say something or let it go?

[Shoopy]

If you are bored this afternoon

maybe you can help me out with a response.

We are doing an event tomorrow as a team that requires us to wear special shirts.

Our Department administrative assistant coordinated the shirts and asked everyone for their size via email.

Today we had a working lunch to discuss the details of tomorrow''s event. The Admin was going over the details and then says "ok here are everyone''s shirt sizes, let me know if I have it right."

I''m a big girl, the only big girl in my department (and probably the second biggest of everyone in the department). So she starts going over everyone''s sizes and of course I''m one of three that got an XL. Then all of the guys started comparing shirt sizes and poking fun at one another asking ''why did you get that size, you''re not that big'' or ''you''re not that small'' etc.

No one said anything to me but they were poking fun at the XL shirts and I was mortified. It''s obvious that I''m not a small girl so it''s not like she was giving them shocking news but I feel that she should have not aired out everyone''s size. There''s a reason why I didn''t reply-all when giving her my size. No one replied all.

I want to send her a quick, polite email thanking her for coordinating the event and ask that in the future she not do this. She''s someone who really doesn''t think things through and she will do this again if no one says anything.

Do you think it''s worth it though? I 100% admit that I am very sensitive when it comes to my weight (and yes I am doing something about it but it unfortunately is not an overnight process

unless you all want to donate to a "Get Fiery into a Small by tomorrow morning" fund

).

I''m just wondering if you think that telling everyone''s size during a team meeting is appropriate or if I should say something.

 

[elrohwen]

Honestly, I would let it go unless she does it again. Yes, it was kind of insensitive, but is it likely to happen again? If not, I wouldn''t bother.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Ugh, that stinks. I really feel for you fiery, but I think this is a situation where you should just let it go. Bringing it up will just draw attention to your insecurities. While I think it was lame for everyone to compare and joke about sizes, I don''t think the admin was trying to call you out or draw attention to it. The size of a tee-shirt is not something that really needs to be kept private

 

[kama_s]

I agree, I would not bring it up. I think it would make things more awkward, and they might feel like they need to tiptoe around you because you're sensitive about your weight.

Sorry you had to go through that

This has happened to me several times in the past (yes, I really want everyone in the store to know my bra size...especially when there are stupid teenage boys snickering at lingerie standing right next to me

), and it's quite a horrendous feeling. Don't dwell over it, it'll just make you feel worse. Close the chapter and move on, and give yourself a special treat today that you wouldn't normally indulge in (like a nice foot rub/massage by the SO).

 

[Steel]

Awh, how unfortunate.

This issue will prob just grow legs if you follow up with her, but if you do want to say anything, do it in person, not in an e-mail.

 

[iheartscience]

I would let it go, too. Like you said, it''s probably not a surprise to anyone that you wear an XL, so why make a big deal out of it?

I''ve been responsible for coordinating shirt sizes before for an adult soccer team, and someone always messes up their size or doesn''t reply, so I get why she wanted to double check. Doing it at the meeting was the quickest way, although obviously not the most sensitive.

 

[Puppmom]

I think what she did was insensitive and not well though out. I think it sucks. I would let it go though. I just don''t think you''ll accomplish anything by saying something. That''s always my gauge - "Can I resolve this by addressing it?" - in your case I think the answer is No.

 

[CasaBlanca]

I agree with Hudson-that it stinks, and also that you should just let it go. But no reason we can't commiserate with you. And we do sincerely.

As for the fund, I am game, but I don't want to fund you to change your size!

I just want to fund

you and support you to be the confident secure BUTT kicking WOMAN we know you are. So my donation is given in hopes YOU ROCK THAT XL shirt like no other woman before or after you! YOU ARE ALL THAT GIRLFRIEND! You are uniquely you no matter what size - KICK come major styling BUTT!

Fiery Confidence fund:

so far to date please donate what you can in support of boosting her SPECIAL SHIRT WEARING confidence!

 

[jewelz617]

I''d let it go. It wasn''t a situation where something was done intentionally to hurt you. I think you''re feeling sensitive about your weight and insecure so it seems worse than it is... if that makes sense?

If it happens again, definitely say something. I''m really sensitive about my weight too (my pregnancy weight will not come off!!!!) and something like this would bug me, but it''s best to shake it off and continue working towards your goals!

 

[yssie]

Fiery, If I'm remembering correctly this is not the first time this month that your coworkers have been carelessly insensitive of your weight?


At this point I would say something, because this is not an isolated incident.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

No one likes to have their achilles heel prodded at in public. I would send her an email if it was something I was sensitive about.

 

[Sha]

Date: 4/19/2010 12:58:54 PM
Author: kama_s
I agree, I would not bring it up. I think it would make things more awkward, and they might feel like they need to tiptoe around you because you''re sensitive about your weight.

Sorry you had to go through that

This has happened to me several times in the past (yes, I really want everyone in the store to know my bra size...especially when there are stupid teenage boys snickering at lingerie standing right next to me

), and it''s quite a horrendous feeling. Don''t dwell over it, it''ll just make you feel worse. Close the chapter and move on, and give yourself a special treat today that you wouldn''t normally indulge in (like a nice foot rub/massage by the SO).

+1.

 

[Porridge]

That was insensitive of her, I''m sorry Fiery. I would not bring it up, as others said it''s drawing more attention to it than it deserves. Even the fact that she said that in public and that nobody reacted shows you that neither she nor your co-workers think that there is any reason to tip-toe around your weight or single you out in any way, right? We all notice our own perceived flaws FAR MORE than others. These are your friends and co-workers, they know you, I can pretty much guarantee you that your weight is the furthest thing from their minds. They are too busy worrying about their bad hair day/crappy car/ugly knees...

We all have a sensitive issue. I totally understand that weight is your one. It''s great that you are doing something about it for yourself. Now forgeddaboud it, rock that t-shirt, and focus on all the good things that everyone else sees.

 

[CurlySue]

I could go either way on this.

If she''s the type of person who will respond well to the feedback, I think I''d say something, particularly b/c of the way you said you''d write the email. If I were in her shoes, I''d want to know if I could do something differently next time. I think it''s a lesson in professionalism and, as you noted, how to think things through.

If she seems like the type who might just roll her eyes about it, then I wouldn''t say a word.

 

[Lauren8211]

Definitely agree to let it go, Fiery! I''m sorry you felt so uncomfortable, I hate when there is a situation where something you''re extremely sensitive about comes up and you just feel so uncomfortable with it you just want to crawl in a hole and die. Fortunately, like others have said, people pay WAY less attention to you and your insecurities than you think. No one even thought twice about it, I''m sure!

Congrats on working on the weight loss! Can''t imagine how hard that must be with your adorable little daughter distracting you!

 

[kama_s]

I just thought of another thing. If your colleagues thought you were overweight and/or thought you were sensitive about your weight, they would never have made the comments they did. They see you in a different light - a confident and saavy woman - which you most certainly are. Embrace that!

 

[sbde]

Date: 4/19/2010 5:02:55 PM
Author: kama_s
I just thought of another thing. If your colleagues thought you were overweight and/or thought you were sensitive about your weight, they would never have made the comments they did. They see you in a different light - a confident and saavy woman - which you most certainly are. Embrace that!

+1 i totally agree with this fiery! i''m sorry you felt badly *hugs*

 

[zoebartlett]

Fiery, I know how you feel, and I''ve been in the same situation too. It is pretty uncomfortable, especially when you''re already sensitive about it to begin with. I don''t think I''d say anything though (and I didn''t when that happened to me). I don''t think the admin. meant to hurt your feelings. Yes, she and the others were insensitive, but I''d try to let it go.

 

[Shoopy]

Thanks everyone!

I''m going to let it go. You all are right and I think I was just feeling a little bruised. Plus, the XL actually fits way too big so

.

Thanks again!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/19/2010 1:14:46 PM
Author: puppmom
I think what she did was insensitive and not well though out. I think it sucks. I would let it go though. I just don''t think you''ll accomplish anything by saying something. That''s always my gauge - ''Can I resolve this by addressing it?'' - in your case I think the answer is No.

I think puppmom said it really well.. I''m sorry this happened - it must have been pretty embarrassing if this is a really sensitive topic for you