Starting to think about maybe having a baby, some day!

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 11/6/2007 12:11:00 PM
Author: littlelysser

Date: 10/31/2007 3:34:16 PM

Author: DivaDiamond007


I also feel sort of like I betrayed myself because I never really thought that I''d have children. Before I met my husband I was convinced that motherhood just wasn''t for me but something changed earlier this year and I''m not sure what it was. Something in the water maybe

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~Jess~

I completely understand what you are saying. I NEVER wanted kids. NEVER. My friends were absolutely shocked when I told them about my change of heart. I so didn''t want kids. DID NOT WANT. But now, well, I think I do. Or at least A kid. Maybe a second. DH is a big part of why. He''s a great man, partner, and well, I know he would be a wonderful parent to a child. And I guess I''ve also realized that I could actually be a good mother.


Kind of referring to what Tgal said about being a good parent. I believe I could be. The thought of it is kind of exciting! So yeah...


I understand...but whatever it is, I had a drink of that water too. Definitely not ''there'' yet, but getting way closer than I ever thought I would.

Wow I think that water has something contagious in it. I''ve been in the firm NO camp for basically as long as I can remember, and DH and I were pretty much on the same page in terms of probably no from the time we got engaged. I''m very ambitious and I want a successful career, as does he. I want to travel and spend money and enjoy each other and I honestly just never saw kids fitting into that. I didn''t grow up around babies (in fact, they kind of make me nervous), and kids annoy me more than anything else. OK, I''ll admit it, they annoy me a lot ::hangs head in shame for admitting this::

Anyway, I help out at dog agility classes (among other things) at my local dog shelter. Agility is a a very vigorous and athletic dog sport - sort of an obstacle course for the dog, with the owner running around directing the dog through the various obstacles. There was this couple that had been in the class since I started volunteering. They are probably in their mid-thirties, maybe a little older. They had a rescue dog who had had serious fear issues and the agility really helped build confidence, and they were/are thinking of competing with her. I really admired the woman of the couple - she was there every week, very athletic and commanding in her presence, intensely committed to her dog, and clearly smart and successful. Well, it turns out she was pregnant at that time although I didn''t know it. She just gave birth about a week ago to a little boy, and her, her husband, and the baby all showed up to agility class this past weekend after giving birth. Of course she couldn''t run her dog, but she was there, with the baby, cheering on her dog and her husband. Something about that just clicked it for me - the baby was so tiny (and quiet!), she seemed so blissfully happy, and yet she clearly hadn''t given up her previous commitments and was maintaining her lifestyle in really important ways. The whole family was just incredibly happy and serene, and I started to get a strange twinge watching them interact. This is literally the first time in my whole life I''ve ever felt any amount of desire for a child of my own. I don''t know if it was seeing that it can be done while still being and doing many of the things I want to be and do, or if it was the newness of the baby (although that''s doubtful since I used to volunteer in a maternity ward in high school), or what.

Of course, the next morning I went to the gym and had to fight off the urge to yell at the woman who set her squalling child down next to where I was changing and ignored it completely while its crying escalated into a full-blown temper tantrum...

Anyway, that got kind of long and I''m not sure it has a point, per say, but I wanted to share and also to thank all of you for your insights on this thread. Reading it was very reassuring that what I''m feeling/thinking is completely normal. I''m at a somewhat earlier stage than many others - I''m only 25, and I have to finish my PhD at least and probably get a couple of years of work under my belt before we''d even begin to be in a position financially and otherwise to have kids, but it really really helps to read what others are going through and thinking about.

 

[Mara]

as we have been mulling over the big question that everyone is discussing here, lately we have been asking ourselves if we would regret later letting this opportunity pass us by. that is becoming more and more what we are thinking about. bottom line is i know we''d make great parents, we are wonderful dog parents and while i know that a dog isn''t a child, there are some really similar elements and i just know we''d be great parents in more ways than one. but we love our lives the way they are...and while we feel like having a child would enrich it most likely, we just aren''t ready yet. we have been talking about maybe trying in the next 6 months but i think we are both still skittish. on our vacation we joked around about throwing caution to the wind at least once to see if anything happened but we were both chicken hahaa.

like the other gals, around us a lot of people are starting to have kids. so of course you think about it more. i figure for now we just will keep thinking about it and looking at other people around us and reading posts like this and then one day we might know yes or no. hehe.

 

[sumbride]

I really need to stop reading all these posts about babies. It''s getting to me. DH and I are both FIRMLY in the "NO WAY IN HE**" Camp. I can''t stand the children I see in public. Hate them. They are so loud and annoying! My friends have darling kids, of course, but they also have no life anymore. We like our life, we already have 6 nieces and 2 nephews, etc... etc... etc... And then I read all these tales of people changing their minds.... Scares the heck out of me.

Last night DH said he heard something about BCP causing a higher likelihood of clogged arteries. I said "well, something is going to kill me someday..." I guess I got it in my head that he was worried about me taking BCPs, and it bled into my dreams. I woke up this morning to tell DH that I had a dream/nightmare that HE had decided he actually DID want to have a baby, and he wanted to have it SOON. I was arguing with him in the dream about it.... I said "yeah, so and so''s kid is cute, but there''s no guarantee we will have a "perfect" baby and are you really ready for it if we DIDN''T have a perfect baby?" I woke up frustrated after trying to talk him out of it. He assured me that no, he didn''t want to have a baby, along with the caveat "if we ever did, I don''t want it soon." We always say "if we ever do..." I think it''s to allow for accidents or something... or changing our minds... Seriously, now I''m scared he''s going to want them and I still won''t. Or vice versa.

I really feel more like AlJDewey. Her sentiments echoed with me. It''s enough for me to be in the lives of the kids around me. I don''t need to have my own. I guess I just worry that DH and I won''t stay on the same page in the future, even though we have been since we met.

 

[Lorelei]

I knew when I was a tiny child that I wasn''t meant to be a Mother. Of course, when I married it was discussed, but my HTB was of a similar mindset that children weren''t to be part of our future. 21 years later we are still very at peace with our decision, and we have all our furry babies to keep us busy instead!

 

[Pandora II]

It is such a dilemma for women of our generation I think.

I have never been in the least bit maternal, and find most very small children a PITA to be honest. The sound of babies crying also drives me bonkers, although my mother says it's different when they are yours!

Our life is pretty good now and is likely to get better in the near future, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to give it all up.

Having graduated from pythons that eat and poop once a month to hedgehogs which eat once a day and endlessly poop, that thought of a creature that eats and poops endlessly - and makes a lot of noise - rather terrifies me!

I'm now 35, and will be 36 by the time I get married, which means decision making time is starting to creep up on me. The earliest we could potentially start trying would be Spring 2009 which will make me nearly 37 and I still feel that is too soon for me. I want to enjoy just being married for a while...

I also worry about my bipolar disorder which makes me very high risk for postnatal depression and scotches any chance of ever adopting; the huge quantities of drugs that I take and can't come off even if I do get preggo (they're category C so potentially not a huge risk), the birth considering I have had 5 lots of surgery on my back and a chronic pain condition due to nerve damage that makes me much more sensitive to ordinary pain.

Add to that, maternity leave in the UK is a year - but your salary drops a lot during that year. Childcare is not great in this country and none of our relations live anywhere near us. None of the women I know with kids work, they all stay at home, so I have no idea how you get a work/home/kids balance.

Wow, am I talking myself out of it here! all of this said, I think we'd be pretty good parents.

But FI and I wonder if we'll look round at 50 when all our friends have kids and wonder why we didn't. I don't think it will be possible for us to make a consious choice, I've talked it over at length with my GP and he has been very understanding having been in the same position with his wife a few years ago - he said there will never be a 'right' time so not to wait for it to happen, but just make a choice for our long-term future desires and let it happen.

I have a feeling we'll just decide to play russian roulette at some point and if it happens, well then it was meant to happen and we'll cope with it!