Setting a Date? Grrrr

[iwannaprettyone]

Ok, this is stressing me out. If I left it up to FI it would never be finalized. September is the best time for weather/flight costs, and I have my heart set on it. He is concerned about hunting season (for his best friend), Football season (for his BIL) and his sisters kids in school...I am concerned with cost and weather because to do it in june/july/august is between $300 and $600 more per flight.

Who do I need to consider making this decision? Help!!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Bottom line, while it''s a lovely thought to be considerate of other people''s plans and obligations, you can''t please everyone. It''s your day. Do what works for you. The important people will be there no matter what.

Sorry if that''s harsh, I''m practicing saying no to people this week.

 

[robbie3982]

I''d say plan around the bridal party and your parents. If they have an event that would absolutely keep them from making the wedding on a certain day, take that into consideration.

In my opinion, football season and hunting season are not valid reasons to miss your best friend or brother''s wedding. It''s not like you''re asking them to miss all of the season. Just one day.

 

[KimberlyH]

Unless you''re getting married on a Wed. afternoon school shouldn''t matter, football can be DVRed, hunting season lasts longer than one day in Sept. I think your reasons for a Sept. wedding are, well, reasonable. The lives of people around you will go on before, during and after your wedding and there is no "good" time, sometimes...it''s too hot in July, it''s too close to the holidays in November, it''s too close to tax season in April, etc. I say go with September.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Where is the wedding going to be? Could you do labor day weekend that way his nieces/nephews will be out of school for a long weekend? I agree that you can''t please everyone BUT I would want my sister''s kids to be there no matter what. That is a valid reason.

 

[Independent Gal]

Have it in September.

If your date conflicts with an event in the life of someone you really love that will never be repeated (e.g., college graduation) it makes sense to work around it. But beyond that, I''m sure that people can work around missing one weekend in hunting season to be at your wedding.

And the kids won''t die if they miss a couple of days of school. Sheesh.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 9/6/2007 3:11:52 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Have it in September.

If your date conflicts with an event in the life of someone you really love that will never be repeated (e.g., college graduation) it makes sense to work around it. But beyond that, I''m sure that people can work around missing one weekend in hunting season to be at your wedding.

And the kids won''t die if they miss a couple of days of school. Sheesh.

I completely agree. Some people like my aunt are ridiculous when it comes to school though. Originally my cousins (who are juniors in hs and bridesmaids in my wedding) were going to miss the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner because my aunt didn''t want them to miss a day of school. They''re most likely missing the bridal party sleepover the night before the wedding so that they can "do homework" and now my mom told me that they''ll probably leave the reception at 10 (it ends at 11:30 on Saturday) so that they can leave early the next morning to get home and do some more hw. They have about a 7 hr drive and apparently one of them gets carsick so she can''t do it in the car. Did I mention that Friday, the day that their missing, is only their 3rd day of school this year?! How much freakin homework can you get???

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Well I think it depends on the kids ages. The older they are the harder it might be to miss school. I can''t read in the car either without feeling sick so I can completely understand that. Granted if they are young enough, and the wedding is close enough (where they will only miss one or two days not 3+) I think it is fine. But I still think (I am the minority) it might be nice to talk to your FSIL FIRST. One of the reasons we chose August was we both had siblings in college and I didn''t think it would be fair to ask them to miss classes (My SIL was getting her masters and my brother goes to school in Canada) so obviously it was worth it to consider them. Obviously if they are in elementary school it is a different story. I think it would be nice of you to do it later in the month so they can get into their school routine first.

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, I don't know. Maybe I'll change my mind someday when I have kids, but that just seems extreme to me now. I know someone who's dad passed away when she was in high school, so her mom pulled her and her brother out of school for 6 weeks and took them on a crazy trip to South East Asia, where she didn't do any homework at all. That's right! No homework! She went to Yale and is now a high powered lawyer.

I think that it's not so hard, even in high school, to catch up on a few days of school.

ETA: that said, missing a week of school is definitely a little more of a strain than missing a couple of days... are you still thinking about getting married in Europe? I forgot about that.

 

[sumbride]

I''ve missed school to go to weddings of family members. It''s ok. Really.

we''re having ours in October and FI was worried about football season too. For him and his friends. We''re having the wedding on Saturday, but not leaving for the honeymoon until TUESDAY. The guys are all going to a sports bar together on Sunday to catch the games. He will have to miss a game during our honeymoon, but come on, we''ll be on our HONEYMOON!!! I think he can cope.

Plus if you have it in September, you can dance to "September". We had to move into October because of my dad''s schedule, but we''re still playing that song.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

IG, missing one day of school in the high school I went to was like missing 3. I did min. 3 hours of homework a night

But it was a prep school and seems very different from DH''s public school experience. Obviously every child, every school, every situation is different but I can''t say I would pull my kids out of school for a week to go to a wedding knowing the reasons she chose the date. I rather pay higher airfare. But obviously it is YOUR wedding so your decision. But you cannot be angry with people who decide not to come for whatever reason (I agree football and hunting is a weak excuse though).

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Don''t forget it is in France...so it will probably be Thursday through Sun/Mon...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

There are going to be conflicts no matter what. Have it when you want it (September) and then try to pin down a date based on those who matter to you the most. I was in a similar situation--wanted it in September, but was worried about kids being in school since my entire family has to fly out for the wedding. I spoke with all of my sisters individually (they all have kids) to make sure it was okay, and it was. Then I checked with my best friend and MOH to see what her schedule was like. She only had one available weekend this month (we started planning back in Feb) and that was the last weekend of September. So that was my date. I would have liked to have it over Labor Day of this year, but it was more important to me to have her there.

There were a couple of schedule conflicts with other members of my family, but I knew I couldn''t make everybody happy, so I booked it for the last week of September and sent out the STDs the following week.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that those people who did have schedule conflicts rescheduled things so they could attend, and that meant a great deal to me. While everybody you want to be there might not be able to come, those who really want to go will find a way (even if it means recording football on their DVR or finding another weekend to hunt).

 

[Independent Gal]

Eeks. Toughie. In that case I''d poll the most important people.

Airfares may be a bigger concern than schooling for some people. A flight to France mid-summer''s going to run at least $1200. So, that''s almost $5000 just to get there for a family of 4! Plus hotel prices will be much higher in the summer too.

So, I''d definitely poll and see which set of concerns (costs / schooling) trumps which for whom.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

The kids are Junior high and sophomore highschool.

 

[zoebartlett]

I definitely wouldn''t worry about football or hunting season but having the kids miss school could be worth a consideration. Since they''re older though, I''m sure they could get assignments ahead of time and do work on the plane, etc. Maybe your sister can let the teacher know far in advance, especially if it''s at the very beginning of the school year. I do agree that you won''t please everyone, so I''d do what works best for you, your FI, immediate family, and the bridal party.

 

[Harleigh]

Welcome to the world of wedding planning...

We''ve been engaged two months and still can''t get a date set!!! I am more than at my wit''s end about it, too! I finally told my FI that we cannot work around anyone''s schedule but our own...people who want to and can make it work will be there no matter what the time of year, the cost, etc... You just have to be aware that you cannot make everyone happy and that whatever date you choose, any month of any year, someone will have a problem with it! So, do what makes you happy and be understanding when not everyone you love can be there.

Try not to stress too much...I think I''m doing enough right now for the both of us!

Sending hugs your way!

 

[musey]

Honestly, just pick your top option around your schedule and needs, then check with the "must be there" group before finalizing.

We had a list of 10 (besides parents) that we wanted to be absolutely certain could come, so before we booked we talked to each to make sure the date would work for them. Nearly all of them replied, "of COURSE--we'll make any date work." If they're important people in your life, they likely won't think twice about more minor conflicts, etc.

 

[havernell]

Before you try to schedule around school, if you haven''t already, you may want to ask your FI''s sister if she would even bring her kids to your wedding in France. As somoene else said, all that airfare already costs thousands of dollars, and it sounds like the kids might be old enough to maybe stay home by themselves. So, if your FSIL may not even bring her children, then you don''t have to worry about scheduling around them. Just worth asking if you haven''t already.

As for the hunting and football, I agree- those guys can suck it up for 5 days. What would they do if it was your FIs funeral? Not go because a football game was on! geesh!

 

[janinegirly]

i echo everyone else in saying:

1) welcome to wedding planning, this is only the beginning of a long process of trying to balance everything so try to kick things off by not driving yoruself batty with details and everyone''s various opnions.

2) set your date based on you and FI and immediate family''s preference, not all the outside factors which will only make step 1) drive you crazy.

also be practical..every month will have conflicts and assume that many kids won''t come to the wedding, school or no school. Especially if it''s in France.

But if you want an opinion, i''d say september makes the most sense b/c the weather is lovely and less annoying tourist crowds. August is the worst month for France visits and July is also hot and too many distracting events and holidays.

Good luck!