Some Rambling.

[madelise]

Do you guys naturally remember the GOOD things? I have realized, but I remember rarely unfortunately, that I never remember the good things. I'm such a Negative Nancy. I b!tch about the bad things that I remember often, and rarely stop to embrace the good. After the Sandy Hook tragedy, I wanted to do a few nice things for strangers for no reason, and have done a few. I'm the person that would pay for a stranger's tank of gas, or tip 50% on a bill when I feel like spreading joy. But last night, I realized I don't do enough for non-strangers. I don't appreciate what's around me. It's embarrassing to say, but I had a sort of epiphany last night while listening to my best friend tell me about some disrespectful things her otherwise perfect-at-surface-value boyfriend does. My boyfriend respects me, but ohmygod am I mean to him! I don't appreciate my loved ones enough. I wrote something nice on SO's Facebook wall today, telling him I appreciate him, and his response was, "Did you see somebody's boyfriend beat them up or something?" His response shocked me. It's so rare for me to be nice to him that my niceness deserved that response. I b!tch too much, yell too much, hang up the phone too quickly. I'm a very me-me-me person.. and when I want to be nice, it's to strangers. I leave my grandma's house too quickly to run along and play with friends. I really only have those two people in my life who are absolutely selfless to me, and put me first before themselves. I need to do something nice for them.. so I'm driving the 70 miles to cook dinner for SO tonight, and I'll take my grandma out tomorrow morning.

I thought that, to be nice to strangers for no reason at all, would help restore a little bit of humanity back into our rushy rush, ice cold world.. but I really do need to start being nice to those around me first. We all do. Bringing nice back into the world shouldn't start with strangers, it should start with those closest to us.


The holidays are a stressful time, and I'm sure we have all become robots for society, right after Thanksgiving. Work drives us crazy, and shopping for gifts makes us angry at the numbers we see in our bank accounts. We're all LIW's, so maybe we've grown some resentment towards the men who love us very much. I know I have. But yet, there's so much to be happy for. Be happy. Spread joy.


And I just want to give ya'll a big big hug. Thank you, LIW group, for always being a great place for me to come to, to realize I am not the only one out there sitting on her hands, waiting for her proposal. Thank you ladies for making this such an amazingly supportive place for everyone to come to with their stresses, and allow everyone a chance to vent and receive empathy and advice. I have been on many forums, but I have not met as many nice people as I have from this group. Thank you.

 

[missy]

I'm not a LIW but wanted to send virtual hugs to you Madelise! The fact that you are aware of this is great. I think we all tend to take our loved ones for granted from time to time and it is important to make sure they know how much we love and value them in our lives. Please spend more time with your grandma. I miss my grandma so much and I too was always rushing from her house to do other things and the week she unexpectedly died was no exception. It was a Monday morning (my day off) and I stopped by her house and chatted for a while but then rushed off though she asked me to stay. I said I had errands to run. That will stay with me forever. I can never tell her again how much I love her and how much I miss her.

Life has a way of beating us up and making us feel ragged at times. The daily stress of life can be exhausting and just taking the time to appreciate everyone in your life is critical for your relationships and restorative. LOL re your SO's comment. We've all been there I think. Being nice to people (strangers and loved ones alike) can really be healing and bring peace and happiness so I agree. Let's all spread the love!

Hugs to you and your grandma!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Hugs to you Madelise!

I have been feeling really negative as well lately. I am overly stressed at work and working far too much over time and then add that to my LIW-itis and I am a mean girl. I try to do nice things for SO but sometimes I do feel as if I am 'making up' for how crabby I was the night before. Actually, sometimes I am suprised at how nice he is to me. I always hear stories from my girlfriends about the dumb things their SOs do and I feel so lucky but for some reason I get overly stressed and go right back to my cranky-ness.

I also dont spend nearly enough time with the people I love. I lost my grandma and grandpa 10 days apart in April and it wasnt until the last year that I was visiting them regularly. I still feel guilty. They were my favorite people in the whole world. But I am learning from that.

I think it is really sweet that you are driving all that way to make SO dinner and see your grandma. I am sure they will both love to see you.

 

[audball]

*hugs*

The good thing is you're realizing it. You have time to turn things around. Do better by the ones that love you and that you love. Show them. They love you too and they wouldn't stick around if it weren't worth it.

 

[princesss]

I'm generally a positive person, and I can list BF's best qualities pretty easily. I remember the best things about him 95% of the time. But sometimes I get something set in my sights that he's not doing "right" and lose all perspective. I focus in on the tiny things he's not doing right and get all butthurt that he won't "fix" whatever I think he's doing wrong.

I had coffee with a really wise friend of mine last week, and I was saying I was struggling with this and she pointed out that I did the same thing to my ex. I can snap myself out of it - for a while I would get SO mad if he didn't text every day. I would send a snarky message right before I went to sleep, and then the next day I would feel like an @ss when he would tell me he was sick, or at work until 11 and then passed out when he got home. There was never a day that he was saying, "Meh, I'm out with the lads, she can wait." One day I took a look at my reaction and said, "You know, this isn't right. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves a girlfriend who understands that sometimes he has hard days and doesn't make them harder." I'm here to make his life better, not more stressful! So when I would notice he hadn't texted me, I'd send him a message to say I hope his day wasn't too awful, and that I love him. That's it. No guilt, no stress, just letting him know he's important to me. I felt better, and he is more relaxed now knowing that I trust him and won't flip out over nothing.

We were having a similar issue, and I talked to my friend about it and about feeling like we were talking in circles and like he just wasn't changing. (Which should have been the first sign I was looking at this the wrong way - trying to make somebody change is going to work basically 0% of the time.) She told me something that works for her - gratitude lists. Whenever you're feeling frustrated or annoyed, make a list of the things you're grateful for. They can be about him or just about life in general, but it's impossible (she says, I haven't tried it yet) to feel grateful and annoyed at the same time. Personally, I think we're built to be positive creatures and to see the good in things, it just takes practice sometimes.

Anyways, maybe try that? I think recognizing the problem is good, but it almost makes it worse when you *keep* acting that way, you know? Once you know there's a problem, it's on you to fix it. I do well when I have more tangible things to do instead of just "fix it" so hopefully this helps you as much as it helps me.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

She told me something that works for her - gratitude lists. Whenever you're feeling frustrated or annoyed, make a list of the things you're grateful for. They can be about him or just about life in general, but it's impossible (she says, I haven't tried it yet) to feel grateful and annoyed at the same time.

I LOVE this idea for if you're having problems or not. I want to go home and make some sort of board to write about how I feel about DH. Maybe add a few things every or change it up on some sort of washable board. GREAT IDEA!

 

[princesss]

She told me something that works for her - gratitude lists. Whenever you're feeling frustrated or annoyed, make a list of the things you're grateful for. They can be about him or just about life in general, but it's impossible (she says, I haven't tried it yet) to feel grateful and annoyed at the same time.

I LOVE this idea for if you're having problems or not. I want to go home and make some sort of board to write about how I feel about DH. Maybe add a few things every or change it up on some sort of washable board. GREAT IDEA!

Maybe something like this? http://pinterest.com/pin/232920611947767486/

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

She told me something that works for her - gratitude lists. Whenever you're feeling frustrated or annoyed, make a list of the things you're grateful for. They can be about him or just about life in general, but it's impossible (she says, I haven't tried it yet) to feel grateful and annoyed at the same time.

I LOVE this idea for if you're having problems or not. I want to go home and make some sort of board to write about how I feel about DH. Maybe add a few things every or change it up on some sort of washable board. GREAT IDEA!

Maybe something like this? http://pinterest.com/pin/232920611947767486/

HA! I actually pinned that already! I have some fun frames at home and even some fabric, but I think I need some paint to change up the frames and I need some white board markers. I may just work on that this weekend, in between last minute Christmas shopping!

 

[pandabee]

Ooh I love that frame idea. I don't think I pinned it but I do remember liking (aka my endless "to pin later" page) hehe.

I think it's hard to remember to focus on the positives, because the negative things affect us so much more devastatingly. As far as the gratitude lists, I find that those totally help...for SO's birthday I made a list of 26 things (he turned 26 this year) I loved about him. I have the list saved too so I can refer to it and remember those little things when I start to get upset with him over even smaller things.

 

[madelise]

She told me something that works for her - gratitude lists. Whenever you're feeling frustrated or annoyed, make a list of the things you're grateful for. They can be about him or just about life in general, but it's impossible (she says, I haven't tried it yet) to feel grateful and annoyed at the same time.

I LOVE this idea for if you're having problems or not. I want to go home and make some sort of board to write about how I feel about DH. Maybe add a few things every or change it up on some sort of washable board. GREAT IDEA!

Maybe something like this? http://pinterest.com/pin/232920611947767486/

HA! I actually pinned that already! I have some fun frames at home and even some fabric, but I think I need some paint to change up the frames and I need some white board markers. I may just work on that this weekend, in between last minute Christmas shopping!

I LOVE that. I saw it on Pinterest, too!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete ungrateful beezy. I treat him very well, but he treats me better. I just forget to acknowledge that in my head occasionally, and when I do count my blessings, I am in complete awe of him and feel like I can't say enough nice things to him. It's just sad that I say it so little that it warrants a surprised response from him. I don't want to overdo it or anything, but god, I love him so much. He is so, so good to me. And nothing I can ever do will express enough gratitude for him being the best person to me. Like, seriously, there is NOTHING I can do or say or buy him that will express enough gratitude or love. I hate Christmas and birthday gifts because of this. I don't ever feel anything is ever enough.

You know what? When I go buy him his socks for Christmas, I'll go make this. Does the dry erase markers work on any glass/frame?

 

[pandabee]

I think that any dry erase marker will be fine with the standard glass the picture frames come in!

 

[atp223]

I'm at home at my parents' house right now, so I can't post a picture, but I had to reply to this! I made one of those "I love you because" boards for my fiance for valentines day this year (inspired by that same picture from pinterest). I just got an 8x10 frame, some paper with a cool border (but white in the middle), and I actually printed a cute picture of us toward the bottom of it (on the white part). And on the top it says "I love you because..." and there is space to write stuff. We keep it on our wall and have had so much fun writing stuff on it this year. It's not too often that we change it up, but it's always fun when someone changes it/the other person notices.

I just used a standard frame with glass, and write directly on the glass with a dry erase marker, and it works great. When I'm home after the holidays I can post pics if anyone is interested in seeing them. Such a cute gift idea!

 

[boysenberry]

Ooh I love that I love you board idea! Maybe for Valentine's day... I wonder if I can create a magnet version for the fridge.

I echo a lot of the things posted already - I am so grateful for SO and am quite affectionate with him but still feel myself getting annoyed at really tiny things (like, "why didn't he offer to help with dinner?"). I consider myself lucky that our "problems" are really trivial things, but it's hard to pull myself back and remember the big picture. When we first started dating we lived in different cities and would send each other really sweet emails. When we first moved in together I would write notes and put it in his bag so he would find it at work. I haven't done any of those things in a long time =/ I think writing down what you are grateful for is a great idea - but maybe you can take it a step further and write a note to him so HE knows too

 

[MBKRH]

I too am going to echo what other posters have said. There's times when I can only focus on what M HASN'T done as opposed to things he DOES do. He does so much for me and I really need to sit back and think about it. He pays for my car, he makes the bed every morning, takes out the garbage, he asks about my day with genuine interest, we'll sit on the couch watching t.v. and he'll just stare at me and when I call him out on it he says "can't I just look at you?", he still texts me "Hello beautiful, I just got to work; I hope you have a great day......", and yet I get annoyed when he leaves his work shoes in the hallway or didn't want to go ring browsing with me(which is important to me, I think it's important for a guy to be part of the process). Oh and he never leaves the toilet seat up.

Sometimes I'll write a message to him on the mirror after my shower, or leave a handwritten note (he's kept them all). I get mad when the action isn't reciprocated (even though he used to do those same things for me).

*sigh* I can be such a b*tch, and sometimes I think I don't deserve someone like him. I think I'm just frustrated because I just want THAT COMMITMENT of having a ring. I don't care about the wedding and all that jazz. I do want a wedding, but something small. Nothing over the top. But I don't think he sees it that way. I think he thinks the moment a ring's on my finger, I'm going to go all Bridezilla on his @ss.

Frustrating!!!!!!!!!!

 

[madelise]

UGH DITTO EVERYTHING.

I forgot to pick up the frame at Target today. By the time I remembered, I was already halfway home, and the traffic on the streets were horrendous. I'll try again soon. It'll be a nice surprise for SO.


ATP, I'd love to see yours. Please remember to take a photo for us

 

[Chewbacca]

I use a white window marker on our mirrors/front door to write love notes to SO. One day I was looking through the pictures in our camera, and saw he takes a photo every time I do it.

How was dinner for SO and grandma outing, madelise?

 

[pandabee]

I use a white window marker on our mirrors/front door to write love notes to SO. One day I was looking through the pictures in our camera, and saw he takes a photo every time I do it.

How was dinner for SO and grandma outing, madelise?

Omg that is WAY too cute!!!!