silly question - is she supposed to choose her wedding band?

[denverboy]

so as some of you know, I''m in the process of designing an engagement ring and it will be a surprise for her. And my plan so far has also been to get a matching wedding band designed that goes w/ the Ering. But then I thought - wait, is that "normal" or is it normal for someone to pick their own wedding band?

I''m thinking it''s ok that I''m getting the band too - can someone plz confirm this w/ me or stop me before I do it =D thanks!

 

[anarosa02]

I think it is fine to get the wedding band. Have several friends whose FI had already purchased the wedding band and haven''t heard any complaints.

 

[J2K]

I designed the e-ring for her as a surprise also. The e-ring has a channel set setting, so what I would order would be a matching channel set band that fits tight to the e-ring. I decided not to order the wedding band right away, and to give her the option of a different band if she so desired. As it turns out, she likes the e-ring so much that she told me to choose the band because "she couldn''t have ever picked something so beautiful for herself". So... she''s getting the matching channel set wedding band.

You could have the designer draw up a CAD for the band now, and purchase later. This is what I would''ve done in hindsight. Even now though, I don''t think I''ll have to send the e-ring back because WF should still have the CADs from before.

 

[neatfreak]

It depends. If you''ve talked about it and know what she wants then sure, why not. If this proposal and engagement ring is a total surprise, I would wait and let her help choose it.

I assume you want to have a hand choosing your wedding ring, right?

 

[AprilBaby]

Lately it seems as if a lot of guys are ordering the band with the ring as a surprise. I personally would rather pick my own band.

 

[honey22]

Ditto April - you can''t take all of the fun

 

[Elmorton]

I think it depends on what she''d like - if you know she''ll want a matched set or if the e-ring is designed in a way that only a specific band can go with it, then I think it''s A-OK to get the w-band, too. But, if it''s something like a solitaire or a setting that could have lots and lots of w-band options, I think I''d let her choose.

*And, even when a band is made specifically to go with the ring, it may not be what she likes when she sees it on her finger. DH and I had planned to buy the matching ring for my e-ring, but when I finally saw them together, I absolutely hated it. It was really tough telling DH that, because I was afraid he''d be disappointed. So I think if you do go ahead and get her a matching band make sure it can be returned/exchanged based on her preference and let her know that as well.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

I have seen some that come as matching sets, and I think that is ok...but I agree that she might want to pick her own if you are purchasing a solitaire.

My DH and I went looking and purchased together and it was the perfect way to do it for both of us.

 

[oobiecoo]

Personally, I liked being able to choose my own ring. Maybe have them make the CAD and show it to her and let her decide if she likes it after you propose or if she''d rather have something else.

 

[Rhea]

I liked choosing my own band. I had very specific ideas of what I wanted for it. The wedding band has always been my thing and I started gathering ideas long before I got engaged.

 

[kcoursolle]

I''d probably just wait until after you propose to buy the wedding band just to be safe. What''s the hurry anyways?

 

[just_looking!]

I''m with the crowd on this one! I''d let her choose her own band....

 

[MMT]

I would wait. You can always show her the band after you propose and see if she wants it.

 

[galeteia]

I will be wearing a traditional, plain, gold band without the e-ring. I don''t care for matching sets and don''t like the look of the e-ring and band worn on the same finger. It''s extremely important to me for us to have matching bands.

Just some perspective to back the idea of waiting and seeing what she wants to do. She may want a set, she might want matching his-and-hers bands, perhaps with something engraved on the inside, she might want two bands, there are all kinds of options, best to keep them all open.

 

[motownmama]

I think it sounds perfectly fine and lovely - I say "go for it!"

 

[kittybean]

I would hold off and let her participate in choosing the band. Here are a few reasons--just from my experience, of course--why I say that:

1) I was kind of bummed at being excluded from the e-ring shopping process, and it has been really nice to be in charge of choosing the wedding band myself. I have a rough budget from FI and have given him the opportunity to nix a particular band if he really hates it. He's been happy to relinquish control over the wedding band shopping since he picked out the e-ring.

2) I'm really glad he didn't get the wedding band that matches my engagement ring, because I would then have the issue of two shared-prong bands rubbing against each other and possibly damaging one another. As is, I have been able to try to find a wedding band that is less likely to be damaged by my engagement ring setting.

3) I've really fallen in love with the non-matchy look and am enjoying searching for a band that looks good with, but doesn't match, my engagement ring.

4) Finally, I am happy to be able to choose a band that I might be able to stack with future bands (shhh--don't tell FI). I'm having a lot of fun imagining what my stack might look like.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

It totally depends on what the e-ring is!!! If it is a plain solitaire, then I would suggest waiting and letting her try on bands with it. But some style e-rings would look weird without a matching band. In the case of J2K, anything but the matching channel set band would not have looked right. My ring is a plain solitaire, so I wanted a diamond band that did not match.

So if you''ll give us an idea of the style, we can more accurately give you an answer.

 

[Babyblue033]

For someone who chose her own e-ring and wedding band, and enjoyed the process throughly, I would say wait. I also ended up with a wedding band that is quite different from what I first thought I wanted, after trying on many different ones, so I would say you just never know what she might really like.

 

[denverboy]

while we''re on the topic of wedding bands, I have another question - is it standard for both the wedding band and Ering to be worn on the same finger? I know I''ve heard of people who wear the band on the other hand altogether. Just wondering if one way is "standard" and the other ways are as common but accepted?

 

[MissGotRocks]

You got it - wearing both rings on the same hand is standard but some people wear their ering on their right hand and the wedding band on their left after they are married. The wedding band traditionally goes on the left hand, third finger as this was thought to be the direct route to the heart. I guess there are some people that may wear the ering on their left and wedding band on their right. It really is all up to the person wearing the rings - whatever works for her works!

 

[kittybean]

What did you end up deciding, denverboy?

MissGotRocks is right--it is customary to wear both on the same hand, but I have seen tons of different combinations. My own current plan is to wear them together on my left hand, but on days when I work in a sketchy area, I plan to not wear the engagement ring. Like I said above, I''m also leaving myself the option of getting more bands down the line to stack with my wedding band, possibly on my right hand.

Another thought: in Europe, men and women generally wear wedding bands on their right hands. My grandparents do this (despite being Americans for over 50 years), and my parents did at the beginning of their marriage. After my dad broke his right ring finger, they switched over to their left hands. If your wife is European, maybe she would prefer to wear it on her right.

 

[denverboy]

Date: 10/5/2008 9:44:13 PM
Author: kittybean
What did you end up deciding, denverboy?

well since you asked =P for MY situation I am probably going ahead and getting a matching wedding band b/c 1) the Ering is curved and so it would be easier to get a curved to fit wedding band to match the shape 2) like I mentioned earlier, she hinted that a matching band would be nice. So I''m betting my money on the "I think I know her best" feeling and going ahead w/ selecting it now.

However, if it was a plain/non-curved band and she had not mentioned wanting a matching band, I would let her choose it later b/c I do generally agree w/ the comments and suggestions made above.