she stole my ring...

[twinkletoes]

sorry to delete this, but i'm paranoid my friend might happen across this site. suffice it to say i showed her the ering i wanted and then she went behind my back to get it for herself.

i'm feeling much better now. i vented, my feelings were valid and i have the support of my lovely boyfriend, friends, family and you guys. i won't be saying anything to her - i know it will probably turn very ugly and will only make me feel worse. and like John said - it's very possible that the tables could turn and i will look like the petty jealous one. i want this to be a happy time for her and not one marred by a fight over a ring.

i know the engagement ring is important, but in the grand scheme of things it's really nothing compared to living a happy life with the one you love. i know there are plenty of rings out there and missing out on this one isn't going to ruin my life. but if my friend is happy i'm happy for her. i think she is somewhat jealous of me which i think is ironic because she's got nothing to be jealous of.

anyways, i thank you all for your input and support. you guys are the best!

 

[heart prongs]

Are you sure she's not saving it to show it to your boyfriend???

 

[twinkletoes]

yes because she doesn't think i should marry my boyfriend.

 

[goldengirl]

Aw, hun..... (((hugs))) it does suck that she got all copy-cat on you, behind your back, like she knew she was doing something wrong.

You've already said "it's just a ring" but we all know here an e-ring is so much more...could you, perhaps, tweak the design you love so much so that it's a little different than what she's wearing, but beautiful all the same? You know, then you'll have a "custom" ring while she has "stock" merchandise, and then you can stick YOUR nose up in the air...

It seems to me like you have more problems with her than just this one incident...maybe it's just Bridezilla rearing her ugly head but maybe it's a deeper character flaw. Perhaps you should reconsider how "best friend-y" you two really are, once the wedding is out of the way (you did make a commitment, after all).

Here's hoping you find a way to make this situation work out for you--

 

[reena]

man, i really hope that heartprongs is right, cause if not that's so completely HORRIBLE of her and i would be so unbelievably hurt and just absolutely f*&^ing furious if i were you. what kind of friend would do that? yes, it's "just a ring" and in the grand scheme of things it's not life or death, fine. but this is something that you searched far and wide for, fell in love with and have been hoping for/dreaming about for your e-ring. and she knew that.




are you SURE she's getting that exact ring?

 

[Todd07]

Flip it in your mind - she's complimenting you on your taste by copying you.

Also, sounds like she will live out of state so you won't see it/her regularly.

I would also tell her "i see you've also chosen the ring I picked, and showed you x weeks ago"

That's not mean, just setting the record straight.

 

[twinkletoes]

I'm not completely sure if she's buying it, but up until last week she was going to wait until she and her fiance go on their honeymoon to italy to find her setting. And the other pics she had in her binder are gone. And she did tell me that she and her mom were going ring shopping this weekend.

I have another ring that is similar to that one that I really liked as well, but it's just the principle.

My friend for the most part has been like a sister to me. Very kind, very sweet and very thoughtful. It seems that she's changed in the past year though.

And I thought maybe it was just me... that I was jealous or something, but a few other people have mentioned how much she's changed and so I know now that it's not me.

 

[researcher]

Have you approached her about your concerns yet? I would listen to the advice of friends (although not necessarily "confront" her). I would tell her how upset it makes you, how you feel as though she's taking something away from you. A good friend will not necessarily change her mind, but she will at least take the time to explain herself to you and hopefully help you to feel (although not okay with the situation) better about her decision. Also, if she's the type to copy you, have you thought about looking at other settings for her? Can you show her one and just act really excited about it? I have a friend that tends to have similar taste as me and therefore we end up buying a lot of the same stuff (not on purpose though (and very rarely the same color/exact same item)), so we often help one another find other items that are a little more unique if one of us gets something first. Oh, and we always agree that the person who first finds something has the rights to it. Maybe you and your friend can come up with a similar agreement. I dunno. I just feel HORRIBLE for you as I would HATE for someone I was close to to end up with the same ring as me! My heart goes out to you!!!

 

[Daniela]

Twinkletoes, this situation is just wrong on so many levels. I am so sorry. Tell your friend that you saw that she clipped out the pic of your ring, and that it is the exact ring that you are getting, and that she is not welcome to get it. Then, do you know what I think you should do? Tell her fiance. He will be uncomfortable buying something that will put stress on your friendship, I'm sure. People are probably going to disagree with me on this one, but my God, this means war!!!!

If this isn't severe enough to get to her wake up, tell the girl that if she gets your ring, then you're through with her, because it's that important to you. Good God, who needs a friend like that! Honestly! You have every right to be sad and upset, but nip this in the bud right now and tell her she's not allowed to have it, or else she'll pay dearly for it...

Sorry if I sound harsh, but this just blows my mind. I couldn't stand being friends with someone that insecure, who has to steal other people's tastes because she has none of her own. Sheesh.

Edited to add: Okay, so maybe I got carried away in the moment. Researcher's advice about saying you're loving another setting seems much more crafty and likely to work. I mean, you probably need to be covert with a person like this, anyway. But I don't apologize for my little rant! This situation really is just so wrong!

 

[Hest88]

I can understand why you'd be upset, especially if she pulls this sort of thing often. Maybe she won't end up getting it? Or maybe between now and your engagement you'll find something you'll love even more?

Awwwww, I know I can't make you feel better, but she really sounds inconsiderate.

 

[reena]

i've thought about this some more and im sorry, but i am 100% on board with daniela's (original, harsher!) take on this. it's unreal.




if your "friend" really does plan to get your ring--and you mentioned that she said something indicating that she was going to, beyond just having the pic of your ring in her binder, right? what exactly did she say?--that is 10000% unacceptable and in my opinion, you need to say something to her. like, straight out: why are you getting the exact ring that i told you two weeks ago i want for my ring? that really upsets me, i told you that it's my dream e-ring and that i am planning to get it. i'll bet you if you confront her straight on like that, instead of beating around the bush and being passive-agressive about it, she'll feel bad, or at least be too embarrassed to go ahead and buy it. cause what the heck is she going to say back? oh sorry, but too bad, i'm just a sleazy ring-copying b*%*h?




IMO, your friendship has a better chance of surviving (assuming you want it to

) if you're honest and upfront with her now, and give her a chance to redeem herself, rather than staying silent and harboring all of this resentment about it for years. (i mean, think about having to look at YOUR ring on her evil witch's claw every time you see her for the next 20 years!!!

no thank you.)




my heart really goes out to you on this one--i'm sure it was a terrible feeling to see your ring in her wedding stuff.

out of curiosity, is her stone also a princess cut?

 

[JohnQuixote]

Forsooth!
I have seen this before.

Please indulge me for a smattering of quotes.
(thusly…)

----------------

...i am her maid of honor...

...she wanted to go look at wedding magazines so i went with her.

...this past weekend she asked me to go down to SD to help her with wedding stuff...

...I had shown her just a week ago as the one I wanted for myself and now she's going to get it.

...she's done this to me before regarding clothes and such...

...she'll show up wearing the exact same thing a week later claiming she hadn't known I owned the same top...

...she knew I wanted this particular ring as my own...

...No one else in her bridal party is helping.

=( ----------------

…She yearns for your constant company, your opinions, your clothes and now your ring?

Dear Maid, it sounds like this friend secretly wants to be you. Bonds of admiration and jealousy easily tangle in petty people. It sounds as if she admires your qualities and is attempting to become your doppelganger through ‘friendship’ (a parasitic variety) and accumulation of the material things that distinguish you as a person; Your fashion and your fancy - in this case your clothes and engagement ring.

Her condemnation of your potential engagement only strengthens the theory in my estimation. If you become engaged it will elevate your betrothed to a more important station in your life than the one she occupies. That may be why she is against it.

It is a hard situation, but you are the Maid of "Honour." I suggest you take the high road, complete your duties as well as you have started them, then take your leave of her (as is your wont) - or learn to accept her future shortcomings with eyes wide open.

As regards the jewelry…

Worry no more about it. Her ring will never be your ring. Your special quest and ultimate discovery of this perfect piece makes it singular to you, not her. She did not find it through painstaking research – she glommed it from a friend without a by-your-leave! For that reason alone it can never mean the same thing, even if she puts on airs as if it does.

Most importantly, your fiancé will eventually present you with that which he knows is your true heart’s desire. It will come from him to you with passion and panache. Hers will be received as a stop-gap because she “couldn’t find anything else.” Her plagiary and imitation should bolster your confidence in your own decision.

And finally – if revenge is a must – Time is on your side… Just put a nicer, bigger, “WOWEE” rock in your setting and wear it around her a lot

Your friendly dime store psychologist,

 

[reena]

Well-put!

 

[twinkletoes]

i just feel that if i make it known to her that this is the ring i wanted for myself, she might make a bigger effort in getting it. i could be totally wrong.

the only think i have going for me is the fact that in order to get the setting, she'll have to send her diamond to the retailer. from what i've read on PS it seems as though Michael B will only set diamonds in their settings in house. her dad works in the jewelry industry so if/when she finds this out she might just have a replica made - which wouldn't bother me.

i just want to be the bigger person in this.

i think confronting her on this issue will only make me more upset. i don't own the rights to the ring. she's just as free to buy it as i am. it's the principle...but knowing she went ahead and researched the ring behind my back knowing full well that i wanted it as my own... i highly doubt she'll change her mind and find something else. and i really don't want to give her the satisfaction of beating me to this.

like my mom said, it was my own fault for showing her what i wanted. it's a lesson learned the hard way. i'm slowly getting over it.

 

[JohnQuixote]

reena, thank you kindly

By the way, I almost spit coke on my screen when I read "evil witch's claw"!

Awesome!!

 

[twinkletoes]

JohnQuixote: you are my hero! thank you... i think this is what my boyfriend has been trying to tell me all along, but not as eloquently so I wasn't understanding his point at all.

but now I understand.

you've put a smile on my face & peace in my heart. a few more days of sulking and i think i'll be ok.

i hope. LOL

 

[goldengirl]

It's amazing how well a good sulk heals.

You know you are the bigger person--your diamond will shine 100X more brightly than hers, just because you are not a shadow of someone else!!

 

[strmrdr]

My question is why do you put up with this person much less do stuff for her?
Maybe its a guy thing but if a friend of mine pulled that crap they would be hitting the road.

 

[reena]

yeah TT, i'm behind you no matter what you decide but IMHO you are being waaaaay too nice about this. (and i dont care what anyone says, it is NOT your fault, you should be able to share something that exciting with your so-called best friend without worrying that she's going to steal it out from under your unsuspecting, innocent little nose. ew--she's making me lose my appetite.) i guess you are a bigger person than i am, cause i'm telling you right now, i would be frickin' flaming mad and that girl's head would ROLL.

i personally think this conniving, unoriginal copycat-stress needs to be put in her place once and for all. i say do it now, not 10 years from now when she secretly outbids you on your dream home or steals your list of baby names for her first kid. ew, ew, ew.

 

[ame]

Uh I hate copycats. I had a "friend" a while back that literally copied everything about me, and then stole my boyfriend. I really wanted to shave my head because I would have bet my car on her doing the same. I remember she got the same cellphone and was mad that they wouldn't give her MY cell phone number! I never got why she thought they would.

Anyway...

I truly hope that if it's not to help your future FI get the ring of your dreams, that you confront her. NOt that I expect this to be true but maybe there's some big elaborate plan going on? Maybe she wants to have him propose at her wedding reception (seen that, its awesome, and I love those plans)...though with her distaste for your man(whats that about...jealousy???) makes me think not.

I hope you find something else you like. Maybe have something similar custom made and get a bigger stone to blow hers away.

 

[heartonfire]

LOL. You crack me up Reena. I agree though. That is a pretty horrid thing to do, especially to someone who is 1) a loooong time friend, and 2) doing so much to help with her wedding! Evil!!!

 

[innerkitten]

That does suck. if I were you I'd say something. You told her you liked it and she knew it.

 

[innerkitten]

P.S. Maybe you could pretend that now you like a different setting more than that one. That worked for me with barbie dolls when I was eight.

 

[Jennifer5973]

Uh, I'm sorry, but this is HEINOUS.

You're right--she should have been forthcoming and just told you she wanted it. You two could have worked it out Unfortunately, it sounds to me like she really doesn't deserve your friendhsip. From the way you describe her, she sounds very self-centered and spoiled. Clearly, other people's feelings don't matter when they get in the way of her getting what she wants.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I say get what you want anyway and drop her like a hot potato!

 

[diamondlil]

Oh, Twinkletoes, I can feel every ounce of your pain. I had a situation somewhat similar although it did not involve jewelry. To this day, the pain is still there.

Before the birth of my first child, my husband and I were very secretive about the names we had chosen for a boy and girl. We decided that we did not want everyone else to influence our choice and it would be better to keep it to ourselves until the name was given. After the birth of my son, a best friend/neighbor of mine was pregnant and requested to borrow my baby-name book. All our notes and favorite names that we agonized over were highlighted and hand written in that book. Against my better judgement, I loaned her the book. My friend liked the name we chose for a girl so much (both first and middle name), she planned to give it to her soon-to-be-born daughter. I tried to discuss the issue with her, but it turned ugly quickly, and I lost a friend and *the name* in the process. My second child was a girl. *The name* was tarnished. We had to go through the process again. There is so much emotion in choosing the name for your baby, and when she decided that was the perfect first and middle name for her baby, I was devastated. I should never had given that book to anyone, but in an effort to be a friend and do a favor, I shared it.

Sorry to ramble here, but I truly can understand what you are feeling. It is so thoughtless of your friend to do this to you. Letting it go will eat at you for years to come. Say something to her now, before the decision is made. Request that she make her selection on her own and allow you to have the ring you decided on. I truly believe that if she is a true friend, this will be worked out and she will make another choice. My daughter is now 10 years old, and I'm still sad over what happened. Talk to her now.

DiamondLil

 

[reena]

yes, e.v.i.l. i can't get over it.

sorry, i was confused before when i was asking if satana's stone is also a princess. but, im still curious: would the two of you have the same shape stone (and therefore, the same ring)? might be less noticeable if not. (not that that excuses it.)

im also dying to know what exactly she said to you at your house that led you to believe she's going to get your setting. did she come right out and say it, acting like you hadn't been the one to point the ring out to her in the first place?

 

[reena]

im totally with innerkitten: you need to implement operation reverse psychology (code name: Bring Down Lucifa) ASAP.

next time you see her casually tell her that you're SO excited for her about her new setting choice, and that she shouldn't worry about you having seen it first--to be honest, you were only half-serious when you pointed it out to her. "i mean--it's nice! don't get me wrong. but the quality is just so--how shall i say--lacking compared to what's available over in europe. it's just so . . . pedestrian." then casually sigh, flip your hair, and take a drag on your cigarette. (don't smoke? start.)

while you're at it you could also tell her that you've read that a beater and cutoffs are the new bridal gown, and you're thinking of going "britney casual" for your ceremony. see if she bites on that one. bee-ach.

 

[moremoremore]

Umm...ok, I kinda skimmed....but I think i'm in for a good flogging. Bracing for it now....well, except for her not being open about it...what's the big deal if a friend has the same ring? Bracing for butt wacking. I guess maybe that's not the point...If you are mad at her b/c she pretended not to like it and then for going to get it without saying anything...yes, I'd be a bit ticked...But if you're mad just bc it;s the same ring...hmmm...I don't see the big whoop. Ohhh, I feel my bunns getting red already!!

It's not like your ring is any less special. I'm sure there are tons of Leon gals out there with the same ring...oohhhhh booooooyyyy, my butts gonna be sore tomorrow

 

[reena]

well you'd better brace your bum MMM

:

it's NOT that it's just the same ring--but that would be bad enough, IMO! no newly engaged gal wants her purported best friend to have the SAME exact ering setting as she does! quite different from some random chick out in the ether theoretically having your same setting.

but, the context behind this is that this girl is foever copying everything TT does in life, and then she and TT are talking about how she can't find an e-ring setting, and poor TT says (all excited, to her best bud, and envision here a glowing halo over her head and small forest animals frolicking at her feet) want to see the setting i've been dreaming about and am planning on getting? and shows her. and then the evil girl doesn't even compliment her, but goes out like the very next day, behind TT's back, and arranges to get that exact setting for her own nasty self, without ever saying a single word to acknowledge that she's done so?

and now it's like bizarro-land where TT is supposed to just pretend that this girl had wanted the setting all along and picked it by herself?

damn, this devilgirl i don't even know has got me all worked up now.

 

[Jennifer5973]

MMM, do I have to come over there and slap you with a meatball?

I agree with you actually--having the same ring isn't such a big deal but I think the friend was very sneaky and THAT is wat bothers me about thsis story. The unflattering description of the friend, who sounds like a selfish brat, didn't help. Subliminal anger over how my maid of honor screwed me may also be fueling my use of the angry face!

The friend should have just had a heart-to-heart with twinkletoes and that would have been the end of it. Personally, though, if it were MY good good friend, I'd get a dfferent ring...geez, there are MILLIONS of designs out there....