Rooming with strangers

[jjc]

Have you done it? Would you recommend it? How'd you find them/go about it?

I'd love to hear it all - horror stories, successes, advice about what to look for/avoid, etc. Particularly if anyone has experiences from after college, so the older you were the more relevant.

Thank you!

 

[sillyberry]

I lived with a stranger my first year of law school when I was 26 after several years living alone. I found a condo to lease and put up an add for a roommate on Craigslist. I got a bunch of emails and was able to weed out most of them immediately. My first choice (based on a phone conversation) ended up not working out, but I met my second choice and she lived with me for a year.

It was fine. There were no problems, really, other than small roommate things that are annoying when you live with anyone (like her heels clomping down the hardwood hallway at 6am, her tendency to handwash all dishes and waste a ton of water, stuff like that). We didn't socialize much, but when we did we had a good time. Overall, she was a perfectly nice person to live with and most importantly not a fellow law student.

I've seen stranger roommate pairings work out great, and living with friends turn into a nightmare, so I think you just need to (1) figure out what is important and not important to you in a living situation, and (2) do your best to find someone basically compatible with those desires, (3) recognizing that it won't be perfect all the time.

Sounds like finding a spouse, huh?

 

[iheartscience]

I haven't done it, but a friend of mine is living with 3 people she met on Craigslist and it's worked out well for her. She gets along with her roommates and they've become her friends. My sister also has a roommate who was a stranger to her, but was a friend of a friend, and that's worked out well, too.

So it's not always bad! That said, I would definitely vet someone very well (maybe even do a background check?) and be very clear about your expectations up front. For example, set some ground rules for how often their boyf/girl sleeps overs, how often guests from out of town, etc. And also put it out on Facebook that you're looking for a roommate and see if a friend of a friend is looking for a new roommate.

 

[sonnyjane]

When I was 25, my husband and I relocated to a different state and I was having a hard time finding work, so I signed up for a 4-month unpaid internship program. The program accepted 16 applicants from around the country for each term, so about a month before the program started, we all exchanged contact information and it was discovered that several of them were looking for temporary housing. One of the people looking was a 21-year-old girl that had just graduated college from Chicago. Because I was running low on money and because I knew it was only for four months, I discussed it with my husband and he agreed that we could rent our guest bedroom to her for the four months. We were in contact quite a bit before she actually moved in and discussed ahead of time that my husband and I were not into parties anymore and that we typically go to bed early. She was in the same boat, so things worked out very well. She typically stayed in her room for the most part on the computer, which might seem antisocial, but for a roommate, it was quite convenient lol! We also could carpool to the internship together, which was nice.

That said, this was not a negative experience, but it could have easily been one. I had a few different roommates in college and none of those experiences were positive for me. I only did this because I was really strapped for cash. Also, my husband was deployed for 3 out of the 4 months, which was another reason we agreed to do this, since obviously being married yet living with a roommate is less than romantic! I likely wouldn't do it again.

 

[chemgirl]

I rented my spare room to a guy I found on kijiji (like craigslist). I had a lot of responses and he was my second choice. My first choice was a med student, but she didn't like my furniture

Funny thing was that we had friends in common.

We went to the same college and were in similar (though not the same) program.

It worked out fine. He was messier than I'd like, but he is a perfectly nice person so it could have been worse.

ETA: I was 25 at the time.

 

[Amys Bling]

the only time I have ever lived wit a stranger was my freshman year of college. BUT a lot of my friends that live in the city or just outside of the city end up with random roommates when leases don't coincide with their friends- or they need to take on an extra roommate. For many of them- they have become friends!

 

[Novel]

Long story short - I lived with a girl off Craigslist who turned out to be a female bodybuilder, which could be fine, except that she cooked all her meals without fat, which meant that there were lots of burnt 5 a.m. mushrooms setting the fire alarm off; judged what I ate and how I exercised (or didn't!); left her steroids in the fridge; and talked about how overweight her boyfriend was all the time.

A lot of my friends have lived with strangers with no problem, but I prefer friends of a friend if need be.

(I also once lived with a girl I'd met on a trip who was a neuro-biologist and I once found doing cocaine off our kitchen table, so you really never know.)

 

[lliang_chi]

I lived with strangers twice. Once when I was 23 I got a roommate shortly after graduating. I was still in my college neighborhood so I think I just posted flyers for roommates. She was a nice girl, a few years younger than me, and we got along pretty well. Didn't hang out etc, but she was very compatible as a roommate.

The second time I was about 25 or 26, I just bought my condo and posted on Craigslist. I lived with a guy who recently moved into the city. He was nice enough, we stayed out of each other's way, but he broke his lease and kind of stiffed me 1/2 a month's rent.

 

[zoebartlett]

When I began grad school, I found someone to look for an apartment with. We then looked for one more roommate when we found a three bedroom place in our college town. I used a popular housing board/web site run by my school to search for roommates, and it worked out really well. Even though none of us knew each other before then, we got along well. Since we were all in school and working, there were weeks we hardly saw each other. We hung out together occasionally but we also did our own things. We didn't really have any issues. We were in our late 20s-early 30s, and there wasn't any drama that might be more typical for younger people living together. The first roommate and I lived in that apartment for 5 years. The other one we originally found moved out after graduating, and we replaced her with two more people over the next three years. I still keep in touch with the first roommate occasionally but not any of the others.

 

[stephbolt]

I've never done it but my sister did - she met two roommates off of roommates.com when she graduated college and moved to a city. One of them is one of her best friends to this day, they've been in each other's weddings. The other was a lying bulimic who would binge on all their food and she hated living with. They couldn't wait to be free of living with her.

I think discussing ground rules, lifestyle, etc is a good idea, trust your insticts as to whether this is someone that you could peacefully cohabitate with, and maybe discuss up front how you are going to handle any issues the two of you have with one another.

 

[pregcurious]

Are you planning on rooming with a stranger?

I've done it several times before college (over the summer for 5 consecutive summers), and 1 year during college. I think that equal cleanliness and general politeness are the most important qualities. If you plan on having to interact a lot because you have similar schedules and have to share a living room/kitchen, I think being similar in personality is helpful.

If you don't want much interaction, try to find an introvert, someone who is very studious, or has a different schedule from you.

If you are someone who likes things clean, avoid having to share bathrooms if you can. It's annoying to wait to use it, and it's gross to clean up after people. Get a kitchen with a dishwasher so dirty dishes don't pile up. If you can find an apartment with laundry in it, it will encourage cleanliness. Can you tell I like things clean?

 

[ame]

One time in College and she was out within a month. She could not be respectful of my things, my space, and the rules regarding having drugs in the room, and guys in the place. She was also a total bathroom hog, a slob--like, I mean I am gross, but food involved in messes with clothing and papers...can't handle that-- and constantly on the phone or getting calls at all hours, and loud as hell at all hours. Disrespectful. That ended quickly. I have learned that I either need to live with my DH or whatever the situation was at the time, my parents, my siblings (though for only short periods of time) or on my own. DH isn't much better in the slob dept or at taking care of things, but at least he's not totally obnoxious!

 

[jjc]

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences! I've decided against living with a stranger - everything just worked out that way, and I really don't think I'm cut out for it either! I'm actually moving on the 10th, not the happiest of circumstances, would appreciate any dust you could throw my way too! Thank you kindly

 

[mary poppins]

I hope your new living arrangements work out well. Good luck with your move!

 

[Octavia]

I lived with two different roommates I didn't know beforehand. Both times, I was looking for new digs and responded to ads on Craigslist, then met with the potential roomies to look at the apartments and get acquainted with them. Each time, it worked out just fine. I never became close to either of them, especially as each of them had a serious boyfriend she spent most of her time with, so in the end I had the apartments practically to myself. I don't remember any particular issues, except that Roomie # 1 had a cat I didn't particularly like because she was so clingy (in hindsight, she was probably just lonely because her owner was away so much) and Roomie # 2 would sometimes take the silverware from our apartment to her boyfriend's place and not bring it back...small issues in the grand scheme of things. They paid their share of the rent and utilities on time, were clean and pleasant, and I was able to live in much nicer places than I otherwise could have by splitting the costs. You definitely have to be careful, but I would do it again if I needed to.

 

[pregcurious]

I'm glad it worked out for you jjc. I hope things get better soon. I think living alone can be good sometimes for collecting yourself back together, but definitely lean on your friends for support.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Take care, jjc!