Really needing some advice...

[jewelz617]

When and if you ever have conflict with a friend, how do you handle it?

I am being faced with the second argument ever with my best friend after 12 years of friendship. I''m at a loss, especially since I believe this is just a stupid misunderstanding.

I''m the kind of person that likes to face it head on like ripping off a band-aid, she is the type you will avoid it until it blows over. I can''t function like that.

I just need some advice. I feel like ever since I had a baby we''ve been majorly drifting apart and it''s making me unbelievably sad.

 

[Tuckins1]

Sometimes people DO drift apart. I would try things your way, but gently. I am the same as you, if something is bothering me, i have to talk about it. Try to discuss it with her in a carefully worded way, so she doesn''t just freak out. But, if she really does have some sort of issue with you (jealousy, maybe), you may not be able to "fix" it. It''s terribly painful, but sometimes you do have to accept things and let people go. Good luck with things, I hope you and your friend can sort things out!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/13/2010 6:58:08 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Sometimes people DO drift apart. I would try things your way, but gently. I am the same as you, if something is bothering me, i have to talk about it. Try to discuss it with her in a carefully worded way, so she doesn''t just freak out. But, if she really does have some sort of issue with you (jealousy, maybe), you may not be able to ''fix'' it. It''s terribly painful, but sometimes you do have to accept things and let people go. Good luck with things, I hope you and your friend can sort things out!

This. I too am the straight forward type so I feel your pain. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with her (if she''s local that is). If there''s no particular event to question, perhaps just call attention to the big elephant in the room and say things have been tense, what''s going on? In my opinion a friend of 15+ years is at that point like a sibling. And you should be able to talk about anything with family.

Good luck.

 

[doodle]

I''m a straight forward blunt person, so I tend to want to get it out of the way. My best friend is one who is willing to talk about things definitely, but if she gets her feelings hurt, she has to have some time first to process things before she can talk about them. We''ve had very very few fights over the years (she''s been my best friend for 14 years), but when we have, I know her well enough to know that, while I may want to hash it out immediately, if I don''t give her that time first, it won''t do either of us any good, so I respect that she needs that time, and she knows that, when she''s ready, I''ll be there but not to take too long or I''ll come find her--I know where she lives, haha! I say shoot your friend an email or text or something, let her know that you think the two of you should talk and when she''s ready, you''d love to clear the air because her friendship means a lot to you. If she''s worth it, she''ll come around (and obviously she''s worth it or you wouldn''t have been friends for so many years!). Best of luck!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''m in a similar place with my BFF of 26 years.

I got married at 21, had 3 kids, still haven''t finished my degree...
She is still single, no kids, PhD (psychologist)...

The past few years she''s been getting anxious about being alone and she''s getting more and more nutso about it - and seems to prefer the friends she has that put silk pillows under her head rather than the me who has always been the one to call it like it is.

She comes to me constantly for support but every time I even touch upon the source of all of this she gets into a fit of denial and accuses me of attacking her or being cruel. Ugh!

I don''t know what to say - except you don''t have to end a friendship just because a friend and you are not on the same page. Friendship can be a life long commitment if you understand and mutually acknowledge that there may be phases, even years, where you have nothing really in common and that''s okay. I learned that from my mom and her best friend who had been since they were 2 & 3 and died a year and 2 days apart from each other.