Regrets in life?

[LtlFirecracker]

Ally - When I first started reading this my thought was - internship is in full effect. But your experience I would say is really a bad one and I am sorry you are dealing with the patients you have and with the crazy seniors. I remember my first surgery rotation in medschool where we had a chief like that. We had some colorful names for her.

I had a really bad experience during residency. I don't talk about it here because I kind of come here to get away from all that. Now that things are finally coming to a close, I feel I can open up a little more about the fact that for months on end I would come home in tears. Sometimes it was from my patients, but most of the time it was because of all the mean things people would say or write about me. In the end, I delt with the bull **** because I love the profession and I realized that the people in my program are have serious issues...to put it nicely.

Give it a year...not all surgery is about end stage cancer. If I based my pediatrics experience on my NICU and PICU rotation (which I named the tilight zone for parents), I would have become disillusioned and quit a long time ago. If you hate the profession, than you should get out. If you just hate the people, well it is tough, but there are ways around that and you won't be at the bottom of the totem poll forever.

And yes I regret many things...I am thinking I should have been a nurse practitioner. But my list could go on and on.

 

[hlmr]

Ally, sorry that things are so tough for you right now. Your chosen profession is not an easy one. If it is not for you that's fine, but try not to leave it until it becomes easier. Then you can make a clearer choice.

I have a lot of regrets, and have for many years. The problem is, expending energy feeling guilty about them doesn't do anything but harm, and doesn't change the past. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but at the end of the day if you have accomplished more positive than negative, feel proud of yourself and the good you have done, and the people you have helped.

We are not omniscient, we do the best we can, and that is all we can expect from ourselves.

 

[sparklyheart]

Ally,
Don''t get too down on yourself so soon!! If I remember correctly, this is your first year.. Your first year that just started in July, right? Ok, BREATHE. I am a nurse on a surgery/trauma floor and I PROMISE you all of the residents feel the exact same way. They all walk around this time of year looking like they are about to poo in their pants because they are so scared. Everyone talks to you like you don''t know anything yet they expect you to know everything in the world. It''s a tough line because everyone expects you to know everything but no one really tells you how to do anything! One thing I can say is that the attendings and everyone in between you and them TRULY want you to succeed. They honestly don''t expect you to know all of the answers. You are a resident for a reason. They DO expect you to know your patients and ask questions before doing anything you are unsure about. I don''t know if all programs switch locations every month like they do here, but if they do, here''s what I suggest.. Talk to the people above you. Let them know you are trying but you want to know if they have any suggestions.. They were all in your spot once. Also, use everyone around you as much as possible! The other residents, fellows, attendings, nurses, nurse practitioners, unit clerks.. They know how things go on the floor and in the OR and if you are nice and ask questions they will most likely help. Everyone really does want you to do well!!! I can tell from your posts you are a nice person and girl, you need to USE that! The nice residents always get the most help. Who wants to help out a cocky 1st year who thinks they know everything?? It''s your first year, and while you are a doctor who has had a ton of education, you have sooo much to learn. As someone else said, there is a huge learning curve. Before you know it, you''ll be spouting off diagnoses, lab results, test results, I/Os, and suggesting a plan like a pro. You CAN do this!! As for sleep, you''ll get that when you become an attending, so don''t worry about that right now.

As for my regrets.. I can''t think of any. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.. There are definitely things I used to regret but as time went on I realized that I learned a lot from the experiences (or lack thereof) and changed because of those times. Sure, I''ve screwed up, broken hearts, had my heart broken, all that.. but at this point I am who I am because of what I''ve been through..

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Regrets are living in the past, apprehension is living in the future.

Freedom is living in The Now.

You are on a journey. Where you are is exactly where you should be in order to learn what you need to know in order to continue the Journey.

No regrets, no apprehension.

Be happy.

 

[freckles127]

Oh Ally,

Please try not to regret what happened with your husband and FIL. You had no idea what was going to happen and you must not blame yourself. You were acting upon your emotions and were not being anything but human.

As for regretting anything, there are definite regrets in my life - not being more decisive with my career (and as a result, feeling stuck in my job right now), not appreciating my parents more.

Although I believe that living in regret really does not allow you to live life. The best thing to do is learn from those regrets and try to not duplicate them. It is afterall, life and life does deal you with situations. How we deal with it makes us who we are.

As for your surgery decision, can you ask yourself, if this is what your really want to be? If it is, then perhaps it may help to view your residency as a means to an end?

 

[chiapet]

You know the thread that asked "How often do you cry"? Well, THIS thread made me tear up a little

I have several regrets but I don''t like to think about them because (a) it makes me really sad and (b) there''s nothing I can do to change history so why think about the "what-ifs". I''d like to think that I''ve learned from those regrets but the truth is that most times I don''t and I keep making the same mistakes. My main regret would be moving so far away from my family. I miss my parents every single day.

Ally, I''m sorry that you''re having a hard time. I think you''re amazing for picking what you do as an occupation and for sticking with it even when it''s so difficult. (((HUGS)))

 

[Dannielle]

When my mum was dying I hated visiting her in hospital because it upset me so much, I never thought about how that made her feel.

I also experimented alot, and put myself in some really dangerous situations looking back.

I was also really concerned with what people thought of me when I was younger, I didn''t like life to the fullest because I was always asking myself "People will think I am (this) if I do (that)".

In my early teens I was pretty nasty to other people, I was really gossipy and spread alot of rumours for my own personal amusement.

 

[Beacon]

This is such a provocative thread. Cannot add comments yet. I am really thinking about this.

 

[Phoenix]

Ally,

Hang in there. Things WILL get better. I know it''s tough but eventually it''ll all be worth it. I had a really tough three-year whilst studying for my UK Chartered Accountancy exam (studying and working full-time and cried many times because it was so tough), but you know what, it was all worth it in the end.

I am sure your DH knows you loved his father. It was only the one time and you didn''t know at the time. What''s important is that you love yr DH and loved his father (and as I recall from one of your earlier threads, his father knew this).

I do have regrets. The worst is that I didn''t spend enough time with my mom before she died and that I wasn''t there during her last moments. There''s nothing I can do about that now, except to be good to my dad who''s still alive and try to spend as much time with him and my other family members as possible.

At the end of the day, all you can do is be true to yourself and be kind to others.

We''re all here for you, Ally. Anytime you want to talk, just come here.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[justginger]

This is something that I really struggle with. I regret ever marrying my first husband, who brought me to a foreign country, away from my PhD program, family, and friends -- and then divorced me after playing house for 16 months. I have chosen to stay here, and try to build a life in Australia, because in the 16 months of marriage my "home" disappeared. My parents have moved away from my hometown, as have nearly all of my friends. I can''t get the full-ride PhD program that I could have when I was fresh out of my undergraduate degree. I missed the transition period that every newly graduated college kid goes through where they still have some old friends, but start over in a new place and move on at the same time. There''s really nothing for me to go back to, but not really anything for me to stay for either.

I am often lonely here and have made very few friends - I find the city I am in to be very clique-ish and people are still friends with the kids they met in primary school. They don''t want to go through the effort of making a new one. Plus being an American is really a strike against me; the last 8 years of American politics has made it difficult to be an American in the international community. So my current life is really my job and my partner. The job can be extremely busy and stressful (about 55 hours/week at the moment, and I''m training to do a supervisory position), but thankfully the partner is great.

I''ve decided to stick it out here for at least a couple more years. My woofas are getting too old to travel that kind of distance, so moving back to the States is not an option right now. I will hopefully feel more enmeshed in the community over time (though it has been 4 years now...). If not, I guess I''ll have to make the very scary decision to start all over AGAIN - it''ll be rough, but it can''t be worse than being lonely and friendless forever. Continuing to just go on and hope things get better can only last for so long before you wake up and realize you regret the last 10 years of your (short) life!

So yes, I have ONE regret, but it''s really all that I think I can handle in my lifetime because it''s so enormous. I think what you''re doing is different, somehow -- I think that you will find that if you stick with it, things will either get easier (and staying put was the right decision) or they won''t (and then you can change directions). Staying put, for you, will not result in anything worse than lost time - you aren''t going to get to the point where you simply can''t go back, will you? From reports from college friends who have gone the medical route, everyone HATES it for a while. If you didn''t, I don''t think you''d be human!

I hope you can find your way through this. I guess you''ll just have to work out what the worst case scenario of continuing is. If it''s something that is ruining your personal happiness or relationships, that''s sorta something that can''t be undone. If that is really the case, I don''t think I would stick with it for longer than a set amount of time. You should set yourself a limit in your head, so then it will at least be able to motivate you in the meantime (like when you''re pulling yourself out of bed in the morning, you can think, "Only another 6 months of this rubbish!") - and when the time comes, if you''re still not happy, please consider other alternatives. Life is too short for you to be miserable.

 

[Smores84]

Hi Ally, I am sorry to hear that you''re having a tough time right now with your surg residency. I have been lurking on Pricescope for far too long...I remember your posts about getting into med school, residency application process, and the wonderful craziness that is med school. Despite the bumps in the road, you have a TREMENDOUS amount of perseverance and intelligence that will carry you through your intern year with flying colors. Sending hugs

 

[HollyS]

Hang in there, alley. The job is stressful, but you will probably find a way to balance life and work. It just may take a little time. Kudos to you for being someone who chose to help others when choosing your career.

Regrets? I regret most of what I said, and all of what I didn''t say to my mother while she was still alive. I don''t mean that I mistreated her, was always ugly, or didn''t love her. I just didn''t give her the respect, care, and concern she deserved, because we take those closest to us for granted. Now that I''m older, I realize just how much I now ''understand'' and empathize with what she felt, thought, and did. It''s a shame that I couldn''t reach that common ground when it mattered most.

 

[purrfectpear]

I too remember your posts about your struggles in this career path. It seems like there were so many teachers, advisors, and doctors who kept saying you were in the wrong field? I found myself wondering if they could be right, and now it seems you are questioning it too? I guess I would simply ask if being a doctor was something YOU chose, or was it something that was "expected" of you by your parents? If it''s really what you want, then clearly you have the strength to go forward. You''ve done so in spite of so many negatives. If it was a familial push, then don''t be afraid to follow your own heart. Not everyone has to be a doctor or a lawyer just because their family thinks that''s the right path.

Do what you love and don''t get paralyzed by the years you''ve put into this. You are the one who has to be happy.

 

[D&T]

Ally- I'm sorry for what had happened. Hang in there

As for me, the one thing that sticks out in my mind is (not heartfelt anything) but...

Buying a brand new Audi when I was only 21 (and getting a loan by myself-without any cosigner...dad) just to show my dad that I can do things without him and being all stubborn traded in my nice little Integra (still brand new) . Then it just snowballed from there on buying cars almost every two years - just a waste of money.... Guess sometimes dad knows best

 

[D&T]

Date: 10/3/2009 1:32:21 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I too remember your posts about your struggles in this career path. It seems like there were so many teachers, advisors, and doctors who kept saying you were in the wrong field? I found myself wondering if they could be right, and now it seems you are questioning it too? I guess I would simply ask if being a doctor was something YOU chose, or was it something that was ''expected'' of you by your parents? If it''s really what you want, then clearly you have the strength to go forward. You''ve done so in spite of so many negatives. If it was a familial push, then don''t be afraid to follow your own heart. Not everyone has to be a doctor or a lawyer just because their family thinks that''s the right path.

Do what you love and don''t get paralyzed by the years you''ve put into this. You are the one who has to be happy.

just a side note, a friend of mine, well her Husband went through college got a degree in business, his family has a sweet family business that has become national and a sweet set up for the Son - Nice salary and all that good stuff...well he just didn''t like it, and he wanted to join the Police Force- anyway he is now a cop and loves every minute of it!

 

[packrat]

I don''t know how I feel about some things that have happened and that I''ve done. I regret not getting to say goodbye to my Grampa before he died. But I did get to say goodbye to my other Grampa before he died and I wish I''d''ve done it different and not practically run out of the room and had spent more time with him while he was in the hospital.

Things that happened when I was a young and dumb teenager caused me to kick my already low self esteem into the toilet and not care about what happened to myself. I was a very angry girl because of that. But, if those things hadn''t happened, I don''t think I would be the same person today and I wouldn''t have my husband and kids. So, I don''t know that I can really regret that they happened, b/c as sucky and horrible as it was, I did manage to wake up and start changing my life.