Speaking of girl soon vs. boy soon.....

[goldengirl]

What IS soon, to you girls? I think of "soon" as in, the next six months. "Pretty soon" is 6 months to a year out. (At least in terms of big planned events like this. If I''m, say, going to the doctor "soon", that would of course be different.)

Example: I was talking to a work friend of mine and I said I wanted to get married "soon". She asked if we had discussed any dates and I said yes, we were thinking of September 2006. She had a minor freak-out and exclaimed, "That''s not SOON, September THIS YEAR is soon!!" I just replied, "No, September THIS YEAR is ''I don''t have enough time to plan it.'' "

Especially if you think about it like this: If we want to get married September 06, and I need about a year to plan the wedding, we''ll be getting engaged in (you guessed it!) the next six months. *I* thought that was "soon". Kyle, when I relayed this story, agreed with me that that qualified as "soon". (I told him that some girls define "soon" as "next week" and he about had heart failure, lol.)

SO: define "soon"!

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

lol, well, always one to be controversial my ''guy'' definition of ''soon'' is - at the very most - a month

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think that boy soon and girl soon are totally subjective terms. That said, I think that boy soon is almost always longer than girl soon. And sometimes, reading the posts on here, I think there is an inverse relationship between a particularl girl''s "girl soon" and her bf''s "boy soon" - i.e. the sooner she wants to get engaged, the longer he will take to propose.

Also, GG, I feel you on the other peoples'' definition of soon being way too little time to plan. Whenever people ask me about it and I say we are thinking of sometime Spring ''07, they get this sort of disappointed, that doesn''t mean your getting married soon kind of look, like how could anyone possibly need that much time to plan a wedding - um, hello, I''m a graduate student and I work 12-14 hours a day a lot of days, and I will be planning two different ceremonies and receptions on opposite coasts, so I think 2 years+ is not unreasonable at all, especially considering that I have very little idea what I want from my wedding and feel like I have a ton to learn and research in order to plan a wedding.

Anyway, bottom line is that I think girl soon and boy soon mean something different to everyone. I am hoping that for me that means by my birthday (March 27th) will qualify as both boy soon and girl soon, since the ring should be assembled two weeks from yesterday...but knowing boys it may wait longer than that...

 

[mrssalvo]

Hi Golden Girl,
I'm already married but I thought I would jump in. My hubby proposed in April 2000, we didn't set a date until June 2000 and we were married in sept. of 2000. It only took me 3 months to plan the wedding. my sister got engaged last march and was married last Nov. so you may not need an entire year unless you want one. I always said I would not wait and entire year, once i was engaged we're going full speed ahead.

i do want to add I was 27, out of school and working full time, if i would have still been in school when we got engaged I woul have waited until I finished and we were "stable" before we got married.

I think "soon" is a few weeks. Hubby would say it means a few months..

 

[elepri]

Hmm, i first started thinking we should get engaged soon in December. To me "soon" meant by April for some reason (I guess because it was our anniversary). To him "soon" apparently meant July, so three months later, which is when he officially proposed. The unofficial proposal came in June though and it took another three weeks or so to get the ring (we shopped for it together). So not a really big difference. As for planning a wedding, we're getting married in May so it's a 10-month engagement. It's only now starting to feel that it's soon. For my fiance it's not soon enough, he just wants me to stop obsessing about it already!

 

[Munchkin]

Well, with absolutely nothing scientific to back up my opinion, nor any previous experience with getting engaged

... I think that "girl soon" for engagements means anywhere from 2-6 months. I think "boy soon" is closer to within a year.
Munchkin

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 2/27/2005 2:45:57 PM
Author: mrssalvo
Hi Golden Girl,

I''m already married but I thought I would jump in. My hubby proposed in April 2000, we didn''t set a date until June 2000 and we were married in sept. of 2000. It only took me 3 months to plan the wedding. my sister got engaged last march and was married last Nov. so you may not need an entire year unless you want one. I always said I would not wait and entire year, once i was engaged we''re going full speed ahead.

i do want to add I was 27, out of school and working full time, if i would have still been in school when we got engaged I woul have waited until I finished and we were ''stable'' before we got married.


I think ''soon'' is a few weeks. Hubby would say it means a few months..

I do want a whole year, or close to it, to plan; partly because I''ll be planning it from 2000 miles away, partly because I expect I''ll be paying for a good portion of it, and partly because I really want to take the time to enjoy the experience... since I only intend to experience it once.

Amber, that''s just brilliant!! re:the inverse formula. LOL!! So true!!

DG, aren''t you supposed to be flying out to see your sweetie "soon"??

 

[teebee]

Date: 2/27/2005 2:45:57 PM
Author: mrssalvo
Hi Golden Girl,
I''m already married but I thought I would jump in. My hubby proposed in April 2000, we didn''t set a date until June 2000 and we were married in sept. of 2000. It only took me 3 months to plan the wedding. my sister got engaged last march and was married last Nov. so you may not need an entire year unless you want one. I always said I would not wait and entire year, once i was engaged we''re going full speed ahead.

i do want to add I was 27, out of school and working full time, if i would have still been in school when we got engaged I woul have waited until I finished and we were ''stable'' before we got married.

I think ''soon'' is a few weeks. Hubby would say it means a few months..

Wow. I''m impressed Mrssalvo!! I couldn''t pull it off in 3 months. We will end up having a 16 month engagement. I''m 31 and he''s 32 and even though I''ve recently returned to school afer a 10-year haitus, I think we''re pretty stable and settled. I guess a lot of it depends on what kind of wedding one wants to have, where one wants to have it, and who''s paying for it. In my case, I have my heart set on a specific chapel that is already booked for almost all of this year and I want a spring wedding so that leaves me with next spring. Plus, we are paying for almost all of the wedding so I wanted to be able to spread the expenses out over time... And, I''m a basketcase if I feel rushed so I think I would lose it if I had to make it all come together that quickly. That being said, I''ve had friends plan some really beautiful weddings in under 6 months so I know it can be done, just not sure if it could be done by me!!!

GG ~ as for the "girl" soon vs. "boy" soon... I also think that a couples specific situation comes into play a bit. For example, as I''ve entered my 30''s, it seems that my definition of "soon" becomes shorter and shorter!! In this context I think my definition is about 2 or 3 months. Like, once we''re married and people start hounding us about when we''re going to have kids, I can see myself saying that "we''re going to start trying soon" as in, we wouldl probably start trying in the next 2 or 3 months. And, if I were to say "after a while" in response to the same question I would probably mean somewhere around 6 months.

 

[Layne]

In my case Boy soon was earlier than girl soon.

Nov 1999, we meet.
May 2000, start dating (but don''t see eachother much over the summer due to previously planned trips, etc).
August 2000, start dating exclusively.
Dec 31, 2000, "i love you"
Jan 2001, first mention of marriage, brought up by him.
intermittently talk about getting married, not too seriously.
July 2001, he tells me he wants to get married in May 2002. I''m freaked out and say no way. Yes, I know I want to marry him but I didn''t think he meant so soon! Eventually, when we are older, yes. Seriously, it just never crossed my mind that he meant it in terms of what I would call the immediate future. I can tell he is confused by my reaction. We decide maybe Dec 2002.
August 2001, Two of his brothers get engaged and I get the wedding fever. The set the dates for May 2002 and Dec 2002.
Of course hearing that his brother is getting married in Dec 2002 I know we must delay the date we discussed (out of respect). (i find out later he doesn''t think it means we should delay). So I also think this will delay our engagement- at least until after the May 2002 wedding- which I am more than okay with, again, I think is respectful.
Jan 2002 we look at rings- casually. I later find out that he had already ordered my ring!
Feb 2002, while in his living room, I close my eyes and hold out my hand for what I think will be late valentines present- maybe earrings, a necklace? I feel him slip the ring on my finger. My mind is racing. What? It can''t be happening yet! Maybe it isn''t really an engagement ring. What the heck do I say? I keep my eyes shut hoping for extra time. In the 3 seconds I have to respond I actually think of saying, "not yet". But think better of it because I know that could ruin our relationship. We tentatively plan the wedding for May 2003.
September 2002, another brother gets engaged, date set for Jan 2003.
May 2003, our wedding.

Soon varied alot between him and me- and I learned it also varied between his brothers and their wives.

 

[MelissaSue]

for me soon means like.. THIS month.. well for when I was waiting for the ering.. For a wedding, thats different since they take time to plan.

For my fiance.. I truly believe that in his head his time frame for soon was about the same as mine.. but he just wasn''t so proactive at MAKING things happen. Lol.. leave it to him to procrastinate even a proposal. Whenever I asked him when we were going to get engaged the answer was always soon.. and as many of you know, when i pryed further, he always said by the end of whatever month it was.. It just took about three of those months for it to finally happen! So I guess for him.. soon was whenvever he got around to it!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 2/27/2005 8:49:23 PM
Author: teebee

Date: 2/27/2005 2:45:57 PM

Author: mrssalvo

Hi Golden Girl,

I''m already married but I thought I would jump in. My hubby proposed in April 2000, we didn''t set a date until June 2000 and we were married in sept. of 2000. It only took me 3 months to plan the wedding. my sister got engaged last march and was married last Nov. so you may not need an entire year unless you want one. I always said I would not wait and entire year, once i was engaged we''re going full speed ahead.

i do want to add I was 27, out of school and working full time, if i would have still been in school when we got engaged I woul have waited until I finished and we were ''stable'' before we got married.


I think ''soon'' is a few weeks. Hubby would say it means a few months..

Wow. I''m impressed Mrssalvo!! I couldn''t pull it off in 3 months. We will end up having a 16 month engagement. I''m 31 and he''s 32 and even though I''ve recently returned to school afer a 10-year haitus, I think we''re pretty stable and settled. I guess a lot of it depends on what kind of wedding one wants to have, where one wants to have it, and who''s paying for it. In my case, I have my heart set on a specific chapel that is already booked for almost all of this year and I want a spring wedding so that leaves me with next spring. Plus, we are paying for almost all of the wedding so I wanted to be able to spread the expenses out over time... And, I''m a basketcase if I feel rushed so I think I would lose it if I had to make it all come together that quickly. That being said, I''ve had friends plan some really beautiful weddings in under 6 months so I know it can be done, just not sure if it could be done by me!!!

GG ~ as for the ''girl'' soon vs. ''boy'' soon... I also think that a couples specific situation comes into play a bit. For example, as I''ve entered my 30''s, it seems that my definition of ''soon'' becomes shorter and shorter!! In this context I think my definition is about 2 or 3 months. Like, once we''re married and people start hounding us about when we''re going to have kids, I can see myself saying that ''we''re going to start trying soon'' as in, we wouldl probably start trying in the next 2 or 3 months. And, if I were to say ''after a while'' in response to the same question I would probably mean somewhere around 6 months.

Teebee, you bring up very good points. I chose to have an outdoor wedding at a local historic mansion. Just about everything was included in the rentel and we had an on site reception. i just had to line up a few things. if we had wanted to get married at our chruch or some other extremely popular venue it would have been at least a year just to find an available date.

Golden Girl- you are very right about enjoying just being engaged. it does go by fast and you should cherish every minute.

 

[cute330xigrl]

I just asked Dre his definition of "soon" of which he replied 12 months. If this is any indication as to when I'll recieve "it"... omgosh so help me. lol!
My definition of soon is 6months.

 

[Erin]

I just imagine Mark on the computer doing something for work while I am cleaning the house. So I call his attention and ask if he''s going to help me. He lifts his head a little without removing his eyes from the screen and replies, ''Soon.'' Maybe he just has to download one more thing, that''s my definition of soon. Two hours later I''ve guilted him into helping me fold towels because soon to him meant after his computer project is finished which always takes longer than he estimates.

Maybe for guys ''soon'' is just something you say to pacify someone without having any realistic idea of any timeframe. They know ''soon'' means absolutely nothing - it just buys them time to not talk about it and not make any real immediate action. Kind of like Mark really trying to avoid housecleaning. He knows he should, but just not now. Gosh, I probably sound jaded.

 

[eks6426]

Girl soon vs boy soon depends on the situation. I cannot imagine too many men coming down to the TV 2 hours later when they''ve been informed the big Nascar race, superbowl or Final 4 game is about to start.....Boy soon in this case means, "As soon as I can grab my beer...or better yet, "honey why don''t you get the snacks while I get ready so I don''t miss a minute." At the same time, when a couple is out shopping and the girl answers "soon" to the "when are we going to be done shopping question"...she might mean, "after I have looked at nearly every store then go back to the first one to get those fabulous shoes."

My fiance (not sure what to call him here since we''ve agreed to get married and set the date but I still don''t have a ring!) tells me I am the most calender oriented person he has met...to him decisions aren''t about dates on calenders but more about making the people involved feel good and creating an event to remember. I''m looking at the calender thinking, we picked a date July 3, 2005...he''s had the ring for a few weeks now....we need to get MOVING....but he is still trying to figure out how to do that "perfect proposal." I''m thinking my couch would be just fine......My girl soon knows that 127 days and counting down is not much time to plan a wedding!

 

[fountainfairfax]

for me, "engagement soon" is in within 3 months...for him it''s within the year! how frustrating!!!

we have already agreed that we are doing a "planned elopement" in October 2006, and we have an omc I inherited as our e-ring stone but we need a setting and I need a proposal!!! money is soooo tight right now that all we do is look on-line at settings and shock each other with our different tastes (although we both LOVE the Vatche X prong, which is another story- will it look as nice with an omc, is the color too warm for platinum, blah, blah, blah- decisions, decisions)

if October (!) 2005 comes and goes and we still haven''t made it official I may lose my mind "girl soon"

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

DG, aren''t you supposed to be flying out to see your sweetie ''soon''??

no

it seems as though it is going to be more like "boy soon" than "girl soon"

 

[Buena Girl]

This is a tough one

If I knew my b/f had purchased a ring or had saved up enough $$ to buy a ring, then I would think "soon" would be 3-6 months.

In my case, b/f is in the early stages of saving up money for a ring, so "soon" could be anywhere from 6-18 months. I wouldn''t think it would be longer than 18 months, but with skyrocketing prices for everything from gasoline to diamonds, it''s really hard to say.

However, if someone said they were getting married "soon", then I would think "soon" could be anything from a few days away up to a year away.

 

[windy1365]

Soon to me is a week or two, but I am the most impatient person in the world. We have had a 14 month engagement, and it has just creeped by!!! I would much rather have had a six month long engagement, but our wedding is expensive, so it has taken this long to save up and pay for it... so it ended up working out for the best.

The big day is April 30th... nine weeks away.

 

[twinkletoes]

My soon would be in the next 2-3 months. Ok no, just 2 months. LOL

 

[icekid]

soon = we may start looking for my stone! i think bf is going to email mark t. this week possibly (he wants to be in charge... ha! boys..), as we''re planning on making a little trip to NYC in a week and a half!!!

 

[allycat0303]

I find this funny, my boyfriend said to me, " You know, we're getting engaged soon." And I said, "What do you mean?" He said "Well in two years." And I said, " Soon is April 2005, not April 2007" So there you go. I got first hand proof that the word "soon" means totally different things to girls and guys.

 

[snow_happy]

Ok so yesterday when I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone he mentioned that my ring wouldn''t be in "soon".

Let me tell you...the first thing I thought of was this thread. .. WHAT IS SOON!?! So I asked him and he said "soon" was a month or less. By then I had forgotten what he initally said and my twisted mind told me I would get the ring "soon". CRAZY? Yes definitely.

So I said WHOA within a month?! (i.e. our Tahoe trip!) And my boyfriend then clarified that he said it wouldn''t be "soon" so I don''t have to be anxious for the next month. great.

BUT he said it would be before his sister''s wedding in August.

By the way.. I''m 99% sure he''s not trying to "throw me off track" because he seemed really sad about not having the ring by then.

I told him I''m just neurotic because I''m excited about getting the ring and the proposal and he assured me he''s just as anxious and excited! How sweet is that!

I''m sure August will be here sooner than I know right? *I hope*

 

[kbling]

Last night, BF said to me that his proposal would be coming "sooner rather than later". What do you suppose that means, exactly? LOL

 

[appletini]

Sooner rather than later, will hopefully be closer to boy soon than girl soon.

Snow: I bet you get yours way before August.

Last July my told me it would "soon"...I''ve learned the meaning of that one the hard way...still waiting.

 

[phawk]

Hi Ladies! Wow, I am so glad to hear I am not alone!!!! My BF and I have been dating almost 3 years.. It will be 3 years in June. I was never in a hurry to get married, but I admit I have been putting on the pressure since last October. We bought a condo in September and we moved in together in October. The thing is that I come from an EXTREMELY conservative family. Although my parents both LOVE my BF, I have not told them that we''re living together. I just don''t think the idea of "living together before engagement/marriage" will go over well with them. My BF knows this and we discussed it before purchasing the condo. He assured me that we''d be engaged soon. SOON.. hmm, I was thinking like in the next month or two, but that''s not what he meant. Now, I know I haven''t been waiting as long as some of you have, but it is just as frustrating! My parents live out of the state and came for a visit in January and BF had to move out for the week and we had to pretend we weren''t living together. FRUSTRATING!!!! So, anyhow.. we''ve been living together for 5 months now and still no proposal. I talked to him about it last night and now it''s "Soon! Definitely before the end of the summer!" So, my parents are coming for another visit in May.. guess he''s moving out again!

 

[MissAva]

Date: 3/16/2005 12:26:42 PM
Author: phawk
Hi Ladies! Wow, I am so glad to hear I am not alone!!!! My BF and I have been dating almost 3 years.. It will be 3 years in June. I was never in a hurry to get married, but I admit I have been putting on the pressure since last October. We bought a condo in September and we moved in together in October. The thing is that I come from an EXTREMELY conservative family. Although my parents both LOVE my BF, I have not told them that we''re living together. I just don''t think the idea of ''living together before engagement/marriage'' will go over well with them. My BF knows this and we discussed it before purchasing the condo. He assured me that we''d be engaged soon. SOON.. hmm, I was thinking like in the next month or two, but that''s not what he meant. Now, I know I haven''t been waiting as long as some of you have, but it is just as frustrating! My parents live out of the state and came for a visit in January and BF had to move out for the week and we had to pretend we weren''t living together. FRUSTRATING!!!! So, anyhow.. we''ve been living together for 5 months now and still no proposal. I talked to him about it last night and now it''s ''Soon! Definitely before the end of the summer!'' So, my parents are coming for another visit in May.. guess he''s moving out again!

It''s a bummer! I ahve been dating Jeff for just over fours years and sometimes is feels like forty. But I know I want to marry him and we are both cloase to our parents in how we veiw issues so at least now worries there. Would they be okay with ya''ll lving together if you were engaged? or is it husband/wife only? Just curious. So how long will you wait before you start taping pictures of rings to the ceiling, fridge and shower wall?