Stressed about bridal shower...opinions needed!

[laughwithme]

I am starting to feel some stress about my bridal shower. My MOH emailed me asking about potential dates, and since it will be in May (busy for everyone,) I am feeling the stress of getting this event hammered out.

My aunt has said twice, in passing, that "if we did a shower here, we would do xyz." I always just sorta laugh and don''t say much, because she has never flat-out said, "can I host your shower?"

My future MIL (whom I freaking adore, she is like a second mom) has said things like how she would love a shower centered around wine and cheese, and we could do this wine and that wine, etc. etc. She hasn''t said anything recently, since I mentioned that my aunt may be interested in throwing one.

MOH who is the greatest ever is so up for whatever, she will help anyone and/or give her last dime to throw me a shower. However I have told her that both aunt and MIL have mentioned wanting to throw one, so she understands she needs to be more in helper-mode than host-mode. If her and future MIL paired up, it would be SOO fun and such a blast, since MOH and FMIL know each other well and have a hilarious time.

No one knows my aunt except a couple cousins. Aunt would throw a great party and it would mean a lot to her. She threw my grad party but almost backed out the week prior because it was "so stressful" until Mom called begging her not to cancel. I worry about a similar thing with bridal shower.

Mom lives in CA and can''t make it to the shower, nor help plan. Sister hasn''t said a word about any shower, probably because she thinks MOH is throwing one.

Its such a touchy issue for me because I HATE to seem like I''m asking any one person to host - but I need to figure out time/place soon. FI thinks I should have two, a small one with aunt and a second one where MOH and FMIL plan. FI thinks MOH should call FMIL to plan one. I feel weird having FMIL plan anything since she isn''t on my side, but it is what I WANT. I also don''t love the idea of 2 showers since I think one big one would be more fun and not seem like I''m trying to get multiple gifts from everyone.

I''m at a loss, and stressed about something that should be fun. Thoughts? THANKS!

 

[sunnyd]

Hmmm...I agree with your FI. Have MOH call up FMIL to plan. There''s nothing wrong with having two showers (I did, and it was great! Hehe!). I had one from my mom''s side with her friends, thrown by a friend of hers, then one thrown by my maids, 3 of whom are my now SILs, so it had mostly MIL''s friends. Wow that was a lot of commas, sorry it''s late in the day!

If your aunt wants to throw one, maybe give her a tiny guest list so you don''t feel guilty about getting 2 gifts from people and if it''s smaller, maybe it''s less likely that she''ll stress about it enough to want to cancel (yikes!).

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 12/28/2009 6:08:21 PM
Author:laughwithme

Its such a touchy issue for me because I HATE to seem like I'm asking any one person to host - but I need to figure out time/place soon. FI thinks I should have two, a small one with aunt and a second one where MOH and FMIL plan. FI thinks MOH should call FMIL to plan one. I feel weird having FMIL plan anything since she isn't on my side, but it is what I WANT. I also don't love the idea of 2 showers since I think one big one would be more fun and not seem like I'm trying to get multiple gifts from everyone.

I'm at a loss, and stressed about something that should be fun. Thoughts? THANKS!

Ditto - here in the UK bridal showers are virtually unknown so I don't know the protocol as to who is supposed to organise them. I'm sure your FMIL, aunt and MOH could put their heads together and come up with something. My FMIL is cool so I would have no problem in her being involved in my shower if I were to have one, which I doubt.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I think that you should have 2! A lot of brides I know have a "bridal" shower with the women and then a "couples" shower with friends.

Ask your MOH and FMIL to team up and plan the fun one, and then if your aunt offers to host one, let her do something small and non-stressful.

As far as gifts are concerned, I think that people (when invited to 2 showers) only bring one gift. Or, you could ask for "no gifts, please" at one of the showers.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think you should go with what you want. Your wedding is one of those cases where you get to be a little bit selfish, and its OK, especially since in this instance, you wouldn''t be asking anyone to do anything they don''t want to do.

It sounds like what you want is the shower hosted by FMIL, planned by her and your MOH, so I think that''s what you should do. If you are worried about hurting aunt''s feelings, go ahead and sent her a nice, heartfelt note saying that it really means a lot to you that she was willing to host, and that you''re really looking forward to including her in the wedding planning in other ways. If she is a very important person in your life, put some thought into what those other ways could be. Could she be in charge of a specific aspect of the shower (such as favors) to be coordinated with MOH and FMIL? Could she have a specific role in the wedding ceremony, like a reading or similar? I think if you can let her know she is important to you, and make a gesture to demonstrate it, she is unlikely to be offended about the shower hostess situation, and you will get the shower you want.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 12/28/2009 6:17:37 PM
Author: sunnyd
Hmmm...I agree with your FI. Have MOH call up FMIL to plan. There's nothing wrong with having two showers (I did, and it was great! Hehe!). I had one from my mom's side with her friends, thrown by a friend of hers, then one thrown by my maids, 3 of whom are my now SILs, so it had mostly MIL's friends. Wow that was a lot of commas, sorry it's late in the day!

If your aunt wants to throw one, maybe give her a tiny guest list so you don't feel guilty about getting 2 gifts from people and if it's smaller, maybe it's less likely that she'll stress about it enough to want to cancel (yikes!).

I like this idea.

I had two showers -- My mom and one of her friends planned one and they invited my friends and our family friends (my family is spread throughout the country and couldn't come). My MIL held a shower for me at a restaurant and she invited my husband's side of the family.

I'd try to get involved as little as possible. Like Sunny suggested, maybe give a small list to your aunt and then let her take care of things.