So I''ve stopped wearing my diamonds....

[ursulawrite]

And you know what, it feels great.

Over the past few years I've had pretty snide comments about my rings. At 1.3 carats, my e-ring is half the size of most in our circle -- a fact that has, much to my initial surprise, not gone unnoticed. Then there's the bad service I've gotten in high-end department stores; it makes me sad to say it, but I feel as though I've been -- inadvertently and unwillingly -- part of some elaborate show-off game. So I've reverted to wearing a platinum band and although I miss my sparklies some days, I have yet to tire of being free of the sidelong glances uber-competitive NYC women dish out.

Please tell me I'm not the only one to have gotten negative comment after negative comment, to the point where one just can't be bothered with the hassle any longer? (Or are you all "to hell with it" tough nuts ?)

 

[diamondfan]

I waer my stuff because I love it. Not to say I would love to hear comments that are not nice, and I have heard them, but I just shrug it off and refuse to let that stop me. If I choose not to waer them, then fine, but if I do, it is my decision.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

There''s another thread on here about why people love diamonds. And I think the consensus is, we wear them to please ourselves, not others. I have never been in the situation you are in because we don''t live in the land of giant rocks, but I sincerely think you have to get to where you do not care what other people think. And maybe get some new friends who are not so shallow. (or, get a big high-quality CZ!!!)

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 10/9/2006 7:19:37 PM
Author:ursulawrite

Over the past few years I''ve had pretty snide comments about my rings. At 1.3 carats, my e-ring is half the size of most in our circle -- a fact that has, much to my initial surprise, not gone unnoticed.

I think you need a new circle, seriously!

1.3 carats is nothing to sneeze at, particularly if it''s a quality diamond. I can''t imagine saying something snide about someone''s bridal jewelry to them. It''s sacred, regardless of the size or quality. A true friend would not do that.

On the other hand, I just traded a large diamond for a small one because I felt ashamed to wear something others assumed cost about 5 times what it did while my husband drives an old car. Two sides of the same coin, I suppose. And I do feel really good about the decision I made to do it.

I have considered that wearing a simple but elegant band by itself has its advantages. No one can make assumptions about your values or lifestyle because you aren''t displaying wealth (or lack of) on your finger. It''s a shame it has to even be a consideration.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/9/2006 7:19:37 PM
Author:ursulawrite
And you know what, it feels great.

Over the past few years I''ve had pretty snide comments about my rings. At 1.3 carats, my e-ring is half the size of most in our circle -- a fact that has, much to my initial surprise, not gone unnoticed. Then there''s the bad service I''ve gotten in high-end department stores; it makes me sad to say it, but I feel as though I''ve been -- inadvertently and unwillingly -- part of some elaborate show-off game. So I''ve reverted to wearing a platinum band and although I miss my sparklies some days, I have yet to tire of being free of the sidelong glances uber-competitive NYC women dish out.

Please tell me I''m not the only one to have gotten negative comment after negative comment, to the point where one just can''t be bothered with the hassle any longer? (Or are you all ''to hell with it'' tough nuts ?)

I think NYC is kind of, no it IS an island unto itself

I''m a huge fan of plain wedding bands and have several friends who are very well off and thats'' all they wear. They aren''t into the trappings of materalism and they don''t love diamonds, so they wear a simple symbol of their marriage and thats'' it. I wouldn''t change my e-ring to give into pressure from materalistic friends (your circle - are they friends or ??) so I''d likely do what you did and forget them. In fact if I ever DID get a 4 carat i''d likely hide it from them just to spite them. They don''t DESERVE to see your sparkley if thats'' all they judge you on.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/9/2006 7:29:01 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
There''s another thread on here about why people love diamonds. And I think the consensus is, we wear them to please ourselves, not others. I have never been in the situation you are in because we don''t live in the land of giant rocks, but I sincerely think you have to get to where you do not care what other people think. And maybe get some new friends who are not so shallow. (or, get a big high-quality CZ!!!)

oh no don''t do that - don''t give in to that - do you really want friends who are snide and unaccepting if you don''t have the rigth sized diamond?? screw them!!

 

[moremoremore]

I'm glad you are happy wearing what you chose to wear...I do think it's unfortunate that wearing your stone makes you uncomfortable. And .... PLEASE don't take this the wrong way...but are you in NYC? 1.3 is a fabulous size...but not that big in NYC terms...I find it odd that you would get any negative looks or comments at all with that size in NYC/Long Island....I go into NYC with my stone (a 2.14 cushion) and I never get ANY negative remarks or nasty, coveting stares...I also work in an upscale area on Long Island e/t I live in Queens....I only get nice things said to me every now and then and it makes me feel good....I bet any glances you get are only admiration...

 

[FireGoddess]

If you stop wearing your rings, then the money spent on them is wasted. Wear them and enjoy them! Seriously - if the circle you travel in includes nothing but people who have nothing nice to say about your ring...you definitely need a new circle. A friend would never say something like that. A snooty coworker might, but those people are usually trying to cover up their own insecurities by passing them on to other people.

Wear your ring and enjoy it! That''s what it''s there for.

 

[codex57]

Being a West Coaster, I''m a bit confused as to what is "NYC". I thought NYC was all 5 burroughs. Or is it just Manhattan?

 

[Mara]

actually i think ursula is saying she feels like she gets negative attention or no attention (from salesgals) if she wears her e-ring because it''s ''too small'' by NYC kinda standards. so by just not wearing a diamond at all, a plain band is hard to look down on.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 10/9/2006 8:31:10 PM
Author: Mara
actually i think ursula is saying she feels like she gets negative attention or no attention (from salesgals) if she wears her e-ring because it''s ''too small'' by NYC kinda standards. so by just not wearing a diamond at all, a plain band is hard to look down on.

If that''s the issue, what if you wore your ring but turned it around in the stores so that it looked like a band? That way you''d get enjoyment out of your ring and you wouldn''t have to deal with ridiculous salespeople?

 

[moremoremore]

Oh! I get it!!! But a 1.3 is SUCH a nice size....so many people would kill for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I''d wear it proudly....and i have news for ya, my sister has big $. Big $. And you know what she has? A 1.0 D IF. Sometimes I feel like it is the people WITHOUT money that try so hard to wear big pieces!!! I say wear it proudly!!!

 

[SquareCut]

Ursula, I understand how you feel. One of my friends asked my why I was "only" getting a 2 ct. It is very hard to attend gatherings filled with women who are going to judge you by the size of your ring, but the bottom line is that they are shallow and childish.

 

[mia15]

Oh lord, I understand how it is. I believe you, too, about the looks!

But the main point is, you want to avoid getting on that treadmill if you can, because it''s just so exhausting if nothing else!

When I lived in NYC (or any super-competitive environment, I suppose) it seemed like everyone had their own fixation of the moment--perfect skin, perfect hair, great jewels, fashion, who lives where, and who gets to go where in the summer, it goes on. Everyone envies/pities whoever isn''t "up to par" on whatever random thing it is and forgets to enjoy what they have.

In the end, it''s not about the thing, but about getting sucked into the envy/pity cycle. The people who "win" at this aren''t happy, either. Now, anytime I find myself envying someone or feeling sorry for them, it''s a hint for me to stop judging other people and myself (so hard!).

 

[Fancy605]

Oh, honey, move on down to my neck of the woods. 1.3? That''s awesome!

Geeze, I can''t imagine someone turning up her nose at a 1.3 diamond ring. That''s a lovely size.

Plus, some people just don''t find it practical to wear huge stones. Sure they''re pretty and amazing, but I know plenty of people who could afford a larger stone and simply don''t because of their lifestyles. Ah well.

But, if you feel good about taking off your bling, then I say more power to you. I think I would get annoyed at all that crazy judgement too. Don''t people have better things to do with their time than judge others based on their diamond sizes?

 

[ladykemma]

I'd hate to think what they'd think of my quarter carat. It was all we could afford at the time. but i can grin at 'em with my debt free life.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 10/9/2006 9:03:01 PM
Author: ladykemma
I''d hate to think what they''d think of my quarter carat. It was all we could afford at the time. but i can grin at ''em with my debt free life.

You go, girl.

 

[larussel03]

Maybe you should switch the ring to your middle finger and when they give you a hard time, offer them a closer look.

 

[winyan]

I rather agree w/Sweet Pea.

win

 

[bookworm21]

I also like sweetpea''s idea myself. 1.3 is nothing to sneer at. I live in SF Bay, and you see some good sized rocks here, and 1.3 is plenty big. It''s better than having a bigger size and paying for half of it yourself, because your FI couldn''t afford it and you JUST had to have a bigger stone to show off. Yes, I know someone like that. She insisted she wanted a larger stone, and she wound up paying for half of her ering herself, even though she could barely afford it.

 

[taitai_s]

Hi Ursulawrite, I''m so sorry you stopped wearing your rings because of your friends. I agree with everyone, wear them because you enjoy them!! Being in NYC I know how you feel about everyone checking each other out/judging. I get almost no attention while shopping (I''m closer to 30 but look 16 sometimes and am on the short side) becuse no salesperson takes me seriously at first glance. Once they see my hands or handbag then they get a little more interested. But not all people judge - one of the best shopping experiences I had was at a nicer car dealership on Park Avenue where a kind salesman took the time to talk to me (I was browsing alone) without any condescending tone, despite the fact that I really, really looked like a teenager that day. Needless to say he definitely got my business and will get every single referral I could possibly send his way. But people like that are rare, I am finding.

But I digress. Wear the rings if they please you - forget about what your friends think - I think true friends don''t make their friends feel bad. 1.3 is plenty big!!

 

[Christa]

Date: 10/9/2006 9:03:01 PM
Author: ladykemma
I''d hate to think what they''d think of my quarter carat. It was all we could afford at the time. but i can grin at ''em with my debt free life.

No kidding! I have a .35, and while I don''t live in a place where 4 carats is the norm, that''s pretty small anywhere. I''ve never had a nasty comment, though . . . I think you need new friends!

 

[codex57]

Doesn''t living in NYC condition you to dealing with mean people? Just assuming based on what the media portrays.

 

[MINE!!]

Date: 10/10/2006 3:32:37 AM
Author: codex57
Doesn''t living in NYC condition you to dealing with mean people? Just assuming based on what the media portrays.

This is what I was thinking too... I am unsure as to why anyone would cav and give up wearing something that was given in love, just because of the immaturity of the people arouns them. I think you should wear your diamonds.


Grin and Curtsey girl.. Grin and Curtsey!

 

[sistagrl2004]

I''m really not understanding why you would allow your friends to dictate how you live your life. Who gives a flying F what others around you are wearing. There''s always going to be someone with something bigger and better, but so what!? Does that mean you should not enjoy what you have!? It''s sad to have a beautiful diamond being WASTED in a box because you are allowing others to have that much influence. If you had a 6 carat they would judge you because it''s too big, if you had no diamond they would judge you, if it was the coveted 3 carat they would talk about the setting. People like that will ALWAYS find fault with something. Girl, put your bling on and LIVE YOUR LIFE.. and if you just can''t do it, send it to me and I will wear it for the BOTH of us

 

[woobug02]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Put those diamonds back on!!!!! Where I live 1.3 is huge!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 10/10/2006 3:32:37 AM
Author: codex57
Doesn''t living in NYC condition you to dealing with mean people? Just assuming based on what the media portrays.

That''s just a silly comment.

Like saying all the people in California are dumb surfer dudes or all the people in the south are redneck hicks.

Sorry to digress...

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 10/9/2006 7:57:49 PM
Author: moremoremore
I''m glad you are happy wearing what you chose to wear...I do think it''s unfortunate that wearing your stone makes you uncomfortable. And .... PLEASE don''t take this the wrong way...but are you in NYC? 1.3 is a fabulous size...but not that big in NYC terms...I find it odd that you would get any negative looks or comments at all with that size in NYC/Long Island....I go into NYC with my stone (a 2.14 cushion) and I never get ANY negative remarks or nasty, coveting stares...I also work in an upscale area on Long Island e/t I live in Queens....I only get nice things said to me every now and then and it makes me feel good....I bet any glances you get are only admiration...

You''re right about NYC. I live in Soho (where you see very few engagement rings, to be honest). The issue I have is more to do with acquaintances, mainly of my husband''s, and mainly men, strangely enough.

The sideways glances, sadly, are not in admiration. I was in Barney''s once and a counter assistant did say something nice about my e-ring. She invited her colleague to say something nice and he didn''t; he just stood there and looked embarrassed. I mean, a smile wouldn''t have hurt!

 

[ammayernyc]

Ursula --

I''m sorry (from a fellow New Yorker) that you feel you don''t want to wear your rings any more. But, if you''re happy without them on, good for you!

I can''t wear my ring because I''m not allowed to in school. I feel horrible walking around the city without it. But when I get home, boom... I put it on and smile at my bling.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Wear your ring and enjoy it. It wasn''t meant to be left in a place where it can''t sparkle. As for people who say mean things, all you have to do is smile at them and say "Then it''s fortunate for you that you don''t have to wear it."-or-if you''re feeling devilish, say "I don''t wear my large stones for the benefit of shop clerks." Salespeople in department stores are lucky if they make 1/3 of what the customers make. They make mean comments because they''re frustrated.