Someone please kidnap me before my bridal shower

[CrownJewel]

I''m trying to tell myself that the bridal shower is a chance for me to spend time with my favorite ladies, and for them to get to know each other too. But then I start worrying about the gifts! I dread the idea of opening the front door and being handed a gift by so many people. I dread the part of the party where I have to open all the gifts because I KNOW for sure, that most of my friends will not be excited about the onion choppers and silicone spatulas and over-the-sink chopping board.

I''m a worrier and I know I shouldn''t entertain this topic, but it''s been bugging me for months. My bridesmaids are hosting a bridal shower for me on Sunday at my mom''s house. I expressed anxiety about it from the beginning, but I think everyone assumed I wasn''t serious. I know that people are "choosing" to give me gifts, but I also think that the guests (all good friends of mine) might feel like they are "obligated" to bring a gift because that''s the tradition and it''s proper etiquette. Don''t get me wrong, I think gifts are fun. I love giving gifts and on some occaisions I love getting gifts. I would feel better if it were more like a birthday party and only a few, very enthusiastic people brought presents, you know? But I do appreciate what my bridesmaids are doing for me, so now I feel guilty for wishing for a less traditional "break-the-molds" un-bridal-shower. I feel guilty for knowing about the shower and not trying to stop it.

What do I do? I can''t really email my BMs now and make requests can I? Something like, can we turn the gift part of the party into a goofy game to get my mind off of all the not-fun-stuff that I associate with it? Is that even possible? Is it rude to tell them how they should throw me a party (um, yes)?

 

[October2008bride]

Oh CJ - I totally know how you feel (and understand it too!) I don''t know about you, but I think some of this type of reaction can come from being at an age where you''ve been to quite a few showers already, and have heard how some girls talk about showers (specifically about watching the gifts be opened).

I think there are a few things you can do. First - why don''t you not open the gifts in front of everyone? I don''t think this would fly with an older/more traditional crowd, but if it is your girlfriends (the ones you are likely more worried about boring), then I''d say it would be fine! Just have other activities etc. and then open them when it is just you and your bridal party (to help you keep track for thank yous etc).

Another thing is to make sure that the guest list stays ''intimate'' in that only people who are truly close to you are invited because trust me - those people will be soooo happy to celebrate with you and want to give you gifts to start you and your FI off right!

Anyways - I would be leery of putting tooo many demands on the shower planners - they are throwing the shower FOR you and as much as they want to please you, if you started making demands all over the place (not that it sounded like you would be that difficult!!!) they might get a little resentful or something.

Anyways - things to think about!

 

[zoebartlett]

Unfortunately, I don''t think there''s anything you can really do. Your bridesmaids are throwing this for you, so like October said, you can''t make too many demands. Not that you would, but you probably know what I mean. I''d try to just relax and have fun with it. I totally understand the way you feel though -- it IS a little awkward having everyone watching you open many, many presents and then comment on each one. Is there a game that your bridesmaids could incorporate into it somehow to make it more interactive somehow? I''m not sure what though.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:30:08 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Unfortunately, I don''t think there''s anything you can really do. Your bridesmaids are throwing this for you, so like October said, you can''t make too many demands. Not that you would, but you probably know what I mean. I''d try to just relax and have fun with it. I totally understand the way you feel though -- it IS a little awkward having everyone watching you open many, many presents and then comment on each one. Is there a game that your bridesmaids could incorporate into it somehow to make it more interactive somehow? I''m not sure what though.

You could do the game where you make sure not to break the ribbons. I think they say however many ribbons you break is how many kids you''re going to have or something silly like that...

I totally know how you feel-like you said, it''s so weird ooohing and ahhing over spatulas. But it''s just a tradition, so I would just let go and go with it if you can. I know that''s easier said than done, but once you''re at the party it will probably be better than you expected! I know when I dread things like a social event, it''s always better than I thought it would be...good luck!

 

[karasue91]

I like October''s idea....if it''s mostly just friends coming, then maybe you and your BMs can think of a way to make the gift opening less awkward by having something else going on at the same time? Or, this is totally off the top of my head, it might be kind of fun to have everyone exchange gifts and open your presents for you? Then it takes the pressure off you! It''s a totally random idea but just trying to think of something to take ALL the eyes off you while you open up all your loot!!

I know how you feel about the obligation to bring a present to a shower. FI''s cousin is throwing us a shower in a few weeks and she wanted to make it co-ed, which I was THRILLED to hear. I probably sound pretty needy of FI, but I don''t really have my own friends here yet, and obviously I have no family up here so all the people there know him, and me only as an extension of him, not me by myself. I may not be making sense here, haha, but I was really happy to have him there for the same reason Zoe''s post is about, the fact that he has so many family members and I hate not knowing the face that belongs to the name on the card! Anyway, they asked us for the addresses of our friends so they could invite them, and I really had a hard time with the idea because I know you basically have to bring a gift and it''s weird for me.

If it turns out to be a regular shower with the traditional gift opening with everyone watching, just try to enjoy it because it will be the same thing when you have a baby shower too! And the older guests really do enjoy watching us young girls embarking on our lives with our husbands, I know I will.

 

[Pandora II]

I really feel for you.

We don''t have showers here, thank goodness, but I would feel exactly the same.

 

[CrownJewel]

Thank you for letting me whine. I know in my mind, I''m making it much scarier and more dramatic. I just have to stop thinking about it, chill out, and realize it''s just a few hours, right?

Thanks for comiserating October.

Your words were very comforting...you''re GOOD at this kind of thing! I am so grateful for my BMs (my little sister and my best friends from college). They know I like smaller groups of people, so I think the party will be about a dozen of my closest girl friends. I guess I''m worried about the gifts mostly because my family never made a big deal out of giving gifts. We give each other presents, but in a "just for no reason" kind of way. I''ve only been to one bridal shower, and it was big, and really nice. I can''t remember clearly, but maybe someone did say something like, "oh my. This is going to take a long time for her to go through all those presents."

Hi Zoe. I know what you mean, and I definitely don''t plan on making any requests or demands regarding the shower. But I do think my BMs would be receptive to the idea of a gift-ing game. Hmm... I wonder which would be more graceful - opening gifts after the guests leave or turning it into a group activity?

Thing2, yeah, I feel like the end of the world is coming because of MY bridal shower. Haha. I totally need to relax. Thank goodness my mom said she will have plenty of wine.

(Drinking is NOT the answer!

) I do think a game will be helpful. I love games and turning slightly boring things into a big joke.

Karasue, I''m seriously loving the idea of having my guests open gifts for me. That got the gears turning in my head. Yay! I will let you know what we end up doing. When is your shower? I can understand wanting to have your FI there. It makes sense for him to be there...definitely doesn''t make you sound needy of him.

Pandora, I''m coming to live whereever you are living. Please kidnap me.

 

[October2008bride]

Date: 6/7/2008 3:07:04 AM
Author: CrownJewel
Thank you for letting me whine. I know in my mind, I''m making it much scarier and more dramatic. I just have to stop thinking about it, chill out, and realize it''s just a few hours, right?

Thanks for comiserating October.

Your words were very comforting...you''re GOOD at this kind of thing! I am so grateful for my BMs (my little sister and my best friends from college). They know I like smaller groups of people, so I think the party will be about a dozen of my closest girl friends. I guess I''m worried about the gifts mostly because my family never made a big deal out of giving gifts. We give each other presents, but in a ''just for no reason'' kind of way. I''ve only been to one bridal shower, and it was big, and really nice. I can''t remember clearly, but maybe someone did say something like, ''oh my. This is going to take a long time for her to go through all those presents.''

Hi Zoe. I know what you mean, and I definitely don''t plan on making any requests or demands regarding the shower. But I do think my BMs would be receptive to the idea of a gift-ing game. Hmm... I wonder which would be more graceful - opening gifts after the guests leave or turning it into a group activity?

Thing2, yeah, I feel like the end of the world is coming because of MY bridal shower. Haha. I totally need to relax. Thank goodness my mom said she will have plenty of wine.

(Drinking is NOT the answer!

) I do think a game will be helpful. I love games and turning slightly boring things into a big joke.

Karasue, I''m seriously loving the idea of having my guests open gifts for me. That got the gears turning in my head. Yay! I will let you know what we end up doing. When is your shower? I can understand wanting to have your FI there. It makes sense for him to be there...definitely doesn''t make you sound needy of him.

Pandora, I''m coming to live whereever you are living. Please kidnap me.

Hey - don''t discount a drink or two

What if the gifts came unwrapped! That would solve the problem Seriously though - if it is 12 girls, it won''t take long to open them (if you have to) and also, if it is 12 of your friends, they may not care if you don''t open them.

Maybe you could do a game where each girl takes a gift and has to guess what it is before they open it. If they guess right, you give them a prize (like bubble bath or something inexpensive but cute).

Anyways - CJ - you will be fine. I think this is all a part of going through the time leading up to the wedding - think of it like a right of passage! haha

 

[xapora]

I thought I was the only person in the world who had horrible anxiety about my bridal shower! I was so nervous for weeks. I had to have my fiance drive me and I could barely get the nerve to walk into the place. And it all had to do with opening gifts in front of people and the fact that my fiance''s aunt invited several of her friends who I didn''t know very well at all. I remember getting a gift, looking over in their general area, and thinking, "Holy crap...who is this?" SO awkward. If it was just my family and friends I think I would have felt much more at ease. But once I walked in, I felt so much calmer. The opening gifts thing was still kind of strange with everybody staring at me watching me open their gifts, but it wasn''t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I really like the idea of having your guests open the gifts - I wish I would have thought of that at my shower!

 

[CrownJewel]

Date: 6/7/2008 9:07:27 AM
Author: October2008bride

Hey - don''t discount a drink or two


Anyways - CJ - you will be fine. I think this is all a part of going through the time leading up to the wedding - think of it like a right of passage! haha

My dear October! Must I stop at two?

 

[CrownJewel]

Xap - Wow, I can''t imagine how much worse I would feel if there were women I didn''t know! I''m very glad to hear other brides like us have made it back alive. Maybe there''s hope for me after all.

 

[purrfectpear]

At all the showers I''ve been to the hostess would hand me the gift and announce this is from "aunt so n so, or whomever, and point them out" then I would know who gave the gift and could smile and thank them.

That''s the job of the hostess isn''t it?

 

[karasue91]

Date: 6/7/2008 6:40:10 PM
Author: purrfectpear
At all the showers I''ve been to the hostess would hand me the gift and announce this is from ''aunt so n so, or whomever, and point them out'' then I would know who gave the gift and could smile and thank them.


That''s the job of the hostess isn''t it?

OOhhh yeah I''m definitely going to request this be done, so simple but it will make things SOOO much less awkward!!

CJ, mine is at the end of June so I have a few more weeks for the anxiety to really build.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

CJ I am sorry!

I don''t like the idea of opening gifts in front of other people either. I like getting gifts, but I always feel a bit uncomfortable. Even at Christmas when I am surrounded by my family I feel kind of silly with everyone looking at me and I am opening their gifts. But again, just try to keep the list intimate like October said and know they are excited for you even if it is an onion chopper!

Hey speaking of random fun things to do, I saw a stick the glass slipper on Cinderella''s foot game at Party City yesterday. So corny, I know, but I thought it''d be fun and cute maybe if you aren''t anti-Cinderella or corny games. Haha.

 

[swimmer]

Sooooo, how did it go? Did you survive, or were you kidnapped?
Hope all went well.

 

[karasue91]

Date: 6/9/2008 9:58:06 AM
Author: swimmer
Sooooo, how did it go? Did you survive, or were you kidnapped?
Hope all went well.

I want to know how it went too!!

 

[CrownJewel]

Aw - swimmer and karasue - thanks for asking! Well, no one kidnapped me. On Saturday afternoon, I talked to my bridesmaids about turning the gift-opening into a game, or having the guests opening them for me. I kept asking for something to do, because I figured having a job to do would shut me up and calm me down. They said "no" to my help, but "ok" to letting the guests open presents. Phew! I got 5.5 hours of sleep, and FI''s parents came an hour late to pick us up so I lucked out and had just enough time to get ready. The guys (dad, FFIL, FI, and my brother) hung out in the backyard during the bridal shower.

Anyway, I was SOOOO worried - thinking did they plan any games, did they think about decorations, do we need favors, prizes, what''s the plan for food, do we have enough wine glasses (when I asked my bridesmaids, they were like, "no more questions. We''ve got it all planned. Just show up."). I was shaking and near tears at the beginning of the party, and one of my friends asked why I am so nervous (they were just shocked, like "but that''s odd. You''re not normally like this"). Haha! I wasn''t just nervous. I wanted to pass out. We all laughed about how the shower is nothing compared to the wedding and then baby showers, etc. I told them I just wasn''t used to THAT much attention combined with having NO CONTROL whatsoever over the event. Usually I don''t mind the attention. The first task given to me by one of my bridesmaids was to get drunk. Oh, and all of last week, I prayed and prayed even though I''m not religious, that my 10 month old nephew would be there to divert some attention away from me. And thank everyone''s gods and higher powers that he was there. He totally helped me calm down. I need to start carrying a puppy around during nerve-wracking situations...cute squirmy babies (human or otherwise) are so great for easing stress.

Lunch was great, then game time. All of my friends make fun of me for carrying HUGE handbags, no matter what the occaision. And I always have the most random things in there, so for the game, everyone sat around with their purses. One bridesmaid called out items that might be found in a purse (e.g. (tissues, tools/hardware, pills, bandaids, shoes, flash cards for studying, toothbrush, etc), and whoever pulled it out first got a chocolate truffle. The person with the most chocolates at the end won a gift card. And...

...I won. Then dessert. Then reading the guests'' words of wisdom. And then gifts. They asked me if I still wanted to let the guests open the gifts. And I said yes. All of my friends looked at me quizzically, so I had to explain. I opened the first one, and tried to hand the second one over to my sister. She just gave me a LOOK

, and said, "you open it." I tried to hand each one over to someone else but no one would let me!

Many deep breaths later, I opened all of the gifts and loved every single one.

They really did have everything planned. Cute little vases with flowers for decorations, and they also served as favors. The food was great. The cake was homemade by one of my bridesmaids and DELISH. I was so happy to see each and every friend who came. It was actually really nice to have so much done in my honor. Such a weird feeling, but in the end I realized how wonderful the whole thing was. Should an event like this ever happen again, I think I''ll be much more relaxed.

Once the ladies send me pictures, I''ll see if I can post a few to share. xoxo.

 

[FrekeChild]

Well I''m glad you didn''t pass out. It doesn''t sound like it was that bad really! A lot better than my friend''s baby shower to be honest (the last shower I went to). And I think it''s pretty funny that you won the game. hee hee hee.

 

[karasue91]

awww CJ I''m glad you survived!!! It sounds like it turned out to be fun after all, and I know how you feel about being nervous because you have NO control at all.

Did you get some good gifts??? Were they off the registry or did they have some kind of theme?