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Ring Price and Privacy

joxxxelyn

joxxxelyn

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2010
Messages
146
Maybe I am full of it, but I think asking someone''s ring price is a tacky question. I think this is an easier rule to observe for acquaintances and friends. But when it''s your future father in law, do you still think it''s a tacky question? My fiancee''s father asked him how much the ring was and what the specs were, and then said something along the lines of "I got a D diamond for $5,000 and the jeweler tried to buy it back." He was asking my fiancee what all the specs were. My fiancee claims it''s because he wanted to make sure we got a good deal, but to me the questions would be different if that were the case. He didn''t mention getting an appraisal or evaluating the jeweler''s policies. I feel like that''s an excuse. After the purchase, my fiancee and I agreed not to discuss the price or specs with anyone, and I haven''t.

It makes me feel like the whole thing is a stupid competition, and now I don''t even want to show his family my ring. If they''re caught up on the price and specs, they''re either going to view it as too much or too little, right? Am I crazy in wanting to keep this information private? Why can''t they just view the jewelry and enjoy it? That''s what my mom and all my friends did. I know it was a major purchase but my parents didn''t nitpick the price and specs of my car when I bought it, and that was a lot more.

Also, if they do ask questions I don''t want to answer, how should I handle them?
 
It''s his parent, not some random person or even close friend. Family boundaries are different from one family to another, so really it is up to your husband if this crosses a line or not. I would have no problem telling my mother exactly how much I spent on something. We discuss things like that all the time: "I found this hutch for xxxx that I love, and got a 10% discount... I put it on 12 month 0 APR because yadda yadda yadda" This is a normal discussion for us, so maybe asking about ring prices and specs is normal for your FI and his father.

That being said, I would not feel comfortable having the same conversation with my MIL. As for answering questions you are uncomfortable with, just say that it was a gift and FI did such a lovely job picking it out. deflect questions to him.
 
Date: 5/4/2010 2:25:13 PM
Author:joxxxelyn


Maybe I am full of it, but I think asking someone''s ring price is a tacky question. I think this is an easier rule to observe for acquaintances and friends. But when it''s your future father in law, do you still think it''s a tacky question? My fiancee''s father asked him how much the ring was and what the specs were, and then said something along the lines of ''I got a D diamond for $5,000 and the jeweler tried to buy it back.'' He was asking my fiancee what all the specs were. My fiancee claims it''s because he wanted to make sure we got a good deal, but to me the questions would be different if that were the case. He didn''t mention getting an appraisal or evaluating the jeweler''s policies. I feel like that''s an excuse. After the purchase, my fiancee and I agreed not to discuss the price or specs with anyone, and I haven''t.


It makes me feel like the whole thing is a stupid competition, and now I don''t even want to show his family my ring. If they''re caught up on the price and specs, they''re either going to view it as too much or too little, right? Am I crazy in wanting to keep this information private? Why can''t they just view the jewelry and enjoy it? That''s what my mom and all my friends did. I know it was a major purchase but my parents didn''t nitpick the price and specs of my car when I bought it, and that was a lot more.


Also, if they do ask questions I don''t want to answer, how should I handle them?
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Yes I think it is tacky.

My family are far from subtle! lol

If they were to go down the road of asking, what I think is an inappropriate question, I would have NO hesitation in telling them to mind their own business.

However, in your case, as it was your partners family, it is his call as to how he responds. In some families it is different. When my husband and I got engaged NOONE even asked to see my ring because it isn''t customary, although it is more so now. So I never had to go down that route.

If the occasion arose now, to do with something I considered private I would say something like, "as it was a gift I do not know" or " as it was a gift I would prefer not to discuss it."

Even then it still leaves it open for them to go back and ask your partner the same question. All I would suggest is to have a few a few lines ready to close down the conversation. It really depends on how persistent they are. Good Luck.

Oh and by the way I think your ring is beautiful!!!
 
If my or FI's parents or siblings ask, no problem - but I also know they won't judge us either way. If someone shopping for a ring asks, again no problem. Anyone else will be told to mind his or her own business.
 
Nobody has asked me how much my rings cost, and yes, I would consider it extremely tacky if somebody did.

The only "excuse" to asking that question is if they are in the market for a ring also, IMO (and they''re a close friend, not a stranger!)
 
I think it''s rude for anyone to ask about the price or specifications of an engagement ring. I don''t think it''s anyone else''s business. If anyone were to ask, I would definitely deflect the questions. As for people on the market for a ring, I just tell them that a lot a variables go into the price, explain some of the variables to them, and then refer them to PS and PS vendors so they can do some research for items in their price range. And unless they specifically asked for help, I don''t even want to know their price range. Some people seek to compete, gossip or judge and I just don''t participate.
 
If someone asks what it cost I would say, "Oh, more than a loaf of bread and less than my car." and leave it at that!

I do think its rude though. "Testing" to see if you got a good deal is rude to, in my opinion.
 
Date: 5/4/2010 4:20:37 PM
Author: yssie
If my or FI's parents or siblings ask, no problem - but I also know they won't judge us either way. If someone shopping for a ring asks, again no problem. Anyone else will be told to mind his or her own business.
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yssie...how much was your ring?
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Are you my long-lost uncle, DF?
 
I tell people my ring is priceless.
 
Date: 5/4/2010 7:46:06 PM
Author: charbie
I tell people my ring is priceless.
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That''s a great response, Charbie.
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Date: 5/4/2010 7:46:06 PM
Author: charbie
I tell people my ring is priceless.
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price less than what?
 
"It''s one of our little secrets. The price of the ring and how often we have sex is something we both agreed to keep as our little secrets."

Try saying that. I am dying to learn their response.
 
Date: 5/4/2010 8:00:39 PM
Author: swingirl
''It''s one of our little secrets. The price of the ring and how often we have sex is something we both agreed to keep as our little secrets.''


Try saying that. I am dying to learn their response.
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I''d love to see that reaction too :)
 
I think it''s even tacky to ask it here, but at least here it''s a good thing to know what things cost because we''re all interested in making purchases.

When someone asks me what something costs or is worth, it depends on whether or not the information is relevant to something else. If my FIL asked me the cost of the ring to be nosy that''s one thing, if he was about to propose to his long standing gf and wanted an idea of what a ring that looked like that cost, that''s another. If someone just randomly wants to know your home''s value that''s one thing, if they''re about to sell a house in the same market, another. If someone wants to just know how much money you make that''s one thing, if a friend is applying for the same job you have, I think it''s okay to give a heads up.

Situational. Nosy is always tacky though. That said, some people can embrace their inner tacky :)
 
Let your fiance handle this; it''s his family, he can judge nuances you can''t yet. You''re on solid ground here--you''re the bride, just deflect all questions to him.
With anyone else except his family I would think you had a right to deflect the question and/or think of witty, evasive response, but since it;s his father, let him deal with it.
 
Date: 5/4/2010 6:39:45 PM
Author: dreamer_d
If someone asks what it cost I would say, ''Oh, more than a loaf of bread and less than my car.'' and leave it at that!

I do think its rude though. ''Testing'' to see if you got a good deal is rude to, in my opinion.
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Maybe it''s cultural, but testing to see if you got a "good deal" would make it even more rude to me. It isn''t a phrase I hear where I live, and I don''t identify with the whole ''getting a deal'' attitude.

On the other hand, I have family in the US and ''a deal'' is very important to them. When I got engaged my cousin asked just exactly that question "did you get a good deal on your ring?" I was shocked at the time, but when I think back, a deal was very important to her and she was brought up to look for them. When we were about 13, she taught me how to haggle for a deal. My mother caught us doing that in a mall in NJ and although I''m 35 now, she isn''t quite finished with the telling off I got that day. It is all sorts of wrong in her world. My cousin''s mother would have been annoyed if we hadn''t haggled...

So maybe the deal, rather than the price is genuinely important to some people? Maybe he wants to be proud of his boy for having got a good deal? I don''t know. Parents sometimes view grown up children as still needing parenting and checking up on. I would tell him it''s a gift and leave it at that, but if he persists tell him you''re very happy with the ring, but don''t feel comfortable discussing it''s value. I personally wouldn''t leave it to FI to deal with if the question is asked directly of you, becauase even if it was totally acceptable in HIS family, it''s YOUR ring and while you''re going to join his family, you still get to set your own boundaries.

Good luck.

Jen
 
Yeah i agree that it is tacky depending on who is asking and what the circumstances are...When i started looking for a ring for my GF, i got help from my best friend who got married a year or 2 before. He will be my best man at my wedding and we have been friends since middle school!! I had to ask him the specs and price, plus i wanted him to give me pointers and what not. I didnt feel uncomfortable asking but i guess i could see it being misconstrued as a tacky question. For me it wasnt to judge but more of a guide line of what i should follow. I was all kinds of overwhelmed learning about diamonds but i think in this case it would be acceptable to ask.
 
I would share the price with a friend or relative who was actively looking for a ring. Other than that, it''s none of their business! When random people ask the price I just tell them I don''t know how much it cost because my husband paid for it!
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Thanks everyone. It definitely wasn''t because he''s ring shopping. He''s been married for many years and I don''t see diamonds in their anniversary. I also highly doubt that he''s helping anyone else shop. Thanks for the input. I think I would deflect questions but sometimes that''s not possible as Jen said. I like some of the rebuttal ideas a lot. I feel better about it now realizing that different families just see things differently. Even here (and especially) in the U.S. there are severe differences between certain families and I will accept that.
 
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