small vent

[that_someone_special]

My only bridesmaids... are not speaking to each other and pretty much decided that they hate each others guts.

I do know that they agreed to be civil for the sake of the wedding, but this just makes everything more difficult.

One wants black shoes, and the other likes red (I want red). If I pick black, I''m picking bridesmaid 1, if I pick red, I''m again, choosing sides and favoring BM 2.

This whole thing is petty and stupid. They keep emailing/ telling me about their interactions with each other and talking shit about the other one when they aren''t around.

Both of them ask why I''m friends with the other one

*sigh* just a small vent...

Has anyone had to deal with that here??

 

[cocolaw]

nope i only had one! but i''m sorry that you are going through that! it is pretty selfish on both of their parts to add to your stress by fighting and putting you in the middle by telling you not to be friends with the other one.

if you want them to wear red shoes, then they will wear red...period. when your bridesmaid who wants black shoes gets married, she can wear black shoes then or have her bridesmaids wear black shoes.

i just don''t understand demanding bridesmaids. they are there to support you and to help you, that''s it. they should wear what you want them to wear with a big smile.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 11/26/2009 4:21:11 PM
Author: cocolaw
nope i only had one! but i''m sorry that you are going through that! it is pretty selfish on both of their parts to add to your stress by fighting and putting you in the middle by telling you not to be friends with the other one.

if you want them to wear red shoes, then they will wear red...period. when your bridesmaid who wants black shoes gets married, she can wear black shoes then or have her bridesmaids wear black shoes.

i just don''t understand demanding bridesmaids. they are there to support you and to help you, that''s it. they should wear what you want them to wear with a big smile.

ditto.
but this happened to me at my 21st bday (of couse, these friends were not bridesmaids ) i simple told the worst offender that this is my friend from childhood, and if she is talking smack about her, then she is talking about me. to the other friend i just said, i know you don''t like her, and you dont have to hang out with her, but can we just be civil for one night?

i would seriously consider asking your BM''s something of the same.

 

[monarch64]

I would totally find new friends before the wedding and fire these two. Unacceptable.

 

[FrekeChild]

Make them both wear silver. Problem solved.

ETA: Well the shoe problem is solved anyway...

 

[dani2142]

Coming from the otherside of things....

My good friend is getting married next June and I do not get along with two of her bridesmaids. We all used to be pretty good friends in high school but I grew up, they didn''t to say it without going into detail. I would never talk crap about either of them to the bride because I wouldn''t want to put more stress on her so it''s pretty selfish that they are doing that to you. We will be civil with eachother for the entire wedding and everything that has to do with it, but we won''t talk at all outside of plans for my friend''s wedding and I''m totally fine with that.

I think you should talk to them all and tell them they are stressing you out and that if they have problems with each other, then that is fine, but you don''t want to hear about it and you don''t want them to take away from your special day even though they probably have taken away from some of the excitement. So don''t let them!!!!!!!!!

Girls can be such biatches btw...

 

[absolut_blonde]

Wow. Sounds like they''re both being really petty and immature. This is the last thing you need on top of trying to plan a wedding!

I agree with Freke, I''d pick another, neutral colour for shoes - that way, nobody can get in a huff about it (normal people shouldn''t get in a huff about this kind of thing anyway, but it sounds like they''re both really riled up at the moment). Silver, gold, nude, something like that.

I would also, personally, sit them both down (separately) and lay down the law. Say something like "Look, I consider both of you to be good friends and I am not going to pick a side. I realize you''re not getting along right now and what happens between the two of you is your business and your business alone. I appreciate that you two have agreed to call a truce for the wedding and I hope that we can stick to the fun aspects of planning my wedding". Something like that, anyway. They both need a bit of a kick in the butt from the sounds of it.

 

[gwendolyn]

Can''t one wear red shoes and the other wear black?

 

[LilyKat]

They need:

1. A good slap
2. Manners
3. To find other friends to whine to rather than THE BRIDE who they know is a mutual friend and caught in the middle.

Next time they go off, repeat after me: "I''m so sorry you''re having trouble with x, but she is my friend and my bridesmaid, just like you, and it really hurts me when you criticize her. Is there anyone else you could vent to about this? Just until after the wedding?"

THAT should get through the densest of skulls.

 

[LilyKat]

Oops, double post.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 11/27/2009 6:41:38 PM
Author: LilyKat
They need:


1. A good slap

2. Manners

3. To find other friends to whine to rather than THE BRIDE who they know is a mutual friend and caught in the middle.


Next time they go off, repeat after me: ''I''m so sorry you''re having trouble with x, but she is my friend and my bridesmaid, just like you, and it really hurts me when you criticize her. Is there anyone else you could vent to about this? Just until after the wedding?''


THAT should get through the densest of skulls.

Ditto! I can''t believe they complain to you about each other - how inconsiderate! Sounds like they just need a wake-up call.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 11/27/2009 6:41:38 PM
Author: LilyKat
They need:


1. A good slap

2. Manners

3. To find other friends to whine to rather than THE BRIDE who they know is a mutual friend and caught in the middle.


Next time they go off, repeat after me: ''I''m so sorry you''re having trouble with x, but she is my friend and my bridesmaid, just like you, and it really hurts me when you criticize her. Is there anyone else you could vent to about this? Just until after the wedding?''


THAT should get through the densest of skulls.

Oh, I love that! I will use that.

 

[that_someone_special]

cocolaw- I sometimes feel that I am so anti-being-bridezilla that I am letting things go that perhaps I shouldn''t.. like the shoes. I just want everyone to look back and say they enjoyed the wedding, instead of thinking how horrible it is. But, to be fair, the BM that wants the black shoes also wants to attend the bachelor party and not the bachelorette party (she''s also my MOH)... I guess I''m not really surprised by her anymore.

jcarlylew- yes, they should be civil! It''s like high school all over again.

monarch64- I both have stuff in common with each girl, though radically different. I wonder why it''s so hard to accept that people are the way they are sometimes... one friend is more wild and out going than the other one and they just clash so much.. but why is it hard for them to just see that people are different?

Sigh

freke- our colors are ivory, red and black... otherwise I think silver would go just fine!

dani- it sounds like you are good friend to have, speaking from a bride

absolut_blonde- something tells me that one BM will always be on board for the shoes, the other one that wants black probably won''t give in. I might just have to stand firm about this issue.

gwen- I suppose so??? I was hoping we''d all have red shoes though

I found an inspiration picture with black bridesmaids dresses with red shoes and fell in lovvveee with it I suppose they could do black.. and I could do red?? I think I want them matching though.

b.e.g- I know!

 

[jcarlylew]

go with the red shoes, if thats what you want. you are not picking anyone''s side, but your own (and for the one who wants to wear black, show her the picture of your inspiration.)

 

[that_someone_special]

Good idea!