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Should old former SO pics be destroyed?

Should old former SO pics be destroyed?

  • Yes

    Votes: 13 14.0%
  • No

    Votes: 69 74.2%
  • Other - please explain

    Votes: 11 11.8%

  • Total voters
    93
  • Poll closed .
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kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Should old SO pics be destroyed?
Please vote before being influenced by reading the following . . .













My SO of ten years would like me to destroy all of mine.
I don't want to.
It's not a big deal or a big fight, just a disagreement that has come up maybe 5 times over the last 10 years.

Old pics of places and people are part of my past.
Like the other thousands of slides and pics from 35 years of owning an SLR, they sit in original envelopes a box in a closet.
I never even bring them out and look at them.
Some day I may.
It's not like I keep framed ones out in the living room.
My SO has always had a jealousy issue [Not my fault, as I have been 100% faithful].

(None of these pics are of a sexual nature. That would be different IMHO)

Pics are a record of our lives.
I cherish all of them.
 
I totally agree with you Kenny - they're a record of where I've been and part of who I've become. I don't/won't get rid of mine. I may not look at them, and I definitely don't keep them in frames around the house, but I hold onto them.
 
I believe your past relationships, past friends, past vacations, etc. are all part of you and your life experiences, especially if they were pleasant experiences for you. You shouldn't have to erase a portion of your life. You visited those locations, you enjoyed the good times, you were there!
 
I think they should be destroyed. My past is my past, and it's never going to go away, but I don't need a reminder of pictures to don't erase my past. I think in the house were my husband and I share ours live, would be disrespectful to have pics with me and ex boyfriends that I ones thought I would expend my life with them. Besides that I would not like my future kids to find out pics of mommy cuddling with a guy it's not their father.

I destroyed all the pics of ex boyfriends that were very important to my at some point in my life, and I don't feel I lose any pics that describe my life, I only lose the pics that describe the love with a man is not my husband.
 
I don't believe that the old photos should be destroyed but I would do it depending on other circumstances. If it were extremely important to my SO and it was just that one specific thing that really affects him then yes I would probably get rid of them. This of course under the assumption that they are normal photos, if we were talking about the only photo I had of when I climbed Mount Everest that would be a different story.

It really depends on the relationship and the people involved, you say that he has a jealousy issue. If it is part of a pattern then that would make me say no because then the photos are not the issue, his way of handling his jealousy is.

An example from my relationship, I am not the jealous type, I do not have a problem with him going on a short cruise and sharing a cabin with an other girl, don't have an issue with him hugging and sitting next to a girl I have seen him kissing and more before we got together. But there was an occasion were one specific friend of his made me feel pretty jealous and I did not want him near her. Since they were not that close after that whenever we would meet and he would keep his arms around me or at least hold my hand, making me feel secure and not jealous.

What I mean with this is it is not a case of black or white but of shades of grey.
 
your history is YOUR history. You can no more edit it or re-write it than you can house train a blue whale. Nor should you. All your past and experiences made you the man you are today that he loves. He should look more toward the future than your photo album, unless he just wants to gawk at your teenage spikey blue mohawk.
 
No. If your SO is uncomfortable with them in the house, see if you can store them in a family members attic or something. You may not want to look at them now, but maybe you will want to reflect on those memories in years to come.

I did destroy a lot of pics of me and my old SO, and that is a HUGE regret to me. I have very fond memories of that relationship, and I tore up photos in my late teens thinking that I wouldn't want to see them, or have my future kids see them.

As an adult, I would find it funny and charming to see photos of my young mother with her boyfriend. Maybe not as a young child, but dating is a part of life's journey, and you can't erase the past.

I agree with most everyone else who said that they should be kept in a memory box, in the back of a closet for those rainy, nostalgic days.
 
My first relationship lasted seven years. I'd be getting rid of my last year of high school, all of college, and the first part of grad school, as it was a very close relationship, and he's in pretty much all the pictures. Happily, my husband as about as far as you can get from the jealous type.

I'll admit, I'm a tad closer, and even I don't want all ex-pictures destroyed! Just maybe the ones of the one who I knew and loathed (and even there, I'm kidding: I just hiss and make the sign against the evil eye and remind myself that his time around her helped make him into who he is now). But for random, they-had-a-good-time-and-now-they're-friends exes? No hard feelings ....
 
No I don't think they should be destroyed. What's the point in that?? Destroying the pics doesn't erase your past. You've been with your SO for 10 years, he shouldn't be insecure about these pics..

I have old love letters from a man I almost married. They are put away in a folder. Would I destroy them if asked?? Nope. And have been married almost 25 years, and been together for 29 total. Do I read them?? Nah it's in the past. But who knows, maybe when I am 80 and in my rocking chair, wouldn't it be fun to read them??? :cheeky:
 
Depends on who it is, and what the pictures are, for me. I don't need 947 pictures of me w/exes out partying or at concerts, especially if I'm not going to look at them. UNLESS it's a really good picture of ME. Then I'll keep that sucker, not to remember the random guy but so I can see how hot I used to be. I threw out a bunch of pictures a long time ago and now I'm ticked b/c I looked GOOD in them but they all had a guy I was dating at the time and I didn't see the need to keep them.

If JD were to be jealous of anything/anyone, it wouldn't be the picture of my Ex drinking a beer w/my brother at my cousin's wedding 15 years ago, b/c he knows this Ex wore a man thong and I told him all the stories that go along w/it. Who could be jealous of that? He's not jealous of the guys I dated that are still our close friends, so he's not going to be jealous of pictures from high school.
 
kenny, i know from past postings that you value this relationship. i know you are sensitive to your SO's needs. perhaps a compromise: box them up and get them out of the house stored somewhere else. it may be the presence of them in the space you share with him that is bothering him.

MoZo
 
movie zombie|1298230105|2856084 said:
kenny, i know from past postings that you value this relationship. i know you are sensitive to your SO's needs. perhaps a compromise: box them up and get them out of the house stored somewhere else. it may be the presence of them in the space you share with him that is bothering him.

MoZo

This +1
 
They are a part of your history. I'm with MoZo...maybe you can store them somewhere else. Unless you want to get rid of them, you should keep them. You could get a t-shirt with SO picture on it and wear it all the time. "See....? Your number one!" tee-hee
 
I like the idea of storing them somewhere else. If you work outside the home perhaps your office , or with a relative?? A safe deposit box would be ok too, but not sure that would go over well with you SO?? Maybe a neighbor?? Seems you have great relationships with your neighbors. Just thinking out loud here...
 
Nope.

When my ex-husband asked for a divorce I left behind our photo albums and all of the letters/mementos. I really regret it now, those memories were part of a life that got me to where I am now. Only the end of that relationship was bad and I no longer have reminders of all the good.

I also wish I would've thought about how this 40-something me would enjoy seeing the pictures of myself through my late teens and mid-20s, there were some really great photos of me ;)
 
To me, photos are not a big deal. Mine are in a box somewhere (to be honest, I'm not even sure where right now).

Now, love letters are a different story. :)) I've gotten rid of ones from former flames.
 
Yes, but only because DH made some very big, and very ignorant, comments when we first started dating. Even though I know it was just a slip of the tongue, I never want to see the face he was talking about. Could the issue be that because it's not your SO others past, he has trouble seeing it as over, done and gone?
 
movie zombie|1298230105|2856084 said:
kenny, i know from past postings that you value this relationship. i know you are sensitive to your SO's needs. perhaps a compromise: box them up and get them out of the house stored somewhere else. it may be the presence of them in the space you share with him that is bothering him.

MoZo


As sensible and thoughtful a reply I have come to know from you MZ!
 
I said "yes", but I don't necessarily mean everyone has to destroy them, just that I usually do. I think it's a personal decision that can go either way. For myself, I just prefer to get rid of pictures and mementos after the relationship has ended. I only had one long relationship before DH and when we ended I was done for good - I would have no desire to look at pictures of us ever again and 5 years later I'm glad I deleted them from my computer.

My last bf before DH was a friend from HS and I have lots of pictures of us with our group of friends. I only deleted the "couple-y" pictures of us, but not the group or party shots since those are memories of more than just him.

eta: I got rid of the pics before DH and I were even together. He's not the jealous type at all in any way (I often hang out with male friends alone) but I still don't think he'd like to find those pictures on the hard drive some day while going through our other pics.
 
All of your life experiences form the person you are today. Even though my past relationships have been over a long long time, I learned something special. The photos are merely a reminder of the person I was at the time. Sometimes I love looking at the photos because they are also an important reminder of how lucky I was when I found my DH.

So put them somewhere where only you know where they are.
 
I voted no, but I can see a few situations where it might be appropriate. For example- DH had pictures of his waaaayyyy old ex-girlfriend (who I really liked... DH and I were close friends for MANY years before we dated...). Some of them were cute pictures, but she was in her bra. That made me uncomfortable, so he got rid of those. However, the rest of them are tucked away in a box, and from time to time we look at them. It's fun to look back and see how far we have come.
 
I say no as long as you both are okay with them, which we are. I have some pics of x's and same with hubby so no biggie. I agree it was part of a distant history; I never ever look at them but hey in 20 years it would be fun to look back at? ;)) Heck I even forgot names of guys I dated. LOL so for us no biggie.
 
I don't think they need to be destroyed but it would be strange if they were prominently displayed. If they are in a box tucked away somewhere...I see no problem with it.
 
I'll be honest, I would be hurt, worried, and angry if I found out that DH had kept old photos of his exes boxed away somewhere and purposely not told me about it.

I would not be if he said "I don't want to destroy them because they're part of what has made me who I am now, and someday I think I'll want to revisit them and remember how I grew from each of those experiences"..

Okay, I'll be really honest, I'd go through his stash to see what they looked like and how I measure up :halo:



Kenny, I think disagreements like this can be such hotspots - I certainly don't have any advice for you re. what to do with the pictures. But I *would* dig some more to find out why exactly he's so threatened by your history/memories.
 
I think it depends. If you are both OK with it, then save them. Even then, I think that some could/should be thrown away, such as just pictures of you two alone, at the mall, park, random non-important event. If they were "important" events then it may be ok to keep them. I think group pictures would definitely be ok, and pictures alone maybe.

If your SO is NOT ok with it, than I guess you need to decide how important the photos are to you and why. Weigh the pros and cons of keeping them vs throwing them out to keep peace.

May I ask what kind of pictures is your SO upset about? (Vacation, parties, concerts??)

I still have a few pictures of my old boyfriends. One I have kept because of fond memories. He was my first boyfriend. I truly loved him. However, a year after we broke up, he "came out of the closet." We had a bad break up, but once I learned why our relationship was so bad, I befriended him again. We have since lost touch, but I think of him fondly. Obviously, I have no romantic feelings left towards him.

I have pictures from another boyfriend, that I basically have been too lazy to throw out.There are only maybe 10 of him in an album of 100. They are in the middle of the album, and I don't want to have empty slots in the middle. I would have to move everything else forward. We only dated a few months and it was not serious. I honestly question why I ever dated him. The pictures are just pictures. I could live with or without them. I don't think my DH is worried about it at all. However, if he were to be upset, I would gladly throw them out.
 
iugurl|1298260290|2856353 said:
May I ask what kind of pictures is your SO upset about? (Vacation, parties, concerts??)

Frankly, ANY pics from when I was age 18 till the day we met.
It is like he has this absurd puritanical fantasy that he was my first, even though I was in my 40s when we met and was honest about the past from day 1.

It's completely irrational.
They are no sexual pics or pics of me cuddling or hugging an X.
No kissing.
No hand holding.
No nudity or underwear.
Nothing sordid.

He's got a problem.
I think by accommodating him by storing them at a neighbor's house, or us both going through them so he can censor them, I am facilitating, perpetuating and condoning his problem.

Again let's not blow this up out of proportion.
Threads tend to snowball.
This is not a big fight between us.
If closets are emptied for some reason and he happens to see a box of pics he gets upset and asks, "Why do you keep that?"
A few hours later the moment is passed.
He probably has old pics too.
I don't know, or care.

I think the mentality of, "What's more important him or some pics?" is childish.
 
Kenny- i wouldn't get rid of them. I personally do keep all my pics, and my bf does not have an issue. It's simply not a big deal. We know there were others before we started dating, and that's just life. Memories are actually way worse than pics, because you can imagine them to be whatever you want it to be...
 
Do you have a basement?? Put them in a box down there.. Or if no basement, how about the attic?? Out of sight , out of mind...
 
Good idea, Kal.
 
I'm answering prior to reading so take it for what it's worth.

I have pics of my old bf's. I wasn't with any of them very long and were always friends first. DH has no problem with that.

DH had a particular ex whom I hated so obviously those pics were destroyed.

It comes down to how the relationships ended, if there are lingering issues, etc.

If either partner is uncomfortable with particular photos, I think they should be gotten rid of. One SO's discomfort is worth more than another SO's want for reminiscing.
 
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