I considered adding some of this to the registry thread that currently going on, but felt it might be better to just start my own topic because there are a lot of things that I''m concerned about.
The first issue is that we''re having a destination wedding (Italy - we''re in the U.S.). And destination weddings usually mean little or no gifts (from what I''ve read). However, basically all of our immediate/extended families are invited. Parents, siblings, grandparents, obviously, but also aunts, uncles, first cousins, and very close friends. (This equals about 120ish people, I''m guessing. I haven''t added it up, but we''re sending like 75 invites total, a bunch of those are to families, a bunch are to couples, some are to single people (older cousins)). We''re not inviting all of these people to get gifts, and I initially thought we would invite many fewer people, but when we started telling people about our plans, well, a lot more people wanted to come than we thought!
I know our wedding is extremely expensive for people to come to. Plane tickets for most people are going to be over $1,000 a person. And a lot of people will not be coming because of that, obviously. But a lot of people ARE coming, so we can''t just invite only the ones who have already told us they''re coming, you know?
So, that''s my first problem, I guess. I feel guilty inviting a bunch of people who can''t afford to attend, but at the same time we would be thrilled to have them attend, so I don''t want to snub anyone and have their feelings hurt.
So, now, the registry. I''m having two bridal showers - one for FI''s family, one for mine. I wasn''t even sure that I should have bridal showers but people want to throw them for me, which I''m very grateful for, and honestly, we really could use the stuff. I moved out of my mom''s house and into FI''s condo last year. All of our stuff is basically hand-me-downs from our families or cheap stuff that FI bought when he first moved in. Dishes are chipping or broken, the cheap silverware he bought is falling apart (plastic handles on silverware is not such a great idea apparently, lmao). So while a lot of people getting married these days have a house full of stuff, we don''t. The stuff we have is for the most part, not very good, and I would love to replace it with stuff that will last us more than a year. And while a lot of people don''t like getting picture frames and vases and stuff, I''d love it! We have none.
We registered for an 8-piece set of fine china (Mikasa Parchment), which is $200 for the whole thing, and a few of the serving pieces because I''m not really sure how often we''ll use it, but everyone tells us it will be nice to have. Then we registered for Denby White stoneware, which is about $50 a place setting, because it''s nice, can be casual or used for company, and is supposed to last a while. And our flatware is stainless steel Lenox Continental Dining, which is also about $50 a place setting. We aren''t registering for crystal, but rather nice everyday glasses (Denby China stemware), which is about $15-20 a glass.
We''re registering for a new toaster, blender (ours is broken), sandwich maker, and deep fryer. That''s it for the kitchen electronics. The last two are pretty cheap ones but we don''t have any now and thought it would be nice to have. Then we have cookie sheets, wooden spoons, spatulas, etc.
I have the Calphalon Tri Ply Stainless Steel 13-Piece Cookware Set ($400) on the registry right now, because we actually could use basically everything that it includes. Then a few cheap non-stick frying pans. I''ve been going back and forth about this stuff the last few days. We originally had a Calphalon non-stick set on there, but then I read that those don''t tend to last as long and you don''t really need non-stick for anything but frying pans, so I changed it. I want stuff that is going to last a long time. I considered All-Clad but I don''t think I like the handles, and the fact that it isn''t easy to pour stuff out of them. Also, All-Clad is way more expensive. Any opinions? I''ve read all of the cookware threads on PS from the last few years but I''m still not totally sure what to do.
Probably half the stuff on our registry is about $50 or so (although it''s at BBB so with the 20% coupons it''s less), then a bunch of $20-30 things, some $100 things, and then a few way more expensive things ($200 china set, $300 down comforter, $400 pot and pan set, $270 duvet). Are these last things way too expensive? FI and I typically spend around $100 on a wedding gift, and I''m guessing that most of our family does at least the same. We have a few very wealthy relatives that may spend around $250-300 (or quite possibly more, I have no idea), and if we don''t get the stuff we''ll buy them ourselves. But I don''t want people to think we''re being greedy.
And finally, I''m worried that I''m either over-registering or under-registering. The people who are coming to the wedding won''t be bringing gifts with them (at least, I pray they don''t because I can''t imagine bringing them all back with us!). So I don''t know if those people will give us gifts before or after, or just give us cash. Or maybe not give us anything at all since our wedding is so expensive to come to.
And the people who aren''t coming (75% of the people invited), I don''t know if they will not give anything, give cash or give a gift. I tend to think that most of them will give something, since they are close family, but do people give physical gifts when they don''t go to the wedding or do they just give cash? What do you tend to do when you''re invited to a wedding and can''t attend?
Thanks for the help, and sorry this is so long!
The first issue is that we''re having a destination wedding (Italy - we''re in the U.S.). And destination weddings usually mean little or no gifts (from what I''ve read). However, basically all of our immediate/extended families are invited. Parents, siblings, grandparents, obviously, but also aunts, uncles, first cousins, and very close friends. (This equals about 120ish people, I''m guessing. I haven''t added it up, but we''re sending like 75 invites total, a bunch of those are to families, a bunch are to couples, some are to single people (older cousins)). We''re not inviting all of these people to get gifts, and I initially thought we would invite many fewer people, but when we started telling people about our plans, well, a lot more people wanted to come than we thought!
I know our wedding is extremely expensive for people to come to. Plane tickets for most people are going to be over $1,000 a person. And a lot of people will not be coming because of that, obviously. But a lot of people ARE coming, so we can''t just invite only the ones who have already told us they''re coming, you know?
So, that''s my first problem, I guess. I feel guilty inviting a bunch of people who can''t afford to attend, but at the same time we would be thrilled to have them attend, so I don''t want to snub anyone and have their feelings hurt.
So, now, the registry. I''m having two bridal showers - one for FI''s family, one for mine. I wasn''t even sure that I should have bridal showers but people want to throw them for me, which I''m very grateful for, and honestly, we really could use the stuff. I moved out of my mom''s house and into FI''s condo last year. All of our stuff is basically hand-me-downs from our families or cheap stuff that FI bought when he first moved in. Dishes are chipping or broken, the cheap silverware he bought is falling apart (plastic handles on silverware is not such a great idea apparently, lmao). So while a lot of people getting married these days have a house full of stuff, we don''t. The stuff we have is for the most part, not very good, and I would love to replace it with stuff that will last us more than a year. And while a lot of people don''t like getting picture frames and vases and stuff, I''d love it! We have none.
We registered for an 8-piece set of fine china (Mikasa Parchment), which is $200 for the whole thing, and a few of the serving pieces because I''m not really sure how often we''ll use it, but everyone tells us it will be nice to have. Then we registered for Denby White stoneware, which is about $50 a place setting, because it''s nice, can be casual or used for company, and is supposed to last a while. And our flatware is stainless steel Lenox Continental Dining, which is also about $50 a place setting. We aren''t registering for crystal, but rather nice everyday glasses (Denby China stemware), which is about $15-20 a glass.
We''re registering for a new toaster, blender (ours is broken), sandwich maker, and deep fryer. That''s it for the kitchen electronics. The last two are pretty cheap ones but we don''t have any now and thought it would be nice to have. Then we have cookie sheets, wooden spoons, spatulas, etc.
I have the Calphalon Tri Ply Stainless Steel 13-Piece Cookware Set ($400) on the registry right now, because we actually could use basically everything that it includes. Then a few cheap non-stick frying pans. I''ve been going back and forth about this stuff the last few days. We originally had a Calphalon non-stick set on there, but then I read that those don''t tend to last as long and you don''t really need non-stick for anything but frying pans, so I changed it. I want stuff that is going to last a long time. I considered All-Clad but I don''t think I like the handles, and the fact that it isn''t easy to pour stuff out of them. Also, All-Clad is way more expensive. Any opinions? I''ve read all of the cookware threads on PS from the last few years but I''m still not totally sure what to do.
Probably half the stuff on our registry is about $50 or so (although it''s at BBB so with the 20% coupons it''s less), then a bunch of $20-30 things, some $100 things, and then a few way more expensive things ($200 china set, $300 down comforter, $400 pot and pan set, $270 duvet). Are these last things way too expensive? FI and I typically spend around $100 on a wedding gift, and I''m guessing that most of our family does at least the same. We have a few very wealthy relatives that may spend around $250-300 (or quite possibly more, I have no idea), and if we don''t get the stuff we''ll buy them ourselves. But I don''t want people to think we''re being greedy.
And finally, I''m worried that I''m either over-registering or under-registering. The people who are coming to the wedding won''t be bringing gifts with them (at least, I pray they don''t because I can''t imagine bringing them all back with us!). So I don''t know if those people will give us gifts before or after, or just give us cash. Or maybe not give us anything at all since our wedding is so expensive to come to.
And the people who aren''t coming (75% of the people invited), I don''t know if they will not give anything, give cash or give a gift. I tend to think that most of them will give something, since they are close family, but do people give physical gifts when they don''t go to the wedding or do they just give cash? What do you tend to do when you''re invited to a wedding and can''t attend?
Thanks for the help, and sorry this is so long!