Regrets in life?

[allycat0303]

I''ve been thinking of regrets for a variety of reasons

a) my father has been very ill in the past few weeks
b) I met a 35 year old man that was dying of cancer (his wife was 7 months pregnent with twins)
c) a 29 year old girl (dying of rectal cancer)
d) a beautiful, happy 34 year old woman that was diagnosed with recurrent gastric carcinoma (palliative care)

For my, last year (February 200 my husband wanted to go to Pittsburgh with his friends and father to watch a hockey game. I gave him grief for a lot of reasons, namely that we hadn''t seen each other in a month and it was my only weekend off, it was a spur of the moment thing which meant him breaking plans with me. So he ended up NOT going. At one point during the argument, he said, "I can spend time with my Dad, and you don''t know how long he will be around." I remember being angry because his Dad was healthy as a horse, and I REALLY thought he was using that because he saw his Dad about 3-4 times a week. As many of you know, about 9 months later he was diagnosed with Leukemia and my FIL was gone 11 months later. So I really regret that I didn''t let my husband go.

Right now, I regret being a surgery resident. I haven''t said that out loud to anyone, but I expected it to be horrible and it is 100% WORST. I start at 6:00 am, finish at 9:30 pm. Don''t have time to eat or see my husband, AND I have 7 calls a month. And my senior resident yells at me every time she sees me. I can''t imagine going on another week. Never mind another 6 years. At the end of the day I always say, "is this worth it?" It''s affecting my relationship, my mental and physical heath. My husband thinks things will get better. He thinks I just need to build some stamina. I have my doubts.

So any life regrets you''re willing to admit too? I have to admit, it''s load off my shoulders just to write those things down.

 

[TravelingGal]

Ally, hang in there. This is what you''ve always wanted and if it were easy we''d have more crackjobs operating on us. It''s meant to be tough because it''s a hard job! You willl do well - get through the first year, don''t think about the rest.

As for regrets...I don''t have many, probably because I find that learning from one''s mistakes helps lessen any regret. Life''s lessons are what makes us better people.

 

[waxing lyrical]

I''m sorry, Ally. I''m sure it must be stressful for you. (((hugs)))

Yes, I do have regrets, but they are deeply personal related to loss. I don''t regret have other regrets. Every experience has shaped who I''ve become and is very much a learning process.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Ally, I'm so sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. You are a very strong lady and I know you will get through this. I often feel guilt over little instances (similar to your hockey game regret). Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I have too many regrets to list. I regret spending so much on my college education. I regret making my parents feel bad for buying me a used clarinet when I was 14 (it's what we could afford and I should have been more appreciative), I regret investments I made, I regret totaling my car when I was 16....the list goes on and on. I don't believe people who say they don't have regrets...in my opinion if you have no regrets you haven't learned anything.

 

[Steel]

Ally,

I really feel for you, reading your post.

I have many, many regrets and many times have wished I could turn back time. But we can't. We have to make decisions and hope it all comes out in the end.

I know you are young and perhaps if you have a frank chat with yourself you can better organise your thoughts? If you want the career you have chosen but it sucks at the moment you need to work out if the pro's outweigh the cons. Will this job ever get less stressful? Will the hourly commitment ever lessen? Can you cope if the answer to those questions is no? Do you place any weight on the status of your job - by which I mean do you 'love' what you do and 'love' that you are a surgeon (is that the right title?)? If so, can you cope with the stress and hours for job satisfation? Or do you just want a paycheck and a home/family life?

I think that you have the foresight that life really is short, now, at a time when you can change something if it needs changing. Or at least do some thinking and decide if this path is 'worth it' for you.

Best of luck.

 

[Haven]

Ally, I''m sorry you''re having such a hard time. I hope you can find a resolution that works for you soon. It sounds like you''re having a conflict of priorities, and need to figure out what you value most, and whether this career will allow you to honor that. It sounds like you have a supportive husband, so lean on him for guidance during this time. And on us, of course.

As for personal regrets, I do have one big regret. I was mean to my younger sister A until I went away to college. I was a nasty teen in general, and I was not the sister I could have or should have been. My mom told me that A once asked her "Why does Lori hate me" and hearing that broke my heart. I was 16 and she was 11 when she asked that, and knowing I was so mean haunts me to this day.

We''re extremely close now, but I still regret not being a better big sister.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:26:32 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Ally, I''m so sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. You are a very strong lady and I know you will get through this. I often feel guilt over little instances (similar to your hockey game regret). Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I have too many regrets to list. I regret spending so much on my college education. I regret making my parents feel bad for buying me a used clarinet when I was 14 (it''s what we could afford and I should have been more appreciative), I regret investments I made, I regret totaling my car when I was 16....the list goes on and on. I don''t believe people who say they don''t have regrets...in my opinion if you have no regrets you haven''t learned anything.

I disagree. I made a lot of MISTAKES, but I don''t REGRET them.

 

[Mara]

Ally hang in there...I am sure it's very hard right now and it may get even harder but this is what you wanted so badly, I have to think it's the right thing for you or else it wouldn't have worked out the way it has.

I am a firm believer in life making us what we are today. I am in the same camp as TG. I have done a lot of things in life that I look back on and think 'yeah that was sooooo not smart' or 'maybe I could done something differently in that situation and it'd be better today'. But in terms of regrets... I tend not to think that I wish I could CHANGE something, because if I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am today and where I am today.

It's funny because my husband is baffled at that mentality. He is like what do you mean you don't wish you could go back and change XYZ. It'd be so much better today. And I just don't agree that it's that easy. What if by doing something differently then I'd changed either a course or a path or something about me that made me different today? Maybe it'd be a better situation or I'd be a better person, but I prefer a known quantity.

It doesn't mean that I don't wish I had made more educated decisions at the time. But again, if doing that changed something, who is to say I'd be happier with the outcome? And I agree if you learn something from being able to look back and think 'crap that was stupid' ... then you probably won't do it again. (aka the example of totaling a car when 16, maybe that made the person a more careful driver and saved them from a future accident that might have been much worse?).

Then again, quite frankly, I think it is easy to think this way when you are not confronted with a life or death situation. Would I feel the same way if I was that 29 year old girl dying of rectal cancer? Maybe not, maybe then I'd regret a lot of things OR wish I'd done *more* in my life than I have today. So, very hard to say. But don't doubt yourself and what you believe in, Ally....that's all we have to hold on to in hard times.

 

[trillionaire]

I regret being too stubborn to ask for help.

I regret being too prideful to let people know what is going on with me or help me.

I regret being to scared to address mental health concerns... boy that was stupid.

I regret some financial decisions, mostly school loans.

I regret not traveling and exploring CA more when I was in college.

I regret not doing study abroad while I was in college because I was too scared to sublet my apt.

I regret not going to the Grand Canyon when I had the opportunity, but I'll get there, so no biggie.

I regret pretty much every lie that I have ever told. I hate lying and liars, and I wish I had had the strength to be honest and just deal with the consequneces.


Over all though, I've lived a blessed and happy life, so despite the regrets, which I don't dwell on much, I just feel excited about the future, and have fond memories of the past. For every one regret, there are countless things that I am happy and proud about.

As my mom says, 'It all comes out in the wash'.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:11:00 PM
Author:allycat0303
I''ve been thinking of regrets for a variety of reasons


a) my father has been very ill in the past few weeks

b) I met a 35 year old man that was dying of cancer (his wife was 7 months pregnent with twins)

c) a 29 year old girl (dying of rectal cancer)

d) a beautiful, happy 34 year old woman that was diagnosed with recurrent gastric carcinoma (palliative care)


For my, last year (February 200 my husband wanted to go to Pittsburgh with his friends and father to watch a hockey game. I gave him grief for a lot of reasons, namely that we hadn''t seen each other in a month and it was my only weekend off, it was a spur of the moment thing which meant him breaking plans with me. So he ended up NOT going. At one point during the argument, he said, ''I can spend time with my Dad, and you don''t know how long he will be around.'' I remember being angry because his Dad was healthy as a horse, and I REALLY thought he was using that because he saw his Dad about 3-4 times a week. As many of you know, about 9 months later he was diagnosed with Leukemia and my FIL was gone 11 months later. So I really regret that I didn''t let my husband go.


Right now, I regret being a surgery resident. I haven''t said that out loud to anyone, but I expected it to be horrible and it is 100% WORST. I start at 6:00 am, finish at 9:30 pm. Don''t have time to eat or see my husband, AND I have 7 calls a month. And my senior resident yells at me every time she sees me. I can''t imagine going on another week. Never mind another 6 years. At the end of the day I always say, ''is this worth it?'' It''s affecting my relationship, my mental and physical heath. My husband thinks things will get better. He thinks I just need to build some stamina. I have my doubts.


So any life regrets you''re willing to admit too? I have to admit, it''s load off my shoulders just to write those things down.

hang in there. I know (not from my experience) but from my sister, brother in law, best friend and her husband that residency was horrible but so worth it. My friend is a neurosurgeon and he wondered a lot during his 9 yr residency (he did one yr general surgery then changed to neurosurgery)...but looking back he says it was so worth it and made him a great Dr.

GL with everything...BIG HUG

 

[House Cat]

Most of my regrets involve not standing up for myself when I should have.

 

[tyty333]

Ally - One day at a time... I know its easier to say then to live by. Ask around and find out how others survived this time. I know its not easy. You need to find out what you can do to make you happy and revive yourself in the
small amount of free time that you have.

Regrets - mostly minor - not traveling more before I had kids, maybe majoring in something different in college...things
along those lines.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ally, sorry you are so stressed out! I hope things get better for you.

I try really hard not to regret anything and honestly can''t think of one regret I have. That is NOT saying I haven''t made mistakes or learned from them but I find regretting decisions is a waste of time and energy. We cannot live in the past and should not live in the future so I try to just take it one day at a time. Today is all that matters.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:44:08 PM
Author: atroop711

Date: 8/17/2009 12:11:00 PM
Author:allycat0303
I''ve been thinking of regrets for a variety of reasons


a) my father has been very ill in the past few weeks

b) I met a 35 year old man that was dying of cancer (his wife was 7 months pregnent with twins)

c) a 29 year old girl (dying of rectal cancer)

d) a beautiful, happy 34 year old woman that was diagnosed with recurrent gastric carcinoma (palliative care)


For my, last year (February 200 my husband wanted to go to Pittsburgh with his friends and father to watch a hockey game. I gave him grief for a lot of reasons, namely that we hadn''t seen each other in a month and it was my only weekend off, it was a spur of the moment thing which meant him breaking plans with me. So he ended up NOT going. At one point during the argument, he said, ''I can spend time with my Dad, and you don''t know how long he will be around.'' I remember being angry because his Dad was healthy as a horse, and I REALLY thought he was using that because he saw his Dad about 3-4 times a week. As many of you know, about 9 months later he was diagnosed with Leukemia and my FIL was gone 11 months later. So I really regret that I didn''t let my husband go.


Right now, I regret being a surgery resident. I haven''t said that out loud to anyone, but I expected it to be horrible and it is 100% WORST. I start at 6:00 am, finish at 9:30 pm. Don''t have time to eat or see my husband, AND I have 7 calls a month. And my senior resident yells at me every time she sees me. I can''t imagine going on another week. Never mind another 6 years. At the end of the day I always say, ''is this worth it?'' It''s affecting my relationship, my mental and physical heath. My husband thinks things will get better. He thinks I just need to build some stamina. I have my doubts.


So any life regrets you''re willing to admit too? I have to admit, it''s load off my shoulders just to write those things down.

hang in there. I know (not from my experience) but from my sister, brother in law, best friend and her husband that residency was horrible but so worth it. My friend is a neurosurgeon and he wondered a lot during his 9 yr residency (he did one yr general surgery then changed to neurosurgery)...but looking back he says it was so worth it and made him a great Dr.

GL with everything...BIG HUG

My Friend is doing her residency now, and feels much the same way. There is a steep learning curve, and it''s really tough. You really have to give yourself the 1st year before you will even feel like you can catch your breath. I feel for you, but it must be amazing to be getting trained to save people''s lives. What an incredible opportunity to have and be entrusted with. Maybe try talking to other residents... I promise, they feel the same way! Also, talking to older doctors (at another hospital, not necessarily someone you are working with) can be helpful, they can really put things in perspective. As far as the home front, perhaps think of ways to decompress that can involve DH... maybe a candlelit bath. Something relaxing that can keep you guys connected. I know how awful if feels when it feels like you aren''t doing anything well, but you need to take some of the pressure off of yourself dear!

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[monarch64]

The first answer that popped into my head was "zero regrets." But after thinking about it, I decided that''s not true. There are plenty of times in my life when I just started to feel really, really down and thought to myself "I wish I could have a Do-Over."

I can''t go back and change anything I''ve done, so in that sense I don''t regret things. All I can do is learn from my choices and use that knowledge going forward in life. Mistakes are just learning tools, they aren''t necessarily bad. If we did everything in life perfectly the first time, what would be the point, then, in living? Every victory would be a given, no defeats, no wisdom gained from falling down and picking oneself back up...

I''m really glad you posted this, Alley. It''s made me think, and I have been at a less positive place than usual for the past two months or so...maybe today is my turning point, thank you.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:34:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/17/2009 12:26:32 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Ally, I''m so sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. You are a very strong lady and I know you will get through this. I often feel guilt over little instances (similar to your hockey game regret). Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I have too many regrets to list. I regret spending so much on my college education. I regret making my parents feel bad for buying me a used clarinet when I was 14 (it''s what we could afford and I should have been more appreciative), I regret investments I made, I regret totaling my car when I was 16....the list goes on and on. I don''t believe people who say they don''t have regrets...in my opinion if you have no regrets you haven''t learned anything.

I disagree. I made a lot of MISTAKES, but I don''t REGRET them.

If you don''t regret them, then you''d make the same choice if given the option again. I''ve made many mistakes, but the vast majority I would do differently if I could.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/17/2009 1:22:21 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/17/2009 12:34:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/17/2009 12:26:32 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Ally, I'm so sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. You are a very strong lady and I know you will get through this. I often feel guilt over little instances (similar to your hockey game regret). Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I have too many regrets to list. I regret spending so much on my college education. I regret making my parents feel bad for buying me a used clarinet when I was 14 (it's what we could afford and I should have been more appreciative), I regret investments I made, I regret totaling my car when I was 16....the list goes on and on. I don't believe people who say they don't have regrets...in my opinion if you have no regrets you haven't learned anything.

I disagree. I made a lot of MISTAKES, but I don't REGRET them.

If you don't regret them, then you'd make the same choice if given the option again. I've made many mistakes, but the vast majority I would do differently if I could.

Actually no, there's not a lot I'd do differently. I've learned a lot.

Honestly, it's probably because I haven't made too many *big* mistakes. I've always had a fairly decent head on my shoulders and I attribute that to how my mother raised me.

ETA - Also I believe you can learn a lot from OTHER'S mistakes. I chose to go this route (which made me a late bloomer in almost everything). Being a people watcher all my life and taking mental notes helped me a lot.

 

[Amethyste]

ALLY... A HUGE HUG FOR YOU....
Thing will get better -though you might not think so at this moment, but everything has a way to work itself out. You are a strong woman and you will be ok... so hang in there sweetie...

I have tons and tons of regrets - i try to deal with them myself so i feel at peace, but there are some that I wasn't able to put to rest before:

- My father died of Alzheimer's last year. i wasn't able to tell him before he died that he was a great father and person. That I loved him despite the fact that he showed us a "hard" hand when we were naughty.

- My mother died of pancreatic cancer 9 years ago. i wasn't able to tell her that I have forgave her for being such a lousy mother, abusive and for disfiguring me ( she broke my nose slamming me in the wall in one of her abusive drunken episode ) and for drinking herself to destruction instead of caring for me and my brother.

- I regret not sticking to my singing carreer when i was younger and had more time.

- I regret not finishing college

Woo, I feel better now

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/17/2009 1:26:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/17/2009 1:22:21 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/17/2009 12:34:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/17/2009 12:26:32 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Ally, I''m so sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now. You are a very strong lady and I know you will get through this. I often feel guilt over little instances (similar to your hockey game regret). Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I have too many regrets to list. I regret spending so much on my college education. I regret making my parents feel bad for buying me a used clarinet when I was 14 (it''s what we could afford and I should have been more appreciative), I regret investments I made, I regret totaling my car when I was 16....the list goes on and on. I don''t believe people who say they don''t have regrets...in my opinion if you have no regrets you haven''t learned anything.

I disagree. I made a lot of MISTAKES, but I don''t REGRET them.

If you don''t regret them, then you''d make the same choice if given the option again. I''ve made many mistakes, but the vast majority I would do differently if I could.

Actually no, there''s not a lot I''d do differently. I''ve learned a lot.

Honestly, it''s probably because I haven''t made too many *big* mistakes. I''ve always had a fairly decent head on my shoulders and I attribute that to how my mother raised me.

ETA - Also I believe you can learn a lot from OTHER''S mistakes. I chose to go this route (which made me a late bloomer in almost everything). Being a people watcher all my life and taking mental notes helped me a lot.

Completley understandable. I''ve always felt lucky in that I''ve never made any big mistakes, either. I also attribute this to learning from others'' mistakes. Namely, my sisters'' mistakes Sometimes being the youngest has its advantages!

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:11:00 PM
Author:allycat0303
I've been thinking of regrets for a variety of reasons


a) my father has been very ill in the past few weeks

b) I met a 35 year old man that was dying of cancer (his wife was 7 months pregnent with twins)

c) a 29 year old girl (dying of rectal cancer)

d) a beautiful, happy 34 year old woman that was diagnosed with recurrent gastric carcinoma (palliative care)


For my, last year (February 200 my husband wanted to go to Pittsburgh with his friends and father to watch a hockey game. I gave him grief for a lot of reasons, namely that we hadn't seen each other in a month and it was my only weekend off, it was a spur of the moment thing which meant him breaking plans with me. So he ended up NOT going. At one point during the argument, he said, 'I can spend time with my Dad, and you don't know how long he will be around.' I remember being angry because his Dad was healthy as a horse, and I REALLY thought he was using that because he saw his Dad about 3-4 times a week. As many of you know, about 9 months later he was diagnosed with Leukemia and my FIL was gone 11 months later. So I really regret that I didn't let my husband go.


Right now, I regret being a surgery resident. I haven't said that out loud to anyone, but I expected it to be horrible and it is 100% WORST. I start at 6:00 am, finish at 9:30 pm. Don't have time to eat or see my husband, AND I have 7 calls a month. And my senior resident yells at me every time she sees me. I can't imagine going on another week. Never mind another 6 years. At the end of the day I always say, 'is this worth it?' It's affecting my relationship, my mental and physical heath. My husband thinks things will get better. He thinks I just need to build some stamina. I have my doubts.


So any life regrets you're willing to admit too? I have to admit, it's load off my shoulders just to write those things down.

Yes I have regrets in life, things I've said and done that I can't take back. I wish I had been more pro active in my life in my 20's, because I've spent most of my 30's raising kids, and now what? But you can't live in the "what ifs", and regrets are counter productive unless you have a time machine

so I just try to learn from my mistakes and move forward and appreciate all that I don't regret.

My DH did a surgery residency, and it was both mentally and physically exhausting. The nature of health care is that you come across the most heart wrenching situations, and the sickest people all day, every day. Some of the stories are so depressing, it is difficult to merely listen to them for five minutes much less being faced with the reality of them daily. I find them hopeless and hard to swallow, but he finds them a reminder to appreciate everyday (opposites attract!)

Maybe you would be happier in another area of medicine? Surgery isn't for everyone, and better to find out now rather than later. And don't forget that sleep can quickly change your perspective on anything. My crazy vampire husband always used to say that brushing your teeth was equivalent to one hour of sleep and a shower was worth two. I am sorry you are having a hard time Ally.
HUGS, and I hope you get some sleep soon.

 

[LilyKat]

I regret not spending more time with my friends at college and school. I realise now that those were the times I truly treasure and remember, and wish I had made more time for it. I also kind of wish I hadn't got involved seriously with my first boyfriend so early, so could have had more time establishing friendships and dating.

Allycat - I'm going to go against the general advice here and say that if you're struggling with your job now, listen to your instincts. Surgery (particularly in the US) is TOUGH at all levels, and it isn't for everyone. Look at your senior colleagues - how many hours are they working? Do they have a work/life balance? Do the women have families? Is that what you truly want for the rest of your life?

I knew early on that surgery wasn't for me. I'm a medical (non-surgical) resident in the UK, and while the training is tough, I look at my seniors and they have a decent home life and balance - so I don't mind slogging through the hard years because I know there's light at the end. That's not necessarily the case with surgery. Don't feel ashamed or weak for wanting more in your life that your career.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 8/17/2009 1:26:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Actually no, there's not a lot I'd do differently. I've learned a lot.

Honestly, it's probably because I haven't made too many *big* mistakes. I've always had a fairly decent head on my shoulders and I attribute that to how my mother raised me.

ETA - Also I believe you can learn a lot from OTHER'S mistakes. I chose to go this route (which made me a late bloomer in almost everything). Being a people watcher all my life and taking mental notes helped me a lot.

I tend to fall into this camp, too, and I think it's part of why I don't have any significant regrets.

I think that part of that stems from my personality type, too. I lean far more toward analytical than impulsive, so most of my choices are based on a lot of pondering first. Like Mara, I think that who I evolve as is as much a product of learning from my own experiences, too, so I can't say that I'd go back and change things that might change who I am now.

From those people I've known who faced end-of-life matters, it seems pretty consistent among them that more of their regrets stemmed from things they didn't do than from things they did. Things like "I never did go here as I planned to" or "I wish I'd spent more time with my parents before they were gone".

Those observations have affected me *very* deeply and perhaps influence my choices more than any others.

 

[choro72]

Hi Ally, nobody could have predicted what was going to happen with your FIL. Your reaction to your husband was very understandable. Don''t beat yourself over that one; there was no way you would have known. I hope your husband doesn''t hold it against you.

As for your residency, I''m in a PhD program where I seriously wish I had quit 5 years ago. If you DO leave the program, I suggest doing it as soon as possible. Waiting a few years just to get to the same decision would be such a waste of time. At the same time, make sure that you absolutely will not regret this decision. Be sure that you are not coming back and create this same topic about leaving. Don''t think less of yourself, and don''t let anyone think that of you too.

 

[icekid]

ally.... you know I understand more than words can possibly say. Medicine is heart-breaking, exhaustion-inducing, flat out pain. Once in a while it even seems to be worth it.

Give yourself some time. You''ve worked incredibly hard to get to this point and it is not even close to time to pack it up. Being an intern is basically hideous and it''s still so early in the year. Keep fighting!

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/17/2009 12:48:26 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Ally, sorry you are so stressed out! I hope things get better for you.

I try really hard not to regret anything and honestly can''t think of one regret I have. That is NOT saying I haven''t made mistakes or learned from them but I find regretting decisions is a waste of time and energy. We cannot live in the past and should not live in the future so I try to just take it one day at a time. Today is all that matters.

T, I spent 15 minutes typing a post, deleted it because it didn''t say what I wanted it to, and then saw your post. That could have saved me 15 minutes of work!

Today is what matters. All of the choices I made in the past are just that - in the past. I can choose to grow from them or I can keep focusing on them and not live in the present, and the biggest mistake I make (and I make it often) is not being present in the here and now. I learn from the past, I plan for the future, but I live in the now.

As for your "now" Ally, I''m sorry it''s so difficult. But I know in my heart (

) that you are going to make an incredible surgeon. I''ve been in more than my fair share of cardiologist and cardiac surgeons'' offices, and I know there are going to be some heartbreaking stories and difficult times, but I also know that you are strong enough to get through this. You''re going to be great, Ally. So take it one day at a time, focus on the future, but don''t forget to enjoy your time away from the hospital/school. That''s the "now" that''s going to get you through this.

*hugs*

 

[rainwood]

Ally -

Do I have any regrets? Of course! I''ve made lots of mistakes and I''ve learned from many of them, but I''d still do some of those things differently with the benefit of hindsight.

To me, the critical difference is not whether you have regrets but whether you dwell on them. I''ve read lots of your posts, Ally, and I think you tend to dwell on things, especially when times get tough. You''re going to face a lot of tough times as a resident, that''s just the nature of the training, and you need a coping mechanism that gets you out of your head. My suggestion: Go get a good yoga DVD that you can do at home for half an hour when you get the chance. You''re too busy to get to a scheduled class, but you could do this at home on your own time. I have some Gaiam/Suzanne Deason ones that are geared toward the beginner and I''m sure other people have favorite yoga DVD instructors as well. Or do something other than yoga that is physical, but calming, that you can do on your own schedule. It will help.

 

[gwendolyn]

I don't have any major regrets, honestly. Not to say I have never made mistakes, because I have made many, but I have either learned a lot from them, or they changed my thinking in such a way that I might not have ended up doing the things I am most proud of. Also, I spent my first twenty-something years mostly just listening to others talk about their problems, and learned a lot from them as well. So, although my life has been far from perfect, I really don't wish I had done things differently, because I like where and who I am now.

Ally, hon, it will be difficult at the start and will possibly be the most challenging thing you've ever done, but it's only temporary, and there's absolutely no feeling like standing at the top of your Everest and looking back on the hard climb it took to get where you are. I did grad school at Cambridge and it literally stressed me out so much that I was horribly ill for months and couldn't eat, but I worked through it, ended up doing better than I had thought possible, and it's now a trophy on my mental trophy case--the most hard-earned, and therefore the most satisfying. You can do it too, hon. You just have to believe it's all worth it in the end.

 

[oddoneout]

I definitely have regrets. I have learned from some but it''s hard to get over the ones I haven''t learned from. Also I can''t change the regrets anyway. As for you wondering about your career path I would say your gut/heart may be trying to tell you something. You need to think long and hard about whether this is the career for you. Doubts are usually a sign of something feeling wrong and you need to think about why you are having these doubts. The career you chose sounds very difficult but you need to decide if all the negative is worth it in the end.

 

[April20]

Oh Alley- hang in there. Things are tough, but I think that one day you'll be able to look back and be proud of fighting thru this. Things are so often the hardest when we are in the middle of them and don't really have perspective.

I don't have a lot of regrets. Most of mine relate to not doing things sooner. For example, I was sick and tired of living in the Pac NW for a good two years before I finally made the decision to leave. While my life there was by no means bad, it is SO SO much better now for a variety of reasons that I regret not doing it sooner.

I try not to dwell on things that that I might regret unless they taught me a valuable lesson. I just don't think it's mentally worth it for me to rehash things that I can't change.

ETA: Your description of those you are seeing in your residency reminded me of a resident that I met eleven years ago when my uncle was dying of cancer at Sloan Kettering. I watched him deteriorate rapidly over the course of 3-4 days. He went from making pithy remarks to the doc- she came into to check on him once and told him he had 'blue, blue eyes"- he looked at her deadpan and told her she had "white, white teeth" to being unconcious in the course of three days. It was awful. And his rapid deteoriation really affected that doc. She actually said she didn't know if she wanted to do oncology after that. I guess my point is that I don't think I could do that kind of job. I'm not brave enough. But I think you are. I think you've faced so much, have overcome so many obstacles and are BRAVE. And you can do this.

 

[Kaleigh]

Dear Ally,
I know you have a very full plate. You have come so far... You really amaze me. I am so proud of you, and all that you have accomplished. I know this first year is a ball breaker.. BUT hang in there, you have SO MUCH to give. Anyone who gets to be under YOUR care is a lucky person indeed. You have such great empathy, you are a great Doctor. I know you see all sorts of painful things. But being there, to give someone comfort at their time of need?? Priceless. The peace of mind and comfort you can give them, is sooo appreciated, and so welcomed by the families you will encounter.

If I had cancer or whatever, I would want a Doc like YOU....

I have no regrets, cause that would be saying I didn't live my life as I should have. You do the best you can. I have been tested time and time again. Have had lots of losses in my life. But regretting isn't my thing. I just put my best foot forward, and if I mess up?? Hey I learn a good lesson from it. We are human, we all make mistakes..

Biggest thing?? Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't beat yourself up over them...

To forgive yoursef is KEY. Once you do that, you are on the right path...

Now, I hope and pray you will stay the course, because this world needs more Docs like YOU!!!