Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Should I help my future SIL with her invitations?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

violet02

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
2,201
So my friend and I are pretty crafty and we''ve both had a hand in making invitations, cards etc. We are even considering doing it in the future as a side business.

My Step-brother who''s been known to be a real ass at times and who I''m currently mending fences with has moved his wedding from February 2010 to August of this year. Their budget has also been cut to about a third of what they originally planned for. Anyways my future SIL wanted help making her invites. Originally I had said yes but my dad is very worried that if I go ahead and make the invites, placecards, menus that if anything goes not to her liking I will be blamed.

I think we would do a really nice job on them and it would be great practice for my friend and I getting into doing this regularly.

Should we go ahead and do it or are we asking for trouble?
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
As long as you keep it like a business proposal, I think you should be fine. If it were me, and I am SUPER ridiculous when dealing with family and friends, I would write up a contract with dates and everything. That way, no one can change their dates or expectations half way thru. Not to mention, documenting phone calls, emails, and any extra agreements along the way.

If it can't be that formal, then I wouldn't even bother, especially if you are serious about mending the relationship with step-brother. Is your FSIL known for being flakey, or your step brother?

ETA: I didn't ask my sister who is a great calligrapher, to help me with calligraphy. She can get really flustered at times, and won't finish projects. It just isn't worth the frustration, anger, and possible tears. IMO, you have to look at the "What if" in these types of situations.
 

LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
142
I would go with your dad on this. The last thing that I'd want is to be blamed for something just for trying to help. From what you've just told us about your step-bro, I'd worry about him being unreasonable and somehow blame me for how the invites might look "wrong" or whatever.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but my dad's side of the family is ridden with unreasonable people, so I've learned to just avoid situations like this with my relatives altogether. (Ex: If you give them a ride to T-Mobile to get a new cell phone, and it somehow malfunctions sometime later, they'd call you and yell at you like it's your fault. I'm traumatized).
 

choro72

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
1,867
Well, you said your step brother is not nice but what is your FSIL like? I think it depends on if you know how controlling she is. I''ve asked my sister to take care of the centerpiece + invitations and I''ve asked my mom to take care of the favors. I did this with the understanding that it''s alright with me to hand over full control. If they make final decisions without my input that''s alright. At the day of if I see stuff that I would never have chosen, I wouldn''t care. They are happy to do this for me, and the sense of family involvement is what I think a wedding is about.

However, if your FSIL is the type to ask for favors and nitpick everything that you suggest, then it''s probably more trouble than it''s worth.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
if you don''t accept money... I''d say help. Because you can say, I was just trying to help, if you don''t like them, you could have ordered them from a professional. (You said you WANT TO DO THIS... but aren''t doing so right now....)

If you are accepting money... be prepared for criticism if she doesn''t like. Money gives people POWER... in more ways than one. But some people just suck.. if she sucks and complains, and you did not collect money, I''d be sure to spread the word you did so, as a favor for free.. and most people will just think she is an ungrateful b!tch for complaining.

Sounds like fun, and a good way to not only mend the fence but get to know your future... step-sister in law?

 

njseeker

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
121
I think it would definitely be good practice for you guys to handle but whether an invitation comes out nice or not can be very subjective. It may in fact come out really nice but the groom or the bride may not think so.

I think whether or not you help out with the invitations really depends on how you feel the groom and bride will react to the invitations. What will their attitude be like? Will they be thankful for your support regardless of any imperfection in an invitation or will they be super critical about the invitations even though you are volunteering your time to help them...

The fact that your step-brother can be an ass and the fact that your dad is worried, I would say that you should back out as gracefully as you can. I think the excuse that you give can be the truth... you are really concerned about how the invitations will come out and that she or he may not like them.

If you decide to help, I would let the future bride take the lead on everything and let her design and create the invitation... you can help with the grunt work of putting the invitation together once she has a model of what she wants. I think that is less risky. I think invitation designs can be personal and without previous samples of what you have done, you cannot predict whether or not the future bride/groom will like what you create.
 

violet02

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
2,201
Well here''s the thing.

I am really not sure how picky my FSIL is. I know she''s a bit fussy and unhappy that her wedding isn''t supposedly going to be as ''nice'' as mine. She''s somehow equating money spent with nice vs the work put into it. I also know she''s lazy. Hence getting me to help her with them. Also she loved our craft work so she''s hoping to get some of that for her wedding.

We aren''t planning on accepting money for the work. Just for cost of materials and I thought it might be a nice contribution. We''d send her samples too so she can pick what she likes. It IS a tricky situation though since she could get a bit overworked about it, who knows. There''s defnitely reasons to be wary for sure!

I like the idea of the business proposal. We say we can deliver x by x date for x money and get her to agree on that. Then no issues. We hope. I''ll see what my friend thinks who''s involved in this. My stepbrother''s wedding so far seems to be a mess planning-wise. They decided to go small because they couldn''t handle the stress of planning but they are clueless as to what to do next. Also she has yet to even get her e-ring! He''s supposed to be working that out but nothing yet. The stone came from his mom''s ring so he''s had that since last fall but I''m not sure what his deal is with moving on that. Lazy people!
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Nope. I wouldn't do it. Brides are not rational creatures. I wasn't. We all know what those other bridal boards are like. Bridezillas! Add family history to that and POWDER KEG waiting for a fuse.


I would make an excuse about you job getting more demanding/lay offs/ etc. Give her some general ideas/stores/ sites and let her handle it.

If your brother has a history of being a PITA and your dad is concerned, those are flags for me. I wouldn't do it.


And if she didn't help you with your wedding stuff... no obligation.
 

violet02

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
2,201
Date: 3/11/2009 5:49:34 PM
Author: Gypsy
Nope. I wouldn''t do it. Brides are not rational creatures. I wasn''t. We all know what those other bridal boards are like. Bridezillas! Add family history to that and POWDER KEG waiting for a fuse.


I would make an excuse about you job getting more demanding/lay offs/ etc. Give her some general ideas/stores/ sites and let her handle it.

If your brother has a history of being a PITA and your dad is concerned, those are flags for me. I wouldn''t do it.


And if she didn''t help you with your wedding stuff... no obligation.
I''m so wishy washy! Lol!

My stepbrother did all my wedding guestbook photos. He set up a tripod. Marched people in, took their photos, glued them into a book and chased people down to make them sign next to their photos.

Does that obligate me at all??
 

LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
142
Date: 3/11/2009 5:52:38 PM
Author: violet02
Date: 3/11/2009 5:49:34 PM

Author: Gypsy

Nope. I wouldn''t do it. Brides are not rational creatures. I wasn''t. We all know what those other bridal boards are like. Bridezillas! Add family history to that and POWDER KEG waiting for a fuse.



I would make an excuse about you job getting more demanding/lay offs/ etc. Give her some general ideas/stores/ sites and let her handle it.


If your brother has a history of being a PITA and your dad is concerned, those are flags for me. I wouldn''t do it.



And if she didn''t help you with your wedding stuff... no obligation.
I''m so wishy washy! Lol!


My stepbrother did all my wedding guestbook photos. He set up a tripod. Marched people in, took their photos, glued them into a book and chased people down to make them sign next to their photos.


Does that obligate me at all??
You can help the bride out by pointing her to DIY sites, and maybe give her a list on supplies that she might need. Maybe help her address the invites AFTER they were done.

But don''t do anything else.
 

violet02

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
2,201
Okay advice heeded. I pointed her to www.weddingpaperdivas.com

Told her she can get all the inserts she needs including placecards for a reasonable price. And said if she needed me to review designs with her I''d be happy to do that much at least.

Phew. Thanks ladies!
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
Date: 3/11/2009 6:32:40 PM
Author: violet02
Okay advice heeded. I pointed her to www.weddingpaperdivas.com

Told her she can get all the inserts she needs including placecards for a reasonable price. And said if she needed me to review designs with her I''d be happy to do that much at least.

Phew. Thanks ladies!
By the sound of it I think you made a wise choice. I''m sure you''ll still be a big help to her even if you aren''t doing the hands on stuff. If things continue to improve between you and your stepbrother perhaps you can help with some of the last minute DIY projects... favor tags or programs maybe.
 

violet02

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
2,201
Date: 3/12/2009 10:32:32 AM
Author: Clairitek
Date: 3/11/2009 6:32:40 PM

Author: violet02

Okay advice heeded. I pointed her to www.weddingpaperdivas.com


Told her she can get all the inserts she needs including placecards for a reasonable price. And said if she needed me to review designs with her I''d be happy to do that much at least.


Phew. Thanks ladies!
By the sound of it I think you made a wise choice. I''m sure you''ll still be a big help to her even if you aren''t doing the hands on stuff. If things continue to improve between you and your stepbrother perhaps you can help with some of the last minute DIY projects... favor tags or programs maybe.
She asked me to research favor boxes for her which I said I would. I may offer to make tags. For a 30 person wedding I don''t think programs are a must per se.

Oh it turns out they''re going to try and use my invitation maker instead. That on top of trying to book my photographer, hehe. Interesting. Flattering I guess.
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
Date: 3/12/2009 5:45:25 PM
Author: violet02


Date: 3/12/2009 10:32:32 AM
Author: Clairitek


Date: 3/11/2009 6:32:40 PM

Author: violet02

Okay advice heeded. I pointed her to www.weddingpaperdivas.com


Told her she can get all the inserts she needs including placecards for a reasonable price. And said if she needed me to review designs with her I''d be happy to do that much at least.


Phew. Thanks ladies!
By the sound of it I think you made a wise choice. I''m sure you''ll still be a big help to her even if you aren''t doing the hands on stuff. If things continue to improve between you and your stepbrother perhaps you can help with some of the last minute DIY projects... favor tags or programs maybe.
She asked me to research favor boxes for her which I said I would. I may offer to make tags. For a 30 person wedding I don''t think programs are a must per se.

Oh it turns out they''re going to try and use my invitation maker instead. That on top of trying to book my photographer, hehe. Interesting. Flattering I guess.
Hehe Violet. I think really all you can do right now is feel flattered. Your wedding kicked a whole lotta butt and your photographer was awesome.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    What is White Gold?
    What is White Gold?
    Push Present: Engagement Ring Upgrade
    Push Present: Engagement Ring Upgrade
    20th Anniversary Upgrade
    20th Anniversary Upgrade

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top