Should I exchange the engagement ring he proposed with?

[cheeryrock]

Please let me know your thoughts.

Here''s the story. When my finance and I were talking about getting engaged, we agreed that we would go shop for a ring together, considering that I''m an extremely picky person. Especially for big purchases, my standard has always been - do all the researches to make sure I get what I want. As I was casually looking at rings on the internet, I told him I wanted a diamond accent setting with a 0.9 carrat diamond (the internet says to buy shy of a carrat to save money).

Anyhow, one day, he showed up with a 0.9 diamond ring on a solitarie setting. He went to a jeweler with a 120 day return policy because he knows I''m a very picky person, which is why he was afraid of choosing a setting. So, he purposely set it on a solitaire setting with the intention that I will go in to find my own setting.

When I went into the store, surprisingly, I like the solitaire setting the best. But with the solitaire setting, I prefer a bigger diamond.

Now, I have mixed feelings. First, I am quite peeved that he didn''t adhere to our original agreement - of finding the diamond together. None of this confusion would have happen if he was to go with the plan.

With the 1.2 diamond, I like how it looks on my hand (purely aesthetic reasons). But, I do have sentimental value with the original ring he proposed with. I''m afraid that a few years down the road, I will regret turning in my original diamond. To be honest, the original ring does look nice - simple and elegant. But, if I had a choice (in accordance with our original plan), I would have totally went for the 1.2 diamond. Price is not a major factor here. Even with the 1.2 diamond, it is still a bit shy of the budget he allotted for the engagement ring. (With the original diamond, it was much less than the allotted budget - but that "savings" can be used for downpayment for a house a few years down the road. I also consider maybe keeping the ring now, then waiting for 10 year anniversary to get the ring I wanted - but, it''s discourages me to know that diamonds get only more expensive.

Maybe an engagement ring should be just a symbolism of our engagement - doesn''t have to be what I would want if we were to spend that much money.

My finance actually advocated for me to get the bigger diamond. He told me that he has no sentimental value on the original diamond. (Do you think he''s being truthful? - He sure does sound truthful. He took the initiative to put the 1.2 diamond on layaway on his own call - just so I can have time to finalize my decision.

Should I keep the original diamond or go for the new one that I like?

 

[JulieN]

1.2

seems like it''d make you happy and that your fiance wants to make you happy.

 

[lisamarie]

Go with the new one. I think you be more likely to regret not getting the bigger diamond because your smaller one will shrink.

 

[Circe]

You want the bigger, mutually selected stone (in keeping with your original plan): your fiance wants you to be happy. Maybe I''m unsentimental, but I actually like the symbolism of the joint effort more than the alternative ....

More seriously, though, this is something that will please you both, so ... why not?

 

[reader]

Trade. I think it bodes well for a marriage if you guys can work together on things now.

 

[Imdanny]

Hmm. I don't know. If there wasn't *some* question in your mind about whether that would be OK you wouldn't be asking.

I don't know why he jumped the gun, but if he proposed already, and it's a nice .9 ct diamond, I'd keep it. That's a very nice size, and he probably "heard" you talk about "the internet says it's wise to get a .9". I'm sure he thought he was doing the right thing or he would not have proposed with it.

Am I the only sentimental person when it comes to engagement rings? Maybe it's just me but rejecting the ring he proposed with just doesn't seem right.

On the other hand, I can see how you would be upset because you had an agreement to pick it out together.

Tough call, but I'd just keep it. It's not just your happiness that's at stake as you start life together. I wouldn't want to start it by trading in the ring he used to propose.

 

[decodelighted]

If he's not sentimental about the first diamond ... and especially because he made the call to hold the 1.2 ... I'd go with that. Its his way of making "amends" for not going with your original plan. I guess he wanted to surprise you with exactly what he thought (and you thought) you wanted ... but, stuff happens, we change our minds after seeing things in person so don't beat yourself up (or him) and get what you want now.

 

[cwj]

Maybe he got the .90 because he thought you thought that was the smart thing to do (saving money), but he must have liked the 1.2 or he wouldn''t have put it on hold. Take him back with you and make the choice together. Think of it like he just did the leg work and narrowed it now to two, now its time for the two of you to make the final choice together.

 

[Isabelle]

Since you fiance put the 1.2 down on layaway with the prospective notion that you might like it better, I think it is totally fine to get that one. One question though: should you look at the ACA''s from Whiteflash or Infinity diamonds in the 1.2 range before getting the one on layaway? I don''t want to make your decision harder, but the fact is that that few RB''s are cut to the standards of these diamonds, IMO. In any case, congratulations on your engagement. If you are wondering about upgrading in 10 years, I don''t think diamonds have gone up so monumentally in the past 10-12 years. Maybe my diamond would have cost a few hundred dollars more today than it did back then. I know the price of gold has risen this year, but you have to average over the long haul, and over the long haul things are pretty steady.

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Go up to the 1.2 if your budget allows. My fiance proposed with a .24 ct. round. I quickly traded up to a .36 ct. marquise. At first I felt guilty, but I got just as sentimental over the second diamond as I did with the first. Hey, you like what you like! If your fiance can afford a 1.2 ct., then you are blessed. Get the diamond and enjoy it!!!

Your other option would be to put the .90 ct. into a halo seting. That would be a perfect size for that and it would look great!!!

 

[february2003bride]

Trade up to the 1.2 and ask or suggest to him to repropose or give the new ring to you in a special way.

 

[sklingem]

Cheeryrock - I am confused.
Did your fiance propose with the 0.9 ct one? It is a bit unclear from the statements you made:
"Anyhow, one day, he showed up with a 0.9 diamond ring on a solitarie setting" (...)
"But, I do have sentimental value with the original ring he proposed with" ??

Cheers,
Rob

 

[Bliss]

It sounds like all your man''s #1 concern with the e-ring is: making you happy. What a wonderful guy! I would go for the 1.2. Then all you will think when looking down at it is, "Ahhhhh!" The risk you run with staying with the .9 is, when you look down, you may always imagine the 1.2 and wish it were bigger. You know yourself best. Either way, you are blessed and lucky! But if it were me, I would go for the 1.2! If Team Cheeryrock is all aboard, why not? Engagement is all about glowing, being giddy and very very happy. So be happy!

And congrats!

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

I would definitely get the 1.2 or even bigger, since you said your budget will allow it. Your fiance will feel best if he knows the ring is EXACTLY what you want. Everytime he looks at how happy your ring makes you, he will feel a sense of pride, because HE made it happen for you. Since you seem to like the look of a slightly fuller diamond, I would get the biggest size you can afford, and of course keep a nice cut. Your fiance will feel 10 feet tall when people swoon over your ring. I would think your fiance put time and effort into coming up with a budget that he was comfortable with for the engagement ring, so use it.

 

[sklingem]

Hm, I guess the thread title answered my question. Honestly, if I were your fiance and saw my proposal being described as "(showing) up with a 0.9 diamond ring on a solitarie setting"
I would feel rather insulted. But maybe I am oversensitive here - especially for a guy.
In any case, I don't believe that your F did not have any sentimental value in it. He probably saw a ring/stone he thought was wonderful/special (why would he have bought the ring otherwise?) and wanted to surprise you (or show up) with it (maybe that is why he did not consult you). But it really comes down to what you want ( a different ring) and what he says is OK (whether it is truthful ot not does not really matter - you will have to take him by his word). So in this case - go with the bigger stone.

 

[cheeryrock]

Thanks all! I really appreciate the advice. I''m such an indecisive person. My fiance voiced that he wanted to get me a bigger diamond. (By the way, yes, Rob, he didn''t merely show up with the ring. maybe that''s not good word choice. He totally surprised me - especially since i thought we were going to shop for it together....) Anyhow, it is all good.

I think we are going to go find a good 1.2 diamond together - even though the other has been on a layway for the past few days. We believe we can develop as great a sentimental value on the rock that we find together. (We actually have already spent more time looking for the 1.2 than he did on the 0.9 - maybe because it''s just harder to find bigger diamonds at a reasonable price.)

Yes, and engagement is a really happy event. When he first put the ring on my finger, it looked really big on me. But, when we went into the store, it somehow "shrunk" hahha.

Thanks!

 

[cheeryrock]

Dang, I don''t think we can afford to keep both haha......My fiance actually did suggest that. But seriously we can put our money into other more pertinent expenses as of this moment (i.e. wedding) *sigh* Weddings are so expensive....

Yea, I think I''ll get as sentimental over the second diamond as the first - because it is you know ... to let other people that I''m engaged!

Date: 6/19/2008 9:51:28 AM
Author: NeverEndingUpgrade
Go up to the 1.2 if your budget allows. My fiance proposed with a .24 ct. round. I quickly traded up to a .36 ct. marquise. At first I felt guilty, but I got just as sentimental over the second diamond as I did with the first. Hey, you like what you like! If your fiance can afford a 1.2 ct., then you are blessed. Get the diamond and enjoy it!!!

Your other option would be to put the .90 ct. into a halo seting. That would be a perfect size for that and it would look great!!!

 

[cheeryrock]

What is the ACA or Infinity diamonds?

Date: 6/19/2008 9:46:24 AM
Author: Isabelle
Since you fiance put the 1.2 down on layaway with the prospective notion that you might like it better, I think it is totally fine to get that one. One question though: should you look at the ACA''s from Whiteflash or Infinity diamonds in the 1.2 range before getting the one on layaway? I don''t want to make your decision harder, but the fact is that that few RB''s are cut to the standards of these diamonds, IMO. In any case, congratulations on your engagement. If you are wondering about upgrading in 10 years, I don''t think diamonds have gone up so monumentally in the past 10-12 years. Maybe my diamond would have cost a few hundred dollars more today than it did back then. I know the price of gold has risen this year, but you have to average over the long haul, and over the long haul things are pretty steady.

 

[cheeryrock]

Thanks, Bliss!

Yes, he is definitely a really good guy - I''m definitely really lucky to have a guy who is so patient with me and is willing to overlook a lot of my flaws....

You know, I''m starting already to do that - looking at my ring and imagine what it would look like if it''s a 1.2 haha

I did decide to go for the bigger demand. If he wants to get me a bigger diamond, then let it be. It''s his gift. If he wants to upgrade the gift, then why not....

Date: 6/19/2008 12:06:24 PM
Author: Bliss
It sounds like all your man''s #1 concern with the e-ring is: making you happy. What a wonderful guy! I would go for the 1.2. Then all you will think when looking down at it is, ''Ahhhhh!'' The risk you run with staying with the .9 is, when you look down, you may always imagine the 1.2 and wish it were bigger. You know yourself best. Either way, you are blessed and lucky! But if it were me, I would go for the 1.2! If Team Cheeryrock is all aboard, why not? Engagement is all about glowing, being giddy and very very happy. So be happy!

And congrats!

 

[chiquitapet]

I guess you have already made up your mind and I know I`m in the minority here, but my advice is to keep the ring your beloved future husband proposed to you with. Despite having plans that both of you will pick out the ring, he went out of his way to get a beautiful ring to surprise you and make it a special proposal. He definitely put a lot of sentiment into the whole thing. 0.9 is a great sized diamond, but the memories behind it are priceless. (Do I sound like a MasterCard commercial?

) That is speaking from my own experience, because I never got proposed to with a ring, and in a way I wish I had, even if it was a smaller stone than I have now.

 

[Isabelle]

Date: 6/20/2008 3:21:26 AM
Author: cheeryrock
What is the ACA or Infinity diamonds?

Date: 6/19/2008 9:46:24 AM

Author: Isabelle

Since you fiance put the 1.2 down on layaway with the prospective notion that you might like it better, I think it is totally fine to get that one. One question though: should you look at the ACA''s from Whiteflash or Infinity diamonds in the 1.2 range before getting the one on layaway? I don''t want to make your decision harder, but the fact is that that few RB''s are cut to the standards of these diamonds, IMO. In any case, congratulations on your engagement. If you are wondering about upgrading in 10 years, I don''t think diamonds have gone up so monumentally in the past 10-12 years. Maybe my diamond would have cost a few hundred dollars more today than it did back then. I know the price of gold has risen this year, but you have to average over the long haul, and over the long haul things are pretty steady.

Whiteflash.com sells RBs in a category called "A Cut Above", hence "ACA". They have to be seen to be believed. Infinity Diamonds also sells Class A cut diamonds. John Pollard who posts on PS is a good contact person for them.

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Date: 6/20/2008 8:41:17 AM
Author: Isabelle

Date: 6/20/2008 3:21:26 AM
Author: cheeryrock
What is the ACA or Infinity diamonds?

Whiteflash.com sells RBs in a category called ''A Cut Above'', hence ''ACA''. They have to be seen to be believed. Infinity Diamonds also sells Class A cut diamonds. John Pollard who posts on PS is a good contact person for them.

If you look at GoodOldGold.com, they sell AGS0 Ideal cuts and ISEE2 diamonds cut by Infinity. Both are comparable to the WF ACA''s.

 

[septembergirl]

I am with the majority and think you should go for the 1.2. If you can afford to do it now, do it now because you never know what future expenses may pop up which could delay an upgrade if that were in the works. Plus, there''s the term ''shrinkage'' that sometimes occurs too and if you are doubting the size now, then you will definitly regret it later. Your fiance is obviously very agreeable and he wants to make you happy -- that is so cool and he''s awesome for doing that! When my husband and I got engaged, he didn''t propose to me with a ring because he knew that I love diamonds and that I was addicted to pricescope, lol, so his attitude was like, "I''m not risking messing this up because I want you to be happy and I know you are picky!" It took 7 months for us/me to decide on a ring, also because my mind certainly did keep changing. I''m glad I waited, and he is glad too!

 

[Kaleigh]

Go bigger now, he''s all for it. So go for it.

 

[Miranda]

1.2

It''s so nice to hear you guys are working together on this. It would be a major issue for many couples!

 

[Ava15]

Trade up. It is obvious his goal is to make you happy. Months, years from now, you will look at the diamond you love, and be reminded of his love for you!

 

[krisvrn]

I would exchange it so you can get what you really want as long as he is totally ok with it doing so!