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[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 12/4/2009 6:12:56 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 12/4/2009 6:00:24 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I personally have never met the couple that got everything they needed for their new baby from their shower. And even if a couple was blessed enough so that they did get it all, savings have never hurt anyone. You can apply the money wherever you need...be it an emergency fund, or just staying on top of the expenses a little one creates.

Consider me the first person you''ve ever ''met''

Actually there was one very sleep deprived evening when FI and I laughed non stop for about 5 minutes and continued every time we looked at each other for the next 15 when we realized we hadn''t bought a single item for our new baby. Not one clothing, blanket, or equipment.

But our savings did go towards paying bills while I was out on maternity leave so that was a blessing.

You are very blessed for sure! I can honestly say, you''re the first mother (by far) who didn''t need to get anything! Wow, so, so lucky.

 

[monarch64]

I was just saying that if a couple is completely, utterly, 100% prepared for baby before TTC as far as the things listed in your preparation post, Italia, i.e. expenses related to health care, and everything else that goes along with caring for a child, then it kind of stands to reason that said couple likely also has the money to purchase the larger necessary items such as nursery furniture, transportation for baby when not being carried by mom or dad, and anything that wouldn''t be considered just a "gift" (keepsakes such as sterling rattles, toys that are not necessarily educational, the cutesie things). Certainly savings doesn''t hurt anyone and I wasn''t implying that there is anything wrong with your baby fund and planning. However, I think the reality is that most couples are not so prepared and since time is an issue in reproduction, (and this is a complete generalization and not directed towards any particular poster) you don''t see a ton of uber prepared first time parents in the world.

The "would baby showers still exist" comment was my attempt at facetiousness.

My bro and SIL are a great example, to me, of a couple who wanted children, are not wealthy by any means, but time was an issue (she turned 30, he was 34 at the time they conceived) and while they have savings, they were also remodeling their first home after having been married for 7 years and they did not have a ton of money to plan for my niece and all the expenses that came along with her. However, my SIL has awesome benefits, a very stable career in health care, and my brother runs his own businesses from their home. Could things have come crashing down on them? Sure. Unlikely, but it happens. Fortunately, and I don''t think this has been brought up, they have two eager sets of grandparents who were chomping at the bit wanting to help out as needed and as solicited. Ok, and one fabulous auntie as well. Hee!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 12/4/2009 6:22:39 PM
Author: monarch64
I was just saying that if a couple is completely, utterly, 100% prepared for baby before TTC as far as the things listed in your preparation post, Italia, i.e. expenses related to health care, and everything else that goes along with caring for a child, then it kind of stands to reason that said couple likely also has the money to purchase the larger necessary items such as nursery furniture, transportation for baby when not being carried by mom or dad, and anything that wouldn''t be considered just a ''gift'' (keepsakes such as sterling rattles, toys that are not necessarily educational, the cutesie things). Certainly savings doesn''t hurt anyone and I wasn''t implying that there is anything wrong with your baby fund and planning. However, I think the reality is that most couples are not so prepared and since time is an issue in reproduction, (and this is a complete generalization and not directed towards any particular poster) you don''t see a ton of uber prepared first time parents in the world.

The ''would baby showers still exist'' comment was my attempt at facetiousness.

My bro and SIL are a great example, to me, of a couple who wanted children, are not wealthy by any means, but time was an issue (she turned 30, he was 34 at the time they conceived) and while they have savings, they were also remodeling their first home after having been married for 7 years and they did not have a ton of money to plan for my niece and all the expenses that came along with her. However, my SIL has awesome benefits, a very stable career in health care, and my brother runs his own businesses from their home. Could things have come crashing down on them? Sure. Unlikely, but it happens. Fortunately, and I don''t think this has been brought up, they have two eager sets of grandparents who were chomping at the bit wanting to help out as needed and as solicited. Ok, and one fabulous auntie as well. Hee!

I think that is really wonderful...and if that worked for the, then it makes my method moot. But for me, I needed to know ahead of time what I was able to do...and that worked for me. There are a lot of "what if''s" in parenthood...being able to support the child, for me, shouldn''t be one of them. I think, though, that that can be balanced with career stability and other variables. I simply posed a senario to Smurfy that would possibly benefit them. She is in a different position from your SIL and brother...and if she''s longing for a baby but facing lots of judgments...this is a fool proof way to PROVE to family and friends who may be downers that they are able to meet and exceed their goal.

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/4/2009 6:22:39 PM
Author: monarch64
My bro and SIL are a great example, to me, of a couple who wanted children, are not wealthy by any means, but time was an issue (she turned 30, he was 34 at the time they conceived) and while they have savings, they were also remodeling their first home after having been married for 7 years and they did not have a ton of money to plan for my niece and all the expenses that came along with her. However, my SIL has awesome benefits, a very stable career in health care, and my brother runs his own businesses from their home. Could things have come crashing down on them? Sure. Unlikely, but it happens. Fortunately, and I don''t think this has been brought up, they have two eager sets of grandparents who were chomping at the bit wanting to help out as needed and as solicited. Ok, and one fabulous auntie as well. Hee!

Oh cr*p! If your SIL and brother were racing against time, DH and I need to get moving! (I''m 29, he''s 39.)

As for the original topic, I think Cara said it best: "there is an art in not provoking meddlesome comments from others." I completely agree.

The less you share with people, the less they have to comment on.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/4/2009 11:06:28 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 12/4/2009 6:22:39 PM
Author: monarch64
My bro and SIL are a great example, to me, of a couple who wanted children, are not wealthy by any means, but time was an issue (she turned 30, he was 34 at the time they conceived) and while they have savings, they were also remodeling their first home after having been married for 7 years and they did not have a ton of money to plan for my niece and all the expenses that came along with her. However, my SIL has awesome benefits, a very stable career in health care, and my brother runs his own businesses from their home. Could things have come crashing down on them? Sure. Unlikely, but it happens. Fortunately, and I don''t think this has been brought up, they have two eager sets of grandparents who were chomping at the bit wanting to help out as needed and as solicited. Ok, and one fabulous auntie as well. Hee!

Oh cr*p! If your SIL and brother were racing against time, DH and I need to get moving! (I''m 29, he''s 39.)

As for the original topic, I think Cara said it best: ''there is an art in not provoking meddlesome comments from others.'' I completely agree.

The less you share with people, the less they have to comment on.

I meant time was an issue for them, not that those particular ages mean time is an issue. My SIL is one of those who didn''t want to be an "older" parent, meaning she didn''t want to wait until her mid or late thirties to start having children.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/4/2009 10:47:41 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 12/4/2009 6:22:39 PM
Author: monarch64
I was just saying that if a couple is completely, utterly, 100% prepared for baby before TTC as far as the things listed in your preparation post, Italia, i.e. expenses related to health care, and everything else that goes along with caring for a child, then it kind of stands to reason that said couple likely also has the money to purchase the larger necessary items such as nursery furniture, transportation for baby when not being carried by mom or dad, and anything that wouldn''t be considered just a ''gift'' (keepsakes such as sterling rattles, toys that are not necessarily educational, the cutesie things). Certainly savings doesn''t hurt anyone and I wasn''t implying that there is anything wrong with your baby fund and planning. However, I think the reality is that most couples are not so prepared and since time is an issue in reproduction, (and this is a complete generalization and not directed towards any particular poster) you don''t see a ton of uber prepared first time parents in the world.

The ''would baby showers still exist'' comment was my attempt at facetiousness.

My bro and SIL are a great example, to me, of a couple who wanted children, are not wealthy by any means, but time was an issue (she turned 30, he was 34 at the time they conceived) and while they have savings, they were also remodeling their first home after having been married for 7 years and they did not have a ton of money to plan for my niece and all the expenses that came along with her. However, my SIL has awesome benefits, a very stable career in health care, and my brother runs his own businesses from their home. Could things have come crashing down on them? Sure. Unlikely, but it happens. Fortunately, and I don''t think this has been brought up, they have two eager sets of grandparents who were chomping at the bit wanting to help out as needed and as solicited. Ok, and one fabulous auntie as well. Hee!

I think that is really wonderful...and if that worked for the, then it makes my method moot. But for me, I needed to know ahead of time what I was able to do...and that worked for me. There are a lot of ''what if''s'' in parenthood...being able to support the child, for me, shouldn''t be one of them. I think, though, that that can be balanced with career stability and other variables. I simply posed a senario to Smurfy that would possibly benefit them. She is in a different position from your SIL and brother...and if she''s longing for a baby but facing lots of judgments...this is a fool proof way to PROVE to family and friends who may be downers that they are able to meet and exceed their goal.

Agreed. I know I was comparing apples to oranges, but the point I was making by using my bro and SIL as an example was with regard to the topic in general. Your advice to Smurfy was spot on.