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Blair138

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Apr 8, 2008
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When I got engaged last June, I was the first in my group of college friends. I didn''t expect anything but excitement, which I didn''t even get. I didn''t even see some of these ''friends'' until December and they barely asked to see my ring. There is almost no enthusiasm from them about getting together for my wedding. I am not saying that it all has to be about me, but I would have like SOME excitement.

Some of these friends live in the town where we went to school and others live in the city near me. When we get together, it''s usually for a weekend because there is traveling involved. The next ''big'' get-together is in June, the weekend before my Bachelorette party. Fine, but I might not be able to go and I will see them the following weekend so no biggie. I was a little irked that they had to plan it for the weekend before but I got over it.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, one of these friends gets engaged. I am super excited for her, call her up, the whole shebang. She lives 3 hours away so I will see her in a month or so at my shower.

Today I get an email about our get together in June. One of my friends lets it out that she is planning a Bachelorette party for the girl who just got engaged. The week before mine. And the engaged friend isn''t even getting married until 2010.

I am just hurt. I am not bringing this up to my friends so as not to create issues. I am just going to roll with it. It''s not the fact that she is having her party before mine, it''s the fact that we get together a lot. There WILL be a REAL bachelorette party for this girl before her wedding. And I''m also hurt because I barely got a congrats out of most of these girls. I didn''t expect much, but I also didn''t expect a slap in the face, and that is what I am taking this as. I guess I''m just sad because I thought better of these friends.
 

Winslet

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
303
Ewwww!!! That is just gross and terribly rude! I''m so angry for you!!
 

Winslet

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
303
Seriously, I feel the need to post twice because I can just imagine how hurt you must feel. I''m really sorry your friends didn''t share in your happiness when you have every right to be the happiest you''ve ever been!
 

violet3

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Dec 18, 2007
Messages
3,793
Date: 4/20/2009 10:59:51 PM
Author:Blair138
When I got engaged last June, I was the first in my group of college friends. I didn't expect anything but excitement, which I didn't even get. I didn't even see some of these 'friends' until December and they barely asked to see my ring. There is almost no enthusiasm from them about getting together for my wedding. I am not saying that it all has to be about me, but I would have like SOME excitement.

Some of these friends live in the town where we went to school and others live in the city near me. When we get together, it's usually for a weekend because there is traveling involved. The next 'big' get-together is in June, the weekend before my Bachelorette party. Fine, but I might not be able to go and I will see them the following weekend so no biggie. I was a little irked that they had to plan it for the weekend before but I got over it.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, one of these friends gets engaged. I am super excited for her, call her up, the whole shebang. She lives 3 hours away so I will see her in a month or so at my shower.

Today I get an email about our get together in June. One of my friends lets it out that she is planning a Bachelorette party for the girl who just got engaged. The week before mine. And the engaged friend isn't even getting married until 2010.

I am just hurt. I am not bringing this up to my friends so as not to create issues. I am just going to roll with it. It's not the fact that she is having her party before mine, it's the fact that we get together a lot. There WILL be a REAL bachelorette party for this girl before her wedding. And I'm also hurt because I barely got a congrats out of most of these girls. I didn't expect much, but I also didn't expect a slap in the face, and that is what I am taking this as. I guess I'm just sad because I thought better of these friends.
Just how good are these "friends" of yours? Quite honestly this story reminds me of something i might have experienced in high school (or junior high school even), and i try really hard NOT to remember high school...it wasn't fun, and things like above is why. I can understand feeling crummy over this...and i am so sorry.

Maybe the two weren't really connected in any way...aka, maybe they didn't realize they would hurt your feelings (although i would find this hard to believe). Could these women be jealous? Are they invited to your wedding or are they just old acquaintences you meet up with once in a while?

I think of my female friends now and they are great people...reasonably non-competitive and just plain supportive when i make a choice in life. You deserve the same. Don't let these people get you down honey; this is a really exciting time in your life and you should just enjoy the happiness of it all.

If they are really GOOD friends of yours, i would definitely remember this chain of events, how it made you feel, and possibly redefine your definition of what a friend is...and maybe start looking for some new ones.
 

FrekeChild

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19,456
I wouldn''t consider these *girls* your friends. Period.
 

galvana

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May 4, 2008
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Date: 4/21/2009 12:27:38 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I wouldn''t consider these *girls* your friends. Period.
Ditto. Im sorry that you are going through this Blair -
Hugs
 

sammyj

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Messages
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Date: 4/21/2009 8:07:37 AM
Author: iloveprincesscuts

Date: 4/21/2009 12:27:38 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I wouldn''t consider these *girls* your friends. Period.
Ditto. Im sorry that you are going through this Blair -
Hugs
I''m sorry to say but I''ll have to double ditto. I have few friends from university and that''s because they never really compared to my group of friends from high school. Different priorities, different hobbies, I didn''t find them that fun, and they were very clique-y. I saw them a few weeks ago at a party and they showed mild excitement for my engagement.

I''m sorry, Blair. This sucks! ***BIG HUGS***
 

sba771

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Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Your friends remind me of mine. Mine never asked to see my ring and practically ignored the fact i was engaged. One did finally say ''oh i didn''t ask to see your ring cause I am not into that sort of thing." oooooooooooook- fake it?

I know how you feel because they are your friends and it is not always so easy to just ditch a friend and find new ones. I would honestly just chalk it up to jealousy on their part and keep your head up and just be above their poor behavior. You always have us here on PS to vent to and also if you need a good gush session!
 

meresal

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Messages
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Date: 4/21/2009 8:46:17 AM
Author: sba771
Your friends remind me of mine. Mine never asked to see my ring and practically ignored the fact i was engaged. One did finally say 'oh i didn't ask to see your ring cause I am not into that sort of thing.' oooooooooooook- fake it?

I know how you feel because they are your friends and it is not always so easy to just ditch a friend and find new ones. I would honestly just chalk it up to jealousy on their part and keep your head up and just be above their poor behavior. You always have us here on PS to vent to and also if you need a good gush session!
I'm sorry sba... but if it's jealousy, then why isn't the same thing happeneing to this other girl?

Blair- We're the circumstances any different when you got engaged as opposed to now? Like everyone was finishing up school, really busy? or is there any reason that maybe they don't like your FI for some reason? (I used to date a guy, and when he did something nice, none of my friends seemed to care... little did I notice though, I was the only one that didn't see the bad outweighing the good) I'm sorry that these girls have decided to make the weekend prior an "all about this girls engagement" weekend, and none of the afforded you the same courtesy?

Did these other girls plan your B-party like they have done hers, or are you the one that set it up?
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
That would really hurt me too the way that they''re acting. They don''t seem to be acting like good friends at all. I''m really sorry that they''re acting that way to you.
 

Guilty Pleasure

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Messages
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I agree with Meresal that not being excited does not equal jealousy.

Blair, I can see why it hurt your feelings for sure, and I''m sorry you feel let down. I am going to give these girls the benefit of the doubt and list some possible reasons for their behavior, assuming they really are your friends and good people.

1. You did say you''re the first. They might not have been in that frame of mind when you got engaged. People tend to get excited and ask to see rings and care about wedding colors etc. only when they have "wedding" on the brain too. It''s not intentional; it''s just the way people work. When I was graduating college, I was happy for my friends about their engagement, but it would not have even occured to me to stare at their ring or ask about wedding planning. One glance at the ring was all I needed, and I didn''t know the complexities of wedding planning to know that there was anything to ask about.

2. They were really busy when you got engaged. Now they do have time to get excited, but the newness of your engagement has worn off. Sorry, it''s just timing.

3. Maybe this other engaged girl has one close friend in the group who is spearheading the celebration movement. The rest are just going along with it. It doesn''t mean that they ALL care more about her stuff than yours.

4. I really don''t see how them celebrating her engagement the weekend before has anything to do with your b-party. There''s not a limit on excitement and love in the world, and them celebrating her does not mean that they can''t celebrate you. In fact, it would have been really rude for them to take over your party weekend talking about her engagement, so it''s a good thing that everyone will celebrate her the weekend before - then they can concentrate on yours when it''s your turn instead of asking to see her ring, etc. As long as people don''t cancel coming to your party because of this other weekend, they really have nothing to do with each other.

5. I apologize if this hurts your feelings, but maybe there is a reason on your end that these girls are not excited for you. Maybe you are the competitive one. Maybe they don''t like your fiance. Maybe you spent a lot of time with him instead of your girlfriends in the last year of college and are not as close to them as you thought... so you don''t have a close girlfriend to rally everyone into excitement. It wouldn''t hurt to examine your friendships from your end and see if there''s something you could do to improve them. I don''t think it''s your fault or anything, just saying that it is just as much a possibility as them being jealous.

6. Maybe your engagement was a foregone conclusion and you''ve talked about it for so long that it was old news when it happened.

OR

Maybe they really are just mean girls.


Again, sorry you''re bummed. I have felt a little excluded from my friends in the past, and it is a lonely feeling. It wasn''t their fault - they were just closer to each other than they are to me.
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
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Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Could they possibly be planning a surprise for you? That''s the only thing I can think of. I couldn''t imagine them being that cold towards you, and planning a party for her when she''s not getting married for over a year!
 

rhbgirl24

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
2,181
How can friends be that icy? I just dont get it. yes, this would really hurt me too! I''m so sorry you have to deal with this, not cool at all!!!


And what the heck is with the bach. party for a girl getting married in 2010? Wait a little while, geez!
 

meresal

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Messages
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Date: 4/21/2009 10:34:38 AM
Author: rhbgirl24
How can friends be that icy? I just dont get it. yes, this would really hurt me too! I''m so sorry you have to deal with this, not cool at all!!!


And what the heck is with the bach. party for a girl getting married in 2010? Wait a little while, geez!
I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a "Congratulations, you''re engaged party" than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
 

sunnyd

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Messages
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Date: 4/21/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 4/21/2009 10:34:38 AM
Author: rhbgirl24
How can friends be that icy? I just dont get it. yes, this would really hurt me too! I''m so sorry you have to deal with this, not cool at all!!!


And what the heck is with the bach. party for a girl getting married in 2010? Wait a little while, geez!
I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a ''Congratulations, you''re engaged party'' than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
Blair said they were planning a bach party for the other girl.

This is not something friends do... I''m sorry Blair, that really sucks.
 

Bia

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Joined
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Messages
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This story reminded me of my situation. My cousin, who I am very close to, paid almost NO attention to the fact that I got engaged. She forgot to officially congratulate us when my FI and I were visiting her. Only remembering to do it after someone else congratulated us. Despite the fact that I am her #1 cheerleader (in everything!). Last year when I found out she was pregnant, I was so excited. Over the course of her pregnancy I bought her gifts, sent her pregnancy tips, calmed her when she was upset, and then planned her baby shower, which I threw on a weekend I had class, even though I live out of state and had to travel more than 3 hours to get there and then back the very next day. All of which I was happy to do because I love her and I wanted her to have a happy pregnancy (she didn''t unfortunately and somewhere towards the end managed to rip my mom''s and my head off quite a few times...blaming it all on hormones. bs!). When I got engaged, I called to tell her and she was like, "That''s great Bia!" nothing more
. No questions, no congratulations, nothing. It still hurts me to think about it.


It''s funny. I got so much loving support (and fun attention!) from my friends at school (and PS
) than I did from my own cousin, who is supposed to be my Maid of Honor.

So, I feel for you. These friends sounds like they can be a bit exclusive. I don''t know if you''re always the odd man out, but if you are, maybe you might want to reconsider whether they are good friends to begin with. (((HUGS))) love.
 

CNOS128

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Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
2,700
Hi Blair,

I''m sorry that happened. I understand that you don''t want to stir up any drama - but it might be worth mentioning just to the friend planning the bachelorette party for the other girl, if only to clarify the situation. Maybe there''s some kind of misunderstanding? Or another reason the bachelorette party needs to be at that time? It might make you feel better to clear things up. Of course, there''s always the chance your friends are being kind of mean, in which case you might not feel better - I think you probably have a better sense of whether it would be worth it or not to bring up the topic.
 

Margot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
83
It''s true it may not be jealousy. I have been in a situation, unfortunately, that seems similar to yours. I was a part of a group of friends, that slowly fell apart as one girl attempted to exclude one person. When that person walked away, she began on another. I don''t bother with them anymore (I couldn''t respect "friends" who go along with the one mean girl instead of thinking for themselves).

I''ve thought about my situation and the only thing I could come up with is that some people exclude others so they feel exclusive. Does that make sense? To feel self worth I think some (insecure) people find someone "lesser" to compare themselves against. So the queen bee in my situation excluded me from plans, made snide remarks (not TOO obvious), etc. and if I ever reacted, i was being the "weird" one. She also presented everything as perfect in her life. She displayed material things her boyfriend bought her, talked about her job as if it was the best in the world, etc. The other girls stuck with her and I think that was satisfying for her. The truth was, however, she went through a few jobs because she couldn''t hack it, and her relationship was not "perfect" either (she cheated on him several times). It was the plain old "bully mentality."


Fast forward to this past summer: She got engaged and the remaining "followers" said it would never last behind her back (strong friendships, right?). She acted like everything was perfect and then had to send an email out to everyone letting them know the wedding was cancelled. Everything was still "perfectly fine" but her fiance wasn''t ready to get married yet. I just shook my head. It seemed like more proof that she was so insecure and was more concerned about appearing "on top" and "in control."

I guess the bottom line is, no one can take away your happiness. Sure, they''ll piss you off, but at the end of the day you''re still engaged, you''re still marrying the man of your dreams, and no one can touch that.
 

meresal

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Joined
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Messages
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Date: 4/21/2009 11:58:31 AM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 4/21/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: meresal

I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a ''Congratulations, you''re engaged party'' than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
Blair said they were planning a bach party for the other girl.

This is not something friends do... I''m sorry Blair, that really sucks.
Ya, sunny, I read that... I guess I was just thinking about the time and planning that go into a B-party. I''m kind of assuming that they are just going to switch the girls weekend plans to a "B-party" weekend, which I assume is more like a engagement celebration than a B-party.

Does tha make any sense?
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
7,353
Date: 4/21/2009 12:46:12 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 4/21/2009 11:58:31 AM
Author: sunnyd


Date: 4/21/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: meresal

I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a ''Congratulations, you''re engaged party'' than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
Blair said they were planning a bach party for the other girl.

This is not something friends do... I''m sorry Blair, that really sucks.
Ya, sunny, I read that... I guess I was just thinking about the time and planning that go into a B-party. I''m kind of assuming that they are just going to switch the girls weekend plans to a ''B-party'' weekend, which I assume is more like a engagement celebration than a B-party.

Does tha make any sense?
Umm, no.
Yeah, it''s totally weird that they would throw a bach party over a year out so I get what you''re saying. It''s just rude that they would do it right before Blair''s weekend.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
You know, it''s been 4 months since I got engaged. I haven''t seen one of my friends since right before we got engaged. The other day we were on the phone and she said to me, "I can''t wait to see your engagement ring! I still haven''t seen it in person yet!"

And when I text her (and everyone else) when we first got engaged, she called me immediately and what she said was pretty much "OMG! I am so excited for you! When is the wedding? Where is it going to be? Am I invited? I can''t wait! OMG!"

She is one of those friends that is so busy with her own life (been married for two years, has a daughter that''s a year and a half) that I haven''t seen her since her daughter was a newborn on my friend''s birthday, and then again at my mom''s funeral. But she''s a friend that''s THERE. She''s excited for me, she''s sad for me, and she''s there when I need her. And I''m there when she needs me.

I really think you should reconsider their "friendship".
 

Guilty Pleasure

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Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
Date: 4/21/2009 12:54:32 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 4/21/2009 12:46:12 PM
Author: meresal


Date: 4/21/2009 11:58:31 AM
Author: sunnyd



Date: 4/21/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: meresal

I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a ''Congratulations, you''re engaged party'' than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
Blair said they were planning a bach party for the other girl.

This is not something friends do... I''m sorry Blair, that really sucks.
Ya, sunny, I read that... I guess I was just thinking about the time and planning that go into a B-party. I''m kind of assuming that they are just going to switch the girls weekend plans to a ''B-party'' weekend, which I assume is more like a engagement celebration than a B-party.

Does tha make any sense?
Umm, no.
Yeah, it''s totally weird that they would throw a bach party over a year out so I get what you''re saying. It''s just rude that they would do it right before Blair''s weekend.
Blair gets a weekend. Not a month. The girls are already getting together that weekend, so it is a perfect opportunity to celebrate their friend''s new engagement. This takes nothing away from Blair''s weekend. Blair is feeling sad because she feels like her friends aren''t excited for her, but them being excited for someone else is not directed at her. Being a good friend to the other friend does not make them bad friends to Blair. Seriously, should they all say, "Hey don''t talk about the new engagement this weekend because Blair''s party is next weekend and we need to concentrate on her." That would make the other friend feel like crud!


Blair, are you worried that they will skip out on your weekend, or are you just jealous that someone made a big deal about her engagement when they never made a big deal about yours?
 

Margot

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
83
Date: 4/21/2009 1:12:16 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Date: 4/21/2009 12:54:32 PM
Author: sunnyd


Date: 4/21/2009 12:46:12 PM
Author: meresal



Date: 4/21/2009 11:58:31 AM
Author: sunnyd




Date: 4/21/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: meresal

I get the feeling that this is going to be more of a ''Congratulations, you''re engaged party'' than a Bachelorette party. A B-party over a year away is just ridiculous.
Blair said they were planning a bach party for the other girl.

This is not something friends do... I''m sorry Blair, that really sucks.
Ya, sunny, I read that... I guess I was just thinking about the time and planning that go into a B-party. I''m kind of assuming that they are just going to switch the girls weekend plans to a ''B-party'' weekend, which I assume is more like a engagement celebration than a B-party.

Does tha make any sense?
Umm, no.
Yeah, it''s totally weird that they would throw a bach party over a year out so I get what you''re saying. It''s just rude that they would do it right before Blair''s weekend.
Blair gets a weekend. Not a month. The girls are already getting together that weekend, so it is a perfect opportunity to celebrate their friend''s new engagement. This takes nothing away from Blair''s weekend. Blair is feeling sad because she feels like her friends aren''t excited for her, but them being excited for someone else is not directed at her. Being a good friend to the other friend does not make them bad friends to Blair. Seriously, should they all say, ''Hey don''t talk about the new engagement this weekend because Blair''s party is next weekend and we need to concentrate on her.'' That would make the other friend feel like crud!


Blair, are you worried that they will skip out on your weekend, or are you just jealous that someone made a big deal about her engagement when they never made a big deal about yours?
That''s a good point.

I wonder if back to back weekend celebrations will cause one to fall by the wayside (or have less steam). If Blair already feels neglected by her "friends," her concern over the timing of this party is justified. The planning of this weekend may have been innocent enough, but it came after Blair already felt hurt by her friends.
 

rhbgirl24

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 6, 2009
Messages
2,181
Date: 4/21/2009 12:19:47 PM
Author: Bia
This story reminded me of my situation. My cousin, who I am very close to, paid almost NO attention to the fact that I got engaged. She forgot to officially congratulate us when my FI and I were visiting her. Only remembering to do it after someone else congratulated us. Despite the fact that I am her #1 cheerleader (in everything!). Last year when I found out she was pregnant, I was so excited. Over the course of her pregnancy I bought her gifts, sent her pregnancy tips, calmed her when she was upset, and then planned her baby shower, which I threw on a weekend I had class, even though I live out of state and had to travel more than 3 hours to get there and then back the very next day. All of which I was happy to do because I love her and I wanted her to have a happy pregnancy (she didn''t unfortunately and somewhere towards the end managed to rip my mom''s and my head off quite a few times...blaming it all on hormones. bs!). When I got engaged, I called to tell her and she was like, ''That''s great Bia!'' nothing more
. No questions, no congratulations, nothing. It still hurts me to think about it.


It''s funny. I got so much loving support (and fun attention!) from my friends at school (and PS
) than I did from my own cousin, who is supposed to be my Maid of Honor.

So, I feel for you. These friends sounds like they can be a bit exclusive. I don''t know if you''re always the odd man out, but if you are, maybe you might want to reconsider whether they are good friends to begin with. (((HUGS))) love.
Something very close to this - cousin getting married - happened to me. I think it may just be the way the specific person handles news and excitement. I know mine is not a bad person, but extremely self centered, and only acts waaaay excited if its about her. Sucks, but some people are just like that.
 

AmberGretchen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
7,770
I think you might consider asking them about what the thought process was behind this. Not in a threatening way, just in a "it seems strange to be having X''s Bach party so far from her wedding and so close to mine - was there a particular reason it was scheduled like this?" It does seem totally strange and illogical, and definitely hurtful, but there may be an explanation that you''re not aware of, and if you really want to stay friends with these girls I think its worth letting them know how you feel and seeing if they are willing to try to make amends.
 

purrfectpear

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Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
4,079
Date: 4/21/2009 1:12:16 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Blair gets a weekend. Not a month. The girls are already getting together that weekend, so it is a perfect opportunity to celebrate their friend''s new engagement. This takes nothing away from Blair''s weekend. Blair is feeling sad because she feels like her friends aren''t excited for her, but them being excited for someone else is not directed at her. Being a good friend to the other friend does not make them bad friends to Blair. Seriously, should they all say, ''Hey don''t talk about the new engagement this weekend because Blair''s party is next weekend and we need to concentrate on her.'' That would make the other friend feel like crud!


Blair, are you worried that they will skip out on your weekend, or are you just jealous that someone made a big deal about her engagement when they never made a big deal about yours?
Exactly.

When you find yourself comparing YOUR party, YOUR engagement, YOUR friends to another girl''s engagement then YOU are the one with the issue IMO.
 

Margot

Rough_Rock
Joined
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Messages
83
Date: 4/21/2009 3:07:13 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 4/21/2009 1:12:16 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Blair gets a weekend. Not a month. The girls are already getting together that weekend, so it is a perfect opportunity to celebrate their friend''s new engagement. This takes nothing away from Blair''s weekend. Blair is feeling sad because she feels like her friends aren''t excited for her, but them being excited for someone else is not directed at her. Being a good friend to the other friend does not make them bad friends to Blair. Seriously, should they all say, ''Hey don''t talk about the new engagement this weekend because Blair''s party is next weekend and we need to concentrate on her.'' That would make the other friend feel like crud!


Blair, are you worried that they will skip out on your weekend, or are you just jealous that someone made a big deal about her engagement when they never made a big deal about yours?
Exactly.

When you find yourself comparing YOUR party, YOUR engagement, YOUR friends to another girl''s engagement then YOU are the one with the issue IMO.
I read it differently. It seemed like she was already concerned with her friends'' reaction (or lack thereof) to her engagement, and when they treated the other engagement differently, this made her feel even worse.
 

Blair138

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
1,207
WOW-I was reading all these responses at work but couldn''t post so I was dying to get home. Let me clarify a few things:

This IS a Bachelorette party for my friend. If it was an engagement party-that is TOTALLY different and I would love to attend one. In fact, I think it should be one and save the b-party for later.

Things weren''t that different when I got engaged re: life situations. We have been out of college for 2-3 years now and everyone has job, same living situation. Everyone of these friends knows FI and loves him. There is no issue with him at all.

Winslet Thanks for the words of support! I feel better today but still can''t believe they are doing this.

violet03, Freke, Iloveprincesscuts, sammyj I am definitely reconsidering my friendship with them. This weighs heavily into who I can see myself keeping in touch with as we get older. But really, this is high school crap and I probably just need to tell them SEE YA.



sba It could be jealousy, but misplaced. Most of them have expressed that they don''t want to get married yet, so I don''t know what emotion it is.



meresal they didn''t plan mine, my sister (MOH) did. None of them are in my wedding so I wouldn''t expect it, but it goes back to the whole excitement issue and the fact that they barely acknowledged my engagement.

bee*Thanks for your support

Guilty Pleasure The fact that they are celebrating the engagement isn''t the issue because the way it was presented to all the friends is a BACHELORETTE PARTY. Like I said before I would have no issue with an engagement party/celebration. But a b-party the week before mine when her wedding isn''t until 2010 is what irks me. And no, I am actually the least competitive one out of the group and since I was first, I made a point to not be all ''look at me'' ''it''s my day'' ''it''s my year'' because I am not like that. I am no concerned about what it will take away from my b-party, which is one day not a weekend, it''s just hurt that there was nothing even SAID basically when I got engaged and now they are throwing my friend a b-party at a really weird time. If this girl was getting married this summer I would have no problem with it, the timing and everything is just weird to me. But I probably do need to examine our friendship and just let them go.

Winks_Elf I hadn''t thought about that but who knows, I would highly doubt it though.

rhbgirl That is just what I don''t get


sunnyd, BigT Bia and AmberGretchen thanks
I might talk to her about it, but I''m non-confrontational and it would probably cause more issues than do good...


Margot I actually am expecting some of them to not come to my b-party now because of this weekend, yes, I do care, but I don''t think it will ruin my weekend.

PP I''m not comparing my anything to hers. I am upset with my friends for the lack of enthusiasm and weird planning of her b-party. I never said anything about comparing my engagement to hers?
I am 100% happy with my engagement, my wedding my everything. but Thanks!
 

Blair138

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 8, 2008
Messages
1,207
oh and a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who sent ((HUGS)). I wanted to clarify but your hugs didn''t go unnoticed! You all rock!
 

Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
hmmm, I have no idea why I thought you were just out of college, getting engaged the June after graduation. It sounds to me like maybe the one girl who planned this is really close to the girl with the party and jumped the gun. I think it is super early to have a real bachelorette party, so I just assumed that she was getting everyone excited about her friend.

A b-party this early is nutty, but you can't say anything because it will just look like you're jealous or don't want to share the spotlight, which is not the case.

Maybe you've just grown apart from your friends, or they are miffed about not being bridesmaids. who knows? Anyways, sorry you feel let down. If anyone backs out of your party because of being tired from going out the weekend before, they are not very good friends.
 
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