Quick Vent

[crhq5c]

I just wanted to quickly vent... My boyfriend and I were never ones to rush into things and always just took our relationship as is and went with the flow. In fact, I think we were so lackadaisical about things, people started to become concerned that we would never get married and started asking about us about it nonstop. It wasn't that we were unsure about getting married because we always knew we would; it just didn't really matter a lot to us. About 2-3 months ago, we decided that we were ready to take the plunge and starting ring shopping. We found a ring we like, and started the custom process (the ring we liked wasn't for the right shape diamond). The process is done, the ring is completed, has been appraised, and is now covered under our homeowners insurance. Ok, so here is the venting part; I still don't have the ring on my finger. I have no problem waiting, except for the fact that I feel like everyone already thinks we are engaged because he keeps talking about it to everyone. When we were shopping for the ring, I did tell a lot of people that we were shopping and showed people the CAD design, but he has taken it to the point where he has asked a groomsman already, he knows how many people from his side of his family he wants to invite, neighbors are asking us if we have set a date (our block is pretty close knit), and his mom called me his fiance. While I am ecstatic that he is very excited about the whole thing and therefore can't stop talking about it, I am frustrated because my ring finger is still empty! The other problem is that while he is starting to plan for the wedding already, I don't feel right planning for it until I am engaged. I am not mad about the whole thing, and am still excited. I am just impatient and hate that every weekend I walk on eggshells wondering if it is time. I know I should just relax and enjoy the ride, but as a control freak, that is easier said then done. Ok, quick vent over.

 

[gummy-bear]

Hi Crhq5c, I kind of know how you're feeling. My boyfriend was the ome who brought up marriage and has been talking about wedding planning for months. He's looked at venues, bought books / magazines and even pushed to go to local wedding fairs. I started off eager but then later felt like a fraud since we're not officially engaged.

The only good thing is that he's been quiet about this to others so no one really knows that we're close to getting engaged. I can only imagine how it feels to be called his fiance and to have him selecting the bridal party. Maybe it's because I'm also a control freak and feel that certain steps have to be done before others are started.

Maybe casually bring up the fact that you are not comfortable going through the motions of being engaged or giving off the impression that you are engaged when you actually are not engaged yet.

My boyfriend just suggested maybe he's mistaken the engagement ring for the wedding band and thinks that it's saved for the big day? If that's not the case and he has mentioned that he plans to propose and wants to surprise you, it may just take some effort pretending that it's the last thing on your mind or being successful in actually getting your mind off of it.

Best of luck .

 

[Winks_Elf]

I'd just come right out and ask "Since you've already asked X, Y and Z to be your groomsmen, when do you plan on asking me to be your wife? I still don't have the ring on my hand." Or you can take the gentle approach of, "Honey, you really should have proposed before asking X, Y and Z to be your groomsmen. People are asking to see my ring, and it's really uncomfortable to have to say 'he hasn't proposed yet.'"

 

[suchende]

Some guys are super, super clueless. Does he know that he's supposed to give you the ring before the ring exchange at the wedding? I have guy friends who might get that confused, obvious as it is to us.

 

[crhq5c]

Oh, I have told him that it makes me uncomfortable; there has been many conversations about it, and he has stopped. It is just hard to stop it completely when it has already started. It is not that he is a bad person, and he knows how all this works. When I was called his fiance, he quickly correct them, smiled and winked at me, and said "not yet". There is one of 2 reasons he is making me wait: 1.) he has something planned, and is excited about being engaged so is jumping the gun a little bit, and 2.) he is getting a bonus from his work this week and is going to use that for the ring because I don't think it has been picked up yet(all of our money is in a joint account, and the money in the account is what we are using for the ring. He has stated before that he feels uncomfortable about this because he feels like I am helping pay for the ring even though it is a lot of "his" money). He knows that it is bugging me that we aren't engaged yet, and has only asked 1 groomsmen (I said something about it right away after he told me), but he just tells me to be patient because it will come. It is hard because I am not patient (I am somewhat of a brat and like to get what I want, when I want it ), and apparently neither is he!

 

[suchende]

Ah, I see. In that case, vent away! It's harder to wait once you're in the home stretch than when you're not sure what's coming or when.