She''s Flirting with my MAN

[crystalheart1]

Ladies, I am new here , but LOVE YOU GUYS. I have been reading and admiring all of the good advice you guys shell out. I have been having a bit of a time with a lady who constantly flirt/hits on my boyfriend ( of 2 years and going strong) . She is married -but not happy, also has 6 kids. She was someone my dbf talked to when he was going through his divorce. She thought she might have a chance to have something more come out of it. She is not in the least bit of a threat in the looks or personality department. Very wierd... and reminds me of character of a stressed out Mom on a sitcom.. But it is annoying and very disrespectful to our relationship. He is nice to her because she was there for him to talk to. She is always asking him what his plans are for the weekend, do you need help etc...She has even asked him if she could shave his back... long story - He is getting laser hair removal done by her daughter. She knows me - but keeps trying to move in on him.. what to do? Has anyone had a situation like this?

 

[swingirl]

The problem isn''t with this woman, it''s with your bf. No one is ever flirtations for very long with someone who is not interested. There are ways of cooling this woman''s flirtatius behavior and it needs to done by your bf, not you. She is behaving inappropriately but hasn''t been giving the message yet that it isn''t welcome.

Either your bf doesn''t mind or he doesn''t know what to do. If he really is clueness on how to get her to stop, tell him that everytime she flirts to bring your name into the conversation in a very complimentary way. I think that''ll cool her hormones!

And the whole daughter-doing-the-laser-hair thing is too close for comfort. There are a lot of places to get laser hair removal done. Kinda creepy to want it done by someone who''s mother is flirting!!! EEK!

 

[Allisonfaye]

Ok. This might not be what you want to hear but she doesn''t owe your relationship any respect. As long as your man is behaving himself, I think there is nothing you should do. (Notice I say ''should'' and not ''could''). I think it is tacky to confront a woman like that. It makes you appear insecure. If you just sit back and do nothing, you appear confident and secure.

 

[crystalheart1]

Yes, I have not said anything at all to her. I actually act very friendly to her. I forgot to add her son is friends with his son. He is having the laser hair removal done for free because her daughter is getting licensed and is learning with a doctor. She needs to have a certain number of hours experience. His comment is she is WIERD but harmless. He does avoid her - but the boys have play dates. He is one of those men who is nice and feels like he owes people something for being there when he was going through his divorce. I think she is being a litlle stalker.

 

[poptart]

Date: 4/12/2007 6:36:02 PM
Author: swingirl
The problem isn''t with this woman, it''s with your bf. No one is ever flirtations for very long with someone who is not interested. There are ways of cooling this woman''s flirtatius behavior and it needs to done by your bf, not you. She is behaving inappropriately but hasn''t been giving the message yet that it isn''t welcome.


Either your bf doesn''t mind or he doesn''t know what to do. If he really is clueness on how to get her to stop, tell him that everytime she flirts to bring your name into the conversation in a very complimentary way. I think that''ll cool her hormones!


And the whole daughter-doing-the-laser-hair thing is too close for comfort. There are a lot of places to get laser hair removal done. Kinda creepy to want it done by someone who''s mother is flirting!!! EEK!

I completely agree on everything. If it bothers you and your boyfriend knows it, it''s his business to stop the flirtation in its tracks. He could just shell out the money and get the laser removal done somewhere else. He doesn''t really owe any of these people anything. And even if the two sons have play dates, that doesn''t mean they have to have the play dates alone with just the two adults, they could invite other parents to bring their children, too. There are lots of ways to show your boundaries with someone short of being rude to them.

*M*

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 4/12/2007 6:36:08 PM
Author: Allisonfaye
Ok. This might not be what you want to hear but she doesn't owe your relationship any respect. As long as your man is behaving himself, I think there is nothing you should do. (Notice I say 'should' and not 'could'). I think it is tacky to confront a woman like that. It makes you appear insecure. If you just sit back and do nothing, you appear confident and secure.

Yikes, see I think it IS tacky to be hitting on someone else's boyfriend. Very disrespectful and while she may not 'owe' anything to anyone, common decency dictates she should back off. I mean, does that mean it's okay to hit on other people's spouses because you don't owe the relationship any respect???

I don't think that I would necessarily confront the woman, but I would probably have a chat with my BF about her behavior and that it may be crossing the line to inappropriate. I would hope that my BF would respect me enough not allow those sort of situations to take place. Either he is clueless (and needs to get one), or her attentions entertain him??

 

[justjulia]

I asked my husband, and he said "he can't have it both ways."

I think some men have trouble with understanding relationship territories (how their actions can be perceived). Now that he is in a serious relationship, he and she can't be best buds. He is going to have to talk with her and set the boundries. It's not your job. Men need to understand that things don't go away if you ignore them. Ya know?

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 4/12/2007 6:48:13 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 4/12/2007 6:36:02 PM
Author: swingirl
The problem isn''t with this woman, it''s with your bf. No one is ever flirtations for very long with someone who is not interested. There are ways of cooling this woman''s flirtatius behavior and it needs to done by your bf, not you. She is behaving inappropriately but hasn''t been giving the message yet that it isn''t welcome.


Either your bf doesn''t mind or he doesn''t know what to do. If he really is clueness on how to get her to stop, tell him that everytime she flirts to bring your name into the conversation in a very complimentary way. I think that''ll cool her hormones!


And the whole daughter-doing-the-laser-hair thing is too close for comfort. There are a lot of places to get laser hair removal done. Kinda creepy to want it done by someone who''s mother is flirting!!! EEK!

I completely agree on everything. If it bothers you and your boyfriend knows it, it''s his business to stop the flirtation in its tracks. He could just shell out the money and get the laser removal done somewhere else. He doesn''t really owe any of these people anything. And even if the two sons have play dates, that doesn''t mean they have to have the play dates alone with just the two adults, they could invite other parents to bring their children, too. There are lots of ways to show your boundaries with someone short of being rude to them.

*M*

Thritto. It''s up to your bf to tell this woman that she''s crossed a line and if she can''t control herself then the arrangements for the boys'' play dates will be changed. And there''s no reason why he has to have this procedure performed by the daughter, even if she needs school hours. You have no power in this situation, which is why you''re so uncomfortable with it and if you''ve told him this upsets you and he''s not making motions to correct it than you should deal with him, he''s the one who has a commitment to you, not her.

 

[crystalheart1]

BF did talk to her about this in the past after a message she left when had a few drinks in her. Things were ok for a while but the Do you need me to shave your back? remark got me annoyed. She worms her way in through the helpful Mom routine. Just letting you know this is at the school, or can I drop a BD present off for one of the kids? I told him I would go with him for the Laser treatement. If she sees me, hopefully it will put her off. I thinks she has a major crush on him, he is a cutie. It just seems very teenagerish..

 

[crystalheart1]

Also, the Laser treatments are Very Expensive... I wanted to have them done but would cost close to $900.00 or more. I don''t blame him for getting them done for free

 

[KimberlyH]

It sounds to me you''re looking for commiseration, not advice. Good luck to you as it sounds like quite an awkward and strange situation.

 

[crystalheart1]

Kimberly, Your right, I was interested in knowing if anyone else had situations like this.. I am just surprised she keeps it up. I think he is probably a nice looking man being nice to her and her fantasy is making more of it. THanks for the feedback