There's been quite a few posts recently about LIWs in long-term, live-in relationships trying to get their BF's to commit, and it's really got me thinking again about modern relationships issues, especially cohabitation. I remember a few months back, a mature poster by the name of Cookie Tyme came in and said that LIWS were basically devaluing themselves by living with their BF's before marriage, and that women should refuse to take that step unless an official commitment is made. People pretty much jumped all over her...but I think what she says really has merit.
Why should men feel any extra incentive to tie the knot when they’re already getting all of the benefits of marriage (regular sex, food on the table, good company, a clean house), anyway? Why make that official commitment and risk possible divorce down the road? I really think that’s how many men think. Unfortunately, many women want that official commitment, which is where the problem comes in.
I think it’s sad too, that many BFs have been living with their GF’s for many years (some who even have houses together), and still say, “Oh, I’m not ready to get married..” What are you not ready for? Aren’t you living like a husband already? I think that is such a huge cop-out. Sadly, I think the situation gives them an opportunity to drag their feet…since there’s no real incentive to change anything.
Anyway, this is not to start another war...as these subjects often do. I really feel for the recent posters and what they're going through, even if I haven't replied directly to their posts. And I do completely understand why many men and women would want to live together first before getting married, especially with the high divorce rate today. I just don’t think it works in our best interest all of the time. I think if I had moved in my DH before we got married, he might have dragged his feet in getting married a lot more. I think he would have said, “Okay, we’re already living together anyway, why can’t we use the (wedding) money to buy a car…or to save for house, etc. etc?” I think that the ‘living together’ and seeing each other every day part of marriage is something that many couples look forward to. Once that’s sealed before marriage, then for many persons…the incentive just isnt’ there to officially tie the knot.
Anyway, the point of my post wasn’t really to start another cohabitation debate. It was really to muse about the surprise factor…and leaving a little ‘something’ to look forward to once marriage comes. I think, with the divorce rates as they are, people try to plan everything to minimize risk – including living together, so that we know EXACTLY what we’re getting into. But maybe that’s anti-climactic, and maybe it takes some of the incentive away from getting married in the first place. In older days, most couples moved in together after the wedding and adjusted to each other then. And the ‘move’ provided a fresh, exciting start to married life – something to look forward to, even with the initial difficult adjustments.
Anyway, this has been a very poorly worded and edited post, and certainly long enough. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say... Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there for what they’re worth… since I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.
Your thoughts? experiences?
Why should men feel any extra incentive to tie the knot when they’re already getting all of the benefits of marriage (regular sex, food on the table, good company, a clean house), anyway? Why make that official commitment and risk possible divorce down the road? I really think that’s how many men think. Unfortunately, many women want that official commitment, which is where the problem comes in.
I think it’s sad too, that many BFs have been living with their GF’s for many years (some who even have houses together), and still say, “Oh, I’m not ready to get married..” What are you not ready for? Aren’t you living like a husband already? I think that is such a huge cop-out. Sadly, I think the situation gives them an opportunity to drag their feet…since there’s no real incentive to change anything.
Anyway, this is not to start another war...as these subjects often do. I really feel for the recent posters and what they're going through, even if I haven't replied directly to their posts. And I do completely understand why many men and women would want to live together first before getting married, especially with the high divorce rate today. I just don’t think it works in our best interest all of the time. I think if I had moved in my DH before we got married, he might have dragged his feet in getting married a lot more. I think he would have said, “Okay, we’re already living together anyway, why can’t we use the (wedding) money to buy a car…or to save for house, etc. etc?” I think that the ‘living together’ and seeing each other every day part of marriage is something that many couples look forward to. Once that’s sealed before marriage, then for many persons…the incentive just isnt’ there to officially tie the knot.
Anyway, the point of my post wasn’t really to start another cohabitation debate. It was really to muse about the surprise factor…and leaving a little ‘something’ to look forward to once marriage comes. I think, with the divorce rates as they are, people try to plan everything to minimize risk – including living together, so that we know EXACTLY what we’re getting into. But maybe that’s anti-climactic, and maybe it takes some of the incentive away from getting married in the first place. In older days, most couples moved in together after the wedding and adjusted to each other then. And the ‘move’ provided a fresh, exciting start to married life – something to look forward to, even with the initial difficult adjustments.
Anyway, this has been a very poorly worded and edited post, and certainly long enough. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say... Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there for what they’re worth… since I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.
Your thoughts? experiences?