Krissie
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2007
- Messages
- 1,088
Tonight is the first time I told my fiance that I''m just ready to be married, and that I wish we could bypass the wedding stuff. I had kind of a rough weekend - picked up my original wedding dress, because I couldn''t cancel the order when I got my second one. Having to pay for something I''m not going to wear, just to take it out of the store, put it in my closet and pray that it sells on ebay, was just a bit tough. I know that I should have been prepared for an emotional reaction, but it really just got to me. I felt stupid and ashamed for making a bad decision with that dress. I decided to try it on when I got it home yesterday, and the skirt was just nuts on me -- way too big, did nothing for my figure. So, although I definitely feel I made the right decision in choosing the new dress, I still feel like a wasteful doofus.
Then today we had our official engagement photos with our wedding photographer, who is here visiting family about 30 miles away (he lives about 500 miles away). Here I was feeling self conscious because I wasn''t happy with the ones my friend took, and I''m worried these are going to be even worse. Once again, it was RAINING - not enough for an instant soak, but spitting rain that soon made my hair really wet and unmanageable. And I absolutely hate the way my hair looks in the rain. My bangs were doing something totally weird, my hair went curly, it looked nothing like how I would ever want to look in any normal situation. I seriously wanted to cry. I so wanted that to go right, and I have a gut feeling that it just didn''t because I was so self conscious of the way I looked. I''m not going to spend any more money trying to get something to work - our photographer was only up here for this one weekend and we already had to pay extra for that.
I also felt a bit crummy, because when we asked him to do our photos, we agreed to pay extra, no problem (he called it his travel charge) -- we found out today that after he agreed to do our photos, he called another couple here and he did their photos this afternoon before us, before it started raining. I know there was no way of predicting what the weather would do, but it just makes me sad in my mopey state. It''s not like I wanted him to be exclusively ours, but we started the process and paid the extra for him to stay today, so I just wish we would have gotten first dibs, I guess. He is generally a super nice guy, but I just felt a bit strange about that.
Maybe it''s boiling down to me feeling super self conscious at the moment. I can''t even get freaking engagement photos to turn out right. How on earth am I supposed to get married in front of hundreds of people? What if I''ve made other bad decisions about the wedding, like I did in choosing my first dress? Do I have a really skewed vision of myself and life right now? I just feel sick inside. I want it to be over, to just be married to my wonderful fiance (who was constantly whispering "you look gorgeous!" to me during the photos - bless him) and live our lives together. This rubbish weekend has really taken the focus off of that.
I just needed to vent, I guess. Thank you for listening, ladies.
Then today we had our official engagement photos with our wedding photographer, who is here visiting family about 30 miles away (he lives about 500 miles away). Here I was feeling self conscious because I wasn''t happy with the ones my friend took, and I''m worried these are going to be even worse. Once again, it was RAINING - not enough for an instant soak, but spitting rain that soon made my hair really wet and unmanageable. And I absolutely hate the way my hair looks in the rain. My bangs were doing something totally weird, my hair went curly, it looked nothing like how I would ever want to look in any normal situation. I seriously wanted to cry. I so wanted that to go right, and I have a gut feeling that it just didn''t because I was so self conscious of the way I looked. I''m not going to spend any more money trying to get something to work - our photographer was only up here for this one weekend and we already had to pay extra for that.
I also felt a bit crummy, because when we asked him to do our photos, we agreed to pay extra, no problem (he called it his travel charge) -- we found out today that after he agreed to do our photos, he called another couple here and he did their photos this afternoon before us, before it started raining. I know there was no way of predicting what the weather would do, but it just makes me sad in my mopey state. It''s not like I wanted him to be exclusively ours, but we started the process and paid the extra for him to stay today, so I just wish we would have gotten first dibs, I guess. He is generally a super nice guy, but I just felt a bit strange about that.
Maybe it''s boiling down to me feeling super self conscious at the moment. I can''t even get freaking engagement photos to turn out right. How on earth am I supposed to get married in front of hundreds of people? What if I''ve made other bad decisions about the wedding, like I did in choosing my first dress? Do I have a really skewed vision of myself and life right now? I just feel sick inside. I want it to be over, to just be married to my wonderful fiance (who was constantly whispering "you look gorgeous!" to me during the photos - bless him) and live our lives together. This rubbish weekend has really taken the focus off of that.
I just needed to vent, I guess. Thank you for listening, ladies.
And that''s the most important part. And just think, maybe all the snafus just mean that everything is going to be perfect on your wedding day 
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