RSVP''s-Question

[TBjumper]

Alright folks...mini vent/question.

I sent my wedding invites out 6 weeks ago, asking for a response by the 15th of this month. So far most everyone that we have gotten RSVP back from are coming which makes me happy...however there are a TON of people who haven’t responded at all yet.

This just strikes me as rude

...they have this weekend/Monday to get them in to us. Is it normal for people to wait until the day the darn RSVP is due to send it back?? How hard can it be, they are pre-stamped people!

I am talking half the guest list, not just one or two people!

Is this normal, or are people just really this inconsiderate? Secretly I am not mad, I am just scared no one is going to come.

Some one pacify me, or tell me you ran in to this problem too!!!

 

[BeachRunner]

The EXACT same thing is happening to us. Our RSVP''s are "due" Sept. 15th, and we are missing quite a few.

I think it is rude to not send them back! They already have a stamp on them, just check yes or no, and put it in your box!

Wishing you lots of mail this week!

 

[House Cat]

I''m confused by your post. You are saying that people are inconsiderate because they haven''t responded early?

 

[TBjumper]

Hi BeachRunner

I feel for you, it''s driving me nuts. A lot of FI friends are single guys, so I am sure RSVP(ing) are not strong points for them lol. So he has to track them down, then they SAY they are coming, but I mean geez, just put the darn thing in the mail already!

I have gotten two "responses" via Facebook (are we allowed to say that on PS?)... who does that?!?! You can type up a reason you can/can not come on my page, but you can''t stick a card in the mail? Those weren''t cheap!

Mail dust to you too BeachRunner!

 

[TooPatient]

People are just rude. (maybe a little harsh, but I think it is true)

I hosted a barbeque a couple of weeks ago. The organizers of the event sent out e-vites to 60 families. People were supposed to RSVP no later than 2 weeks before the event. Comes in their e-mail. Just have to say "accept" or "decline". So up until 3 weeks before, there were going to be about 6 people coming. And about 20 people who "might" come. (Who is the smart person who thought up an RSVP with a "maybe"???) After the deadline more people kept responding. 4 days before (have to finalize food order and table rentals) we''ve got 15 people coming and 25 "maybe" and more people who weren''t on the list who "might come".
We had to guess and ordered WAY TOO MUCH food. Had 30 people show up.


Maybe I''m old fashioned but I would never do such a thing. People seem to have forgotten all manners.


Good luck to all of you with invitations out. Hope your RSVPs show up soon.

 

[elrohwen]

Mine were due last week and a few are still trickling in. Though mine got sent out late due to vendor issues, so I wasn't too picky.

I do think it's rude that a lot of people don't send them back on time. I also find it rude that 3 of those missing rsvps are family members and not irresponsible or super busy 20-somethings

Oh well. I wasn't really mad about it either, but it is frustrating when you're trying to get a guest count and figure out your seating arrangements and you don't know who will be there (especially because our place had a 65 person minimum and I was getting worried we wouldn't even get that many!)

ETA: I'm maybe more put out by the lack of people responding to our email about the day after bbq we're holding. I thought it would be really informal and we wouldn't care how many people came, but now I'm realizing that I can't buy burgers or sides if I have zero idea how many people are coming! I don't need an exact number, but some indication would be nice. I'll just have to take a guess and hope I'm not running out to the store half way through the picnic (or ending up with 5lbs of raw meat to take back home with me). I don't see how hard it is to email back and say "Yes, we'll be around" or "No, we have to head back earlier. Sorry"

 

[TBjumper]

Hi HouseCat.

Sorry it was confusing...No not upset people haven’t responded early, I am upset the RSVP are due in 3 (mailing) days and I am missing over half of the invite list.

I assumed everyone would just respond when they got the invites and I would have a few stragglers respond close to the due date. When I get invites I just always check my calendar and stick the rsvp back in the mail ASAP. I know people want a count as soon as possible. I just didn’t think everyone would wait until the last few days to send the responses back.

I highly doubt I am going to get over 100 rsvps in the next 3 days.

(My mail lady would kill us!!!)

 

[TBjumper]

TooPatient: This is just what I am talking about! I am supposed to get the count to my caterer by next Friday (so 3 days after RSVP are due) and I KNOW there are going to be more RSVP in my mail box for weeks after... its just so frustrating when I am trying to get a count for food, drinks and table arrangements! I don''t think you are being harsh at all... I would be pretty angry if I had wasted all that money on food for the BBQ...

Elrohwen: We are dealing with the same issues, good to know I am not alone. I have a big chunk of missing RSVP from FI’s side of the family as well, who are grown adults. Which makes me even more cranky b/c these are people FMIL said HAD to be invited, that they all wanted to be there for FI. If you want to be there act like it and get your rsvps in...

 

[rhbgirl24]

I have two weeks until mine are do and I''m still missing over half my RSVPs. I think its just the nature of people to put something off! Or forget!

But you''re not a lone, I''m sure I''ll be in the same situation 2 weeks from now!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 9/10/2009 1:53:16 PM
Author: TBjumper

Elrohwen: We are dealing with the same issues, good to know I am not alone. I have a big chunk of missing RSVP from FI’s side of the family as well, who are grown adults. Which makes me even more cranky b/c these are people FMIL said HAD to be invited, that they all wanted to be there for FI. If you want to be there act like it and get your rsvps in...

Neither my mom nor I wanted to invite her mom and brothers, but my mom told me to do it anyway because they would be very offended if they weren''t invited. Well, I haven''t received an rsvp from any of them

The worst part is that, since they didn''t send in rsvps, I have no idea if they''re coming or not and since I don''t want them there in the first place that makes me nervous. I''ll probably be calling the hotels I have blocks at to see if they reserved rooms there

Haha. So I know how you feel.

 

[charbie]

i so feel your pain.

mine are due on the 14th, and FINALLY they are coming in at a faster rate. i was slowly going to lose it as well. i spent a lot of money to include an RSVP with a stamp (which would be expected anyway), so i agree it feels rude if they aren''t in. and it is rough to get all of them at once. chalk it up to being impatient and also not wanting to have to make a bunch of phone calls to figure out who is actually going to be at the wedding. i was really really stressing, but i''ve talked myself down and not letting it bother me right now. don''t get too upset until after the day they are due.

this caused a huge fight with my sister and i because i complained that i was missing over half of them less than a week ago. she said, "well, they have over a week to go."- to me this also wasn''t the point, but i realized it is not something to stress over. i gave myself a week to make the phone calls to figure out who was going to be there before i have to turn in final numbers.

can''t give much advice, but at least i can tell you that you aren''t the only one!

 

[TBjumper]

Rhbgirl24: If you have half and still 2 weeks to go, you''re doing great! Fingers crossed you WON''T end up like me... its so frustrating!

Elrohwen: OK that’s spooky, that''s the same talk I was given from FI''s mother. I understand that people would be offended (maybe) but family you haven’t seen in 10 years doesn''t really need to be there if you don''t talk to them. And it was no skin off her nose as she wasn’t paying the extra for the additional invites and postage. I think that’s what chaps my a** the most, as we were almost forced to invited these people at our expense and they haven’t even given us the courteously of responding at all. Oh well what can you do right?

 

[TBjumper]

Hi Charbie

I was given this advice too by my mom...she told me not to "stalk" people and I cant force them to come… LOL Which was good advice a week ago, not 3 darn days before they are due! I am not mad if they cant come, I just wanna know now darn it!!

Maybe its just because I am known for being a little too "Nancy Neurotic" that they keep telling me not to stress. I mean I made these people a priority over other people we knew and chose to invite them. Return the favor and make it a priority to get the RSVP back in the mail

On a side note, we WERE going to do an A list and a B list. Send out the “must invites” first, and then 2 weeks later send out the b list once we had gotten enough "regrets" back from list A. Boy am I glad we just sent them all at once... we never would have known how many we could have sent out from list B because no one from list A would have responded!!!

 

[trillionaire]

I''d venture to say that your friends and family are not rude people, just busy people living lives that don''t revolve around your wedding, or any particular event that are invited to attend. The economy is bad, people are tightening their reins, it may be that people are waiting until the last minute trying to find flights, hotels, and other deals that will enable them to attend. (Years ago, I was looking for flights as close as 3 days before a wedding that I desperately wanted to attend!) They are your guests, and people that you care about, so I''d probably give them the benefit of the doubt. It is why gracious hosting is an artform

Now, I do totally understand feeling anxious about people NOT coming, but that''s because you feel like you don''t have control of that part of the process. Honestly, it would be a hassle, but making follow-up calls to people would probably alleviate that anxiety. They''d love to hear from you, and you may even convert some yeses!

Yes, you have too much to do, and it''s a hassle, but you and your FI can just have a night in and get pizza and have a call center night, lol. Just a thought.

I hope you get a flood of RSVP''s by your deadline so that you feel better, but it''s all going to work out in the end.

All the best!

 

[TBjumper]

Thx Trill,

Problem is, all my side of the family has responded as well as my friends... its FI's family that haven’t, in addition to a lot of his friends... I totally have the attitude that I would call someone I have never spoken to and say "hey there you don’t know me, but FI and I need your RSVP... NOW!!" But something in my head is telling me that’s not my place, LOL.

Additional bump in your theory is all these people are "local" (10-45min from venue) there are no hotel/flight/etc to plan. I wish I could use that excuse. My family is from New England and we are down South, and my out of towners have responded... maybe people down here are just that more "relaxed

BUT THANK YOU, for reminding me their lives don't revolve around our wedding. Its hard to keep in perspective, since our lives have been consumed with planning for so long. Lets just get this show on the road and party already

 

[ProseCuter]

My responses were due on Monday, and I still had about 10 I hadn''t heard from. I emailed people and now have managed to hear from all but 2.

FI didn''t really want to contact people to get their responses. He told me that he had been invited to lots of weddings when he was in his 20s, and didn''t send in the cards if he wasn''t going. UGH! I told him that I was sure some of the no responses WOULD be coming and I didn''t really want to be short of seats or food.

Sure enough, several that hadn''t responded told me they ARE coming. Most of these people told me they had the response card on their desk, it got buried under bills, and they just forgot to mail them in.

Whether they forgot, or like my FI don''t realize you need to know either way, I don''t think it hurts to send out a friendly email saying you need to get a final head count in to the caterer and need to know if they will be able to join you for your special day.

 

[TBjumper]

Thx Prose,

I guess I am going to have to get all the info (numbers and email) from FMIL, (who is out of town until Sunday) anyway and start burning calls. Or at least make FI burn the calls to his family members. I agree about people just not sending them. The few people I have point blanked about them have just said "yes we''re coming, just forgot to send in the RSVP"

Thanks for letting me vent guys!

 

[ficklefaye]

some people just didn''t know they had to send in the rsvp for me, we had to call them and they said, ''yea, we''re coming, was i supposed to send in the rsvp?''

uh, duh! that''s why i included it with a self addressed and stamped envelope! (ok, that part was just in my head)

this happened to a few people. even if they had called us to tell us know they were coming, i would have been fine with that. i don''t know why they assumed we knew they were coming.

i apologize for my mini vent.

 

[honey22]

Unfortunately, some people are just clueless. Without a doubt, you will need to chase up some RSVPS. It''s annoying - I am sure they won''t forget to drink your drink and eat your food though!

 

[Patchee]

I had this issue too. I think it is common. After my wedding I learned to never let anyone wait on a RSVP from me again.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 9/10/2009 2:39:58 PM
Author: trillionaire
I''d venture to say that your friends and family are not rude people, just busy people living lives that don''t revolve around your wedding, or any particular event that are invited to attend. The economy is bad, people are tightening their reins, it may be that people are waiting until the last minute trying to find flights, hotels, and other deals that will enable them to attend. (Years ago, I was looking for flights as close as 3 days before a wedding that I desperately wanted to attend!) They are your guests, and people that you care about, so I''d probably give them the benefit of the doubt. It is why gracious hosting is an artform

Now, I do totally understand feeling anxious about people NOT coming, but that''s because you feel like you don''t have control of that part of the process. Honestly, it would be a hassle, but making follow-up calls to people would probably alleviate that anxiety. They''d love to hear from you, and you may even convert some yeses!

Yes, you have too much to do, and it''s a hassle, but you and your FI can just have a night in and get pizza and have a call center night, lol. Just a thought.


I hope you get a flood of RSVP''s by your deadline so that you feel better, but it''s all going to work out in the end.


All the best!

I''m with trill in this one. Past year my Dh and I were invited to a wedding, someone that works with my DH. I put the STD on the refrigerator, and my DH showed me the invitation. My husband totally forgot to answer, until the groom ask him if we were going because we never answer.

People have so many more important things to do, that can be easy just forget. Don''t be mad, just give them a call and ask, I''m sure they are not doing it to be mean to you. They probably just forgot to answer.

 

[Still_Waiting]

Sadly, this seems to be a very common scenario...at least in my neck-of-the-woods. I've even been advised not to bother with RSVP cards at all since so few send them back. Rude? Definitely! My plan is to pick up the phone and start calling when it gets to the point that I HAVE to know. But maybe this isn't practical, depending on the size of your wedding. If you need to, you could always drum up the services of your bridesmaids. Split up the list and everyone just starts calling! I also plan to have some part of my wedding website be for RSVPs since it seems easier for folks to hop on the internet than put a postcard in the mail.

ETD: Sorry, didn't read all the way through. I DO think it's totally appropriate for you to call. Or, maybe that should be your FI's job since it sounds like it's mainly people he knows. In any case, I don't think it would be rude or strange as long as you don't jump down their throats for not having sent in their cards. Just a simple call asking, "Hey, sorry to bother you about this, but I've got to settle things with our caterer. Do you think you'll be able to make it to our wedding?"

 

[TBjumper]

FickleFay, Honey22, Patchee, Gaby06 and Still_Waiting: Thanks for taking the time to reply, good to know I havent lost my mind and others have the same problem...

HOWEVER....dun dun dun I have an Update!!!

So FI calls a few people to see why the heck they haven''t responded and they were all like "we never got an invite..."

They all got the Save the Dates so we know the addresses are correct and we never got any "return to sender" mail back, sooooo where the heck are they?!?!

My Mom''s betting something happened when the mail was sorted as the people who did not get them all live in the same 3 zip codes. (that or they are sitting on the floor of some random mail truck hidden under the seat...

)

Needless to say, I now have to round up all the numbers and make sure they have the time and address. Now I am just bummed they never got to see the invites...

I guess if this is the first "issue" we are doing pretty well...

 

[Still_Waiting]

Date: 9/11/2009 2:56:19 PM
Author: TBjumper
FickleFay, Honey22, Patchee, Gaby06 and Still_Waiting: Thanks for taking the time to reply, good to know I havent lost my mind and others have the same problem...

HOWEVER....dun dun dun I have an Update!!!

So FI calls a few people to see why the heck they haven't responded and they were all like 'we never got an invite...'

They all got the Save the Dates so we know the addresses are correct and we never got any 'return to sender' mail back, sooooo where the heck are they?!?!

My Mom's betting something happened when the mail was sorted as the people who did not get them all live in the same 3 zip codes. (that or they are sitting on the floor of some random mail truck hidden under the seat...

)

Needless to say, I now have to round up all the numbers and make sure they have the time and address. Now I am just bummed they never got to see the invites...

I guess if this is the first 'issue' we are doing pretty well...

Whoa! That's pretty crazy! Well, I'm glad you'll be able to sort it out. What a big bummer though!

EDIT: You know, that just reminded me of something that happened to my parents. They received a wedding invitation, but weren't going to be able to make it. They sent a gift about a month later. A couple of years later, I ended up dating the brother of that bride. It turns out they received the gift just about the time of their 1st anniversary. That invitation had gotten "lost" in the mail and just happened to get to my parents about a year later. My mom didn't even notice the year was wrong on the invite! Crazy stuff happens. It's so sad when it happens to your WEDDING invitations, though!

 

[TBjumper]

Still_Waiting: No joke! We never would have know these people didnt get the invites, as we never had any returned to us undeliverable. I am glad FI and I started to call ( thanks to everyone on PS telling me its ok

) and found out. We have at least 6 couples that didnt get the invites. We figure we will wait until the "due" date for the RSVPs then use this as the excuse to call and see if people simply havent responded or didnt get the invite....

 

[Still_Waiting]

Date: 9/11/2009 3:02:00 PM
Author: TBjumper
Still_Waiting: No joke! We never would have know these people didnt get the invites, as we never had any returned to us undeliverable. I am glad FI and I started to call ( thanks to everyone on PS telling me its ok

) and found out. We have at least 6 couples that didnt get the invites. We figure we will wait until the ''due'' date for the RSVPs then use this as the excuse to call and see if people simply havent responded or didnt get the invite....

Perfect! That way you won''t come across rude and they won''t be (as) embarrassed.

 

[TBjumper]

Still_Waiting: Great minds think alike.... that''s what my mom said...