Short Engagements... from the guest perspective

[meresal]

First off, I know... "It is not my wedding, so I shouldn't have an opinion."

With that said, does anyone else get anxiety when they find out that a really good friend has decided to plan her wedding only a few months away? Especially when they decide to have it right in the middle of the upcoming wedding season?

ETA: I should add... I am 25, so we are right in that "prime time" for friends to be getting married. We already have 5 in May/June, which is when this friend has decided to try and find a venue.

 

[Maria D]

Are you anxious because you think she's rushing into the marriage itself or because you just don't think she has time to properly plan for a wedding? My husband and I got engaged in mid-March and were wed on July 1st. This was in 1989 with a reception for 60. I think that can still be done today. However, if she's planning for a huge wedding with every last fancy detail that can possibly be incorporated, then yeah I'd be worried for her too. Look at the bright side -- she won't need to do "Save The Dates." The invitation itself will suffice.

 

[emeraldlover1]

IDK...one of my friends just got engaged and I wish she was having a shorter engagement. Are you worried about them overlaping? I guess I missed what the real concern is.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/30/2009 9:53:01 AM
Author: Maria D
Are you anxious because you think she''s rushing into the marriage itself or because you just don''t think she has time to properly plan for a wedding? My husband and I got engaged in mid-March and were wed on July 1st. This was in 1989 with a reception for 60. I think that can still be done today. However, if she''s planning for a huge wedding with every last fancy detail that can possibly be incorporated, then yeah I''d be worried for her too. Look at the bright side -- she won''t need to do ''Save The Dates.'' The invitation itself will suffice.

It''s not that it can''t be done... I totally understand that. It also has nothing to do with being ready. Though I don''t think they have the "healthiest" relationship, they love each other and have been together over 5 years. She has been ready for this, for a good while.

I guess this one just surprised me, because of everything else I have going on between now and then, and the fact that we have already committed to so many other weddings, which I know quite a few of our other friends have as well.

I am a HUGE planner, especially when it comes to weddings. So these last minute things really throw me for a loop. We also have a baby due at the end of April, two wedding showers for other brides somewhere in between now and then which neither of them will pick a date for (and a bachelorette weekend around mid-March), and I will now also have to miss another bachelorette party for a best friend. (I can''t go with the bride whose wedding I am in, becuase they are doing Vegas 2 weeks before my due date.)

LOL. It''s just me, and my crazy schedule. I guess I just figured that most 20''somethings have multiple weddings in the spring time, like us.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/30/2009 9:58:51 AM
Author: emeraldlover1
IDK...one of my friends just got engaged and I wish she was having a shorter engagement. Are you worried about them overlaping? I guess I missed what the real concern is.

In a word... YES!

See: Above post. I have two other friends that are both getting married in May (actually 3, but one is May 1, only 2 days after my due date... we have already told her, that we will most likely be unable to attend) and neither will pick a date for their shower. I finally just had to pick a date for my baby shower, becuase I couldn't wait any longer on them.


I guess my question would be, "If you had a short engagement... did it change your expectations for the amount of guests that would attend your showers, parties, and wedding?"

 

[pinki]

My cousin just got engaged in early December and has set her wedding date for June 5th. 3 weeks before mine! That kinda bummed me out because I''ve been planning my wedding for over a year, but I am also shocked that she is only allowing herself 5 months to plan. She says she hasn''t started planning until after the New Year so I''m also wondering if she''s going to have a very intimate wedding. It just seems very fast to be able to get everything together, and as you mentioned find a venue in June in less than 6 months. Yoinks!

 

[purselover]

We planned our wedding in 6 months and no it didn''t change my expectations for how many guests would come, I think 6 months is plenty of notice.

 

[Maria D]

OK, I get it now....you are anxious about *your* schedule...and rightly so!

All I have to say is you have far more energy than I did at your age, or any age for that matter! I think you should just sit back and relax. Friends will certainly understand if you can''t make it to all the events.

 

[LilyKat]

I think anyone having a very short engagement, in the midst of others with an overlapping guest list, has to realise (if they have any sense) that they are unlikely to have as many attendees compared to if they waited longer/chose a less popular time.

That said, some people really don''t care and just want to be married. Fair enough. Their choice. As a guest, there is no obligation to bend over backwards to attend every wedding you''re invited to. First come, first served

 

[joelly]

Date: 12/30/2009 10:08:54 AM
Author: meresal
In a word... YES!

See: Above post. I have two other friends that are both getting married in May (actually 3, but one is May 1, only 2 days after my due date... we have already told her, that we will most likely be unable to attend) and neither will pick a date for their shower. I finally just had to pick a date for my baby shower, becuase I couldn''t wait any longer on them.


I guess my question would be, ''If you had a short engagement... did it change your expectations for the amount of guests that would attend your showers, parties, and wedding?''

I was engaged in Mar of 2009 but we announced our engagement in Sep 2009 due to family''s hiccups. Anyway, to those who knows we engaged since Sep 09 thought our engagement was rather short cause we will get marry in January 2010. So, I am prepared that some friends/family can''t make it to our wedding but we still send them invitations (my FI insist on this cause it puts our wedding date in black and white).

 

[meresal]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I am just having anxiety about all the different plans, and lack there of to be honest. If you read my other post and my NYE ordeal, I have a hard time not being at things I think I should be at, so these next 4 months will be a big growing period for me... since obviously I will not be able to make all of it!

I need to realize this so that I don''t stretch myself too thin befor the baby gets here!

 

[joelly]

Date: 12/30/2009 11:25:06 AM
Author: meresal
Thanks for your replies everyone.

I am just having anxiety about all the different plans, and lack there of to be honest. If you read my other post and my NYE ordeal, I have a hard time not being at things I think I should be at, so these next 4 months will be a big growing period for me... since obviously I will not be able to make all of it!

I need to realize this so that I don''t stretch myself too thin befor the baby gets here!

You have a good heart to want to be there with your best pals. But one can only do so much. They will be happy to know you have their best interest at heart.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

We planned our wedding in 6 weeks. We wanted to be married ASAP (we''d dated for 8 years, had a rough past year, weren''t living together, and the date we chose worked out for venues/most of our immediate family.)

We completely understood if people couldn''t come b/c of the short notice and included a simple message about that on our website and in our email save the dates.

If you can''t go, you can''t go. No worries. Our philosophy was we love you and we know you love us even if you can''t be here with us on this day.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 12/30/2009 11:25:06 AM
Author: meresal
these next 4 months will be a big growing period for me... since obviously I will not be able to make all of it!

No pun intended ... right?

But ya ... I think a lot of folks move from a "people pleasing" default mechanism to a more "selfish" one right about the time they hit TILT. Then you end up having more compassion & respect for folks who have been saying "no" to you all along also!

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/30/2009 11:37:44 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 12/30/2009 11:25:06 AM
Author: meresal
these next 4 months will be a big growing period for me... since obviously I will not be able to make all of it!

No pun intended ... right?

But ya ... I think a lot of folks move from a ''people pleasing'' default mechanism to a more ''selfish'' one right about the time they hit TILT. Then you end up having more compassion & respect for folks who have been saying ''no'' to you all along also!

Hah... there were quite a few preggo nuances in there. Between "growing" and "stretching" I think I covered a bit of what will be happening to me in the next few months...

I can already see my people pleasing days coming to a grinding halt.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think I have like 3 weddings in August at least, chances are I''ll only make one of them even though I''ve had ample notice. The schedule just does not permit, such is life.

Haha, I''ve already warned people that I will only get more ornery with pregnancy. I absolutely expect to be that unstable pregnant woman that pees on your shoes if you touch my belly uninvited.