooPatient]

Not normal.

We have no fence in front. (I''ve been in several places like this). Both sides respect it. Don''t cross over. Even the kids stayed in their yard.

My mother had a situation like yours. Started small. Turned into tire tracks through her grass. A little at a time. Before long it was their new driveway. They even took it upon themselves to prune the apple trees because the branches hung over their new "driveway".


And another thing to keep in mind:
It is your property and YOU ARE LIABLE FOR ANY INJURIES OR DAMAGE.
If one of those workers or kids fell and got hurt, YOU are liable for it. YOU could be sued for damages. YOUR insurance would have to pay for medical and other expenses.

 

[neatfreak]

Personally I think there''s a big difference between temporarily creeping and permanently creeping. I do think it''s a bit rude but not worth your time to worry about if it''s only occasionally.

You know how hard kids are to corral-especially if there is no kind of physical barrier.

But if they were doing it all the time-I would put up a fence.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

This is not considered normal. In fact, it's very rude. We have neighbors who have left items on our property and always have their elementary school child playing in the neighbor's yard. We do have a fence in the back, but not on the side where they left their belongings. We had to complain to get them to move their stuff.

We do have A LOT of kids over and there is a garden section in our yard and to keep our kids' friends out of there, I bought 4' wood stakes and put them every 25" around the garden and then put twine between the stakes, so it was almost a temperary fence. It worked. None of the kids crossed over onto that section of the yard.

FWIW, I do not think the neighbors are obligated to tell you they're having a party, but they should be keeping the kids in check. . .try the mini-fence temp fence and that should help. If anything, your neighbors will get the picture re: kids and where they put their belongings, etc.

 

[packrat]

We are a friendly sort, but don''t like people in our space. We fenced in the backyard before we moved in b/c the people who sold it to us said the neighbors grandkids played on their kids toys in the backyard. We also ended up planting thorny bushes along both sides of the driveway and along the front of the yard b/c the kids and a lot of dogs decided it was a fun play area. They weren''t there all the time, granted, but enough to drive me bonkers, having kids looking in our doors/windows and finding them in our garage. I''ve been to other people''s houses that don''t have fenced in yards, and it''s pretty easy to find a marker and say "This is your stop sign, don''t go past this tree and into their yard-it''s not nice". That''s just me tho, and I''m kinda a spaz about that stuff.

 

[meresal]

Not normal.

The polite "burb" thing would be to come over and notify you of a pending party and ask if it is ok that the kids run around, and assure you that they will be looked after the entire time.

If it were me, and I was throwing a back yard shindig, I would have put up some kind of streamers or table to make sure the kids didn''t venture into a neighbors yard.

 

[kenny]

There is a saying, Good Fenced make Good Neighbors.

 

[Porridge]

Put up a fence.

 

[soocool]

I have over an acre of land and so do my immediate neighbors. The neighbors on one side of me are great and to this day (It''s been 15) always ask permission to come onto out property to cut shrubs etc. They say they know it is ok, but just want to be courteous and make sure we weren''t planning on having people over, etc. They are too sweet.

Now for the people on the other side of me. I had written about this once before, but they are a pain. A few years ago their well pump went in the middle of winter after a snowstorm and the well company didn''t want to go the long way around their house for fear of getting stuck. So she kindly told ythem it was ok to go through my property thinking they will come and go and I will never know. Extremely long story short, after the workmen replaces their pump and were leaving they got stuck and tore up our lawn, not to mention ruined some of our underground sprinkler heads. She claimed she never told them to go in that way, the well company claimed she did. I believe them because she was desperate to get the job done and didn''t want her lawn torn up. In the end I had to get the police involved and the well company ended up having to fix our lawn and the sprinkler system. The neighbor never got involved in getting this resolved or even paying to fix our lawn. (Same neighbor whose daughter dropped a vitamin and my dog ate costing me $180 emergency vet visit).

Putting up a fence on our acreage would have cost a lot not to mention would have jacked up our property taxes. We hired a surveyor who marlked the boundaries and we put in wooded fences in certain sections combined with plantings (evergreen trees, large shrubs, tall hedges) to keep them out. You can still see them through a fence, but large trees and shrubs make them invisible. And the saying goes, Out of sight, out of mind!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 10/5/2009 1:10:39 PM
Author: Porridge
Put up a fence.

yup!! and be sure it''s an electrical one.

 

[April20]

I''m all about fences. I think they keep disputes from happening in the long run. It sounds like you''ve already got one in your future plans, so at least whatever happens now is temporary!

I do think it would have been nice for the neighbors to let you know that there would be children in their backyard and asking if it was okay for the children to cross into your yard.... Though if you said "no", I kind of imagine that the kids would have ended up over there regardless, kids being kids.

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks all--good to hear I''m not just some crazy old neigbour peering from behind my curtains.

Basically I agree it would have been a nice courtesy to tell us about the party and that this might happen. I actually had a party the week before, but b/c of the rain, it was all indoors, BUT my plan had been to mention it to them for this very reason. Ironic how it turned out!
I think making the effort to be courteous goes a long way to perception of a neighbors intentions and style...even if it''s just words in practice.

I also understand that kids will be kids...but what I observed was a lack of respect for boundaries of or any real attempt to even tell the kids to play on one side or at least not run and STAY on our property. Like I said this neighbor has repeatedly pushed things when it comes to property lines. There are other rude things they do like leave outdoor lights on all night, which shines like a spotlight into our guest room. Welcome to the burbs, right?

 

[soocool]

Can you plant something that will block the light? or Shine a light at their house and wait for their response. Maybe if you intrude they will put up the fence and save you some bucks!

 

[b.anna]

ew i hate creepers! definitely NOT ok, esp in the suburbs when everyone has p-l-e-n-t-y of space!

i grew up living in front of this family who would dump ALL their mowed grass onto their yard. the heap got so high it started spilling into our backyard and smelling really gross. and on top of that, their dog would come and poop ALL over our backyard and lurk around our yard. now i have no problems with dogs, but once they start doing their business on my space when they have a lot of open space on their owners'' yard, i get livid. so my dad put up a white fence which worked out nicely because the neighbor finally cleaned up their gross nasty grass and their dog never step foot on our yard. plus it made a great back drop for all the great flowers and plants my dad put in

so, ditto to getting the fence asap.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I don''t live in the burbs but I''m pretty sure that''s not normal. I think it''s definitely time to put up a fence - sends up a very clear signal!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/5/2009 3:26:06 PM
Author: janinegirly
Thanks all--good to hear I''m not just some crazy old neigbour peering from behind my curtains.

Basically I agree it would have been a nice courtesy to tell us about the party and that this might happen. I actually had a party the week before, but b/c of the rain, it was all indoors, BUT my plan had been to mention it to them for this very reason. Ironic how it turned out!
I think making the effort to be courteous goes a long way to perception of a neighbors intentions and style...even if it''s just words in practice.

I also understand that kids will be kids...but what I observed was a lack of respect for boundaries of or any real attempt to even tell the kids to play on one side or at least not run and STAY on our property. Like I said this neighbor has repeatedly pushed things when it comes to property lines. There are other rude things they do like leave outdoor lights on all night, which shines like a spotlight into our guest room. Welcome to the burbs, right?

I can see why it''s rude to have the kids in your yard, I just don''t understand why the neighbors have to tell you they''re having a party. A month back, we had over 20 kids/adults at our house and I didn''t mention anything to anyone. The only thing I make sure of is that nobody''s blocking anyone''s driveway. Everyone was in the house or in back so we maintained boundries. . .we do have a fence though.

 

[MonkeyPants]

Date: 10/5/2009 2:42:43 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 10/5/2009 1:10:39 PM

Author: Porridge

Put up a fence.

yup!! and be sure it''s an electrical one.

ha! ditto! or how about decorative boulders that are about 2-3 ft. high?

 

[Ara Ann]

We live in an open yard sub, no fences allowed. We had a problem the first year we moved in, we were all brand new home owners because it was a new sub. Anyway, the little kids (girls) on either side of us played together and were CONSTANTLY running through our yard SCREAMING, like all day every day, during breakfast, lunch....dinner...ALL day. And then they started climbing up our son''s playscape too, when we weren''t home and when my son wasn''t outside (buy your kids their OWN playscape people!!!) which made me nervous about them getting hurt, etc. Anyway...I politely asked each neighbor to not let the kids run though our yard and from then on, they cut across the commons area at the end of our lots.

But one time, we DID have a neighbor/party incident...the next door neighbors had a party with lots of little kids who started climbing on our playscape, totally unaware there was a huge wasp nest under it (hubby hadn''t sprayed it yet!)...so I told them nicely to not play on it...but I thought it was very RUDE to let the kids play in my yard in the first place!


If you are able to, get a fence. Problem solved. while I love the look of our open yards, sometimes I wish we had a fence too.

 

[Puppmom]

The FIRST project we conquered when we bought our house in the burbs was putting up a fence. We were surprised that it REALLY put off our neighbors. It sure does a good job of keeping them out though.

In all seriousness, I''m new to the whole burbs thing and I feel like there are a lot of rules I don''t know. I feel like there''s some secret code or something!

 

[radiantquest]

We live in the country and we all have a good bit of property, but you can still see the neighbors houses. The neighbors on all of the other sides are too far away for it to be an issue, but the ones that are closer are separated by a row of pine trees. This is sooo nice. We are actually friendly neighbors though. The trees were there before either of us owned the houses we live in. There is a gap between two of the trees that we walk throrugh. When they have parties there is always a standing invitation for us. We don''t mind if their dog comes in the yard every once in a while. Afterall it isn''t using our yard as a bathroom, but sometimes the dog will be in the yard. Not a problem. For 4th of July they usually have a big party and then everyone comes over into our yard for fireworks because we have more wide open space.

There has been instances when we have asked for things. They have a pool. We do not swim whenever we want. We always ask even though the answer is always yes and her husband hunts

He will ask if he can use out clothes line to hang his hunting clothes.

To me it is just good manners to ask. All I can think is that the people who owned the house before you allowed these things so your neighbors just assume that you wont mind. I would politely tell them that you moved from the city for privacy and that you would appreciate them asking before coming onto your property.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Not normal, at least not to people with good manners and a sense of boundaries. My first thought was that I would nip this in the bud in case, heaven forbid, something were to happen to one of their children or guests on your property. It could pose a liability issue (which yes, can happen when you have your own guests over too. But in that case you know the people and would theoretically be supervising, at least; not letting them run wild like it sounds like your neighbours were). We had a somewhat similar issue when building our house because the neighbours would go scavenge through the building materials, and DF had to tell them to stay off the property, period, esp because construction sites are dangerous.


I don't know if I'm just a curmudgeon, but I prefer neighbours to leave us alone and we will do the same. (Barring emergencies or occasional, non-imposing things),

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 10/5/2009 5:16:56 PM
Author: MC

Date: 10/5/2009 3:26:06 PM
Author: janinegirly
Thanks all--good to hear I''m not just some crazy old neigbour peering from behind my curtains.

Basically I agree it would have been a nice courtesy to tell us about the party and that this might happen. I actually had a party the week before, but b/c of the rain, it was all indoors, BUT my plan had been to mention it to them for this very reason. Ironic how it turned out!
I think making the effort to be courteous goes a long way to perception of a neighbors intentions and style...even if it''s just words in practice.

I also understand that kids will be kids...but what I observed was a lack of respect for boundaries of or any real attempt to even tell the kids to play on one side or at least not run and STAY on our property. Like I said this neighbor has repeatedly pushed things when it comes to property lines. There are other rude things they do like leave outdoor lights on all night, which shines like a spotlight into our guest room. Welcome to the burbs, right?

I can see why it''s rude to have the kids in your yard, I just don''t understand why the neighbors have to tell you they''re having a party. A month back, we had over 20 kids/adults at our house and I didn''t mention anything to anyone. The only thing I make sure of is that nobody''s blocking anyone''s driveway. Everyone was in the house or in back so we maintained boundries. . .we do have a fence though.

You don''t have to tell anyone anything, it''s just a courtesy in my opinion. If not, the next best thing (or maybe even better) is to try to keep the kids on your side out of respect. In my case, neither occured! And in our case, there is no fence so obviously the chances of kids creeping onto our yard is pretty high...which is why giving a courteous heads up would have been nice. Instead they just ran wild with balls all over our yard! I think if there''s a fence, it''s not really as much an issue like you said.

 

[Cehrabehra]

depends on the neighbors - if you are unhappy, communicate that and/or expedite the fence... these are your neighbors so having a working relationship is a good thing.

if you were close to them and had kids the same age and invited each other to parties the lack of fence would just be a bonus.

What sort of relationship do you want with them? Make it happen.

 

[Gailey]

Date: 10/5/2009 1:09:22 PM
Author: kenny
There is a saying, Good Fenced make Good Neighbors.

Alleluliah! Thank the good Lord for fences