Rings gone! Should I get a temp?

[UCLABelle]

Okay, well, it is gone for two weeks. I am getting it resized by T&Co, because it was just a bit too tight, and I like them a bit on the bigger size for the summers, weight gains

, etc. I am so sad!!!!!! I already miss it. In the mean time, have any of you worn a band, or another ring when yours may have been MIA? After having a ring on for so long, my finger feels really really odd!

 

[mrssalvo]

it always feels strange to me to not have a ring on. I have a plain wG band I would wear when I wasn''t wearing my diamond.

 

[decodelighted]

For TWO weeks? Honey, I think you''ll be A-OK. FWIW, My e-ring was "away" for almost two months during its renovation and I didn''t get a sub. If this is the first day or two, yeah maybe it''s weird but seriously -- you''ve lived HOW long w/o an e-ring. 20+ years.

I''d feel differently about a wedding band perhaps. If you were married.

 

[poshpepper]

Date: 8/10/2007 11:43:31 AM
Author:UCLABelle
In the mean time, have any of you worn a band, or another ring when yours may have been MIA?

I have a "substitute" ring that I will wear, but it was not bought for that purpose. I had it before I got engaged and just wear it when I dont want to wear my real Ering (or rather when its not appropriate -- sports, outdoor activities, etc...).

I dont think I would buy one just for the purpose of a replacement for 2 weeks though. Do you have just a plain band you can wear?

 

[UCLABelle]

I do have a plain band, and my grandmother''s e-ring that I could wear...I may use my grandmother''s e-ring.

Decodelight-I know I have lived 20+ years without it, but it is hard to go without the bling

I also like wearing the ring in my current occupation, since it helps me "seem" a bit older. Stupid reason, but a reason none the less.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/10/2007 12:23:55 PM
Author: UCLABelle
I also like wearing the ring in my current occupation, since it helps me ''seem'' a bit older.

It kinda seems like you''re getting your identity wrapped up in bling & being engaged. I mean, you''re still you w/o ANY bling, or any designer clothes or makeup etc. Just something I notice about 20-somethings in general (and other generations as well).

I think it builds character to *go without* -- not substitute w/ a cheap fix ... not fill the void thoughtlessly to keep your "identity" and "image" in tact. I think you''d learn that you''re stronger than you think you are and just as mature-seeming WITHOUT the "prop" .. something you WOULDN''T learn if you DID use a sub. But that''s just my opinion.

When I was without my e-ring, I had two biz trips to go on ... I met lots of new people including celebs. It never came up that I was engaged or without the ring. It didn''t matter whether they knew that about me or not -- because I was there to interview THEM .. not be their new best friend. Yanno what I mean?

 

[Miscka]

Well FWIW I would want a temp too, if I had a ring to replace in the first place

. Yours is gorgeous, I would stare at it all day and miss it when it was gone. I get really used to wearing rings and when I take them off it bugs me. You could get a stand-in, or wear another ring you already have. You might want a stand-in anyway, for travel or any other times you can''t wear your real e-ring.

 

[UCLABelle]

Decodelight- I am a bit insulted that you took it upon yourself to make assumptions about my identity. You assume that "I" may feel less worthy (or something of that nature) without bling, designer clothes or makeup. I don''t wear much make-up, and very rarely designer clothes, not that it would matter, as my personal view of myself (identity) is something only I, or those very close to me, would know.

As a 22-year old (and might I add, short one at that) working as an Academic Counselor at a university, I feel that wearing a ring (since I am engaged after all) can be important. Yes, I believe I am "mature-seeming" without a "prop", and anyone that knows me would full-well agree. However, for students who may only spend 30 minutes with me, a visible "prop" may be useful. Is that a bad thing? For me, no. For you, perhaps.

I have been without an engagement ring (while being engaged) for longer than two weeks. At that time, I did not have a substitute Did it build character? No. Owning something and not wearing should never influence a person''s character. Owning something and wearing it (if you like it, of course) can be fun, hence my joking need for "bling".

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I agree with Deco. I''d worn my e-ring on my right hand since we got engaged because I wanted to just have a wedding band on my left hand and just a couple of months ago I finally decided to move it to my left which required resizing. When I found it that it was going to take 10 days or so I really thought I''d miss it.

Turns out 10 days (or two weeks) is nothing, I really didn''t mind being "naked" at all. My heart did stop a couple of times the first couple of days when I looked and my hand and thought for a split second "OMG, did I lose my ring??!" but that was about it. I had a bus. trip during that time and preferred not having a ring (don''t like the "wifey" connotation).

Just think about how glad you''ll be when you do get it back and it''s freshly-polished and brand new again! You''ll be really excited when it''s on your finger again.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/10/2007 2:04:36 PM
Author: UCLABelle
You assume that ''I'' may feel less worthy (or something of that nature) without bling, designer clothes or makeup. I don''t wear much make-up, and very rarely designer clothes, not that it would matter, as my personal view of myself (identity) is something only I, or those very close to me, would know.

I have been without an engagement ring (while being engaged) for longer than two weeks. At that time, I did not have a substitute Did it build character? No. Owning something and not wearing should never influence a person''s character .

Um .. NO ... I wasn''t saying that YOU use designer clothes or makeup as identity-enhancers.... I was COMPARING those things to "bling" as other potential "props" many people intentionally or subconciously use to boost themselves up.

You YOURSELF said you''re relying on your engagement ring to make people think differently of you. It''s a crutch, a short-cut, a "prop". My point was that you DON''T need *anything* to boost yourself up ... what if you *weren''t* engaged ... who CARES?? It''s not a degree or something to frame & hang on your wall? It''s not an ACCOMPLISHMENT ... and if you''re thinking of it that way then I don''t think my words are going to sink in.

And what builds CHARACTER (IMO) is challenging the need, looking within yourself ... thinking about WHY you want what you want ... what the void is ... NOT in finding a quick fix to keep things the status quo. WHY do you think students will react to you differently if they know you''re engaged? WHY do you assume it makes you more "mature looking"... why are you so eager to be seen a certain way.

 

[Fly Girl]

I did get a temporary wedding ring in a larger size to wear when I was pregnant and could not wear my rings because my fingers were swollen. I really wanted to look married! Turns out I am still wearing that "temp" ring, because I never did fit back into my original rings.

I wouldn''t worry about getting temp engagement ring for just a few weeks. I do think it is nice to have substitute wedding bands. Even single women will find them useful to wear at times.

 

[Circe]

Belle, I was a little younger than you when I taught my first class. I started it off with one of those writing exercises that''s designed to show how writing is just another form of communication: you write down the first thing that pops into your head, pass the paper around, creating a kind of a dialogue, seeing what kind of a catalyst your words were when the sheet gets back around to you. But one of the students didn''t realize that we''d be reading the results aloud ... and, man, was she embarrassed to read "That can''t be the teacher! She''s, like, the teacher''s kid or something, right?!?" I have to admit, I was a little chagrined to hear it myself (though also massively amused), and after that, I made a pointed effort to differentiate myself from my students via wardrobe, props, etc. ... call it what you will. And, frankly, there''s nothing wrong with that. If big horn-rimmed glasses work for Superman''s disguise, far be it from me to scoff ....

It sounds like there''s two things here: one is wanting to differentiate yourself from your advisees, and one is just plain old missing your ring. So, instead of conflating them, why not tackle them one at a time? Like a lot of people have suggested, it never hurts to have a spare band on hand ... and, on the first count, take it from me: big glasses (or, in the absence of bad eyesight, tweed''n''elbow patches)? Better than a scepter, authority-wise.

 

[gwendolyn]

The only reason I think you should get another ring is if you''d been planning on getting another one anyway, or are ridiculously rich and can buy jewelry when you feel the slightest urge.

If I had a Tiffany I''d miss it too, but if you pick up a ''temp,'' that kind of makes it sound like your original is replaceable, and I doubt that''s a statement you want to make either. I''d just suck it up and wait, which would make me appreciate the ring itself even more when I got it back.

 

[AmberGretchen]

UCLA Belle - I actually really get where you are coming from. I''m also short, and very young-looking (I''m 25 but often get asked what high school I go to and have never bought alcohol without being carded), and I find that my wedding/engagement rings do provide two important signals to people: 1) it helps me be taken more seriously, because in my experience people do tend to assume you are older once they notice you have a diamond (or diamonds) on that left ring finger and are therefore engaged/married. I guess I see it as getting rid of unnecessary assumptions about how young I may be.

#2 is actually more important to me, and that is that wearing something on that finger, be it a plain band or a blingy wedding set, sends the message that I am "taken." I''m one of those women that is VERY uncomfortable with unsolicited comments/being hit on, and I find that wearing something on that finger massively reduces this. I didn''t think about this much when I got engaged, but it was something I was pleasantly surprised to discover when I started wearing my engagement ring after getting engaged.

More fundamentally, I think its perfectly legitimate to use clothing, or hairstyles, or rings, or whatever else you want to use to define your identity to others. This is something we all do, whether we admit it or not - how we choose to dress, groom ourselves, wear or not wear makeup, get piercings and/or tattoos, etc...dictates how others see us. Whether that is a flaw in our society or not is sort of beside the point in this case in my opinion, because its still true that people judge others on their appearance whether you agree with it or not. Given that, I don''t see any problem with whatever decisions people make about how to present themselves to the world (although I certainly think that people are entitled to their opinions about other peoples'' appearance-related decisions, as long as they aren''t expressed in a deliberately hurtful way).

Anyway, that was a very long and complicated response to a simple question. If you want a stand-in for your ring, get one. I just ordered a titanium band that I can wear when I''m volunteering training dogs and at the gym and other active/dangerous pursuits where I can''t wear my normal wedding set. I think it will be really nice to have. I think wearing your grandmother''s ring would be lovely because of the personal meaning.

 

[somethingshiny]

I have a diamond channel set band that I wear in place of my ring. I wear it when my ring is *away* and I also wore it a lot when my son was an infant so I didn''t scratch him with my diamonds.

I understand your dilemma with the "prop". I have a single friend who wears her grandmother''s ring at work (waitressing.)

 

[UCLABelle]

Thanks for all the opinions, and to Decodelight- for clarifying yours.

I am going to use my grandmother''s e-ring

 

[married with children]

This all sounds like a good discussion for the next season of Oprah!!!

 

[diamanteperfetto]

Great idea to wear your Grand mother''s e-ring! Your ring will be back soon enough

 

[Stone Hunter]

What a great discussion! Love all the Psych. stuff. Totally agree with Deco. Really does make me think about the assumptions we make about each other. Maybe we should all think about the signals we''re sending.

BUT I totally understand wanting to use it to appear older or more mature. I''m short too! And I felt so weird when people kept asking me what Univ I was planning on applying to --- when I''d already graduated. That would be even harder in a job environment where you work with young people.

I once talked w/ a middle school math teacher who spent the first month at her school explaining to other teachers that she didn''t need a hall pass and was a teacher not a student!! In that case you NEED to use what you can to look older.

But once you hit 40 people will realize that you''re older. I thought it would happen at 35 but it didn''t. And yes if people think your''re "just a kid" they will treat you differently.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/10/2007 4:34:09 PM
Author: UCLABelle
Thanks for all the opinions, and to Decodelight- for clarifying yours.


I am going to use my grandmother''s e-ring

May we get some pics please? Of your grandmother''s ring and of yours when it returns?

 

[musey]

Just wanted to say that I completely agree with AG on her points. I dress and make-up and accessorize myself every single morning with the day's events in mind. More often than not, I have something specific going on that I need to meet expectations for... whether that means wearing stereotypical clothing to project a certain image, or wearing only my most upscale clothing and accessories in order to look "natural" if I know I'm going to have to visit a high-end store that day. (I've been putting off wedding gown shopping for this very reason)

Of course, a lot of that may be my profession (entertainment industry) and where I live (Los Angeles)--but I find that no matter HOW I dress, I will be categorized because of it. May as well dress the way I want to be categorized!

 

[wolftress]

I''m a bit late in jumping in here, but I just wanted to add that I sympathise. My finger felt really naked when I had to send my wedding ring back for remodelling. I didn''t want to wear my e-ring because we had just gotten married and I was missing my wedding ring so much because we had such an emotional, moving wedding ceremony barely a month before, and I couldn''t wear the ring that symbolised that union. In the end, I bought a simple silver band to wear on that finger to tide me through the two weeks it would take to fix my ring. Now I still wear the silver band when I go swimming. I love being married to DH and I hate being with my wedding ring.

I think the idea of wearing your grandmother''s ring is lovely and will be a good stop-gap solution until you get your beautiful TIffany back.