Snoopy girlfriend makes proposal difficult....

[Merch]

1st post, be gentle!

After much discussion, brick/mortar store visits, and more discussion I believed I had a great idea of what my girlfriend wanted in an engagement ring. After placing, what was a scary en devour, an order with an online store...I realized I made a fatal error. The stone I believed I wanted was EGL cert, and it was not until after the money transfer was complete, did I start to do my research (thought I was all knowledgeable on this subject)on certifications. A long weekend ensued, lots of research and lots of worrying.

Monday morning, i make a phone call to the online retailer and start asking the questions I should have asked from the very beginning. After explaining to me in detail, most I had learned myself after the fact, about certs...i went back to the site to look for GIA stones.

Due to a number of factors, I did settle for a EGL-USA stone...i know its not GIA, but I believe I still got a quality stone. That and I am really putting trust in my online retailer/sales person. Someone please say something positive about EGL-USA....please.....

Anyway, my girl friend decided to ''hack'' into my email and snoop around looking for information on a ring I may/may not have purchased. She sees all the emails, reads them, and sees the picture of the setting and decides she does not like it. To her credit, it was not the setting we chose...on the suggestion of the retailer, they had a sale on a much larger carat baguette ring then my girlfriend and I decided on. I made a decision for more/bigger is better....this is not the case!!!!!

So without any difficulty I was able to again change my order with the online retailer. But now my girlfriend knows that I have purchased a ring. She knows when it is coming. The surprise is gone. The whole game that is played between men and women, in regards to engagement has been red flagged.

What do I do? An Easter engagement was the original idea, followed second by interrupting girls night out...them sitting by the window in the bar/restaurant and me outside with cue cards confessing my love and proposing. But the mystery is gone now. How does one get that back, without waiting months????

Help wanted, suggestion needed.

Thanks,
Lost in Lancaster.....

 

[Aeromax]

In a word...

My gf knows the password to my email, but she wouldn''t dare.

That''s not kosher.

There is a reason I had all diamond correspondance emails sent to my work email. I even received the diamond at work today, and the ring is coming here too. NO packages are being sent to my apartment, and NO emails are going ot my personal email. I''ve even gone as far as to DEMAND my friends not speak to me over AIM, email, or TXT to me about it, and I even use a different web browser for doing diamond research at home which does not save my browser history. I''m covering ALL the bases.

My only suggestion... change your plans. Wait a LONG time to giver her the ring. Tell her that because she knows, you''ve returned it and she''s not getting it when she expects it. Since she knows the plans are still in effect however, make your proposal really low key. Just take her someplace normal and pop the question. That''s what I''m doing, because my GF knows it''s coming, but she has no idea what timeframe. As far as she knows, it could be next month, 6 months, next year, or two years from now. Just keep her guessing.

Another idea- is there a way you could propose earlier than planned? I know easter is really soon, but... still.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Wow! So, you're comfortable with the fact that she hacked into your e-mail, snooped around and read e-mails that were not intended for her to read? I'm not sure that I would be (and I'm a girl!), but assuming you are, I would hand her the ring when it arrives. She kind of ruined this whole surprise thing, now you have to dance around and try to figure out a way to make it special for her?!?!?!!? I think you're a saint for trying to find a way!!!

I would also vote against pro-longing this because (a) she sounds like she's a little antsy as it is, and (b) she's going to find that ring no matter where you hide it. Maybe you can propose shortly after you receive the ring. You could tell her that you wanted to wait until Easter, but that you just couldn't wait to be engaged to her.

Or, you could still make it super special. Someone posted on here recently of a proposal where the guy made up a book for her and the last page said "will you marry me?"

It's not going to be a surprise because your GF already knows about it, but it can still be very sweet and special.

Oh, I just thought of another idea. You could stick the ring in one of those plastic colored eggs and then send her on an Easter egg hunt. That would combine her propensity for snooping with the proposal. You could put clues in each one to lead her to the next. That would be very cute!

 

[Merch]

Let me clarify, so that my girlfriend does not come out looking horrible. Hacking, may not have been the best term...she was aware of my password due to previous events. So she had it. I knew that she was a sneaker, but this was one of those things that knowing the fruit, spoils the juice. I didn't expect her to actually look into the email...so that may have been partially my fault for not covering my tracks.

By the way, she is a good girl and I love her dearly!

And for those that may care, the stone is a .75 emerald,G, VVS2

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I really don''t get the whole suprise thing. I knew when my engagement was coming and it didn''t make any less special, in fact it made it more so because he knows I don''t like suprises. Clearly she is excited and I would do it soon because she is excited, not draw it out, which, if you read the ladies in waiting thread, just creates resentment for no good reason.

For various good reasons, my FI and I have access to each other''s emails so I understand how tricky that must be for you.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''d send yourself an email saying "WILL YOU MARRY ME???" and wait for her to hack into your email That should do it!

I''m a surprise kind of girl--I did know my engagement was coming, but DH took me on a trip and I had no clue where we were going until we got there, which is why in the pictures I''m wearing a bikini under my sweater on the Eiffel Tower in the middle of winter (hey, I thought the surprise was a beach vacation). The thing is, BECAUSE I''m a suprise kind of gal, I would never, EVER, EVVVVVER check my boyfriend''s email. I mean, not that I would anyway, but I wouldn''t even want to overlook while HE was checking his email if I thought an engagement was coming.

My point is, if she''s a girl who loves suprises, she wouldn''t be looking through your email. My guess is that she wants to be engaged ASAP, so if I were you I''d just go to a favorite restaurant or do something you know she''d love and do it without worrying if it''s a surprise or not.

 

[Elan]

Understand that by going to look at rings with her you have already clued her into the fact that you plan on proposing. She knows you''re going to do it, she just doesn''t know when. So what if she knows what the ring looks like? This is a good thing, you want your fiancé/bride-to-be to be happy with her new sparkly. Your girl is probably smarter than you give her credit for; if she knows you were in the market for the ring, she starts becoming paranoid about the holidays. If not Valentines, then St. Patrick''s. If not that, then Easter... or Summer Vacation... or yadda yadda yadda. If she doesn''t know the details of the proprosal you have in mind, I say continue with your plans... it seems to me she has not infiltrated that far into your designs. Do not procrastinate in order to punish her for being curious.

You''re nervous and kind of making a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

[honey22]

Date: 3/18/2008 3:17:24 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I''d send yourself an email saying ''WILL YOU MARRY ME???'' and wait for her to hack into your email That should do it!

New England Lady - you are one smart cookie!!

I love this idea!

 

[Merch]

To everyone who took time to reply,

THANK YOU! I believe the ring will arrive on Saturday and I am sure I will ''pop the question'' soon after. I am leading her to believe that I am going to wait, but instead will ask almost right away. I do not yet know how, but I do appreciate your ideas and help. I liked the email idea, but i do not believe that she is going to touch my email again for a VERY LONG time She got caught, she feels bad about ruining the surprise for both of us...and yet I keep reminding her of it. If I want her to still say yes, I will need to let up on her a bit.

I found it interesting that the ladies on here were telling me not wait, and a majority of the men were saying wait.

I will keep you posted, and again THANKS!

~Anxious in Lancaster~

 

[Miscka]

Date: 3/19/2008 9:23:18 AM
Author: Merch
To everyone who took time to reply,

THANK YOU! I believe the ring will arrive on Saturday and I am sure I will ''pop the question'' soon after. I am leading her to believe that I am going to wait, but instead will ask almost right away. I do not yet know how, but I do appreciate your ideas and help. I liked the email idea, but i do not believe that she is going to touch my email again for a VERY LONG time She got caught, she feels bad about ruining the surprise for both of us...and yet I keep reminding her of it. If I want her to still say yes, I will need to let up on her a bit.

I found it interesting that the ladies on here were telling me not wait, and a majority of the men were saying wait.

I will keep you posted, and again THANKS!

~Anxious in Lancaster~

LOL pop on over to the LIW board...this is a common problem! I feel bad for your GF, I am a terrible snoop and have to watch myself so that I don''t ruin things. I agree with whoever suggested just doing it randomly. That is your best bet for a surprise, since any kind of special activity would be suspicious since she knows you have the ring. Good luck, let us know how it goes!

 

[EmRose]

Surprise is overrated The moment will be special no matter what. The worst thing you can do is make her wait. It will only cause tension and problems.

 

[swingirl]

I don''t understand the surprise thing either. If you both have decided that you want to get married to each other what is the surprise for? You''ve already decided! The emphasis should be on the start of a life together not how secretive one can be.

And obviously your gal DOESN''T want to be surprised, otherwise she wouldn''t be looking!! There are many ways to propose but the stress of planning the "perfect" moment seems to take away from so many proposals. What happened to, "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

 

[radiant girl]

I''m a girl who forced my boy to buy the ring I wanted instead of letting him pick it out himself (like he wanted). I have been "punished" in a sense. Because I already knew what the ring looked like, he wanted to do something special and surprise me somehow. Only he hasn''t been able to think of anything and "life got in the way" as he says. I thought it was coming on a vacation we took shortly after he bought it, but no. After eight months without receiving it (and after endless hours being frustrated and worried that he didn''t want to marry me after all), I finally asked him why he hadn''t proposed. He got angry and proceeded to ruin the lovely idea he had thought of that I had no clue to ever expect. So then he decided he couldn''t do that. It has been over a year since he bought the ring, and although I would still like some sort of surprise, he thinks the whole proposal thing is ruined anyway, so I''m settling for an amicable agreement on a date to get proposed. Whatever, I love him and just want to be engaged (finally). But waiting is THE most horrible thing. It put a lot of stress on our relationship and caused me a lot of heartache and unnecessary distraction, and resulted in me not getting a real proposal after all. Actually, to be honest, we are still not engaged.

Anyway, I''m so glad that you are not waiting. She doesn''t deserve that.

 

[ladypirate]

I don''t understand the "make her wait" thing either--it''s just cruel. No, she shouldn''t have snooped, but to punish her by making her wait for months even though you have the ring? It seems like a mean spirited suggestion. Just take a look at the LIW board to hear about the heartache and insecurity some girls go through when their guy decides to wait for too long after receiving the ring.

I''m glad you''re giving it to her sooner rather than later--make sure to post pictures!

 

[sklingem]

First of all - snooping is a big no-no. And based on some of the LIW posts there is a lot of that going on! Honestly, you cant have everything. Want to decide on the type of ring you are going to get? Fine. Want to even buy the ring yourself and hand in to BF for safe-keeping? Fine. Want to know whether the ring is already somewhere in the house/appartment and if so, where? Great. I am glad that we (BFs) at least get the chance to choose a day/time to propose (although that is not always the case - trust me). With knowledge come expectations - unfortunately - and often added pressure. That may just be the price to pay. I am not advocating that BFs should wait for two years before proposing when they have the ring, but MAYBE some of that "torture of waiting" could have been avoided by NOT getting involved so much?! If you are not sure that the guy is going to propose in the first place then that is a different ballgame and there may be a need for a more serious discussion that transcends any ring-related questions. And some BFs may just need to get their butt kicked. Otherwise ... trust your BF to make the right decision and give him the pleasure of getting involved in the process.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 3/19/2008 2:55:57 AM
Author: honey22

Date: 3/18/2008 3:17:24 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I''d send yourself an email saying ''WILL YOU MARRY ME???'' and wait for her to hack into your email That should do it!

New England Lady - you are one smart cookie!!

I love this idea!

Me too! That''s super cute.. but it would be nicer if it was in person. Too bad you cant predict when she''d be snooping again!

 

[Courtneylub]

Make her THINK that you''re going to wait a while now.

But then come up with a propsal and do it soon.

Sorry that I didn''t come up with it for you, but maybe I will be back after I think about it some.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/18/2008 10:27:58 AM
Author: Aeromax

My gf knows the password to my email, but she wouldn't dare.

That's not kosher.

There is a reason I had all diamond correspondance emails sent to my work email. I even received the diamond at work today, and the ring is coming here too. NO packages are being sent to my apartment, and NO emails are going ot my personal email. I've even gone as far as to DEMAND my friends not speak to me over AIM, email, or TXT to me about it, and I even use a different web browser for doing diamond research at home which does not save my browser history. I'm covering ALL the bases.

My only suggestion... change your plans. Wait a LONG time to giver her the ring. Tell her that because she knows, you've returned it and she's not getting it when she expects it.

A couple wrongs going on here:

#1 - She should not have snooped. I'm female and as curious as the next person, but that's just a violation
of privacy and uncool. Period. So yes, I agree - not kosher. Heck, I know all my BF's passwords, but I still
will ask him if he minds if I borrow a t-shirt to sleep in (even though I know where they are). I have zero
interest in reading his e-mails. On occasion, I have accidentally overheard him say things or came across
evidence that he was trying to surprise me. In those cases, I stayed silent.

#2 - The suggestion to punish her by waiting is also uncool. If I were a guy, I would confront her on the snooping,
tell her you intended to surprise her and tell her how you're not happy about the snooping/surprise wrecking.
That's all you need to say. If it were me in that position, I'd feel like an @ss, wait patiently and let my man do
his thing when he felt like it.

Maybe it's my age. I'll be 40 in 6 months. I wouldn't DREAM of snooping for my ring, demanding it or having any part in the selection of it. I'd want to be surprised. Nowadays, men have very few --- what's the old-school word? -- bastions of manhood. Proposing to a woman and choosing a ring is one of the few that are left. Not to sound like I am trashing the girl (I am not - I am trashing her actions), but I think it's very wrong to be snoopy and take that away from a guy.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Pandora II]

I so don't get this surprise thing when the ring is involved.

I had NO IDEA when my FI proposed - total shock and surprise. Not because we hadn't talked about all the things one should when contemplating a permanent relationship - but because he is very anti-marriage. We then discussed, designed and obssessed over the ring before having it made - one of the most enjoyable things I've ever done in my life. So many of my girlfriends are jealous that I got to choose my e-ring.

When you are sinking that much $$$ into THE most important and sentimental piece of jewellery she will ever receive, why would a man do it blind???

Would you let her pick you out a car that you then have to drive forever?

 

[sklingem]

Well PandoraII - the ring is a GIFT. Are gifts always surprises? No. IMHO though the fundamental idea behind a gift is usually a surprise - for birthdays and other occasions.
Receiving a gift for me comes with the understanding that I give up some of the control - to the person who gives me the gift, especially if that person is going to spend his/her money on it. I am thus not ENTITLED to take part in the process, independent of the nature and value of that gift. If I am going to spend a lot of money on an e-ring then it is also my right to choose the ring, location and time of the proposal and have fun with the process and planning. Is it taking a risk? Yes. She could say "no" and may not think it is the "perfect" ring. I think that it is more selfish for women to insist on having some sort of "right" to take part in the process, because it is "their" gift that they will have to wear.
Also - nobody should do it "blind". If (as a man) I decide to do it all by myself I better have a good idea about what she likes and dislikes. Heck, you want to spend the rest of your lofe with that person, so at that point you should know about her preferences. SAME goes for her btw. That''s why I would trust my GF to buy me a car - she has learned over time what TYPE of car (Brands, power, transmission etc.) I like. Can a woman expect her FF to buy her the TYPE of e-ring (5Cs and ring "look")that she may enjoy? Sure. But don''t send me an e-mail with the link to the stone and Tacori setting. In that case you can just take my credit card and order it yourself

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Nope rob, what men are paying for is a tangeable thing that women are expected to represtent thier relationship and wear everyday for the rest of their lives.

Would you let your SO pick you wedding band? I love my FI and I know him well, but I would never have picked the band he choose because it just wasn''t what I, or him for that matter, expected. I would be horrified if he only wore the ring I chose because I chose it, not because it was EXACTLY what he wanted. I love enough enough to want him to have the perfect ring and he feels the same way about me.

Besides, for me anyway, ring shopping was romantic. We made a trip specifically to Paris for a few days to look at antique jewelry shops. If he just bought me what he thought I liked, a box would have come in the mail and that would be it. Shopping with my FI was as romantic as the proposal itself.

You can do what you want, but us modern women like to have a say in our own lives.

 

[sklingem]

"Nope rob, what men are paying for is a tangeable thing that women are expected to represtent thier relationship and wear everyday for the rest of their lives"

- Sounds very modern to me

"Would you let your SO pick you wedding band?"

- Yes

"I love my FI and I know him well, but I would never have picked the band he choose because it just wasn''t what I, or him for that matter, expected"

-Well, some people know each other''s preferences better than others

"I would be horrified if he only wore the ring I chose because I chose it, not because it was EXACTLY what he wanted"

- I would be horrified if my SO did not want to wear the ring just because it was not EXACTLY what she wanted


"I love enough enough to want him to have the perfect ring and he feels the same way about me"

- My SO loves me enough to trust me that I will choose the perfect ring for her

"Besides, for me anyway, ring shopping was romantic. We made a trip specifically to Paris for a few days to look at antique jewelry shops"

- I love Paris! I actually was planing to do the proposal there. As a surprise. But maybe I should ask my SO if Paris is OK

" If he just bought me what he thought I liked, a box would have come in the mail and that would be it. Shopping with my FI was as romantic as the proposal itself"

- Buying a ring as a surprise can involve months of searching for the right stone, designing the setting and searching for the right person to make the ring. And yes, then it is shipped.

"You can do what you want, but us modern women like to have a say in our own lives"

- I am glad that you both have found a way to find an e-ring that was perfect for you.
IMHO, modern women look for gender equality in work, education, child rearing and in mutual support in a relationship. Not sure that wanting a diamond ring can be categorized as modern in the first place, but rather traditional. Modern for me is also the ability to relinquish control in certain situations while not feeling one''s identity as a "modern" and independent woman threatened. BTW, do modern women nowadays pay for half of their e-rings or dinners on dates? Oh - I guess that falls under the category of "chivalry" and "nice traditions".

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I don''t want to fight, but yes, I pay for half our dates and I am paying mopre for my FI''s wedding band then he paid for my ring, so yes it is split and I wouldn''t have it any other way.
My FI never would have found the ring I wanted because it ended up having to be made and I would not have picked his band because even he didn''t know what he wanted for a long time, so there was no way I was going to.

My point was that it is perfectly ok for women not to have a surpise and snooping in this case was good or she would have had the wrong ring. Clearly the suprise didn''t matter to her, as it doesn''t to many women, as much as the ring and that should be a sign to the OP that''s what matters to her.

 

[sklingem]

Sorry for getting carried away. It is raining outside and I am in a less than perfect mood.
There are different ways to get to the perfect ring and all involve more or less involvement by both parties. Just have to figure out what works best for a specific relationship. I feel confident that I can make the right choice without involving my SO and if it turns out the be a mistake, so be it. But I am really enjoying the whole process and would not want that to be taken away from me. Selfish? Maybe ... but not more than wanting to be able to decide exactly what kind of e-ring I would get. BTW ... the ring is going to be done tomorrow and I am really psyched!! Can't wait to post pics and getting your feedback!

BTW, kudos to you for taking the (financial) part of gender equality to a level that a lot of other women would not!!

 

[Pandora II]

My Fiance and I split everything 50/50 always.

An engagement ring is not the same as a Christmas/Birthday present IMHO.

My FI proposed with a scrabble board (story in the sticky at top of page) - 6 months of hardwork and thought went into the proposal, I know because he gave me a folder with all the plans he had devised and rejected over that time.

The proposal when it happened was about us and our promises to each other - not about oggling a diamond.

However, he knew that the best gift he could give me was the chance to design my own ring (I'm a professional designer which may make a difference).

For some people the whole surprise thing may work - but how many threads are there on PS from girls who hate their ring but don't want to hurt his feelings, or from LIW who have snooped and found he's not looking at the sort of thing she likes, or worried that he's clueless on cut etc etc

Just strikes me that the whole surprise thing is not always a sensible route to go.

I may have a different slant on things in that I'm in the UK where surprise proposals are a lot less common. My mother, sister, grandmothers all got to choose their own ring. Might also make a difference that we are both in our mid-30s and tend to be more into practical gifts that the person wants rather than surprises. Suprises and romantic gestures don't always need to be material.

 

[musey]

Date: 4/10/2008 4:37:19 PM
Author: rob09

BTW, kudos to you for taking the (financial) part of gender equality to a level that a lot of other women would not!!

Hm, well, maybe brazen and I are the weird ones, but I don't think so... every woman I know is self-sufficient and does NOT expect to be paid for at every turn. Maybe it's a regional thing. I know that my midwestern friends are mildly horrified that I plan to continue to work after marrying

"Doesn't your fiance make enough to take care of both of you??"

Anyway, brazen, it's no big surprise but I just wanted to say I'm totally with you on the ring thing. Some women could care LESS about jewelry, and wouldn't know an I3 from a VVS2 if they were sitting in front of them. Those are the women whose significant others can choose just as well for them as they would for themselves.

However, with the number of women (on here and in real life) coming out of the cracks to say "I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I HATE my ring--what should I do??" I'd dare say that those non-picky women are in the minority. It's not a matter of being high or low maintenance, just interested in rings or not.

We've drawn parallels on here before between the nature of the relationship and the nature of the ring selection process. It's interesting that it seems to line up more often than not. In that context, I'd have loved anything that my FI picked for me, because it came from him... But I love the ring we picked together MORE, because making major decisions together is defining aspect of our relationship. For me, if this decision had been an exception, I'd be worried about the precedent that set for our married life!

 

[sklingem]

"Hm, well, maybe brazen and I are the weird ones, but I don''t think so... every woman I know is self-sufficient and does NOT expect to be paid for at every turn. Maybe it''s a regional thing. I know that my midwestern friends are mildly horrified that I plan to continue to work after marrying "Doesn''t your fiance make enough to take care of both of you??""

I agree that it is may be a question of norms and values about gender roles that may be more or less prevalent in certain regions. I have to say though that a lot of my very educated and liberal female friends still expect men to pay for (earlier) dates and would not dream of paying for an e-ring themselves.


"Some women could care LESS about jewelry, and wouldn''t know an I3 from a VVS2 if they were sitting in front of them"

- Maybe those women are saving themselves a lot of trouble and agony as well. Maybe we all should care a bit less about e-rings in the first place. Hello Europe!


"Those are the women whose significant others can choose just as well for them as they would for themselves"

- Excuse me, but just because some women don''t care/or are not knowledgeable about diamonds doesn''t mean that their FFs are ignorant about diamonds or not interested in them and can''t make a "good" choice.


"We''ve drawn parallels on here before between the nature of the relationship and the nature of the ring selection process. It''s interesting that it seems to line up more often than not. In that context, I''d have loved anything that my FI picked for me, because it came from him... But I love the ring we picked together MORE, because making major decisions together is defining aspect of our relationship. For me, if this decision had been an exception, I''d be worried about the precedent that set for our married life!"

- Blindly doing everything that one''s SO wants, not taking charge of your own life and having an imbalance in the relationship (power, decision-making etc.) is certainly not the way to go. Do all decisions have to be made together? No. Do all tasks have to be SPLIT? No (the amount of work should be equal). What are those major decisions? Well, getting a ring may or may not be part of that category. Deciding that one should get engaged in the first place should for sure.
On a side-note I am also surprised that there seems to be much less outrage at women choosing a ring independent of their FF liking it or not (yes, there are cases when both partners agree on a ring) compared to men choosing a ring independent of whether it is the one their GF may have chosen. Seems to me that "having" to wear it gives you more rights than paying for it. But I diverge (sort of)

 

[musey]

Date: 4/10/2008 6:45:47 PM
Author: rob09

'Some women could care LESS about jewelry, and wouldn't know an I3 from a VVS2 if they were sitting in front of them'

- Maybe those women are saving themselves a lot of trouble and agony as well. Maybe we all should care a bit less about e-rings in the first place. Hello Europe!

'Those are the women whose significant others can choose just as well for them as they would for themselves'

- Excuse me, but just because some women don't care/or are not knowledgeable about diamonds doesn't mean that their FFs are ignorant about diamonds or not interested in them and can't make a 'good' choice.

Wait, what?!! Huh? I have no idea what you took that to mean, so here's what it actually means:

Some women have very little interest in or knowledge of jewelry. These are generally the women who have less (or no) desire to have influence over the choice of their ring. Therefore, these are the women whose boyfriends could/can choose as well for their girlfriend as she could for herself. The boyfriend has a greater chance of getting something that she loves, because her lack of interest probably means she hasn't developed strong preferences in the area.

As opposed to the women who have a great deal of interest in jewelry. These are generally the women who at least have preferences on look, if not knowledge of different qualities of metals and stones. Therefore, these are the women whose boyfriends have less a chance of getting it 'right,' because she likely has developed strong preferences in the area.

Does that clarify things for you? I don't really understand what you wrote, so I'm not sure exactly what it is you took from my post. Otherwise I'd probably be able to clarify a little better.


For the record, there has never been any "trouble and agony" involved with my interest in jewelry. It's a fun hobby. It made me pickier, but that in turn led me to have a higher quality ring, and my knowledge and good eye saved us about 80% (comes out to $30k-ish) on the centre stone. No agony in that!

 

[musey]

Date: 4/10/2008 6:45:47 PM
Author: rob09

On a side-note I am also surprised that there seems to be much less outrage at women choosing a ring independent of their FF liking it or not (yes, there are cases when both partners agree on a ring) compared to men choosing a ring independent of whether it is the one their GF may have chosen. Seems to me that 'having' to wear it gives you more rights than paying for it.

Yes, in my opinion, it does. It always surprises me how much men seem to think their bank account entitles them to. More than the issue of 'rights,' why would any guy WANT to force his own preferences on his girlfriend/fiancee/wife? Why wouldn't he WANT to give her something she'll truly love? I'm speaking more about the men who come in saying "my girlfriend wants a princess, but I think they're garish. Help me find a round" than the guys who just come in completely blindly.


I wouldn't personally ever want a ring that my FI 'didn't like,' but I do think that the woman deserves veto power and that her preferences are more important. It is her ring, after all. She is the one wearing it.

Thankfully that was a non-issue for us, as we discovered quickly that we had very similar preferences. But when there were differences in preference, he always diverted to me. How could he possibly care more about something when he wasn't going to be the one wearing it every day?


I don't think a guy should always involve his girl in the process, but I DO think that she should always be given the option. If she says she wants it to be a surprise, great! If she says she has things that she likes/wants, then a guy would just be setting himself up for problems if he didn't want to listen.

 

[sklingem]

That makes it clearer ...thanks. You are correct: The lower the expectations or the less clear the idea about what ring women want, the higher the chances that their FF will get a ring that may make them happy!
LOL
No chance for the FF of any of the women on pricescope!!