Schools today - what's a parent to do?

[Gussie]

I got a text from my daughter this morning that a student who had just gotten out of alternative school was telling people that another kid was going to "shoot up the school" today in 5th period. She also said she was scared. I immediately called the school to find out what was going on. I was told (almost verbatim) that the rumor had not been validated one way or another and that precautions were being taken. I asked her if I should pick up my daughter and she said it was my decision. Of course, I err on the side of caution and leave to get her. When I got to the front desk, the lady said very bluntly, "this will be an unexcused absence." So I was pretty baffled by this and replied, "I don't care about that!" She then nonchalantly said, "this is how it is."

Several hours later, I got an email from the principal (blanket to the whole school) that said the threat had been discredited. And after school was out, I also received the standard email stating that my daughter was absent and to provide an excuse.

This seems really crazy to me. Shootings happen every day and I will always err on the side of caution.

Do you think I was wrong? Should I write the principal? This whole thing makes me nauseous.

 

[PastryGirl]

You were not wrong. Who cares if the absence was excused or not? Safety is what matters first. Perhaps writing to the principal would help--it depends on what kind of school it is.

 

[Bonfire]

What?!! By all means contact the principal! I know I would. As a parent you have every right to protect your child in anyway you see fit. I can‘t believe that anyone at her school would treat you that way given what happens in this country practically daily anymore. So their response is to penalize the student with an unexcused absence? As a parent you have every right to hold the school responsible for their inaction and inappropriate response. The principal has a lot to answer to.
Don’t doubt yourself on this one.

 

[MissGotRocks]

There are usually guidelines about an excused absence and this would not fall in that category. The place to contact is the Board of Education, Superintendent’s Office, as they set the policy - the school has little discretion in it. If I felt I needed to pick my child up, they could call it whatever they wanted! They don’t usually count against you any more than an excused absence; it is their number that they are concerned about anyway. Next time you want to sign her out, just tell them she has a dental appt! I understand your frustration and in today’s climate, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. The Board will probably tell you that it wasn’t an emergency situation and had your daughter not called, you wouldn’t have known about it until it was over. You would be a good spokesperson so you might want to ask them to let you be on the agenda at the next school board meeting. Given the climate that we live in with school shootings, I would pick my child up anytime I felt or knew of a possible danger. Talk to me about the rules after she is safely at home! I truly feel your pain!

 

[Austina]

I would’ve done the same @Gussie, better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Bonfire]

Next time you want to sign her out, just tell them she has a dental appt!

Unless you bring in a doctor or dentist’s note it will be considered an unexcused absence also. At least that’s how it worked at my kid’s schools.

 

[Lookinagain]

You were definitely not wrong. I would have done the same. And I agree, write to the School Board or School Committee in both your school district and the State Dept. of Education. I don't know how your school deals with unexcused absences, but I know some schools can suspend a child if they have a certain number. Any threat to your child's safety should be an excused absence. They don't know that it's not creditable until they investigate. So until it is "solved" I would view it as a creditable threat. You did the right thing. I think it would be negligent not to pick up your child in this situation.

 

[Gussie]

Thanks yall for the replies. I wrote the principal and she said that the absence would be excused. She also apologized for me being told it was unexcused. I am not sure what the policy is for our school district. Maybe the principal sets his or her own policy for each school or possibly squeaky wheels get attention. Honestly, I couldn't care less about an inexcused absence. My daughter is an A student who rarely misses. I was very shocked at the front desk lady's demeanor though. She was so dismissive of my fears. It is terrifying to think that people are so desensitized.

 

[PastryGirl]

Thanks yall for the replies. I wrote the principal and she said that the absence would be excused. She also apologized for me being told it was unexcused. I am not sure what the policy is for our school district. Maybe the principal sets his or her own policy for each school or possibly squeaky wheels get attention. Honestly, I couldn't care less about an inexcused absence. My daughter is an A student who rarely misses. I was very shocked at the front desk lady's demeanor though. She was so dismissive of my fears. It is terrifying to think that people are so desensitized.

I get it about the front desk lady. I tried to pick up my daughter 15 minutes early once and was told I needed to have sent an email two days in advance to do so. I said you’re really sitting here telling me that I cannot access my own child? She tried again citing school policy and I said I am her mother—you better bring her out right now.

 

[Calliecake]

@Gussie, You were NOT wrong. I’m so sorry you went thru this and am so happy your daughter is safe. I agree with everything that has been written here.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the front desk lady’s demeanor.

 

[MissGotRocks]

@Gussie, You were NOT wrong. I’m so sorry you went thru this and am so happy your daughter is safe. I agree with everything that has been written here.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the front desk lady’s demeanor.

In a perfect world, she should have turned the issue over to the principal. These situations aren’t the sort of thing she deals with every day, but again, given the climate, she should have sought out an administrator to deal with the situation. Challenging a parent over the safety of their child is not a battle she is likely to win.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

You did a good job Mom. And I am happy everyone is safe. And the front desk lady needs an attitude adjustment. I might have stuck my tongue out at her....

cheers--Sharon

 

[yssie]

No.

I don’t even have kids and I couldn’t conceive of not doing exactly what you did.

God knows schools are terrifying these days.

I’m very sorry you had to deal with such incompetence on top of the worry

 

[Mreader]

This pisses me off, and makes me think of the elementary student who shot his teacher. He was suspected of having a gun by multiple staff members and the school did nothing. You did the right thing to get your child.

 

[Bron357]

I just can’t imagine living with that kind of worry. Don’t they find out who was making up “the rumour” and punish them accordingly?
Kids shouldn’t be thinking that sort of statement, as a joke, is in anyway funny or appropriate. We all know the perils of “calling wolf” too often and that wouldn’t be good.
If your daughter was scared enough to ring you the school needs to be taking appropriate actions. Students are entitled to feel safe while receiving an education.
I‘d be writing a letter to the Principal saying that such “rumours” or “jokes” are very serious if a child is being affected by them and action needs to be taken to ensure that such “jokes” or “rumours” cease because the kids responsible know they will face expulsion and telling the Police why they said it.

 

[dk168]

Likewise, I don't have kids, however, if I had, I would have done the same and <<<insert favourite swear word>>> the school with their rule about unexcused absence!

DK

 

[LLJsmom]

The school better line of their attorney to get sued if it turns out to be a credible threat and they prevented a parent from collecting their child.
Not wrong at all.
Thanks to all for the advice.

 

[Ally T]

This must have been terrifying & I shudder to think what might have happened had it have been a real incident that was carried out. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live with that threat during school, where your children are supposed to be safe, protected & nurtured.

You did the right thing & I would have been right next to you at the desk. And the desk lady can shove her attitude up her arse.

 

[Tonks]

All I know to tell you is that I have two kids in high school and would have done exactly as you did. I’m so very sorry that was handled so horribly. None of us should be desensitized to this.

As for living with this kind of worry…we have a whole generation of kids that has been trained to do it, and it’s awful. My son casually dropped the info the other day that one of his teachers has a stock of canned goods in his classroom. They are there for students to use as projectiles to throw at a potential shooter.

I was not ok the rest of the day.

 

[missy]

I would have done exactly the same thing @Gussie safety over all else and eff the school officials who don't agree.
Proactive is the only way to be when these life and death issues are at play.
I wouldn't take one iota of a chance with my kids. Period. And if they don't like it that is too damn bad

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I think one thing to be learned from horrific school shootings like Uvalde, is to go with your gut over anything school officials or police are telling you. Better safe (and an unexcused absence) than sorry.

 

[telephone89]

Did no one notify the police? I would have thought this rumour should have been taken so much more seriously!

I would have absolutely taken an unexcused absence for this, how absurd that they would punish a student for wanting to be safe, and act so cavalier about such a threat. I'm so angry for you!

 

[missy]

Did no one notify the police? I would have thought this rumour should have been taken so much more seriously!

You're 100% right. The police should have been notified. Something happened here where a child threatened to bring a gun and he got suspended from school for a month IIRC. Turns out he was just joking but there have to be consequences to threats like this and they must be investigated to the max and treated seriously

 

[Gussie]

Our schools do take these threats very seriously. The police are notified immediately. The time in question is when the police are investigating whether or not the threat is real - that is the time when I pull my kids from school. The district also sends out a notice for parents to discuss how serious making a threat is, even if a student is speaking in jest. The students are also told quite often "if you see something,
if you hear something, say something." Kids can be very stupid though. I believe there have been kids arrested for verbal threats. It's hard to get the truth due to so many confidentiality laws and rumors are always rampant. It only adds fuel to the fire of anxiety for parents.

This is not the first time this has happened unfortunately. It is terrifying and something has to give.

 

[Bonfire]

I was just reading that a high school in our Suburban area was evacuated yesterday after bomb threats. Today they have school psychologists, counselors and social workers available for anyone who feels stress or anxiety because of the threat.
The police say the bomb threats were a result of a “swatting” hoax that have been happening in school districts across the country.
Pretty much stinks to be a kid these days.
Off to google…

 

[tyty333]

I'm so sorry that you and your DD are having to deal with these threats. How very scary...you definitely did the right thing.

I think the front office worker needs to show a little more empathy in these situations...Maybe something like, "I'm sorry
I have to notify you that this is treated as an unexcused absence." And like you said...who cares?

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I got a text from my daughter this morning that a student who had just gotten out of alternative school was telling people that another kid was going to "shoot up the school" today in 5th period. She also said she was scared. I immediately called the school to find out what was going on. I was told (almost verbatim) that the rumor had not been validated one way or another and that precautions were being taken. I asked her if I should pick up my daughter and she said it was my decision. Of course, I err on the side of caution and leave to get her. When I got to the front desk, the lady said very bluntly, "this will be an unexcused absence." So I was pretty baffled by this and replied, "I don't care about that!" She then nonchalantly said, "this is how it is."

Several hours later, I got an email from the principal (blanket to the whole school) that said the threat had been discredited. And after school was out, I also received the standard email stating that my daughter was absent and to provide an excuse.

This seems really crazy to me. Shootings happen every day and I will always err on the side of caution.

Do you think I was wrong? Should I write the principal? This whole thing makes me nauseous.

no,
as the mum you did the right thing

schools forget sometimes mum knows what is best for her kids and at the end of the day its the parents who have ultimate responsibility for their kids

that offoce lady or whoever was just being a bi*ch