SO leaving to speak with his parents...scared

[purelily]

My SO is leaving this tomorrow

He''s going to speak with his parents about our upcoming engagement. He told me he would like to do this prior to proposing because he thinks its the best for our relationship. A little back story... my SO told his parents in January he was planning to propose, but they called him and told him not to do it. we weren''t together long enough. So, SO made me a promise he would propose in August if i waited. He''s going over now to speak with them again about this. I have a feeling they are going to say that he shouldn''t do it again. I understand he is their little boy, but I''m a bit frustrated. I understand his parents and am trying to be okay about this, but I''m still very nervous about whats going to happen when he comes back. He has already asked my father for my hand in marriage and we have been shopping for rings for a while now. He said we would get engaged before the end of august and promised it. I trust him, but i''m still worried his parents will have some things to say about this...

Am I being irrational?

 

[JSM]

I don''t think you''re being irrational. I''m sure it''s frustrating. Your SO is torn between obeying his parents (essentially, maintaining the ''child'' role) and asking for your hand and becoming an adult himself. It''s a hard situation, but in the end he has to understand that the route to marriage may be assisted by family, but it is traveled by the two of you alone.

Good luck, I''m sure someone here has good advice, someone always does.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I strongly support honoring parents as much as possible, but in this case, he is wrong. He has asked their advice once and they said it was too soon, and he followed that advice. If he is over 18, he is a man and needs to make this decision on his own (with YOU). He needs to propose and then announce the happy news to his parents.

 

[susied]

Two great responses above! He tried to include them the first time he asked, which was thoughtful, but he needs to make the decision on his own to follow through with what the two of you have planned. It sounds like the two of you have already taken many steps towards the engagement - go for it! Good luck!

 

[ckrickett]

I don''t think you are being irrational, and also it seems odd that he is asking his parents, does he plan on asking yours as well?
I think having both parents blessing will make the journey to the alter (and beyond) much easier but ultimately it is YOUR journey with him.
I wish you the best and good luck!

 

[Skychick]

I''m just asking...

Do you really want to marry a man that listens more to his parents than his own heart and SO? I have had to deal with issues with my parents (I am in an IR) so I understand what it is like to deal with, but my life is my life. I can''t live my life for them.

BTW - my parents eventually came around after they realized he wasn''t going away.

 

[purelily]

JSM Thanks, I agree that he is in a hard place, but i hope this time he carries through...
Diamondseeker2006 I sort of agree. I didn''t understand why it was necessary to tell them again, but he just left today to give them the news. He said he''s not "asking" he''s telling them. So, we''ll see
Susied He says he will follow through with the plan, he just needs to tell them first :-/

cKrickett He has already asked my father, he is now telling them about it.
skychick He''s very family oriented. Again, he''s not asking permission, but he would like them to know of his plan before he does it. I dont really understand, but he said this is how it was done with his brother also.

 

[susied]

I hope things work out in your favor - I''m sure you are very anxious!

 

[misskitty]

I don''t think you''re being irrational. I also think it''s important that he''s going to tell them rather than to ask them. That change in verb is pretty big.

 

[Skychick]

I understand now. And I am glad you didn''t take offense to my post because I really didn''t mean any.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, yes, that is better...telling them that he has asked your father and that he will soon propose. No problem with that as long as they don''t interfere. let us know what happens!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, that is better....telling them that he has asked your father and that he is getting ready to propose. That is fine as long as they respect his decision and do not interfere.

Just out of curiosity, how long had you dated when he asked them back in Jan.?

 

[JulieN]

he needs to grow a pair and start being his own man.

 

[suchende]

i hope it goes well! i''m very traditional and am incredibly uncomfortable with defying my parents'' wishes, so i sympathize with him.

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 8/3/2009 4:22:48 PM
Author: JulieN
he needs to grow a pair and start being his own man.

+1.

This reminds me of an episode of Hitched or Ditched about the NJ couple who''s WHACKED OUT mom said they shouldnt get married yet, that they were too young, etc etc. The guy was freakin 25 years old, I''m sorry but thats not too young. Anyways the guy was such a wuss and didnt stand up for his GF which he should have, and they ended up not getting married because he couldnt deal with it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib6V_l0ZqCE&NR=1

Granted, my SO brought up a good point. After watching that episode together I asked him, "If you had to choose between me or your family, which would you pick" and he had a good (and safe! lol) answer, "I would never have to choose". Which is true, his family loves him and would support him even if they werent IN LOVE with me

But when I asked him if he had to choose, he said he would pick me, because at this age, they have no say it what he does and who he does it with.

So big hugs to you, because I dont know how I couldnt possibly deal with an unsupportive family. Hopefully your FF will stand upfor you and your relationship, showing his love for you will never change, and you two will have nothing to worry about. Please update us and let us know how it went!

 

[purelily]

Susied Yes, I''m quite anxious about it ! Thank you for your thoughts
MissKitty Thank you I was hoping for that answer

SkyChick Oh! No offense taken

DiamondSeeker2006 In January, we were together for a year. I understand that it is difficult for his parents and I am trying to be as supportive of this as possible. I *do* like them, they are great people. They just don''t know me very well, and I think they are just looking out for their son.

JulieN It is a tradition, I think and he is doing it so it will be easier for me in the future. We would like all our families to get along.

suchende Me too. It would be difficult for me if my parents didn''t approve. Now that the tables have turned, its very difficult for me because I wish they would approve :-/

NakedFinger It is quite difficult to deal with an unsupportive familym, but we are hoping that the wait will make them be a little bit more supportive. Again, I think it is because he is their youngest and the closest to his mom. I understand, I would feel very upset too if my son was marrying, but it does make me a bit anxious and sad.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I just wanted to say that i hope your SO comes back with good news and that it is the last time he has to run something by them first, about the two of you. Good luck!

Oh, and just curious... how old are you guys?

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/4/2009 9:28:27 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I just wanted to say that i hope your SO comes back with good news and that it is the last time he has to run something by them first, about the two of you. Good luck!


Oh, and just curious... how old are you guys?

I was gonna ask that...

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

please keep us posted

 

[gwendolyn]

How did it go?

 

[purelily]

Hi All

Thank you for your advice. In response to how old are we, I am 27 he is 26.

I was waiting for a response. His mom seems okay with it Yay!

 

[ckrickett]

a- your definitely NOT to young, and
b- YAY!!

gonna send some dust your way....~~~~~duuuusssttt~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[purelily]

UPDATE: SO just got back! Everything is working out nicely! I was hoping to be engaged prior to my trip to Hawaii, but since we couldn''t find the right ring, we are going to postpone it till i get back. Now he definitely has some time to surprise me
hehehe..

 

[diamondseeker2006]

That is great news! Sounds like you have something to look forward to SOON!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

that''s fantastic! Glad to hear it all worked out well... and no, definately not too young.

 

[gwendolyn]

Good, glad everyone''s supportive and that it will happen soon!

 

[LadyBlue]

Good news, enjoy Hawaii

 

[Skychick]

Now you can go and enjoy your trip!!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/10/2009 8:22:30 PM
Author: purelily
UPDATE: SO just got back! Everything is working out nicely! I was hoping to be engaged prior to my trip to Hawaii, but since we couldn''t find the right ring, we are going to postpone it till i get back. Now he definitely has some time to surprise me

hehehe..

HOOORRRAAAYYY!!!!!!!!