Some talk some sense into me

[bigdiamondtinygal]

I think I''m officially an LIW nearing the finish line freak-out. We originally starting seriously looking at rings in Jan of this year. After a LOT of looking, I was over the moon when we ordered THE ring and made a big deposit a few weeks ago. This was almost a month ago now. The vendor quoted 4-6 weeks for the ring. It could be ready as soon as this weekend, or as late as who KNOWS when. I will not get to know when it is ready because he wants me to be surprised.

I think I have finally come down from that cloud and I am now obsessed with the "when" is it going to happen. I know that he asked my parents permission a few weeks ago because he told me. Now I just keep thinking what if the ring isn''t ready for another month? What is he WAITS after he has it to ask me? Oh god. It could be endless. I am ready. So overly ready for this and ready to move on to the next step already. We have some big family and friend events coming up in the next few weeks/month and I would just so love to be able to be engaged when we attend. I feel like I will be upset/depressed if we are not engaged by that point.

I''m sure I sound ridiculous. I know I should be happy about the fact that it IS going to happen...and I am. But the wait is really starting to eat away at me.

 

[misskitty]

Just a little bit of perspective -- maybe it''ll help, maybe it won''t -- at least you know that he has selected a ring (with you in mind!) and is planning all of the details about how he is going to present that ring to you, and offer up his whole life, his whole future.

I know you''re stressed out about waiting, but I hope it''s a consolation that he HAS a ring and WANTS to marry you, rather than he''s still deciding on whether you''re the one, or when/how to do it.

*dust* and I hope it comes soon!

 

[mochamamasita]

I agree with misskitty. You''re really lucky that at least you know that he has the ring and he''s making plans. Don''t worry, I''m sure he''ll propose soon

.

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

Tell us about the ring!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Thanks for the support ladies. Misskitty - I know you''re right. I am and do feel lucky every day that I found him (or should I say that we found each other). And I am thrilled to be standing where we are at this point. It is just that his in-between part (purchased ring and waiting for the proposal) is much harder on me than I anticipated!! It is like a cruel form of torture if you ask me!

As for the ring, I am superstitious!! I will provide details once he gives it to me and it is offically mine

 

[omieluv]

I just think you are super excited and who wouldn''t be? Just remember, time is going to feel like it is going very slow while you wait, so keep that in mind. He will propose before you know it!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Ok...I have an update. The date that the ring was to be ready has officially passed and still no sign of it. We went away for vacation last week and a night before the trip I totally had a meltdown. He had told me that he would not do it while we were away, so I assumed he would do it before then. I think I just expected to be engaged by now. I had my hopes up and they were dashed when he still hasn''t asked! I was so disappointed and it all just boiled over the night before we left. I just can''t understand why this whole process seems to be taking so long. And more than that, the longer the wait, the worse I feel. We have two big parties to go to tonight and it would have been so wonderful to have shared the engagement with all of the friends that will be there. And now, I just feel like I will be attending another baby shower and another engagement party where I am yet again the ONLY girl without a ring (still...). UGH.

I know I should be happy that it is coming (knock wood) but at this point I kind of feel like I won''t even be excited. I will just be relieved.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Parsley]

(First of all hi, I''m new and I like to be affectionate, so I hope that that''s ok with you!)

I feel so much for you! I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to know that it''s coming but ever so slightly out of your reach. The only comfort I can offer is that maybe your bf wants to make sure that you are *only* surprised and excited and happy by it and thinks the way to do that is to wait until it''s out of your head as being something that''s about to happen. Obviously this isn''t the way that those of the female persuasion think...

Just try to remember, when *those* moments hit you, that he is trying to make sure that you''re happy and that the moment you will remember for the rest of your life and recount to your children and grandchildren is something that you want to remember for the rest of your life and recount to your children and grandchildren. He doesn''t want you to just feel relieved as much as you don''t honey! Keep smiling and keep the excited bubbly feeling going, as exhausting as I know it must be.

***Hugs***

P
x

 

[Lofi]

Just want you to know... I TOTALLY understand what you are feeling. I have been patiently waiting for OVER a year now and am at the point where I sometimes feel like the romance has lessened because I've had so many moments where I was just soooo sure it was going to happen... and then it didn't. I know it's going to happen the way it's meant to happen, but it's just hard being patient especially when you so badly want to be engaged... I feel like we are unofficially engaged, but I want the ring to prove it!! Is that bad?

Also, I work at a large company that has a high percentage of female employees... I often find myself in meetings with girls my age and everyone is either engaged, married or married with kids. Literally, I have days where every meeting I'm in I'm the odd ball out. I am sure once I'm engaged I won't even think about that and if you don't want to be engaged, it doesn't phase you as much, but when you're a "LIW" it is bruuuutal.

Feel your pain... But it sounds like you are closer than you might think.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/29/2009 5:44:00 PM
Author: bigdiamondtinygal
Ok...I have an update. The date that the ring was to be ready has officially passed and still no sign of it. We went away for vacation last week and a night before the trip I totally had a meltdown. He had told me that he would not do it while we were away, so I assumed he would do it before then. I think I just expected to be engaged by now. I had my hopes up and they were dashed when he still hasn''t asked! I was so disappointed and it all just boiled over the night before we left. I just can''t understand why this whole process seems to be taking so long. And more than that, the longer the wait, the worse I feel. We have two big parties to go to tonight and it would have been so wonderful to have shared the engagement with all of the friends that will be there. And now, I just feel like I will be attending another baby shower and another engagement party where I am yet again the ONLY girl without a ring (still...). UGH.


I know I should be happy that it is coming (knock wood) but at this point I kind of feel like I won''t even be excited. I will just be relieved.


Thanks for listening.

Deep breaths. Seriously, take some deep breaths.

Ok. Rings are OFTEN not done on time. Do some searches and you will see that people will often times be quoted a certain amount of time and then receive their rings later than expected. It''s a common thing, so please do not assume that he has the ring already.

That being said, even if he DOES have the ring already, RELAX. Calm down. Give the poor guy some time to wrap his brain around the monumentally important thing he is going to do with that ring and let him figure out HOW he is going to ask you. As I have just posted in another thread in this forum, there is a huge amount of pressure (usually both external and internal) about "the perfect proposal" and this is his moment to shine and be at his most romantic. So yeah, he might need some time to figure that out! Maybe he will want to wait for a special date, like a favourite holiday or anniversary, or maybe he just needs time to orchestrate his plan for what he thinks you would like the best. Remember, he is doing all of this to PLEASE YOU, so have trust and patience that it will be more than worth it when the time comes. You love him, right? So trust him!

To keep yourself from going bonkers in the meantime, try to keep yourself busy. Exercise, take up a new hobby, do something sweet for him to show him how much you love him and can''t wait to be his wife--with smiles, instead of frustrated tears. Before you know it, you''ll have the ring on your finger and will be spending much, MUCH longer (probably) planning your wedding than he will get to plan the proposal--and he will probably be doing it all on his own, without help. So, please, try to be understanding and just give him some time to do *his* thing!

 

[ckrickett]

I thin all LIW get super hyper-emotional, but the best thing to do is just relax. You know it''s coming don;t think about it let him suprise you!!
Once he ring is on your finger and its all said and done you will have forgotten about all the LIW-itis jitters!

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Date: 8/30/2009 6:36:48 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 8/29/2009 5:44:00 PM
Author: bigdiamondtinygal
Ok...I have an update. The date that the ring was to be ready has officially passed and still no sign of it. We went away for vacation last week and a night before the trip I totally had a meltdown. He had told me that he would not do it while we were away, so I assumed he would do it before then. I think I just expected to be engaged by now. I had my hopes up and they were dashed when he still hasn''t asked! I was so disappointed and it all just boiled over the night before we left. I just can''t understand why this whole process seems to be taking so long. And more than that, the longer the wait, the worse I feel. We have two big parties to go to tonight and it would have been so wonderful to have shared the engagement with all of the friends that will be there. And now, I just feel like I will be attending another baby shower and another engagement party where I am yet again the ONLY girl without a ring (still...). UGH.


I know I should be happy that it is coming (knock wood) but at this point I kind of feel like I won''t even be excited. I will just be relieved.


Thanks for listening.

Deep breaths. Seriously, take some deep breaths.

Ok. Rings are OFTEN not done on time. Do some searches and you will see that people will often times be quoted a certain amount of time and then receive their rings later than expected. It''s a common thing, so please do not assume that he has the ring already.

That being said, even if he DOES have the ring already, RELAX. Calm down. Give the poor guy some time to wrap his brain around the monumentally important thing he is going to do with that ring and let him figure out HOW he is going to ask you. As I have just posted in another thread in this forum, there is a huge amount of pressure (usually both external and internal) about ''the perfect proposal'' and this is his moment to shine and be at his most romantic. So yeah, he might need some time to figure that out! Maybe he will want to wait for a special date, like a favourite holiday or anniversary, or maybe he just needs time to orchestrate his plan for what he thinks you would like the best. Remember, he is doing all of this to PLEASE YOU, so have trust and patience that it will be more than worth it when the time comes. You love him, right? So trust him!

To keep yourself from going bonkers in the meantime, try to keep yourself busy. Exercise, take up a new hobby, do something sweet for him to show him how much you love him and can''t wait to be his wife--with smiles, instead of frustrated tears. Before you know it, you''ll have the ring on your finger and will be spending much, MUCH longer (probably) planning your wedding than he will get to plan the proposal--and he will probably be doing it all on his own, without help. So, please, try to be understanding and just give him some time to do *his* thing!

Great advice Gwen.

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Thank you ladies so much for the support. It really does help to hear these things.

Parsley - You are very right. He is planning all of this for me, for us. I need to just try to be patient and allow him to do that without me on his case.

LFVDoll - It is so helpful to know that someone else feels the same way. I 100% have the same thing...I feel like we are unofficially engaged too but won''t feel like it is real until he asks me and slips on the ring! He has told his family and asked my parents...so everyone has known for a few weeks, but still no ring. It feels amazing on the one hand but incomplete on the other --- like being in limbo. I think you have every right to want the ring to make it official. And you will have it...it seems it is just a matter of time for both of us!

Gwen - GREAT advice. All I can say is your post is a keeper and thank you for taking the time to write it to and to talk some sense into me!

 

[gwendolyn]

No problem, hon. I hope it didn't sound too harsh, because he *is* working on it and trying to make it the best it can be. He will propose, and it will be a wonderful, lovely moment, and you will be glad you gave him time to do it in his way, because it will be a memory for you to cherish forever. Try to be patient.

 

[KittyBling]

Gwendolyn always posts what I''m thinking except I wouldn''t be able to write it as eloquently as her

bigdiamondtinygal: Chill out babe you know its coming your way soon enough. Maybe you could do some mental wedding planning to keep you occupied in the mean time lol.