Rude friends - vent

[Lozza]

I just got a message from a friend on facebook checking if I was engaged. Apparently, another friend of hers recently got engaged and she had to ''make sure I wasn''t engaged as well''.

I''m getting kind of sick of being the person that other people look at to make themselves feel better. It''s like they think "I''m not engaged, but at least Lozza isn''t either". Ok, I know SO and I have been together a long time (7 yrs), but I''m only 27, which in Sydney is still young enough to be getting married.

I feel like it''s going to be such an anti-climax when we get engaged. My parents have given up on me getting married and started hassling my younger brother. Most of my friends have assumed we don''t plan to get married, and have started asking when we''re going to have kids. I''m worried that no one will be excited for us when it finally happens, which should be within a month or so.

Does anyone else feel this way? And for those who were with there SO for a long time before getting engaged, were people still excited for you or were they a bit over it by then?

Thanks

/rant.

 

[Jessie702]

Awwww, Lozza i am so sorry hon. It sounds like this friend isnt a real friend. I dont know your situation with this, but i would be re-evluations some friendship if it were me.

I havent been witht the SO, so long that people wouldnt be excited so i could help. Im so sorry Hon, no one should have to go through that

 

[bee*]

I was with D for 8 years before we got engaged and people were absolutely thrilled for us. I''m in Ireland where most people tend to date for many years before settling down so even though most of our friends are together for 7 years plus, we were only the second couple to get engaged/married. Don''t worry-people will be delighted for yu when when you get engaged, especially your family.

 

[vc10um]

I echo bee*''s comments. Regardless of when it happens or how long it takes, people will still be delighted for you! (Especially us!!!

) Don''t worry about what other people say--if there''s one thing I''ve learned from being on PS, every couple is different--some can be engaged after 7 months, and some wait 7 years, but they all do it when it''s right for *them*, not everyone else around them!!!

A little ***~~~***~~~***DUST***~~~***~~~*** for you, darling!

 

[MrsHToBe]

*hugs*, Lozza!

I can totally empathize with you, as I've been wondering the same thing about mine, and SO's engagement. We've been together just short of 9 years, now, and have a 5-year-old DD (not only do I get the "When are you guys getting married?" questions, I get the "When are you going to have another little one?" ones, too), so I'm always wondering whether or not people will be genuinely happy for us, when it happens, or just going through the motions, thinking, "What's even the point?!"

 

[KimberlyH]

Other people's excitement won't match your own no matter what the situation is, so I suggest not worrying about it. Your engagement will be special because it is yours and your boyfriends, not because others are happy for you, which I'm sure they will be when the time comes.

As for the rude friend, tell her she crossed a line with you and you don't want to discuss engagement with her anymore; if she brings it up again change the subject. No need to allow her to upset you.

 

[radiantquest]

I was with my BF for 4 years before we got married. He always said that he didn''t want to get married and it was always clear that I did. When we told people the first thing they asked was "When is the baby due?" Like the only reason I could have gotten him to marry me was to be pregnant! Well no, I wasn''t pregnant then, I am not now. We don''t plan on having kids. He married me because he loves me. Is that so unbelieveable!

*thread jack over*

 

[nkarma]

Lozza - that friend of yours was rude.

I can tell you I was until about 2 weeks ago (when he proposed) in the exact same boat. I will be 27 in a few months and we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary yesterday. You are still young enough to not be engaged for sure. Since the engagement, people have been coming up to me and saying I hear you are getting married and it freaks me out a little. We have both said that we feel too young to be engaged.

I can only tell you from my personal experience that my response from family and friends has been overwhelming. A lot of them have known us together the whole time and even though it was expected, most people are very happy for us and have gone out of their way to congratulate us and show excitement. Also, what I like most about it even though it was very expected, is that it's for real. We are spending the rest of our lives together. No more talk if we are married or together, this will happen... Kids are far off, but both of us have been saying I hope the kids get that trait of yours or hopefully not this trait.

All I can say is remain patient (hard to do if you read my venting post) and keep these negative friends out of your life. The real friends will be the ones to support you now and congratulate you when it happens.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Hun - people the love you and your FI and care about the both of you will be super excited when you finally get engaged - regardless of how long it takes to get there.

I was one of the last ones to get engaged in my group of friends and there was plenty of excitement to go around when it finally happened!

 

[chiapet]

That was a shi**y message your friend sent. That just says a lot about how insecure she is so try not to let her remarks affect you. Focus on your supportive friends. They''re the ones who matter. (((HUGS)))

 

[Lozza]

Thank you SO much everyone for your kind thoughts. I''ve been a bit down about it all lately, so her comment really got to me. But you are right, she''s not a very nice person and I should ignore her.

When I was young I used to imagine having a whirlwind romance and getting married quite young. It gets to me every time someone reminds me that my life didn''t turn out that way. That said, I also planned to be the CEO of a major corporation before I was 40 so I guess I just had unrealistic expectations!

Thanks for the re-assurance that people will be excited for us - I know I shouldn''t worry about what others think, but I''ll be really disappointed if no one else cares.

 

[brooklyngirl]

It''s unfortunate that your friend is being less than kind, but at least you are aware of her tendencies, and know what to expect.

It is a bit worrisome that you seem to be so invested in other people''s excitement about your engagement and wedding. There are a lot of expectations when it comes to weddings, it''s an emotional time for a couple and their friends and family. Every bride dreams about people being at their best because of the happy occasion, but the fact of the matter is that it''s pretty common for people''s nasty side to come out during wedding planning. It''s so much worse for the bride if she''s not mentally prepared to deal with it.

Your engagement is about and and FF. It''s your time, and your life, so be excited between the two of you, and don''t worry about whether those around you are share those sentiments. Their excitement isn''t going to help you have a happier life.

 

[ringless]

Yes!! I feel the same way. I have been with my bf for 8 years and I get stares and then some when I tell people that. I hate having to explain myself, our relationship, finances, etc. I am just anxiously waiting. I honestly will feel so much better when it happens.. and I only hope others will be excited for us but honestly if they aren't TOO BAD! I will be ecstatic!!

 

[Lozza]

Brooklyngirl - you are so right. I always worry too much about what everyone else thinks of me (with everything), and it''s something I''m trying very hard to stop.

Ringless and MrsHtoBe - that''s exactly how I feel. I hate telling people how long we''ve been together, and I often wonder if getting married is a bit of a step backwards now, seeing we''ve been living like a married couple for years.

On a positive note, I got a text today from SO asking me to go to the jeweller today to have my ring size double checked!!! I was so excited I was laughing at my desk, and I pretty much skipped all the way to the jeweller (which is only 2 mins from work). So I know if I can get that excited over visiting the jeweller, I know I''ll be super excited when he asks. So I''m feeling a lot better today.

 

[Blackpaw]

Oh Lozza im sorry your friend was such a jack*$s...

Dont worry about her...

I can relate to you, as ive been very frustrated recently with the exact same feelings! SO and i have been together 5 years (and i think we''re a way aways from engagement so it''ll probably be about the 7 year mark) and i worry that no-one will care when we do finally do it. But at the same time i think, im only 26, what''s the rush?! Oh and im from Melbs by the way!

Still, a few of our friends have recently got engaged after romances around the 2-3 year mark. And when i speak with mutual friends they say things like ''oh about time'' or ''this other couple has to be next, they''ve been together like 3 years''

...then they realise im not engaged yet, freak out, and say something like ''oh but you and your SO are different, you''re like practically married anyway'' to hide their embarrassment - as if im going to throw a tantrum like a child or something!

its frustrating

Still, an engagement seems to be on the cards for you very soon and that''s very exciting

{{{DUST}}}

 

[Lozza]

Date: 10/7/2009 3:47:33 PM
Author: Blackpaw
Oh Lozza im sorry your friend was such a jack*$s...


Dont worry about her...


I can relate to you, as ive been very frustrated recently with the exact same feelings! SO and i have been together 5 years (and i think we''re a way aways from engagement so it''ll probably be about the 7 year mark) and i worry that no-one will care when we do finally do it. But at the same time i think, im only 26, what''s the rush?! Oh and im from Melbs by the way!


Still, a few of our friends have recently got engaged after romances around the 2-3 year mark. And when i speak with mutual friends they say things like ''oh about time'' or ''this other couple has to be next, they''ve been together like 3 years''


...then they realise im not engaged yet, freak out, and say something like ''oh but you and your SO are different, you''re like practically married anyway'' to hide their embarrassment - as if im going to throw a tantrum like a child or something!


its frustrating

Still, an engagement seems to be on the cards for you very soon and that''s very exciting

{{{DUST}}}

If I had a $ for every time someone had told me we didn''t need to get married because we''re ''practically married anyway'', I could have a very nice ring!

And yay for another Aussie