joflier
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2007
- Messages
- 3,504
I''m having a holiday vent moment. Splittting holiday time between our families.
DH and I are having a disagreement (mildly put) about spending time with who on Christmas (and xmas eve). Bear in mind, both our families live within 1/2 an hour of our home. Usually for the holidays, we''ve been splitting the days. We got to my family for lunch time and leave in the early afternoon - usually after about 2-3 hours. And then we go to his family gathering for the remainder of the afternoon and evening, usually leaving around 10 or 11 at night.
Ok. So it started with this - He told his mother that we were going to spend Christmas eve with his family. At OUR house. But (there''s always a but) he forgot to tell me about this. I feel like that''s kinda important. I don''t really like someone deciding who we''re going to spend Christmas eve with (and that we''re hosting it) without a conversation first. I think that''s rude and inconsiderate, and I said as much.
Ok. So that started our "disagreement". I said fine. We can do that. I''m not happy about the way you went about this. But that''s ok. But then I would like spend the majority of Christmas day with my family. Not just lunch time. I want to stay the whole day and into the evening. And then maybe around 8 or so, if his family is still together, we can drop by for an hour or two. Well no. He started going off about how he doesn''t enjoy my family, and starts bringing up every quote I''ve ever said over the last 7 years about how I supposedly don''t either. Most of these quotes were being taken so far out of context and were something I was saying in the heat of a moment vent about my family, that we all have from time to time. I love my family, and I enjoy being with them. Period. And he really does enjoy my family for the most part. We go over there for dinner with my mom and dad quite frequently, and he enjoys that time very much. Then he goes on to say, that he can''t imigane not seeing the look of joy on his ailing grandmother''s face as she opens her gifts on Christmas day. Well, she''s not really ailing. She has bad knees, so she doesn''t get around the best, but otherwise, she''s in fine health. Secondly, he and the other men in the family usually head downstairs to visit and do their own men thing while the older women in the family open gifts. He doesn''t even stick around for that. What a crock of an arguement. This is a little shortened of what all has transpired, but you get the general idea. I just feel like his arguement is just manipulative and selfish.
My parents feel hurt, because every holiday, he''s kinda pushing us out the door after dinner to get to his family. And they can see that, and feel that he doesn''t care for them and want to spend time with them. And my mom was on the phone all emotional with me because of it. And I don''t blame her. They''ve gotten jipped on spending time with us in reguards to the holidays. He has always favored his family. That''s not anything new, but its just coming to a head right now. Its not even something we can have a decent conversation about. He just automatically gets super defensive, and his family (extended, not just the parents and siblings) can just do no wrong.
Do any of you have a difficult time with splitting holiday time? Any solutions that you''ve found? I just am at a loss right now. I feel like he just doesn''t have any respect for my feelings when it comes to families.
DH and I are having a disagreement (mildly put) about spending time with who on Christmas (and xmas eve). Bear in mind, both our families live within 1/2 an hour of our home. Usually for the holidays, we''ve been splitting the days. We got to my family for lunch time and leave in the early afternoon - usually after about 2-3 hours. And then we go to his family gathering for the remainder of the afternoon and evening, usually leaving around 10 or 11 at night.
Ok. So it started with this - He told his mother that we were going to spend Christmas eve with his family. At OUR house. But (there''s always a but) he forgot to tell me about this. I feel like that''s kinda important. I don''t really like someone deciding who we''re going to spend Christmas eve with (and that we''re hosting it) without a conversation first. I think that''s rude and inconsiderate, and I said as much.
Ok. So that started our "disagreement". I said fine. We can do that. I''m not happy about the way you went about this. But that''s ok. But then I would like spend the majority of Christmas day with my family. Not just lunch time. I want to stay the whole day and into the evening. And then maybe around 8 or so, if his family is still together, we can drop by for an hour or two. Well no. He started going off about how he doesn''t enjoy my family, and starts bringing up every quote I''ve ever said over the last 7 years about how I supposedly don''t either. Most of these quotes were being taken so far out of context and were something I was saying in the heat of a moment vent about my family, that we all have from time to time. I love my family, and I enjoy being with them. Period. And he really does enjoy my family for the most part. We go over there for dinner with my mom and dad quite frequently, and he enjoys that time very much. Then he goes on to say, that he can''t imigane not seeing the look of joy on his ailing grandmother''s face as she opens her gifts on Christmas day. Well, she''s not really ailing. She has bad knees, so she doesn''t get around the best, but otherwise, she''s in fine health. Secondly, he and the other men in the family usually head downstairs to visit and do their own men thing while the older women in the family open gifts. He doesn''t even stick around for that. What a crock of an arguement. This is a little shortened of what all has transpired, but you get the general idea. I just feel like his arguement is just manipulative and selfish.
My parents feel hurt, because every holiday, he''s kinda pushing us out the door after dinner to get to his family. And they can see that, and feel that he doesn''t care for them and want to spend time with them. And my mom was on the phone all emotional with me because of it. And I don''t blame her. They''ve gotten jipped on spending time with us in reguards to the holidays. He has always favored his family. That''s not anything new, but its just coming to a head right now. Its not even something we can have a decent conversation about. He just automatically gets super defensive, and his family (extended, not just the parents and siblings) can just do no wrong.
Do any of you have a difficult time with splitting holiday time? Any solutions that you''ve found? I just am at a loss right now. I feel like he just doesn''t have any respect for my feelings when it comes to families.