should i propose to my boyfriend?

[normajeane1926]

Hi there! This is my first time on this message board, and thank goodness I found it! Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years..we own a house together and do talk of getting married. The problem is that my boyfriend will not settle for anything less than the perfect diamond for me...atleat 1.5 carats. We cannot afford this, because we have a mortgage to pay etc. I have told him that I do not need a big fancy ring...but he says I desreve it. I have found a really nice ring...moderate in pricwe that I''d like to give him...and propose to him. Is this offensive...I see it as taking some of the pressure off of him. What do you think?

 

[wallace4u]

Sure you can!! I think there is too much pressure on both the people these days. If you love each other, go for it! I wouldn't be upset, I would probably start balling my head off. Take him to one of his favorite spots or events and pop the question! I am going to do it in New York when we are there for vacation, just bought the ring for her! Good luck!

 

[Bwana]

Honestly, I would NOT want, under any conditions, my gf to propose to me. I know that she would not as she desires to be the object of my proposal, but even if I were in your shoes, I would not want to be the one proposed to...

 

[honeynut]

I think that if I took the proposal away from my boyfriend, I would be depriving him of a moment he's dreamed of since puberty. Just like we dream of weddings, they dream of proposals. And wedding nights.

 

[goldenringlets]

Hmmm...the fine line between feminism and tradition...

The fact that you are on this site - one dedicated, in large part, to the tradition (albeit recent in terms of world history) of a woman wearing an engagement ring, I think you ought to reconsider proposing. Tradition has it that this is the role of the man. You can make hints, but let him do it. As my boyfriend say, "sometimes we need a nudge". On the other hand, fewer hints might make him do it sooner. People ultimately do what they want to, and for some reason he has not yet wanted to propose. However, if you have talked about marriage, maybe he feel you have some kind of de facto engagement. You could also decide for yourself if you would feel yourself engaged if you didn't had a ring less impressive than the one you'd hoped for, and look to the future for something akin to the 1.5 carat.

Good luck -

Goldenringlets

 

[Mara]

Run an archive search on this same subject, we get this every few months...there are alot of comments in the past threads...you may want to read through them. Every situation is different but I feel that for the most part if he has not yet done it, he's not ready. Discussing is not doing. Maybe the 1.5c stone is a bit of a delay so that it buys him some more time while he readies himself mentally to make the big leap!

Guys in general seem to need more time than women.




Anyway you know him best but I think that you should wait it out. Drop the hints, show him some beautiful picturse of stones or rings that are within your $$ range...or sit him down and speak frankly about it. Maybe he is already thinking about how he can swing it. But let him know that you don't want to wait for the 'perfect' ring--that you'd rather be his wife than wait for his idea of the best.




Good luck!

 

[canadiangrrl]

I wouldn't do it. Men propose when they're ready. If he isn't ready, there's no sense in rushing him.

Have the talk. Let him know that you're not looking for a stupendous ring - and that being his wife is more important than said ring.

If that doesn't get things moving, you have other issues to deal with besides the ring.