Re: disappointment......

[isaku5]

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary, and I''m a little disappointed about our daughter''s lack of interest. Yes, she sent the requisite card, but her visit would have meant far more. Our son and his wife very cordially invited us to dinner at their home last night. It was lovely and we appreciate their cordiality and kindness very much.

Our entire family has always been "big" on celebrating every occasion, but now that DD is busy with her own life and that of her in-laws, we feel shoved to the side.

Quietly, we had thought that she and our son might arrange a get-to-gether for our 25th, but instead, my mom stepped up to the plate and invited us all for a lovely dinner at a great restaurant. Our 30th and 35th passed by with DH and I making our own arrangements. Once again at the 40 year mark, I hoped that our kids would have a little "party" for us, but again disappointment with the result that we made our own plans once again.

Since I had been disappointed on so many previous occasions, I don''t know why I expected anything different for the 45th, but there''s always a ray of hope. Our DDIL seemed to realize the importance of the occasion, and invited us to their place about a month ago. Since it was a weekend, we were given the choice of either Saturday or Sunday dinner. We had a great time at their place last night.

I should note here that both of our kids have done extremely well in their careers so money isn''t an issue for either one. Our daughter is an accountant and has always been extremely organized.

My dear DH made reservations yesterday at one of our favourite spots for lunch and we both enjoyed the treat as we hadn''t been there for about a year and a half.

Is it too much to ask that our daughter at least pays a visit? She lives only 45 minutes from us.

I hate pettiness and in-family squabbles, but have to say that I''m truly disappointed in her dismissal of an occasion which may not repeat itself many more times.

I would appreciate anyone''s input.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, first, 45 years is amazing in this world today so bless you and your hubby for doing something right!

And I am sure you raised your kids to be wonderful and thoughtful.

Could you maybe just talk to her and tell her how you feel? Often times when someone is feeling hurt (and I mean even when it is 100% legit) the most important and helpful thing is to communicate this to the other party. Honestly, she might not even really realize what she is doing. Maybe arrange to meet her for lunch and just gently lay it out there. Hopefully it is not intentional and just is busy-ness...and not thoughtlessness. Since most people are not mind readers, it is really a good starting place/

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/6/2008 3:16:06 PM
Author:isaku5
Today is our 45th wedding anniversary, and I'm a little disappointed about our daughter's lack of interest. Yes, she sent the requisite card, but her visit would have meant far more. Our son and his wife very cordially invited us to dinner at their home last night. It was lovely and we appreciate their cordiality and kindness very much.

Our entire family has always been 'big' on celebrating every occasion, but now that DD is busy with her own life and that of her in-laws, we feel shoved to the side.

Quietly, we had thought that she and our son might arrange a get-to-gether for our 25th, but instead, my mom stepped up to the plate and invited us all for a lovely dinner at a great restaurant. Our 30th and 35th passed by with DH and I making our own arrangements. Once again at the 40 year mark, I hoped that our kids would have a little 'party' for us, but again disappointment with the result that we made our own plans once again.

Since I had been disappointed on so many previous occasions, I don't know why I expected anything different for the 45th, but there's always a ray of hope. Our DDIL seemed to realize the importance of the occasion, and invited us to their place about a month ago. Since it was a weekend, we were given the choice of either Saturday or Sunday dinner. We had a great time at their place last night.

I should note here that both of our kids have done extremely well in their careers so money isn't an issue for either one. Our daughter is an accountant and has always been extremely organized.

My dear DH made reservations yesterday at one of our favourite spots for lunch and we both enjoyed the treat as we hadn't been there for about a year and a half.

Is it too much to ask that our daughter at least pays a visit? She lives only 45 minutes from us.

I hate pettiness and in-family squabbles, but have to say that I'm truly disappointed in her dismissal of an occasion which may not repeat itself many more times.

I would appreciate anyone's input.

But DID you actually ask her? Or did you just expect her to figure out what you wanted, without making it clear to her first....

I am just thinking that it's possible she had no idea what you expected/wanted from her. Our family is very close, but my parents usually celebrate their anniversary together just the two of them, rather than make it a whole-family celebration.... so personally I would never have thought to plan a visit unless they'd specially requested it, in which case we would have been happy to join them, of course!

DH and I have had some issues with his parents "expecting" things of us without actually remembering to TELL us their expectations. It has caused a lot of confusion and heartbreak, and makes us wary of planning things with them. In my experience, it makes it much easier if you are just clear from the beginning about what you would like. So if you want your daughter to come and visit, maybe it would help to share that with her? It is just sometimes a bit unfair to expect something of somebody, and then be disappointed when they don't meet that, without even letting them know what you were expecting!

Just my thoughts!

ETA -- DF and were posting simultaneously, and I think she worded it very well. And I should have also said congratulations on 45 years!!!

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that we need to be more clear about things. Say, Honey, I know how busy you are, but I really miss getting together and I would love to see you. Can we get together (next week, tomorrow, etc).

If you HAVE done this and she is just too into her own world, than yes, I would be very sad and hurt and disappointed. But give her the benefit of the doubt and tell her how you feel and make her feel wanted. Maybe she is busy and assumes you are as well.

 

[mrssalvo]

isaku, congrats on 45 years!!! i can completely understand your being disappointed. For me, I don''t really celebrate my parents anniversary''s. I figure that is something that is to be shared and celebrated between the two of them. I don''t expect anyone to do anything for me and my hubby. But, if it was a big one or we had decided to do something to celebrate together with them, that''s a different story. If you asked her to stop by or wanted to spend time with her and she disregarded you then that is one thing. but, if you didn''t let her know how you feel than I guess i can understand why she just wouldn''t stop over or do more than a card. I think though telling her how you feel is the best way to avoid future disappointment. my guess is you''ve raised very respectful kids who are now adults and neither would intentionally hurt you. She probably had no idea your level of expection and would probably be sad to know you were upset. I know I would feel horrible if my mom felt that way and i''d want her to tell me so I wouldn''t make the same mistake again.

 

[iheartscience]

First of all, congratulations! My parents will celebrate their 40th this year, and I''ve realized lately that to be married as long as you (and they) have is rare indeed.

I understand what DF and ephemery are saying about needing to ask when you want something, but...I also know that it just seems more special and genuine when someone does something on their own. For example, I do want my fiance to read my mind sometimes! Like with gifts-why can''t he pick me out a perfect gift that I''m dying for without me having to straight out tell him or have my twin sister tell him? So I understand exactly where you''re coming from.

I think you should definitely talk to your daughter about her seeming lack of interest in you and your husband lately. You mentioned that she''s been spending more time with her in-laws than you lately, so maybe you can just have a talk with her about that, and bring up your anniversary as an example?

Also, not that it''s your son''s fault at all, but maybe you can suggest to him to include your daughter when he plans dinner for you and your husband, so that way you can enjoy both of them. I have 4 siblings and we''re all coordinating for my parents'' anniversary. However, some of them have been more involved in the actual planning than others, and I must admit that I''m more agreeing with their plans and contributing money rather than planning. It could just be that your daughter just isn''t much of a planner like me.

Anyways, I''m sorry you''re disappointed and I hope you can talk to your daughter about it and feel better about the situation!

 

[movie zombie]

congratulations!

some random thoughts:

i think we have to look deeper because i don''t think disappointment happens in a vacuum....and i think you were honest when you said you felt shunted aside for the in-laws.

my personal thought on this is that you and your hubby take responsibility for what you want and planning the event. these days the old rules are broken all the time. if you want a family get together for an anniversary, plan it well in advance and put the invites out to your family and/or friends. life is to short to wait for others to learn how to anticipate our wants and desires and to make our dreams come true, even if it is our children.

when you married it was just you and your hubby: i look at anniversaries as a time for the two share and reconnect.

i, too, have been a disappointment to my mother at times on these issues......

movie zombie

 

[diamondfan]

I mean to communicate in general about things, not just about the anniversary specifically. Just to be out there with things so there are fewer hurt feelings in the long run...

Totally agree with it being nicer that someone just being told what to do...seems more sincere that way.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/6/2008 3:54:19 PM
Author: diamondfan
I mean to communicate in general about things, not just about the anniversary specifically. Just to be out there with things so there are fewer hurt feelings in the long run...


Totally agree with it being nicer that someone just being told what to do...seems more sincere that way.

I agree with you DF-I don''t think it sounded like it in my post, though! I''m actually sometimes guilty of communicating to my fiance/sister/parents a little *too* much about stuff that bothers me! Sometimes they''re like "Alright, already...I understand why you''re upset!!! Sorry!" But hey-I don''t really have any resentments because I put it all out there!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Congrats on your 45th!! I''m sorry your daughter hasn''t taken a lot of interest. Is there anything maybe going on in her life that may be distracting her?

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/6/2008 4:06:50 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 4/6/2008 3:54:19 PM
Author: diamondfan
I mean to communicate in general about things, not just about the anniversary specifically. Just to be out there with things so there are fewer hurt feelings in the long run...


Totally agree with it being nicer that someone just being told what to do...seems more sincere that way.

I agree with you DF-I don't think it sounded like it in my post, though! I'm actually sometimes guilty of communicating to my fiance/sister/parents a little *too* much about stuff that bothers me! Sometimes they're like 'Alright, already...I understand why you're upset!!! Sorry!' But hey-I don't really have any resentments because I put it all out there!

Sounds good to me!! After all the drama with my in-laws, I am now a HUGE advocate of just "putting it all out there"... like MovieZombie so eloquently said, life really is too short... it just seems so much more efficient and effective to communicate our needs rather than assume others will anticipate them. Makes relationships so much easier (and more fulfilling/enjoyable)!

 

[isaku5]

Thanks to diamondfan, ephemery, mrssalvo, movie zombie and thing 2 of 2 for all of your responses and best wishes.

You are all probably right on the money; since DH and I have always celebrated our anniversary on our own, she expects that that''s the way we want to do it. Her in-laws are definitely more outspoken about their wishes (and demands)!

I can''t expect her to read my mind, but she was always the one who made a big deal about it when she lived at home and so I assumed (there''s that word again) that she''d always take charge.

She worked on weekends and during the week at nights for 10 years to acquire her designation as an accountant. She did this while holding down a full-time job, marriage and a daughter. We have complimented her again and again for working so hard to achieve her goals. During that time, we put absolutely no pressure on her with regard to family "obligations". For her graduation she was allowed only three guests so she asked her dad and me if we wanted two of the tickets. I told her that we absolutely did and that we would have walked the fifty miles to attend if necessary. She kept saying that it was going to be "boring", but I countered with the fact that if the ceremony were to take three days, I wouldn''t be bored. It was a long-held dream of ours that she''d settle into a career she enjoyed. After the ceremony, the four of us went out for a lavish dinner and then left them at the hotel to enjoy the rest of their weekend.

Several months later, during a telephone chat, I told her how much we''d missed her and now looked forward to spending more time with her and her family. Her response was, "I hear you, Mom". We''re now at the year and a half after the graduation point, and nothing has changed. Every time we speak (once a week) she is always busy and rushed. I understand that, but part of me wants to say, "Any time for us?" I hesitate because that''s the ploy the in-laws use and to which she objects.

It''s a lot like "The Cat''s in the Cradle" song...

Okay, you''ve all given me the backbone to speak up and let her know that we would really like to see her on such-and-such occasions, and see what happens!

And I thought it was only guys who couldn''t read minds

Thank you all for your help and support. It is much appreciated.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/6/2008 5:16:49 PM
Author: isaku5
Thanks to diamondfan, ephemery, mrssalvo, movie zombie and thing 2 of 2 for all of your responses and best wishes.

You are all probably right on the money; since DH and I have always celebrated our anniversary on our own, she expects that that's the way we want to do it. Her in-laws are definitely more outspoken about their wishes (and demands)!

I can't expect her to read my mind, but she was always the one who made a big deal about it when she lived at home and so I assumed (there's that word again) that she'd always take charge.

She worked on weekends and during the week at nights for 10 years to acquire her designation as an accountant. She did this while holding down a full-time job, marriage and a daughter. We have complimented her again and again for working so hard to achieve her goals. During that time, we put absolutely no pressure on her with regard to family 'obligations'. For her graduation she was allowed only three guests so she asked her dad and me if we wanted two of the tickets. I told her that we absolutely did and that we would have walked the fifty miles to attend if necessary. She kept saying that it was going to be 'boring', but I countered with the fact that if the ceremony were to take three days, I wouldn't be bored. It was a long-held dream of ours that she'd settle into a career she enjoyed. After the ceremony, the four of us went out for a lavish dinner and then left them at the hotel to enjoy the rest of their weekend.

Several months later, during a telephone chat, I told her how much we'd missed her and now looked forward to spending more time with her and her family. Her response was, 'I hear you, Mom'. We're now at the year and a half after the graduation point, and nothing has changed. Every time we speak (once a week) she is always busy and rushed. I understand that, but part of me wants to say, 'Any time for us?' I hesitate because that's the ploy the in-laws use and to which she objects.

It's a lot like 'The Cat's in the Cradle' song...

Okay, you've all given me the backbone to speak up and let her know that we would really like to see her on such-and-such occasions, and see what happens!

And I thought it was only guys who couldn't read minds

Thank you all for your help and support. It is much appreciated.

Isaku, your response makes it so clear what a wonderful and loving parent you are. I am so glad you are planning to talk with your daughter, and I have a feeling everything will work out. It is possible she is already feeling guilty about being so busy and rushed lately, so you may encounter a bit of defensiveness... but if you let her know exactly what you've told us, that you never want her to feel pressured or obliged, but that you just want her to know how much you value your time with her, you can rest assured that you've done everything you can to express yourself openly and sincerely... and she will respect you for that.

And maybe together everyone can plan a 50th anniversary extravaganza to make up for all the previous ones!!

 

[isaku5]

Sorry, Legacy Giirl, I didn't mean to leave you out of the thank- yous!

Ephemery, thanks again for the added wisdom

Well noted. I definitely don't want to alienate her so I think that's why I haven't said anything...yet. I'll have to practise my presentation skills

I know that I shouldn't compare myself to my daughter, but being an only child, I felt responsible for my parents' anniversaries especially after their 40th. We enjoyed celebrating together and I never felt duty-bound to arrange anything, but I did feel responsible ( Does that make sense?). I knew that if DH and I had done nothing, my dad (a dear and loving man) wouldn't have taken that responsibility on as those occasions were not that important to him. My mom, on the other hand, was thrilled to receive two nights' accommodation at the Four Seasons in Toronto complete with dinner, or just dinner at a restaurant they wouldn't have visited otherwise.

In retrospect, I'm so happy that we did this for them as their 46th anniversary was to be their last. My dad died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm at 71. My mom lived to be almost 94 and that's a whole other thread

.

Perhaps, it's the timing; we're heading toward our 46th and at that time DH will be 70. Who knows how many we have left? We feel blessed to have made it to the 45th.

Last night before dinner, our DDIL asked what our observations were on having reached this milestone, and my reply, definitely not well thought out, was, " It's been one heck of a ride". I think she was expecting a different answer

ETA: Our son just dropped by to wish us a happy anniversary in person; our daughter hasn't even phoned.

. How long does it take to pick up the phone?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 4/6/2008 6:29:20 PM
Author: isaku5
Sorry, Legacy Giirl, I didn''t mean to leave you out of the thank- yous!

Ephemery, thanks again for the added wisdom

Well noted. I definitely don''t want to alienate her so I think that''s why I haven''t said anything...yet. I''ll have to practise my presentation skills

I know that I shouldn''t compare myself to my daughter, but being an only child, I felt responsible for my parents'' anniversaries especially after their 40th. We enjoyed celebrating together and I never felt duty-bound to arrange anything, but I did feel responsible ( Does that make sense?). I knew that if DH and I had done nothing, my dad (a dear and loving man) wouldn''t have taken that responsibility on as those occasions were not that important to him. My mom, on the other hand, was thrilled to receive two nights'' accommodation at the Four Seasons in Toronto complete with dinner, or just dinner at a restaurant they wouldn''t have visited otherwise.

In retrospect, I''m so happy that we did this for them as their 46th anniversary was to be their last. My dad died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm at 71. My mom lived to be almost 94 and that''s a whole other thread

.

Perhaps, it''s the timing; we''re heading toward our 46th and at that time DH will be 70. Who knows how many we have left? We feel blessed to have made it to the 45th.

Last night before dinner, our DDIL asked what our observations were on having reached this milestone, and my reply, definitely not well thought out, was, '' It''s been one heck of a ride''. I think she was expecting a different answer

ETA: Our son just dropped by to wish us a happy anniversary in person; our daughter hasn''t even phoned.

. How long does it take to pick up the phone?

I am sorry, but some people just don''t get these things. I have spent my whole life understanding that my aunt, who is smart and has a doctorate, just will not remember my birthday. She doesn''t call and I get a gift a month later with a note appologizing and saying it will get better next year, but it never does. It doesn''t bother me anymore because I know she loves me and is just like that.

Your daughter may not know how much this bothers you either. My brother only communicates with my family sporadically and it does upset my parents but he doesn''t know that because he is across the country and doesn''t call. I live 6 blocks away so I do know.

Finally, dies she know you want this? I would never throw a party for my parents without them saying so because as far as I can tell , they would never want that.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Congratulations!

I''d let your children know that you''d like a celebration/party for the next milestone. Sometimes kids do get caught up in their own lives, and sometimes (I tend to think, anyway) people think of anniversaries as a special time for the couple. Did they think you may have had plans for just the two you to celebrate?

Again, congratulations on 45 years. That''s amazing! I wish you and your husband many, many more years of joy and fun in your marriage!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/6/2008 6:29:20 PM
Author: isaku5

In retrospect, I''m so happy that we did this for them as their 46th anniversary was to be their last. My dad died suddenly of an aortic aneurysm at 71. My mom lived to be almost 94 and that''s a whole other thread

.

Isabel: Could this be part of the reason you''re so disappointed in your daughter''s failure to acknowledge your anniversary this year... comparing where you are in your lives to where your parents were when your father died? Or could the fact that you''re seeing less of your daughter now that she''s married and starting her career play into it?

I have to admit to being spotty about remembering my parents'' anniversary, but I truly don''t think they expect us kids to do so. Usually my father buys my mother flowers, and they go out to lunch or dinner together to celebrate. If I do call in the evening, I never get any sense of recrimination from my mother. Believe me, if she was disappointed in me, I would know it!
We did throw a wonderful surprise dinner for my parents for their 50th, even including long-time friends that flew in for the occasion. I think we were able to pull off the surprise in part because they don''t expect us to celebrate their anniversary. I love the idea of providing them with a meal at a really nice restaurant though... they''re starting to watch their pennies pretty closely -- and I may take you up on that idea when their anny rolls around this year!

BTW I was the oldest child of four, and the other three were all boys. As we were growing up I was also the one who organized the special things for my parents. Now that we''re all grown the "boys" have stepped up and are also volunteering ideas and time, or just plain arranging things on their own. I appreciate that and I''m sure my parents do too.

Congratulations on your anniversary! I hope you and your hubby have many more wonderful years together!

 

[isaku5]

Thanks brazen irish hussy ( that''s tough for me to write as it sounds so rude

)

Our daughter is uber, ultra organized and she knows very well what anniversaries mean to us. The problem is mine.

I have never uttered a word of complaint about our being left out; hence, the doormat treatment.

If I had had to guess which of our kids would "forget", I''d have bet a million dollars on our son a few years ago, but now that he''s married his wife reminds him.

 

[lauralu]

Hi Isabel...wow 45!!! CONGRATES that is just wonderful. I am so so sorry your daughter has not taken more interest in her parents anniversary''s. I don''t really know what to tell you. We have always thought it important to remember their day. After all we wouldn''t be here without it! In our family we always remembered the big ones especially, 20 30, 40. When we were growing up it was making them a card or getting them chocolate''s or flowers. After we were grown and gone it is about getting together for dinner, picnic ect.Or at the minimum a card if we can''t stop by.

Than when they had their 50th (3 years agao) we had a huge open house celebration for them complete with family, friends, music food and drinks for all. We had their pastor from their church come over and he did a re-commitment ceremony with them as well.

We had a memory quilt made for them that had pictures of all of us kids when we were growing up. We put their wedding photo in the middle of the whole thing.

I hope by talking to her and explaining what it means to you that she will come around. If not, than you know where it all stands from here on out.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

 

[isaku5]

Actually, MINIMS, I think it''s a combination of both reasons.

To back up just a bit, DH and I have always had a cat in the house and when DD and FSIL visited (often), there was no problem with our cat. Fast forward to few months before we were married, and we get a call that FSIL is deathly allergic to cats. For that reason, they will no longer be able to vist our home, but we are welcome to drop-in anytime we want. That''s fine because at that point they were living half way between us and Toronto and, although we always phoned in advance, we did visit quite often. When DD became pregnant three years into the marriage they moved to be closer to his parents and sisters. At first, we did our phone and drop-in thing until we got tired of inviting ourselves and hinted rather broadly that that was the case. Guess what?? No invites at all except for their daughter''s birthday in November (shared with in-laws) and Christmas Eve (again shared with in-laws). As well, no move was made to come in our direction unless the festivities were being held at our son''s or a restaurant because of the aformentioned allergies.

I was finally rather blunt with our daughter and point blank asked when she and her daughter could visit. The answer was always "soon". Well "soon" turned into almost 6 years and last summer they came for a swim and barbecue. I invited DDIL and other granddaughter as well and we had a good time (I thought; they said).

Getting rid of our cat is not an option. Weird, though, how those cat allergies can''t be treated with any antihistamine available.

Oops, the cynic is starting to come through.

 

[isaku5]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:03:32 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly
Congratulations!

I''d let your children know that you''d like a celebration/party for the next milestone. Sometimes kids do get caught up in their own lives, and sometimes (I tend to think, anyway) people think of anniversaries as a special time for the couple. Did they think you may have had plans for just the two you to celebrate?

Again, congratulations on 45 years. That''s amazing! I wish you and your husband many, many more years of joy and fun in your marriage!

Hi fisherofmengirly, thanks for more input. In actual fact, during our conversation on Friday, she asked and I replied, " Nothing so far". Was that not obvious enough? Guess not.

 

[isaku5]

Thanks, lauralu!! Are you available for adoption???

ITA with you. Both kids saw what we did for their grandparents and our parents. Shouldn''t that have provided a HUGE clue??

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/6/2008 7:38:01 PM
Author: isaku5
Actually, MINIMS, I think it''s a combination of both reasons.

To back up just a bit, DH and I have always had a cat in the house and when DD and FSIL visited (often), there was no problem with our cat. Fast forward to few months before we were married, and we get a call that FSIL is deathly allergic to cats. For that reason, they will no longer be able to vist our home, but we are welcome to drop-in anytime we want. That''s fine because at that point they were living half way between us and Toronto and, although we always phoned in advance, we did visit quite often. When DD became pregnant three years into the marriage they moved to be closer to his parents and sisters. At first, we did our phone and drop-in thing until we got tired of inviting ourselves and hinted rather broadly that that was the case. Guess what?? No invites at all except for their daughter''s birthday in November (shared with in-laws) and Christmas Eve (again shared with in-laws). As well, no move was made to come in our direction unless the festivities were being held at our son''s or a restaurant because of the aformentioned allergies.

I was finally rather blunt with our daughter and point blank asked when she and her daughter could visit. The answer was always ''soon''. Well ''soon'' turned into almost 6 years and last summer they came for a swim and barbecue. I invited DDIL and other granddaughter as well and we had a good time (I thought; they said).

Getting rid of our cat is not an option. Weird, though, how those cat allergies can''t be treated with any antihistamine available.

Oops, the cynic is starting to come through.

Ouch! I''m sorry to hear that your daughter has put so much distance (figuratively speaking) between her family, and you and your hubby.

That certainly provides more perspective to your disappointment today! Please don''t let her actions ruin your aniversary, or your joy in celebrating with your sons.

BTW I do have one SIL who is almost always too busy to make it to our family gatherings... I''m not going to speculate here... but that doesn''t stop my brother from taking the kids for a visit to my folks!

 

[Kaleigh]

Isaku,
Just wanted to chime in and wish you a very happy 45th wedding anniversary. I am sorry your DD let you down, please don''t let her ruin this wonderful milestone for you and your hubby. Anyone that makes it to 45 years of wedded bliss is to be commended. You sound like such a loving Mom. Obviously you are a terrific wife too. So focus on that, cheers lady!!!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 4/6/2008 8:18:31 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Isaku,
Just wanted to chime in and wish you a very happy 45th wedding anniversary. I am sorry your DD let you down, please don''t let her ruin this wonderful milestone for you and your hubby. Anyone that makes it to 45 years of wedded bliss is to be commended. You sound like such a loving Mom. Obviously you are a terrific wife too. So focus on that, cheers lady!!!

I agree w/Lisa here; Happy 45th anniversary, that is sooooo awesome!!! Congrats!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Happy anniversary, Isabel! I''m afraid I am with the others who really have had nothing much to do with our parents anniversaries other than a gift on the 25th and a family party/dinner for the 50th. Like others said, we feel like the anniversaries are for them to celebrate together.

But what I think is very strange is your daughter not visiting your home with her child for 6 years???? There must be something going on and I do think you need to talk with her. I would let the anniversary thing go, but to never come see you? That is really odd and unacceptable, IMO.

 

[diamondfan]

I think the anni thing matters because in years past she knew how much it meant. And as we are getting older, who knows what life brings?

I too would be concerned about her lack of effort. Please sit down with her and talk it out, and see if you can get to the bottom of it.

 

[isaku5]

Big thank-yous going out to Lisa (still haven''t figured out your real name!), Skippy, diamondfan and diamondlover.

Well, since it''s almost bedtime and no phone call, I sent DD a carefully worded e-mail. There are no accusations or insinuations of any kind in it. It was simply Mom trying to find reasons or answers to unresolved issues.

If it''s something I/we have said or done, I want to know what it is.

 

[Linda W]

Isabel,

I am late responding, but I wanted to wish you and your husband a VERY HAPPY 45th Wedding Anniversary!!!


Linda

 

[kellyfish]

I have not read the other posts. I always think about anniversaries as to be shared between the couple as opposed to an entire family affair. Is that crazy? Perhaps my parents think i am insensitive! Mabey she thinks the same way..... I suppose I am not wired with much sentimentality and am not terribly sensitive. Just the way the old brain is wired....