WhatWouldYouDo
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2010
- Messages
- 4
I''m jumping on the bandwagon with going PS-Incognito, as I really need some help with a personal situation and don''t feel comfortable discussing it with anyone IRL.
I met my spouse when we were young, and while I was pretty straight-edge he was a total stoner. His habit took a major toll on our relationship, but I kept quiet as we were young and ''who knew'' what the future held. At the turning point of our relationship my opinion of his pot habit came out in the open- he was high way too much, and negligent when high, and if we were to proceed I needed to know he would leave the stoner lifestyle behind. And he did.
He still smoked occasionally, which I was completely okay with. It was away from home, never on our property, and pretty infrequent. In fact, I am somewhat in the pot-is-safer-than-alcohol camp. My issue with weed is the illegal nature (even though decriminalization is becoming more common on a state-by-state basis) and my husband''s lack of control when using. Both of our jobs would be gone in an instant with a positive drug test or upon finding pot in our home. He doesn''t have a "weed card" for medicinal use, and has no medicinal need for it.
And then this afternoon, out of nowhere, he comes home with a bong. I didn''t flip out on him, but told him we needed to talk about it... I explained that I don''t care if he smokes outside of our home, but I just cannot accept it in our house/on our property. He thinks I''m unreasonable for wanting to deprive him of something he''s enjoyed for most of his teen and adult life, and insists I need to compromise. I told him my compromise was allowing him to smoke, on occasion, elsewhere. He disagrees. I told him that if he thinks I''m joking, he''s insane... but it''s sort of an empty threat. Until it''s 100% legal I can''t bear to live in a house with it, and even then, I''m not sure I would trust his ability to resist smoking on a daily basis... but if he disrespects my requests and does it anyway, I don''t know what I will do.
It doesn''t help that we have fun, successful friends and family that smoke without consequence and have not yet suffered legal ramifications because of their use. However, I can''t bring myself to take the risk they''re taking (as small a risk as it may be).
Any insight? Advice? Am I being crazy? Is there a better way to approach my husband about this without it turning into an argument?
I met my spouse when we were young, and while I was pretty straight-edge he was a total stoner. His habit took a major toll on our relationship, but I kept quiet as we were young and ''who knew'' what the future held. At the turning point of our relationship my opinion of his pot habit came out in the open- he was high way too much, and negligent when high, and if we were to proceed I needed to know he would leave the stoner lifestyle behind. And he did.
He still smoked occasionally, which I was completely okay with. It was away from home, never on our property, and pretty infrequent. In fact, I am somewhat in the pot-is-safer-than-alcohol camp. My issue with weed is the illegal nature (even though decriminalization is becoming more common on a state-by-state basis) and my husband''s lack of control when using. Both of our jobs would be gone in an instant with a positive drug test or upon finding pot in our home. He doesn''t have a "weed card" for medicinal use, and has no medicinal need for it.
And then this afternoon, out of nowhere, he comes home with a bong. I didn''t flip out on him, but told him we needed to talk about it... I explained that I don''t care if he smokes outside of our home, but I just cannot accept it in our house/on our property. He thinks I''m unreasonable for wanting to deprive him of something he''s enjoyed for most of his teen and adult life, and insists I need to compromise. I told him my compromise was allowing him to smoke, on occasion, elsewhere. He disagrees. I told him that if he thinks I''m joking, he''s insane... but it''s sort of an empty threat. Until it''s 100% legal I can''t bear to live in a house with it, and even then, I''m not sure I would trust his ability to resist smoking on a daily basis... but if he disrespects my requests and does it anyway, I don''t know what I will do.
It doesn''t help that we have fun, successful friends and family that smoke without consequence and have not yet suffered legal ramifications because of their use. However, I can''t bring myself to take the risk they''re taking (as small a risk as it may be).
Any insight? Advice? Am I being crazy? Is there a better way to approach my husband about this without it turning into an argument?