RANT... LIW support please......

[ephemery1]

So..... my BF and I have been together for over 3 years, which means we are coming up on our 4th summer "wedding season" together. I begged him last year to be engaged by the time the weddings started up again this year, because I couldn''t bear the thought of answering another million "so what about you guys?? still no ring yet???" questions, not to mention sitting through all the wedding planning conversations between the other engaged girls, having nothing to say. Well the first wedding is this Saturday... good friends of ours (his from college). It''s at the beach, so we have a nice long weekend planned with everyone staying at his parents'' beach house. But I knew we were going down earlier (on Thursday), so kind of thought there was a MINOR chance that he would have something planned that night, to hit the "ring on the finger before wedding season" deadline.

Well. He calls me this morning, and casually mentions that (yippee!) another couple (other good friends of ours, also will be at the wedding) just got engaged this weekend. Then goes on to say that (double yippee!!) they''ll be driving down with us Thursday night too, along with our other recently-engaged friends. So much for my slight possibility of a proposal that night. I''m happy for them, obviously... but geez. If I thought there was going to be a lot of wedding-talk already, multiply that by about a billion. And multiply my disappointment/jealousy by about a zillion.

Ugh... I feel so bitter towards my BF, and I wish I didn''t. I am just SO unethused about the weekend now.

 

[jesterjigger]

Wow...that sucks. I''m familiar with the bitterness...fortunately haven''t had too many friends get engaged around me though. It''s hard when you''re ready and in that mindset and just waiting for your guy to catch up. Good luck making it through the weekend...stay strong, and try not to snap at your guy too much...since that''ll just make him cranky too. When was the last time you had a talk about this? Maybe it''s time for another one?

Look at the bright side though...there''s still a chance for a midnight stroll along the beach where it could happen. Does he have the ring?

 

[sk8rjen]

I''m sorry to hear what''s coming up. Just stay strong, fake it when you don''t feel it and keep reminding yourself you are going to be at the wedding for your friends'' sakes. They''ll be at yours someday!

In the meantime, I second Jester -- might be time for a quick reminder-talk. It can''t hurt -- he''s *got* to know it''s on your mind.

Good luck!

jen

 

[ephemery1]

Thank you so much, guys... part of me feels like a spoiled brat... I mean, I know I''m lucky to have a great BF and to know engagement is going to happen SOMETIME, it just gets so frustrating to keep getting my hopes up then have them smashed back down again. We''ve talked about it a LOT lately (because of other friends getting engaged and starting to schedule wedding times for next year), and I think he could have the ring by now... but he keeps saying things about how the talking has sucked all the fun out of it for him now, so I hesitate to bring it up again. Although I guess it wouldn''t hurt just to be honest with him that even though I''m happy for our friends, I''m feeling a little disappointed/envious... so he knows where I''m coming from.

And Jester I thought about the midnight stroll possibility too... but now I''m afraid it would be kind of weird since it''s already one couple''s wedding weekend, and another''s engagement celebration too I guess. Not sure there''s room for one more...

We are leaving for Hilton Head on Sunday then after the wedding, and my BF''s family (cousins, aunt, uncle, etc.) all seem to be placing bets he''ll propose then, cause both our sets of parents will be there too. Originally I didn''t think he would plan it for a family golf trip (about as unromantic as it gets), but we''ll see.

 

[jesterjigger]

If you guys have been talking about it then I''d try to hold off until after the weekend. Smile and be nice. I was getting very, well, pissy, with my bf because we hadn''t talked about it at all and I let it show without him really knowing what the problem is, so I told him one day that this is why I was testy. Fortunately, he was of the same mindset as me, and we discussed a timeline so that I knew what to expect/not expect and I let him know that I would be ok for that timeline, but if it passed then I''d probably be really testy. He didn''t take it as an ultimatum or anything (I don''t think) since it wasn''t one, but I wanted him to know that my mood was NOT going to improve if we went on without talking about it or anything happening. So, give your bf a break for this week and the weekend, let him think about it and stop feeling like the joy has been sucked out of it, then gently bring it up sometime next week, and suggest he give you a timeline of sometime within the next three months at least, so that you aren''t ALWAYS wondering about it. That''s what helped me out the most.

 

[Starset]

Boys are stupid.

The wait and wait and wait of waiting for them to DO something about it sucks the fun out of wanting it, too.
If they''d just do it instead of putting it on the backburner for two years after the first conversation, then we would have nothing to ask about and we''d all be happy with no sucking of the fun.

 

[ephemery1]

Starset... AMEN.

 

[fatafelice]

Date: 5/1/2006 3:56:08 PM
Author: Starset
Boys are stupid.

The wait and wait and wait of waiting for them to DO something about it sucks the fun out of wanting it, too.
If they''d just do it instead of putting it on the backburner for two years after the first conversation, then we would have nothing to ask about and we''d all be happy with no sucking of the fun.

I think that this should be the official LIW motto!!! LOL! My BF has told me that I have sucked the romance (in addition to the fun) out of the whole thing. But honestly, if he had proposed a year and a half ago, having found a stone/setting/etc. on his own, it would have been much more romantic! Plus, I probably would have been happy with a smaller stone and whatever setting back then...if he picked it out himself. It would have been more special and FUN for me and for him.

Ephemery1: That completely sucks. As someone facing her BF''s brother''s wedding in less than two weeks, I feel ya. If I had to also spend time with a newly engaged couple I might consider slitting my throat. My BF has the stupid stone, probably some sort of setting, and is well aware that I did not want to go to this wedding without him as my fiance. But he slacked off and now there is no time -- next weekend I have to do the bachelorette party thing. And I also think it is too close to the wedding and he won''t want to p*ss off the bride by stealing any of her thunder. So I can look forward to a "fun" day of dodging questions and meaningful glances at my naked ring finger. The thing that rankles even more is that BF and I broke up after 3.5 years for a 6 month period. Then we got back together and have been for 3.5 more years, so we have been back together longer than his brother and FSIL have even known one another, but she acts like we are in a competition and she has a higher "status" in the family because they are getting married before us. I guess seniority doesn''t earn me any respect.

Sorry for my rant!

Just know that you are not alone, but I hope he does it before then, just so you don''t have to suffer any longer. Even if he doesn''t, try to relax and be happy for the other couples. I know it is hard, but they will be happy for you when your day comes. (repeating ad nauseum silently in my head....)

 

[Mannequin]

I really feel for you girls. Hopefully you can all find the strength and endurance to make it through these weddings as your engagement is pending. Sending you some happy thoughts and some intestinal fortitude!

BF and I won''t have too many weddings to attend in the near future, since all of our friends are very spread out in age and in length of relationship right now. He went away to school but I didn''t, so my friends base is much much smaller than his. Next year the fun starts with two weddings for BF''s buds, but if anything we will start hearing of more engagements soon. We are very close to our own engagement right now, and will likely fall in the beginning of the pack, so to speak.

Sometimes I regret having so few close girlfriends who could invite me to these weddings, but then I hear stories from the other young teachers at school and reconsider. One is standing up in at least two weddings now, one this summer in a castle in Scotland and one next summer, and is trying to coordinate summer vacation time and masters classes with airfare and travel plans overseas. The other is nowhere near engagement with her guy and is attending nine weddings this year for her MSU friends. NINE! Holy smokes, Batman! I thought that the engagement talk from just our families was bad enough and driving me bonkers, but if BF and I were also going to nine weddings I would be a raving b*tch!