Really Nervous

[somethingshiny]

So, I just got an email from the State informing me that the man who burglarized our home (while we were there! and on more than one occasion!) was released from state custody today. I thought I was completely over it. He was caught, convicted, sentenced, imprisoned. While logically I know he served his time and it was several years ago, I am soo nervous! I feel like I''m going to look up and see him at the end of my bed again. We have a child now and I''m scared he knows that and would try to get back at us or something. I''m wondering if this is just stress because of what happened and knowing he''s out, or is it my gut telling me something? I''m shaking just thinking about this.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Is this someone you knew? I don''t BLAME you for being nervous! I would be too. Do you live at the same address? Is there a reason he would want to "get back" at you?

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Crap.

Alarm systems are good [central service]. And they are much less expensive than they used to be. Not to be an alarmist [no pun intended] but, I would have one installed.

Being armed [and practiced] is good too. If you want to have that discussion I will be happy to.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Diamante has a great point. We pay around $30 a month for our monitoring. Worth every penny!

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks to you for your immediate responses. I''m really trying to get a grip on my emotions right now.

This was our neighbor at our apartment (it was a giant house with apartments in it so it was set up where you could get to other apartments easily and unseen). He broke into our landlord''s home and took keys (landlord didn''t realize

) and then actually unlocked our door to enter our apartment. Most of my items were returned to me by his wife who found them and recognized a piece of jewelry of mine. I woke up during one of his trips into our home. DH was working a late shift at the time and when I woke up and saw a man of the same build standing at the end of the bed (I have really bad eyesight without glasses), I assumed it was DH coming home. It wasn''t until the next day that I realized what had happened. As I started going through things, I realized that we had lots of various items missing. DH had been under the assumption that I was lending out DVD''s and CD''s for at least a month because he had noticed some were missing. Then my jewelry starting disappearing. At first it was a necklace. I thought I dropped it or it fell off my neck or something. Then I was missing a bracelet, then 2 rings and a few other things. DH had assorted things missing too.

Before I knew for sure who it was, I ran into the guy in our car port. I spoke to him kindly as I always had. He wouldn''t make eye contact with me and then I just knew it was him. I went to his apartment (he had left) and spoke to his wife. I told her that we had been burglarized and to be careful--yes, I was hoping this would lead her to look for my things in her home. She told me she had found a bracelet that he told her was a gift for her, but it was missing a box and looked like mine. I identified it as my own. She then went through his things and found most of my jewelry and a few other things and returned them to me. I called the police and there was a warrant put out. Within a few days he was arrested. He had also been stealing from the landlord.

The next day, on my way to work, my car started shaking violently. I pulled over to see what was going on. 3 of my bolts on my wheel were cut. I had 2 bolts holding on the front tire as I was driving down the interstate and they were giving out when I pulled over. At that point, I was pretty sure that''s what he was doing in my carport. I don''t know why he would, but it was just a feeling I had. At the time, DH and I decided that we didn''t have any proof that it was the guy and didn''t contact the police (yeah, smack me now!)

Within days of his arrest and my vehicle incident, another neighbor contacted the police to tell them that she had been raped by him. I don''t know if he was convicted of that crime, but I do remember the day it happened. His stepdaughter placed him at the scene also. (she was babysitting for the lady that night)

So basically, he''s a real creep and because of how personal these attacks seem, I''m scared.

We moved to a different town for a few years. Now we''ve moved much closer to where we used to live. DH and I own and know how to use guns. However, I really don''t want to have to sleep with a gun in my room to feel safe, ya know. And, as odd as it sounds, DH and I are really good shots. If either of us was to take aim at an intruder, I''m afraid we would cause real damage and I''m just not willing to live with that.

 

[D&T]

I would be nervous too. Does he know your name and address? I hope not.

 

[D&T]

Date: 9/21/2009 7:08:46 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Thanks to you for your immediate responses. I''m really trying to get a grip on my emotions right now.

This was our neighbor at our apartment (it was a giant house with apartments in it so it was set up where you could get to other apartments easily and unseen). He broke into our landlord''s home and took keys (landlord didn''t realize

) and then actually unlocked our door to enter our apartment. Most of my items were returned to me by his wife who found them and recognized a piece of jewelry of mine. I woke up during one of his trips into our home. DH was working a late shift at the time and when I woke up and saw a man of the same build standing at the end of the bed (I have really bad eyesight without glasses), I assumed it was DH coming home. It wasn''t until the next day that I realized what had happened. As I started going through things, I realized that we had lots of various items missing. DH had been under the assumption that I was lending out DVD''s and CD''s for at least a month because he had noticed some were missing. Then my jewelry starting disappearing. At first it was a necklace. I thought I dropped it or it fell off my neck or something. Then I was missing a bracelet, then 2 rings and a few other things. DH had assorted things missing too.

Before I knew for sure who it was, I ran into the guy in our car port. I spoke to him kindly as I always had. He wouldn''t make eye contact with me and then I just knew it was him. I went to his apartment (he had left) and spoke to his wife. I told her that we had been burglarized and to be careful--yes, I was hoping this would lead her to look for my things in her home. She told me she had found a bracelet that he told her was a gift for her, but it was missing a box and looked like mine. I identified it as my own. She then went through his things and found most of my jewelry and a few other things and returned them to me. I called the police and there was a warrant put out. Within a few days he was arrested. He had also been stealing from the landlord.

The next day, on my way to work, my car started shaking violently. I pulled over to see what was going on. 3 of my bolts on my wheel were cut. I had 2 bolts holding on the front tire as I was driving down the interstate and they were giving out when I pulled over. At that point, I was pretty sure that''s what he was doing in my carport. I don''t know why he would, but it was just a feeling I had. At the time, DH and I decided that we didn''t have any proof that it was the guy and didn''t contact the police (yeah, smack me now!)

Within days of his arrest and my vehicle incident, another neighbor contacted the police to tell them that she had been raped by him. I don''t know if he was convicted of that crime, but I do remember the day it happened. His stepdaughter placed him at the scene also. (she was babysitting for the lady that night)

So basically, he''s a real creep and because of how personal these attacks seem, I''m scared.

We moved to a different town for a few years. Now we''ve moved much closer to where we used to live. DH and I own and know how to use guns. However, I really don''t want to have to sleep with a gun in my room to feel safe, ya know. And, as odd as it sounds, DH and I are really good shots. If either of us was to take aim at an intruder, I''m afraid we would cause real damage and I''m just not willing to live with that.

well it is better him than you or your family is my thought - might sound harsh, but if someone was intruding and violated me in my own home, yes I would protect myself and do some damages to the intruder.

 

[somethingshiny]

I don''t think he knows our address, but he definitely knows our names. We were neighbors for over 2 years. I guess that''s what makes me so nervous. I wasn''t a random faceless victim. He knew us and did it anyway.

I''m trying to get my mind off of this, but I have the front door open and I keep looking up and down the road.

 

[Kaleigh]

I don''t blame you for being nervous. I''d ask the police for any advice. I wonder if they can tell you where he is residing?? Is that too much to ask?? I dunno.

I feel for you, and will be praying for your safety. x3

 

[D&T]

Date: 9/21/2009 8:45:41 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I don''t think he knows our address, but he definitely knows our names. We were neighbors for over 2 years. I guess that''s what makes me so nervous. I wasn''t a random faceless victim. He knew us and did it anyway.

I''m trying to get my mind off of this, but I have the front door open and I keep looking up and down the road.

eeek- are you in any sort of directory listing? white pages? have you tried to google yourself to see if you come up or DH... if you bought real estate it does show up sometimes...I know I''m a paranoid person so I try to be "off the radar" and try to find ways to eliminate myself as much as I can possibly.

 

[somethingshiny]

We bought a house less than a year ago, so we''re in virtually EVERY directory. The fact is, we''d be very easy to find.

I''m trying to convince myself that I''m just paranoid.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 9/21/2009 8:48:38 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I don''t blame you for being nervous. I''d ask the police for any advice. I wonder if they can tell you where he is residing?? Is that too much to ask?? I dunno.


I feel for you, and will be praying for your safety. x3

Thank you. I do want to ask police, but I''m thinking that the email I got was probably as much info as they can give me on a person who''s now out of the system. Still, may be worth a call.


DH is also reminding me that we have a police officer who lives right up the block. So, that''s some comfort.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/21/2009 8:54:58 PM
Author: somethingshiny

Date: 9/21/2009 8:48:38 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I don''t blame you for being nervous. I''d ask the police for any advice. I wonder if they can tell you where he is residing?? Is that too much to ask?? I dunno.


I feel for you, and will be praying for your safety. x3

Thank you. I do want to ask police, but I''m thinking that the email I got was probably as much info as they can give me on a person who''s now out of the system. Still, may be worth a call.


DH is also reminding me that we have a police officer who lives right up the block. So, that''s some comfort.

So worth a call. Glad you have a cop up the street from you. Get to know him.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 9/21/2009 6:48:08 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
Crap.

Alarm systems are good [central service]. And they are much less expensive than they used to be. Not to be an alarmist [no pun intended] but, I would have one installed.

Being armed [and practiced] is good too. If you want to have that discussion I will be happy to.

smith and wesson model 60 snubby, lots of range time, self-defense course, and a gun safe.

until then, a baseball bat at the side of the bed. pepper spray [also need to make sure this is safely kept so child won''t get hurt]. i''d also call the police/sheriff and explain the situation, that you know they''re busy but if you call call 911 its going to be an emergency. they might even send a squad car around the neighborhood a few extra times during the next week or so if you''re in a smaller town.

the problem is that calling 911 is still a delay and you need to have peace of mind that you can protect yourself and your child until help arrives.....which means some method of self-defense that you are comfortable with, practiced, and committed to using should the need arrise.

see the following for more info on how to fight like a momma bear in defense of her cub:

http://corneredcat.com/


mz

ps it was interesting how becoming a mother changed me from a pacifist to a "you will not take my life and/or that of my child w/o a fight" kind of woman.........

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks, movie zombie. I read through most of the link, very informative and interesting.

I have never had pepper spray, but that seems like the logical first step.

 

[dragonfly411]

SS- no offense, but why do you not have a restraining order against him already? I would....

 

[PaulaW]

I don''t think you''re paranoid AT ALL. I think you have received excellent advice and I would not feel any remorse or hesitation to do all of the things suggested. You are completely justified in your feelings and you need to do whatever you can to protect yourself and make yourself feel safe.

 

[janinegirly]

I''m so sorry, that is a scary thought to live with (what if''s, and where could he be).

It is highly unlikely he will seek you out again, but that''s not good enough for peace of mind. How about purchasing a security system or a large mean dog? Those might help you feel more at ease since it''s not practical to up and move and even that is not a guarantee anyway.

 

[Steel]

I am very sorry to hear your story, I understand why you feel nervous and think you are entirely correct to feel worried. Whether there is a risk or not, it would be natural to worry.

As mentioned, I would apply for a restraining/barring/safety order. While it is not worth much in practice (no ''orders'' will protect you) but it will put the local police ''on notice'' and if you register a call that you see this guy lurking around and you already have an order for him to stay away/not threaten then the police can look to remove or arrest him from the 1st call. If you do not have such an order then on the first call they may not pay much attention to you or just ask him to move on.

**Positive wishes being sent your way somethingshiny**

 

[Jas12]

Even as someone who is NOT a paranoid person , i would put some protection in place. I second Tacori''s idea of a very good alarm system. It would be a small price to pay for peace of mind for your family.

We are all assuming the worst however, there is also the real possibility that having served his time, this guy isn''t going to be interested in going down that road again--especially not with a family that knows him. If he were to rob you again he would know that you would assume (and report) him.
Also, just going by what you wrote, my hunch is that if he was going to offend, it would be with a new group of victims. The fact that he stole from your landlord as well, and is suspected of assulting another women suggests that he is opportunistic (time and place was right) rather than targeting certain ppl for personal vendettas. In other words, if you weren''t living there--the couple who was would have been victimized. Not so much personal as it was proximity based.

 

[tlh]

THAT IS SO SCARY! You have every right to be nervous. I''d get an alarm system, no matter the cost. $30, 40, 50 a month is WORTH IT when you have A KNOWN RAPIST, who may not be too happy with being in jail for 2 years.

Be careful.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 9/22/2009 11:32:17 AM
Author: dragonfly411
SS- no offense, but why do you not have a restraining order against him already? I would....

No offense taken. The answer is because I live in a small town with cops who give everybody the benefit of the doubt. When I first called the cops I asked about a restraining order but was told to wait until they figured out where he was. Then, because they caught him "so quickly" he was "not a threat" to me and I shouldn''t worry about getting a restraining order. After all, he''d be put away for years!

At this point I don''t know if I have enough evidence (or whatever''s necessary) to get a restraining order. It''s not like I see him regularly, so I don''t know what good it would do anyway. I mean if it really wanted to get back at us, I don''t think a piece of paper would stop him.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thank you Paula, Janine, and tlh. I''m definitely looking into a security alarm.

Steel~ Thanks for you post. I hadn''t thought about a restraining order the way you had. It would at least put the police on point if something were to occur.

Jas~ I am not a paranoid person...ever! That is why I''m having such a hard time with this worry. I feel like if I do something severe (like put a gun in my room) I''m giving into fear and paranoia, but if I don''t do anything THAT''S when something will happen. Good point about him being opportunistic.


Thank you all for your words of encouragement. It has really helped me to calm myself and look at the situation from a "what now" point of view.

 

[sctsbride09]

Hi, so sorry about your situation. I would feel the same way if I was you. Just a quick FYI, years ago I had a stalker and consequently a restraining order. Your home address is on the restraining order, and yes the stalker gets a copy of this paperwork. However I realize things work differently from state to state, and this may not be the case in yours. If you are interested in a RO I would speak with your local law enforcement and see how the paperwork is filed etc. The last thing you want to do is GIVE him the address. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks for the heads-up about the RO!!

 

[movie zombie]

no, a piece of paper won''t stop him. but as noted above he may have learned something during his time in lock up. he may even figure you know he''s out and have armed yourself already and therefore would not think of you as "easy pickings".

had you gotten an RO back then, it wouldn''t be good now.....they expire and have to be reissued. as much as i think you should check it out, i don''t think they''ll issue you an RO now as he is just out of jail/prison, you have had no contact, and he has not threatened you. RO''s are not issued just for the heck of it but for current, good evidence that you may be harmed.

sometimes being in a small town if you''re on good terms with the chief or a particular officer will get you some extra drive by''s and courtesy visits. even that might keep the creep from approaching you.

personally, i think he won''t but then if he does, i''d rather that you are ready and able to protect you and your child in some manner. this is not being paranoid. it is being prepared.

mz

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks, MZ.

 

[hlmr]

It sounds like he is mostly a situational opportunist when it comes to his crimes, but I would be nervous too!

A top of the line buglar alarm is definitely in order.

Take care, and hang in there.

 

[Stone Hunter]

I too would be nervous. I''d let the local police know that he''s out. "Ya know ya''ll did a great job catchin him but the sorry court system already let him out, I''d appreciate ya''ll being on the lookout for him around our house/work etc" Should tell them that you know they did their job and can do it again!

I''d also get an alarm system and a baseball bat. Just be sure with your eyesite that you can see who you''re using that bat on!

And of course keep your doors locked, even when you are home, even when you are just making a quick run to the store!

All the best!

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks hlmr and stone hunter for your posts. We''re looking into different security features and definitely keeping the door locked. I was thinking today that I should tell my neighbors to have extra eyes out, but I don''t want to make them nervous for no reason, ya know??