Sorry ladies...

[anchor31]

I know I said I''d get a pic for a possible ring today, but I was working with my teammate on the biochemisty lab report from death when I looked at my watch and realized it was 20:30, we''d been working on this since 9 o''clock this morning, I hadn''t eaten and I had missed the shuttle to go the the shopping center by two hours!!

So no pics and worse, no groceries! I''m running pretty low on supplies right now!

But it''s not so bad, because I''ve taken a decision during the week about all this. Things have been horribly hectic at school since Spring Break (a twelve-hours day like today happen quite frequently actually!) and I barely have time to breathe, so I decided I was going through enough stress right now to add ring/proposal stress over it all. If I''d wanted this ring I found here, I would have had to order it to my boyfriend''s and I specifications to fit his budget and bought it myself before the end of April, and I would have needed to take money out of my savings account because J doesn''t have the money right now. I was feeling anxious about all this and I finally told myself I really don''t need that stress right now. If I don''t get the WF ES solitaire, I actually preferred the split-bezel three-stone from Birks than the one here! It really wowed me when I tried it on because it sparkled so much more, and I''d rather sacrifice on size than on cut.

I told J about this and he said not to worry. He told me to do what I had to do and finish my term, he''ll take care of the ring. He''ll take me shopping if he needs to, and he promised me he''ll do what he needs to do to get me the best, because he wants me to still be wowed by it in 60 years from now. It really helped me to hear that!

About his budget, I''m starting to wonder if he''s not trying to throw me off...

When we went shopping a month ago he told me he''d have 1K with his next pay check on the following Thursday, and last night he told me he had nothing! *blink* Now, I know that last week he paid off his credit card debt and he might have used the money he had put on the side to do that, which is really a good idea, I have to admit. Credit card debt is not easy to get rid of, and it''s wise to try to liquidate that first! But I''m still... sort of wondering...

I have to say he''s doing great with the money issue in general though. When I met him he was terrible with money; what he had he spent. CDs, DVDs, box sets, video games, computer gadgets, you name it. But he''s come a long way since then, and he told me last weekend that since he''s been trying to save up for my ring, he''s been limiting himself to one purchase like that a month! He still has car payments to make, so of course he has to cut somewhere... And I really, really, really appreciate what he''s doing so he can save up the 2K he wants to put on my ring... I love him so much!

Thanks for the support ladies! I''ve just started a thread asking for help with my school stress situation; I''d really appreciate if you could chime in and give me some advice!

 

[Rhapsody]

I'm glad you've had a "zen" moment about the ring and have found the ability to just let it go while you're finishing up the term. My last semester I had an inkling my boyfriend had bought my diamond and it was making me crazy! I was in the lab 10-14 hours a day trying to finish my research so I could finish my thesis and kept stalking my diamond online to see if it was still there. One day it wasn't and I had a fit! I got no work done for like 3 days after that. With all the craziness I wrote the last 20 pages of my thesis in a little over 2 days

not a path I would recommend.

Focus on your classwork for now and the rest will fall into place. Good luck!

 

[monarch64]

y know, tax refunds are starting to come in...just a thought, wink wink!

 

[anchor31]

Rhapsody - I was driving myself crazy about all this and I finally told myself it didn''t make any sense... One thing at a time, right? Thanks!

Monarch - Oooh... Hadn''t thought about that!!

 

[Mannequin]

The same thing happened to me, Rhapsody and Anchor31.

I was doing some casual ring shopping and browsing online around Christmas, and when I did not get a ring over the holidays I was a little disappointed but not terribly upset. School and teaching at that time was stressful, and very time consuming for me every week and especially every weekend when I would normally see my BF. Two young teachers at my school got engaged and one got married. Then, two of my BF''s friends that we see and hang out with proposed to their girlfriends within weeks of each other in January. I see one of the girls regularly at aerobics and it was wedding, wedding, wedding every night I went.

I got fairly obsessed and began browsing wedding websites and saving pictures of things to my computer. I began asking my BF lots of questions and trying to feel him out for what he had in mind for us and our future. We had some open and important discussions about getting engaged, future housing arrangements, even kids one day. He told me that he honestly had not expected me to start up conversations like these until much later, and had not really planned to start looking at rings until late in this year. I was trying to be understanding of his ideas about timeframes and such because he is still in school a little longer and does not have a job yet, but it also hurt that he wasn''t being as forward thinking as me. I spent a few nights crying and wallowing in self pity here and there, but took his words to heart as well. I was seriously stressed and frustrated, but had no idea what was eating away at me most - school, rings, friends, body issues, etc.

We ended up having more discussion to see what we both wanted, to find a happy medium. I think he realized that he doesn''t need to have every piece of the puzzle put together before the ring comes into the picture - he can propose and still have time to study for the bar and find a job. He understood that since I am already beginning my career, I am thinking about engagement sooner than he had planned because I needed that certainty that we would be making a serious commitment. I finally concluded that rather than obsess over what was going on with us, I needed to step back and figure out what I was missing or what I needed to a) fill time with something other than wedding fever, b) what was going to be most fulfilling to my personal life, and c) what did I need to accomplish to further my career goals. I realized that I just needed to be busier! I started looking into Masters degrees and researching programs to begin taking classes in for the coming summer. I also decided that as well as taking on the Masters, I will be trying to get out to ride my horse more beginning in April and get in more exercise for me to help my physical and emotional well-being. I want to look into Sylvan Learning Center tutoring for summer employment. I may also sign up for a dance class or a jewelry making class in the area here.

Self-improvement became my focus, and for the last month or two, things have smoothed out between me and my BF. It was a "zen moment" of sorts when I consciously shifted my focus, and it really helped me. My BF seems more confident in his future as well, and is applying for many openings at firms while taking classes and interning. He is now even hinting that he wants us to be engaged before July, and has taken the time to go out and look at rings with me in the last month. He reassures me constantly that he wants to be with me forever and wants to buy me a ring that I will love and that he will be proud of. He even initiates wedding planning discussions! I feel much more settled about what is going to happen and when now.

 

[anchor31]

I''m glad you''re feeling better about your situation too!

My boyfriend and I actually have a timeframe: before January 1st 2007. Back when I joined the list, I was going insane because J would talk like he was going to propose on the following day, and then like he wasn''t going to do it for another six years... He finally gave me his 2006 timeframe when I asked him about his intentions in late November. It was quite a "zen" moment for me there too!! Now we''re looking for the perfect engagement ring for me, and last week I realized it was getting more frustrating and stressful then fun and exciting, so it was time for me to take a break. I''m very glad I took this decision.

Heart-to-heart talks do wonders, don''t they?

 

[princessv]

Aww Anchor I hope things get better for you at school..things are pretty crazy on my end as well which = less PS time

I''m so glad you guys had a talk about rings though and I do think he''s trying to throw you off

!