Wedding Stressed? VENT HERE!!!!

[musey]

Okay, brides. A lot of us are feeling the pressure right now.

So come in, pour yourself a glass of wine, and write a novel on how much everything's stressing you out right now!! It might help release tension, and just seeing it "on paper" (the screen) might help put some things into perspective.

Disclaimer: this is a judge-free zone. We're here to commiserate and support, no judging on others' state of mind!!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Me first? Sure!

I started school this week which is happy and all, but I am tired already.

I am frustrated/stressed about law school applications. And I really want to meet with bakeries for cake tastings, but I have to go home to do that! Which means driving home over an hour which I don''t have time to do right now. Oh and did I mention the bakery I am interested in is within about a week of being booked for my date?! Finding a DJ is kind of a disaster.

My save the dates need some work which is kind of frustrating a bit. I need to e-mail back the florist as well. I wanted an oil bridal portrait, but they are crazy expensive and I don''t like the way it will look compared to all of my other wedding photos. What''s the point of having a really formal one hanging next to all of these photo-journalistic style ones + the outside bridal session from my photog? I think that''ll just look odd and unbalanced. So I am bit disappointed, but oh well. Anyway, I want to get everything squared away ASAP and I am impatient. *sigh*

 

[doodle]

yeah, i''ll bite. i''ve spent the past 48 hours trying to figure out how to let my best friend/ bridesmaid/ unofficial MOH know that i''m upset enough about her bailing on my shower to hit her with the claw end of a hammer, i STILL haven''t put my invites in the mail, my dress is too long and i have to wear 5" heels because it can''t be hemmed but i''m probably going to fall and bust my ascot at some point, and my FI made me resist retail therapy with a pair of red heels that i REALLY loved...oh, and i''m throwing a baby shower and working on three weddings other than my own right now. BUT...i''m marrying a man who will make me a cosmo at 1 am and humors my zappos addiction at least once a month.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Oh.... me.

I honestly after today could just cry.

Our plans have changed SO many times since we started planning around the beginning of July. I feel like it hasn''t even been enough TIME for all of these things to have gone wrong. The good news is that it keeps getting better and better, and our current plans are so amazing and wonderful that I honestly never could have imagined having something so beautiful for my wedding. The bad news is that the better things get the more I seem to be expecting. I can''t figure out what is wrong with me. It''s going to be BETTER than we''d thought, so why am I not 100% happy with everything? Why do I keep looking for ways for it to be better? Why can''t I just let it go?

And why does everything have to be so freaking expensive? I feel like I''m going insane, and I hate how the planning is putting stress on my relationship with FI.

Oh yeah, and to make things even more fun I start school again next week, and there will be no time to plan anything serious for months, yet we have to MAKE time or things will be all booked up.

 

[blinkydoll]

ok i'll Vent

Work has been crazy-- and I am trying to fit in every appointment.
I work with mostly guys-- and they have no clue what kind of stuff I have to do for the wedding...

so I feel like I am being a pain in the you know what everytime I tell them I have an apointment.. or I have to get out early etccc...

I have a hair person now

butttttt... she might not be able to come to me on the day of the wedding

buttttt she may do this for free in exchange for photos of her new salon!

so I can't pass that up!

I HATE having my picture taken--- and today I got back my engagement pics (from our session a few weeks back) from my wonderful photographer... BUT I started to cry-- bec i Hate the way I look sooo bad.., what was I thinking??--- why didn't I elope so I wouldn't have to have every darn camera in my face

I Am Allways behind the camera! I hate being on display and the center of attention--- so i will prob turn beet red of nervousness or embarrassment.... grrrrreattttt My Fi thinks I am being crazy--and i look Beautiful....blah blah blah
but I am having a hard time trying to find an image that i feel I could retouch. maybe I won't use them for anything?---- I can't tell my dad--- he is paying for my photographer. eeek

I have to beg my mom to come to fittings and do wedding stuff with me

I am near begging My best friend to help me finish wedding craftieness --- I am very DIY and I NEED HELP NOW!!!!!!!!!!

OH!!--- and why do people think they can ask me to invite new people to the wedding now??? my dad--"oh I can xerox the invite and send them to this person and that person for you?" UMMMM NOOO... why did you not mention this person and that person when I sent out the save the dates... or when i showed you my list or when i ordered just enough invites and envelopements for my semi DIY invites.....hmmmmmm.... ummmm kinda late ya think? oh yeah did i mention my wedding is in umm 25 days? yup. thats 3 weekends left (thats how i count bec thats when i can get wedding stuff done)

great--- now I have to go to the gym---I Go every night till midnight...

and I work so hard--- and for what?

sorry--- I had a real bad day

thank you for letting me vent

 

[brooklyngirl]

Alright, I''ll bite too. I am so stressed out about this wedding (1/11/09) that for the past 2 weeks I''ve been having nightmares about the wedding. They range from my not having my dress and seeing myself standing on the aisle in some horrid red/violet 80''s dress, my photog taking of pictures of another bride at my wedding, and not having any flowers at the wedding.

Last night I couldn''t fall asleep until 4 am, and I had a good 20 minute cry about this whole thing. I have a laundry list of crap to do, and it''s 4 months until the wedding. Since moving to CA we''ve been trying to unpack and settle in, and every weekend I say I''m going to tackle some of the things on the my list, and it never happens. I''m so frustrated with myself!

We''re going back to NY for a visit within the next month, and I''m going to start hair/makeup trials, and I haven''t even looked at headpieces in person.

In general I feel overwhelmed, and that there is too much to do, and not enough time. Sometimes I regret not having a destination wedding.

So, a big, fat WHINE! from me.

 

[matildawong]

Oh my I was thinking of starting a thread about this topic ... and I never start threads! That's how bad it is (in my head, anyway) right now.

We're getting married on Sept. 25 in VA -- we're in CA, but my parents are in VA and they are fabulous and wonderful and generous and everything else.

My mom and sister have everything covered out there. But it's the details here that are killing me.

I've got pages and pages of 'to do' lists and my head is swimming. I've actually spun myself into a manic phase and so now I can't turn off. I hop out of bed wide awake in the middle of the night worrying. If I do sleep I have nightmares -- many wedding related.

I don't know why but I always thought I'd never be stressed about a wedding. Ours is only 25 people for goodness sakes!

(I'm sorry. I can't even articulate what's going on. Thanks for letting me vent here.)

 

[marchswallowbird]

Wow, hey you guys, **hugs** and hang in there!

 

[noelwr]

grrr... FI found a note in the mailbox that the South African embassy sent him a package he has to sign for. we are expecting it is the letter saying he was never married in SA which is required for us to apply for marriage.

that doesn''t sound bad, but the timing is awful. he requested this at the same time we requested our birth certificates. this letter was supposed to take 5 months to be ready and our certificates 7 months. however, now this letter is done within half the time they said and we still have to wait 5 months for our certificates. all papers can not be older than 6 months when we go apply for marriage.

so now we think not all the papers will be valid at the same time and that he''ll have to rerequest this letter at which point they will probably take the full 5 months to arrange it.

I hate bureaucracy.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Oh dear.

Ok, you already heard about the FI inviting extras.

Other stuff, haven''t talked to one of my BMs in weeks.
Flower girl dress came in wrong color and too small.
Rings may not be ready in time.
Can''t decide on music.
Can''t pick honeymoon destination.

School started back and it is going to kick my a$$
FI still hasn''t got an invite to his close friend Bubba
Tuxs are not ordered.

 

[Shoopy]

Can I vent too even though the wedding is a year away?

I’m having major guest list issues and it makes me realize even more how much I dislike my dad’s family. I don’t want to invite them but have been told by a bunch of people that I have to. So now I have to cut a bunch of people off the list to fit them in. But I already know exactly what is going to happen. They will all RSVP and 4 days before the wedding, I will find out they’re not coming either through me calling them or through the grapevine. So then what do I do? Still pay for their meal but have no one sit in their seat?? That’s crap. The venue we are seriously considering requires a final count 5 days in advance so I can confirm with them then and not pay for it but what about the guests that we cut off of the list? You can’t just invite people to a wedding with 5 days to go. That’ll make them feel unwanted even though they were on the A list. One of the options that my FI threw out there is that maybe we should just invite everyone since I''m pretty sure that my OOT family will not come. Problem is that I''m 99.99% sure they won''t, but what if they do decide to take this opportunity to make an effort in my life??

It''s that .01% of me that is driving me nuts.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay well, yesterday I was a mess, admittedly. I’m better today. I got some sleep last night and that made a difference. Plus I’m working from home tomorrow, so that’s a nice thing to look forward to. NO COMMUTE. I think my co-worker did get fired though. So that means I’m gonna get a boat load of work shoveled over onto me. Wedding stuff is actually probably okay. There are some things to be done, but I talked them through and delegated a few of the things I could. And well… it will happen. Hopefully, I’ll remain sane for the rest of the day. Not promising more than that though. John made a big step toward his goals yesterday, so as long as that deal doesn’t fall through, things might be better for his totals this month. I need to avoid my mom. LOL.

 

[Krissie]

I''ll play.

I''m nervous as hell that my dress won''t be right at my second fitting, which is next Tuesday. I described it on here, but it needed a whole host of intricate alterations. I don''t know what I''ll do if they''ve messed it up.

I hate work right now. I''m overwhelmed, tired and crabby. I''m not sleeping well at night.

My future IL''s are frustrating me. I find them passive aggressive and, at times, judgmental. I do love them, but right now his mum is pulling the "what is proper" routine on a few things, and I''ve about had it.

I''m still trying to lose weight for the wedding. It''s working, but slower than I''d like. And I feel like I can''t lose much more after next Tuesday, because that''s my final fitting (save for a check-up right before the wedding).

I''m upset that some people we love aren''t coming to our wedding. It''s petty of me, but these are people I''d considered true friends, who''ve known about the date since last autumn. I really wanted them to be there, and I assumed they wanted to be there, too.

There are still a lot of things to do. We still have to make the programs, which means we have to decide on readings and songs. That''s overwhelming right now. Also, we need to get all the wedding party gifts. When are we going to have time to do all of this?

I have nasty roots right now, because I decided to wait until right before the wedding to have my hair retouched. Regretting that decision right about now.

Paranoid about what D and I will do for jobs next year. He may need to take an LLM, or else we''ll need to move to NY, in which case I''ll need to find a new job. Don''t need that stress right now.

Witchy bridesmaid continues to annoy the heck out of me. Wish I hadn''t included her in the wedding party.

I think that''s enough for now...

 

[museikchik]

My turn...

Okay so my whole life has been insane for these past couple of months. I have no idea what I was thinking. Don''t ask me why I thought I could work full time, go to school full time, write a Master''s Thesis and plan a wedding. What was I thinking!!! I am stressed out all of the time. My desk at work is a mess (thanks to the million things we have to do), my apartment is a mess, even my car is a mess. It feels like when I try to even out one area of my life the others get completely unbalanced. For example, I start my Advanced Criminalistics class next week which will probably require a lot of my attention. That usually causes my work performance to decrease slightly. Its like a domino effect. I can feel the gray hairs growing on my head. I just wish that I could win the lotto and then I could pay for my wedding, pay for school and not have to work anymore (of course it might help if I played the lotto).

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I just wanted to poor-pitiful-me cry for a bit. I hadn''t slept in 2 days..I am so tired and been having a hard time sleeping. Well last night I went to bed relatively early..FINALLY fall asleep hoping for at least 7 hours. THEN at 5 AM it starts storming. And then our power goes out. So I am WIDE awake.

I fell asleep around 6 or something and woke up at 7 then fell back asleep and woke up at 8:40. Anyway, I am grateful for getting more sleep than the last two nights (which contained 0), but still so tired and exhausted.

Thanks for letting me vent over something silly.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 8/28/2008 9:28:48 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS
I just wanted to poor-pitiful-me cry for a bit. I hadn''t slept in 2 days..I am so tired and been having a hard time sleeping. Well last night I went to bed relatively early..FINALLY fall asleep hoping for at least 7 hours. THEN at 5 AM it starts storming. And then our power goes out. So I am WIDE awake.

I fell asleep around 6 or something and woke up at 7 then fell back asleep and woke up at 8:40. Anyway, I am grateful for getting more sleep than the last two nights (which contained 0), but still so tired and exhausted.

Thanks for letting me vent over something silly.

DITTO TO THIS!!!!!!!!!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 8/28/2008 9:31:30 AM
Author: iwannaprettyone

Date: 8/28/2008 9:28:48 AM

Author: SarahLovesJS

I just wanted to poor-pitiful-me cry for a bit. I hadn''t slept in 2 days..I am so tired and been having a hard time sleeping. Well last night I went to bed relatively early..FINALLY fall asleep hoping for at least 7 hours. THEN at 5 AM it starts storming. And then our power goes out. So I am WIDE awake.

I fell asleep around 6 or something and woke up at 7 then fell back asleep and woke up at 8:40. Anyway, I am grateful for getting more sleep than the last two nights (which contained 0), but still so tired and exhausted.

Thanks for letting me vent over something silly.

DITTO TO THIS!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to send some ((Hugs)) IWPO!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm sorry you all are having sleeping difficulties. It can make you so emotional and cranky, can't it? ((HUGS))

Here's my vent. It's not really a vent. I'm not sure what it is. Today I am not stressed, or okay. I'm just really depressed. Had some stuff happen (NWR) and well, I'm just feeling really down. Somedays I just don't know what I'm doing with my life or what I want (outside of John and the cats).

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Oh my God Gypsy I feel the same way, may I share your vent a tiny bit?

I feel kind of lost lately as well. I know you and I are in different places in our lives, but I am trying to decide what to do with my life after May. I know I''ll be married and that makes me happy because I have at least one piece of stability there..but other than that I am not quite sure what to do and when to do it!

 

[Gypsy]

I've had this feeling for a while now Sarah. 10 years maybe. I think, and have been told, that it is natural to some extent. But there are some days when it really gets me down and all I want to do is drink or cry. Or both. I'm sorry you feel this way too. I hope it goes away quicker for you, and that you find your 'place' sooner rather than later. There are days, like today, I just wish I could quit what I do, and re-invent myself as something else. Contracts are okay, I mean, I'm good at working with them... but I don't like who I am professionally and don't like how it influences me personally. I don't like being so liability concious, so always in the fray, always inthe middle of conflict, always having to find solutions and compromises, yet having to hold firm and push back. I feel like it bleeds into my personal life and I listen to myself and wonder... how did I get here, how did I become this person. There are days, I just don't want to be me anymore. But I also don't know who I want to be. Someone asked me my five year plan, and I thought... not this. I don't want to be doing this. I want a career change. A total change. But it's also hard, financially, to step back from what I do because all things that appeal to me would mean a 50% pay cut. But I think the longer I do this, the more willing I'm going to be to take that step, and do a total change. But it's just something I need to work out and figure out the timing of and plan for.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 8/28/2008 9:48:29 PM
Author: Gypsy
I've had this feeling for a while now Sarah. 10 years maybe. I think, and have been told, that it is natural to some extent. But there are some days when it really gets me down and all I want to do is drink or cry. Or both. I'm sorry you feel this way too. I hope it goes away quicker for you, and that you find your 'place' sooner rather than later. There are days, like today, I just wish I could quit what I do, and re-invent myself as something else. Contracts are okay, I mean, I'm good at working with them... but I don't like who I am professionally and don't like how it influences me personally. I don't like being so liability concious, so always in the fray, always inthe middle of conflict, always having to find solutions and compromises, yet having to hold firm and push back. I feel like it bleeds into my personal life and I listen to myself and wonder... how did I get here, how did I become this person. There are days, I just don't want to be me anymore. But I also don't know who I want to be. Someone asked me my five year plan, and I thought... not this. I don't want to be doing this. I want a career change. A total change. But it's also hard, financially, to step back from what I do because all things that appeal to me would mean a 50% pay cut. But I think the longer I do this, the more willing I'm going to be to take that step, and do a total change. But it's just something I need to work out and figure out the timing of and plan for.

Wow..I am so sorry hun. ((Hugs)) Man I love contracts..and I was considering going into that..wow. I hadn't even thought about all of the stresses involved, it always just seemed so cleancut to me. I am worried about going to law school and then being stuck working because of my $150,000 loans. FI has a good job..but I am also worried about dragging him around the state to maybe a better job and maybe a worse one for me to decide what I want to do.

I want to go to law school..in that I love law and want to learn more about it..but I'm not really sure what I'd do as a lawyer. I want to help people..but that doesn't really pay the bills much. Some govt. jobs pay loans back, but not all of them. And I'd really like to have kids at some point..sigh. Oh well. It'll work out. I think if you can get the timing right..and get a bit of money saved after all of the wedding stuff is over then I say go for it. I am sure John just wants to see you happy, too.

ETA: By go for it I mean reinventing yourself.

 

[jewelerman]

Good..an chance ro vent!
1-been unemployed for 5 months and the jewelry stores ive interviewed with wont hire me because I cant work on Sundays(for religious reasons)Ive interviewed for over a dozen jewelry companies and one even called me...but i must choose between my religious principles and gainful employment.I have sold many pieces of my jewelry collection to meet medical insurance bills and my prized 2.54 carat brilliant diamond is up next.Im tired of not having a kitchen...a year ago the house caught fire and the kitchen has been un-useable...its in the middle of a remodel...and I have been with out a stove or sink for 8 weeks and I need new breaks on my car...thanks for letting me vent...

 

[goldenstar]

Our wedding planner gave us our first two quotes from florists. The one we LOVE is astronomically expensive. I knew they were expensive but I was STILL shocked. Naturally, the one we are lukewarm about fits our budget. So I feel like we are back to square one on florists. There are hundreds out there but I cannot find an affordable one who fits my style. And I thought our flower budget was pretty generous. Its maddening sometimes...

 

[violet02]

Okay I just got home an hour ago from an entire day of wedding errands... I figured we''d get a lot done we''d be done with a lot and that would be a relief... so why am I MORE stressed now then before?? I had to dig up this post to vent... I haven''t actually felt like venting in awhile so I know I''m frustrated.

First off, ditto to what SarahLovesJS said, I actually went two days without sleeping and then had to drive down south to deal with a vendor I didn''t like dealing with and it was irritating and stressful. I actually can''t seem to get to sleep most nights before 7am then I have to try and get up a few hours later and haven''t been doing well. Work has been suffering lately.

Next ditto to museikchik, why did I take two classes and work full time and wedding plan, what was I thinking? I took my final exam friday night for my last class, a class I had a perfect 10/10 on all 9 assignments. I did poorly on the multiple choice exam (I suck at multiple choice, how lame huh?) and got 58% which helped drop my grade from an A to a C. Now I have to do three case studies by Tuesday if I want to boost my grade up. UGH.

Also ditto to Gypsy... and this is something I just can''t dwell on much right now with everything else or I get depressed as well. I''m not sure what the heck I want to do with my life. I hate my job... and it shows... but I don''t want to stop working but I''m not sure what else to do... I''m uninspired right now, taking classes to do something I think I can shift my current job into, but do I want to do that? I should.. and I bet I could but without 100% drive to do it, my work isn''t up to par... I need motivation for SOMETHING.

The wedding costs are stressing me out beyond belief. I''ve never been 100% great with money... my FI is better but he hates dealing with the wedding stuff and bills etc. So as a result I keep this spreadsheet with an accounting of all the money spent which is way over budget... he keeps promising to deal with it and I''m afraid it will spiral out of control... but he has yet to address it fully and it''s starting to freak me out. Week after week he says okay I''ll do it next week... welll we''re just over a month away! The rest of the vendor money is due and I''d prefer not to be freaking out about how to manage it all... that''s one thing he is capable of taking care of but isn''t helping with. I''m worried I''m not estimating funds and costs right and we''ll be in trouble... seriously. I have to address this with him again this weekend but I''m tired of having to keep after him about this.

Most of all the ''nickel and dime'' aspect and over detailed aspect of things really pushed me over the edge today. The idea of DIY is to save money yet every time me or one of my BM''s take on a DIY project the costs seem to go over the top. Today if we were at a store I just wanted to buy whatever piece of fabric or something I needed right there and then instead of driving to another town to try and find some fabric for a few dollars cheaper. I''m tired of the 5000 errands I just want to be done! The list goes on and on, I swear we went to 7 stores today, one of them two different times! Three of them paper stores!!

Lastly I have such a pit in my stomach about some of our BM and GM situations. One of my BM''s is so great, above and beyond the call of duty. A lifesaver. The other one is a good friend but is on a tight budget which I''ve worked with as much as possible and am paying for a lot (posted about this before!). We''re nearing the end now but for example, I say it would be cute to have a feather hair clip.... so she loves this idea and runs with it... we''re at stores today buying feathers all kinds of ideas etc. But then says, well I don''t want to pay for this I''ve already paid plenty for this wedding more than I wanted to spend. Okay... I know people are on a budget... but when this process started I told her many times if you don''t want to do this please don''t feel obligated, if you do give me your price point (she did, I think I''ve kept in it as much as I can). My other BM says I''ve been overly generous... I feel bad because it''s not fair for me to pay for stuff for one BM and not the other... and I''ve had to front money for one BM... with the caveat that she can pay me when she feels she can afford to because I feel guilty for the fact she has to buy a wrap or shoes or something... so then I go over the top and buy them purses, rings, pay for hair/makeup all kinds of things which is totally overspending and contributing to my budget woes... all because I feel like a jerk because people have to do stuff for my wedding or pay money. Which sucks because my man of honor has been nothing but awesome. He''s contributed to my shower, offered to help with everything... never complained once, said he''d wear a beanie or a clown suit or whatever if I asked him to... haha. He''s been great. Oh and my bachelorette party is in LA this weekend and today a week before my BM says she''s not happy about the cost of her hotel room. Why now?? My other BM and I even offered to share a room with the two of us and let four of them split a room to save money.. and she''s like well what if only 3 of us share that room? I''m not happy with that cost.. which then upset my other BM who had planned this.

I mean I''m paying my share of everything, no one is paying anything for my party for me...

Then my FI''s groomsmen have done nothing... so my awesome BM''s hubby who is a friend of mine and an usher has had to step in, help plan the bachelor party... he even sent the best man suggestions of things to book and do in vegas and the best man has done nothing (he lives out of state and says he''s not into vegas...). I helped them book the rooms and make one of the dinner reservations. My friend''s hubby is handling all of the rest. But then the flip side is what is there to really ask them to do? One lives locally, hasn''t offered to do anything... one lives far away and would probably do stuff but he can''t be here. The best man... no clue what the deal is there, other than he has personal issues I guess. My friends have basically stepped in and done a lot of stuff for him instead. So then I feel bad about that...

Anyways I think we''ve gone above and beyond the call of duty for our bridal party... (including gifts, lots of thanks... planning birthday parties for them, sending cards... taking them to dinner and so on...). And some of them for us... but why do I feel so bad all of the time? I wish that people that decide to be in weddings understand what''s involved... and I''m suprised at some who have been in weddings and behave the way they do... and are still in people''s weddings! Bleh I hate feeling terrible all the time about this... and I hope that my main BM knows exactly how awesome she is and how if it wasn''t for her I don''t think I''d make it. I hope that I am conveying that well and I don''t want to keep buying stuff to try and show appreciation... I just hope that shows in my actions.

Okay phew, I just need to unload that somewhere other than on my FI or my best friends who''ve had to be unloaded on so many times.

And jewelerman reading your post made me sad. I''m really sorry to read about your situation. I hope you''re able to find employment. I know how trying at time this can be (have been laid off 3 times in my career!). I''m sorry you''re going through this and I know something like a frivilous ''ohmygod my wedding blah..'' post seems kind of lame in comparison. So at least that puts some things in perspective for me. Best of luck, I mean that wholeheartedly.

 

[violet02]

And yes my post was way too long and no I don''t expect everyone to read it but I do feel better having typed it out.

 

[FrekeChild]

Ok. I'm not a bride--yet. I'm a LIW, and unless something happens relatively quickly, I will be one *forever more*.<--exaggeration

And what's plaguing me--finding a $%#&$*#@%# engagement ring stone. This would have been much longer if I had decided to write last night.

To everyone else that has vented....(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Now to go $#$%*@&#%@ look for another #$%*@!&#$ stone.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Hi Violet, I read your entire post! For you and everyone else who is going through troubles both wedding and non-wedding related, so sorry you are going through all this stress. Planning a wedding should be fun, shouldn''t it?

Instead, we end up with all this stress and strain, and ALL FOR ONE DAY!

For Gypsy and those having career "crises," I feel for you. It is so hard and scary to contemplate making a change that will significantly reduce your income, and take away your feelings of security. My unsolicited advice is that you''re young. You have plenty of time to start over. You do not want to spend your life in this rut, unhappy. It will continue to spill over to all other aspects of your life. Make the commitment to yourself that, within a few months after the wedding, when things settle down a bit, you will get professional career counseling or go back to school or otherwise take steps to change your life.

Jewelerman, stick to your religious principles. I applaud you for doing it so far, at great sacrifice and difficulty to yourself. Can you take a sales job in an unrelated field for a while, just to bring in some income?

Violet, do you have a bridesmaid or your mom or aunt or someone else close to you that can help you get a better handle on your wedding costs/budget, since FI isn''t helping? At the very least, my unsolicited advice is that it sounds like you get carried away on the spur of the moment while out shopping, and you keep adding/buying things because it sounds so beautiful or fun. Then you stress about it later. Try to simplify. Really, truly, your wedding will be awesome even if you don''t have all the do-dads the wedding industry tries to brainwash us into believing we cannot live without.

And, for everyone having trouble sleeping, I highly recommend melatonin. You can buy it anywhere. Melatonin is the substance your body produces naturally to promote sleep, so it''s a natural product, not a sleeping pill. Even if you don''t like taking any sort of sleep aid, at least try it during this time of high stress.

So far, I haven''t had any wedding stress. But, my time may be coming. My FI shared with me the other day that his parents threatened to boycott our wedding if we didn''t invite FI''s uncle.

We are having a very small wedding, and do not have any more room! I was so happy that FI said he calmly told his parents "that is just so unfair," it was their decision and they could do whatever they wanted. I was shocked. This is FI''s second wedding --he has GRANDCHILDREN for God''s sake! His parents have no business sticking their noses into any part of our wedding planning.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/31/2008 12:13:13 PM
Author: marchswallowbird
Hi Violet, I read your entire post! For you and everyone else who is going through troubles both wedding and non-wedding related, so sorry you are going through all this stress. Planning a wedding should be fun, shouldn''t it?

Instead, we end up with all this stress and strain, and ALL FOR ONE DAY!

Yeah even with a wedding planner it''s just too much at times. I guess my problem is I''m such a perfectionist I take on too much. I look at photos of weddings on here that were simple yet really lovely and wonder why I have so much crap going on at my wedding but I knew I wanted a certain type of look so I went for it.

For Gypsy and those having career ''crises,'' I feel for you. It is so hard and scary to contemplate making a change that will significantly reduce your income, and take away your feelings of security. My unsolicited advice is that you''re young. You have plenty of time to start over. You do not want to spend your life in this rut, unhappy. It will continue to spill over to all other aspects of your life. Make the commitment to yourself that, within a few months after the wedding, when things settle down a bit, you will get professional career counseling or go back to school or otherwise take steps to change your life.

This is so true. And by young do you mean below retirement age? I think one day if we move I''ll have more financial room to branch out. Right now it''s like work work work pay pay pay to live in the expensive bay area. I started taking classes to change my career. I have only a couple more to go to be done with my PM certification. I was going to sign up for the next class but it starts the week before the wedding, that''s just crazy. I really want to get it done though. So yes good advice, after the wedding I paln on focusing more on my careeer and career choices. On a fun note a friend of mine and i are going to start a side business making things like invitations etc. We''ve done some amazing stuff already and are doing all the programs, mensu, placecards etc for my wedding. We have a lot of ideas about how to make it more than just some sort of creative card business. So that''s something creative and fun to focus on.

Violet, do you have a bridesmaid or your mom or aunt or someone else close to you that can help you get a better handle on your wedding costs/budget, since FI isn''t helping? At the very least, my unsolicited advice is that it sounds like you get carried away on the spur of the moment while out shopping, and you keep adding/buying things because it sounds so beautiful or fun. Then you stress about it later. Try to simplify. Really, truly, your wedding will be awesome even if you don''t have all the do-dads the wedding industry tries to brainwash us into believing we cannot live without.

No mom or aunt support.. none around. Also we''re about a month out so it''s a bit late to cut back on much now, we''re in the homestretch of paying massive amounts of vendor money out... a bit late in the game unforutnately. We did our best to simplify though. i have over 1k on paper items by doing them ourselves at lesat. Heck more than 1k!

And, for everyone having trouble sleeping, I highly recommend melatonin. You can buy it anywhere. Melatonin is the substance your body produces naturally to promote sleep, so it''s a natural product, not a sleeping pill. Even if you don''t like taking any sort of sleep aid, at least try it during this time of high stress.

I take Lunesta almost daily and I power right through it. I get so wound up at night there''s not much helping knock me out at times.

So far, I haven''t had any wedding stress. But, my time may be coming. My FI shared with me the other day that his parents threatened to boycott our wedding if we didn''t invite FI''s uncle.

We are having a very small wedding, and do not have any more room! I was so happy that FI said he calmly told his parents ''that is just so unfair,'' it was their decision and they could do whatever they wanted. I was shocked. This is FI''s second wedding --he has GRANDCHILDREN for God''s sake! His parents have no business sticking their noses into any part of our wedding planning.

I don''t think parents can help it. My Fi''s parents have butted in and complained quite a bit.. no idea what the deal is there. My parents on the other hand, not a peep luckily... I can''t believe they would boycott over one uncle that''s ridiculous.

Thanks for taking the time to read through and respond!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I have a new vent. I am stressed and frustrated with unnecessary school stuff.

 

[violet02]

Date: 8/31/2008 3:14:47 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
I have a new vent. I am stressed and frustrated with unnecessary school stuff.

Me too! I have to write up three case todays in the next day to make up for my crappy final exam grade. When will it end!!!