SO disappointed, and I feel bad

[Lozza]

My SO has been saving for a ring for just over a year now, and recently started looking. I knew roughly what his budget would be (and have sneakily been looking for ages!), so I knew roughly what we would get for our money ($3k-$4k) and am perfectly happy with that.

But he must have expensive taste, because he is extremely disappointed with what he can get for his money. He honestly thought that amount would buy whatever he wanted, because to us, it''s a lot of money. It also doesn''t help that I have humongous hands so even a reasonable ring on someone else is dwarfed on my size 10 finger.

He''s really upset and dejected. He had a little break down the other day, saying he''d been saving for ages and still couldn''t get me something nice. I think it''s hurt his pride a bit. I feel so bad, because I''m not the slightest bit worried about the ring budget being too small, and I hate that he feels inadequate because he doesn''t have millions of $$. On a selfish note, I also know this probably means he''ll do nothing for a few months while he adjusts his expectations, which means more waiting for me.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Advice?

 

[tyty333]

Why dont you show him what he can get that you like and will be happy with. Maybe he doesnt understand
that you dont need or want a ring that cost $$$. Does he know that you know the budget is $3-$4k?

I would show him some settings/diamonds on line that would make you happy (that are in his price range).
It would make him feel better that he can get you what you want with the budget he has. Good luck!

 

[LilyKat]

I agree with tyty. Find some examples of rings online that you would be happy with and show him. Your budget is actually VERY reasonable, and I''m surprised he doesn''t think he can find anything nice in that range. I know I could! Maybe he is under a misconception, for example, is looking at the very highest colour and clarity stones thinking that anything else won''t look good? Or maybe he''s only looking in the high end shops/designers thinking it has to be from there to be nice? These are just guesses, but I get the feeling something along these lines might be going on and you need to show him the error of his ways

 

[lilyfoot]

It''s always so sweet to hear about the guys that want nothing but the best for their girls

Do you have a setting or ring that you are in love with (within the price range)? Personally, I think you should show him the ring/setting/whatever, that you want that is within the budget, and be very "giddy" about it. Instead of trying to explain with words that you would be "ok" or "happy" with having a ring within the budget, try not to even mention it. He needs to know that you don''t think of the ring as a "budget ring", it''s just the ring that you love, regardless of cost.

I hope that made sense? And good luck

 

[ringless]

My bf wanted to go ring looking with me to get an idea of what I liked and what would be in our budget. I picked out a select few I loved that were within his budget. I would suggest you go with him to do the same and he can ultimately pick out the ring and surprise you (with what he can afford).

 

[suchende]

assuming that this is about the size of the diamond and not a setting or needing a Tiffany ring, maybe you could see how you feel about fancy shapes that face up big, like pears or ovals? in a G/H/I with SI2 or even a fairly clean I1 clarity, you could get a lot of finger coverage in your budget.

 

[starseeker]

Date: 8/31/2009 10:29:52 AM
Author: lilyfoot
Do you have a setting or ring that you are in love with (within the price range)? Personally, I think you should show him the ring/setting/whatever, that you want that is within the budget, and be very ''giddy'' about it. Instead of trying to explain with words that you would be ''ok'' or ''happy'' with having a ring within the budget, try not to even mention it. He needs to know that you don''t think of the ring as a ''budget ring'', it''s just the ring that you love, regardless of cost.

I agree totally. That is what I did when I picked out mine. Fiance wanted something more extravagant and expensive, so I found what I wanted - the simple solitaire band with a 1/4 carat diamond. When I showed it to him I entered squealy mode and I insisted that I had to have THAT ring or I''d never be happy again

Fiance, wanting to make sure I was happy, ordered the ring immediately.

 

[crossmyfingers]

We haven''t talked about our budget yet, but I assume ours will be around that, too. I would be thrilled with that budget! Stinks that he is let down about it.

I would just try to reassure him that that will buy you a great ring that you will be super happy with, and be sure to remind him again and again that it''s really getting married that you are excited about, not just having the ring. I know that sounds simple, but I think he just really needs to be reassured.

 

[katomm]

Lozza, girl we are practically twins. I''m also a size 10 and hate my pudgy fingers. BF wanted to get me something w/ diamonds down the sides but since I want platinum it just wasn''t in his budget. We ended up kinda compromising. I picked a very plain but slightly ornate platinum e-ring that he can afford just fine. He will be buying his own wedding band and I''ll be buying my own as the one I want is super expensive but my budget will allow for it much more than his. This way he gets to get me a pretty ring and then we each get the rings we want as wedding bands. He wants a simple band so it''s affordable for him and he''ll still be happy I got the wedding band I want.

Just a thought but maybe you guys can discuss something similar or there are even couples that both chipped in for the e-ring which I think is just fine as well. It''s your future you''re investing in.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 8/31/2009 11:41:33 AM
Author: starseeker

Date: 8/31/2009 10:29:52 AM
Author: lilyfoot
Do you have a setting or ring that you are in love with (within the price range)? Personally, I think you should show him the ring/setting/whatever, that you want that is within the budget, and be very ''giddy'' about it. Instead of trying to explain with words that you would be ''ok'' or ''happy'' with having a ring within the budget, try not to even mention it. He needs to know that you don''t think of the ring as a ''budget ring'', it''s just the ring that you love, regardless of cost.

I agree totally. That is what I did when I picked out mine. Fiance wanted something more extravagant and expensive, so I found what I wanted - the simple solitaire band with a 1/4 carat diamond. When I showed it to him I entered squealy mode and I insisted that I had to have THAT ring or I''d never be happy again

Fiance, wanting to make sure I was happy, ordered the ring immediately.

So Sneeeeeeeky!

But I LOVE the idea!

My suggestion would be to look at settings with colored sidestones for finger coverage. I have a size 8 ring finger, so it''s pretty pudgy, and I''ve discovered that colored sidestones not only help with finger coverage, but they also I think add a bit of sass! James Allen has SEVERAL lovely setting with side rubies, sapphires, and emeralds, which are extraordinarily reasonbly priced in gold or platinum, which would leave 2-3K in your budget to find a diamond! That''ll easily get you a great quality 0.8-ish carat diamond, which, combined with the sidestones, should look FAB!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

4-5k is a lot of bling money...depending on how you spend it.

I have a friend who, like you, has larger fingers---so even a 1ct looks small. She loves big jewelry, but they just weren''t in a place to spend thousands and thousands dollars getting a monster diamond. She ended up buying a small 3 stone ring and flanked it with two wedding bands. She is knuckle to knuckle with diamonds and the look is impressive, IMO.

Have you considered foregoing a "traditional" diamond engagement ring...and entertaining a couple 5 stone bands stacked? That would give you a lot of the bling for the buck. Or, like my friend, getting a 3 stone band and stacking it with a couple matched wedding bands? If you''re looking for something more "traditional" what about a decent size diamond in a halo setting? Those always give lovely spread.

I know this is going to completely absurd...but do you ever watch HGTV''s Property Virgins? I ask this, because the host Sandra always gives her first time homebuyers some really stellar advice, and I want to impart it to you incase you''ve never heard it.

Basically, the show is about couples who are looking to buy their first home. They usually have little to no idea exactly what their budget can afford them, so intially there is some "sticker shock". Eventually, over the course of viewing multiple homes, Sandra shows them that they can absolutely buy a home (a lovely home) with their money...but sometimes it take some compromise to get there. Sandra explains that the couple may not get everything they want in your first home, but its about deciding whats most important and going for that above all else. In the end, I''d say 90% of the couples find beautiful homes that fit them and their needs while still respecting their budget.

So, you''re probably wondering why I summed that up...well, it''s because it''s almost the exact same issue, just different variables...homes, diamonds...

In the end, its important to understand what your real goal is, getting engaged...and now maybe you look outside of the "norm" to find something you''ll absolutely love.

((hugs)) everyone has a budget, you''re not the first and you won''t be the last!

 

[Elmorton]

What about an antique diamond? I love the chunky cuts and warmer colors, and a lot of times you can get a gorgeous stone for one heck of a deal.

Another idea is to mix diamonds and colored stones for a bigger look - or a 3-stone oval...you can get some serious finger coverage! Or - a longer stone (EC, oval, radiant, marquise) set EW, bezeled or haloed.

All of these suggestions are of course paired with a sit-down convo with him explaining that you want to be engaged already, nevermind about the size of the ring!

ETA: Here's an Erica Grace beauty - 1.21 cts, $3,700 - use the wiggle room in the budget for a beautiful legacy-esque setting, and that's going to be a pretty distinct ring on any finger!

http://jewelsbyericagrace.com/loose_antique_diamonds

 

[Winks_Elf]

What about going with a nice large gemstone instead of a diamond? Perhaps a halo or cocktail style that will combine a large gemstone center with diamond accents?

 

[AustenNut]

I think you''ve gotten some great advice so far. Definitely show him rings that are within your budget that you would LOVE to have. This is probably the #1 thing.

But have you tried these rings on yourself? Sometimes online pictures can be quite deceptive. Do you they have the spread that you want? Do they satisfy your wishes for your e-ring? If not, then the Property Virgins talk is important to have. Is it important that it look like a traditional e-ring? Or do you care if it''s a diamond? Or is finger coverage more important? Figure out what is nonnegotiable and then figure out the rest. But it''s totally doable to find a ring that you will love at that price.

 

[swingirl]

Don't know if anyone has suggested it but why not a 5 or 7 stone ring. Five-stone ring


They give great finger coverage.

You have very respectable budget. With the right choices you'll come out with something lovely that will do your finger proud.

 

[Lozza]

Thank you SO much everyone for your replies! He is very sweet, I was quite surprised when this all came out because usually he''s very practically minded and doesn''t like spending money on things that don''t do anything (he''s a bit of a geek

)

I''ve realised in reading all your responses that I probably made a big mistake. I decided a while ago that I would prefer a Sapphire to a Diamond. When I told him this, I made a big deal about how Sapphires were cheaper, thinking this would appeal to his practical side. but he probably feels that I am making a sacrifice so he can afford it. Hopefully a chat will sort this out!

Thanks again everyone!

 

[AustenNut]

I''m another one who would prefer to have a sapphire e-ring. Welcome to the club!

 

[Still_Waiting]

We went through the same thing (BF breakdown and all)! I''m not sure what advice I can offer, except whenever the opportunity presents itself, remind him gently that the size/price tag/whatever isn''t what matters to you, it''s the meaning behind it. I''m not sure if that''s what helped my FI, but he eventually got to the point when he just didn''t want to wait any longer.

We''ve been engaged for a month now (wow, that went by fast!) and he still talks about how he''s embarrassed by how little he spent (*ahem*, let''s just say it was well under 1K). I''m just so happy to have the darn thing, it could have been half it''s .25 carat size and I''d STILL be thrilled! There''s always the ability to upgrade. And he''s already talking about looking at wedding bands (we won''t be getting married for more than a year at least). I tried to play that idea down for right now. I want to wait until we have some money saved up for the wedding so he doesn''t start stressing out! LOL

Eventually, he''ll get through it. He loves you and just wants to give you something incredible. He''ll get to the point when he just finally goes out and does it! (As I remind my sweetie, we have many, many years for him to shower me with pretty sparklies!

)